Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?

[Deleted User]

I currently live in Hawaii with my fiance.  All of our family members live in Chicago.  We want to have a intimate wedding with immediate family members (25 guests) only in Hawaii on Jan 2013 and plan to have a church wedding and casual reception in Chicago with the rest of our family and friends (aiming for 150 guests-- we have a huge family!) on October 2013.  I'm also not confirmed so i'll have to take the classes before the October wedding.  

Has any one every had two weddings and what did you do to make it not exactly feel like two weddings?

pjcunningham

I'm having a destination wedding also in August in Martha's Vineyard We just sent out the invites and people are just getting them.  We are expecting 25 guests at the beach ceremony and dinner party.  We are also telling the same guests, our closest friends and family, that we are having a reception in our hometown for the people that could not make it to MV in October.  People have been very understanding.  We are going to host a bbq the day before the reception in October and incorporate more of my cultural customs.  The 2nd reception will include all friends from out of state, CT and PA.  We anticipate 50-60 guests at this reception and want it to be everything we dreamed it would be as far as DJ, photobooth, and the whole nine yards.  I believe when you personalize it and make the wedding(s) reflect your individual style to celebrate your marriage and union people will come for the free food and most of all to share in your joy! 

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:99012c5e-6079-4753-8e51-6f9fb92be631">Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I currently live in Hawaii with my fiance.  All of our family members live in Chicago.  We want to have a intimate wedding with immediate family members (25 guests) only in Hawaii on Jan 2013 and plan to have a church wedding and casual reception in Chicago with the rest of our family and friends (aiming for 150 guests-- we have a huge family!) on October 2013.  I'm also not confirmed so i'll have to take the classes before the October wedding.   Has any one every had two weddings and what did you do to make it not exactly feel like two weddings?
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

<div>You get one wedding per groom, unless you divorce in between. Your wedding is when you get married. And since you mentioned needing to be confirmed I'm assuming Catholic? They do convalidations for already married couples, but those are not intended to look like weddings, nor are they handed out willy-nilly just because you went ahead and had a civil ceremony because you felt like it.</div><div>
</div><div>One wedding. Choose which one you prefer. It's fine to have a party later with more/different people, but it is neither a wedding nor a reception.</div>

HobokensFury

You can not get married in a catholic church after you are already married.  They do have covalidation ceremonies but those are for couples that convert later in life or come back to the church.  They are not given easily or because you wanted to get married outside, somewhere else, etc.  Even if you are granted one it will not look like a wedding. Have your wedding in Hawaii and a reception, without a fake ceremony, in Chicago.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:e3b55ecf-d417-49cf-80f5-d179ac994f51">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings? : You get one wedding per groom, unless you divorce in between. Your wedding is when you get married. And since you mentioned needing to be confirmed I'm assuming Catholic? They do convalidations for already married couples, but those are not intended to look like weddings, nor are they handed out willy-nilly just because you went ahead and had a civil ceremony because you felt like it. One wedding. Choose which one you prefer. It's fine to have a party later with more/different people, but it is neither a wedding nor a reception.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div><strong>Thanks for your thoughts, @ArtbyAllie, but I don't agree that I have to choose only one.  Grace Kelly had two ceremonies as required by law and the church – Monaco law says they only recognize the civil wedding, church only recognizes church wedding.</strong> </div>

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:da86270a-bd96-4baa-8bf2-35928a705be7">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings? : Thanks for your thoughts, @ArtbyAllie, but I don't agree that I have to choose only one.  Grace Kelly had two ceremonies as required by law and the church – Monaco law says they only recognize the civil wedding, church only recognizes church wedding.
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

You can't honestly be comparing your wedding to Grace Kelly's.  Hawaii and Chicago are both in the US and Catholic laws here say they will not marry people that are already married. Simple.  They wouldn't marry DH and I because we lived together, so they can be very strict.

NOLAbridealmost

You are no Grace Kelly and last I checked the US doesn't have a dual ceremony requirement.  

Pick one lest you look like a rude AW.

[Deleted User]

I'm issuing a correction:

We're having two ceremonies: the legal one and the religious one.  And the religious one has to be later due to Church policy on confirmations and what not.  

Summer2011Bride

You're not Grace Kelly and you live in the U.S. If having a religious ceremony is important to you, then you should wait until you are confirmed and have that be your wedding. If you would rather marry in Hawaii with close family, then do that. Pick one.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:a1f87838-d84d-49d1-80cb-b7c65a8f5b30">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm issuing a correction: We're having two ceremonies : the legal one and the religious one.  And the religious one has to be later due to Church policy on confirmations and what not.  
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

I understand but can't you be confirmed before the "legal" wedding or are confirmations limied to once a year?

I sympathize with your reasoning but I don't think that the Church is going to buy it.  Do check this out before you schedule anything!

Pelesina

Personally, I'm new and I don't know anything about the Catholic Church and legal versus religious weddings, so I have no opinion on all that, but I know exactly what you're trying to achieve!! I am having two ceremonies as well.  One in Rochester, NY with FI's family and our friends (maybe some of my family), and that will be in his church (Christian).  But we also wanted to have a Buddhist ceremony in Hawaii (where my fam is from) so we're doing that two months later, as it is important to me to have my culture represented in our union as well.  Although it may be "just" a vow renewal, I think it will still have meaning for us and certainly for my family, especially my Grandmother who may not be able to attend my Rochester wedding.  

So, I say go for it.  Although depending on legalities and church requirements you might need to switch around which ceremony/renewal comes first.  But I'm sure it will be wonderful and everything you're envisioning.   

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:da86270a-bd96-4baa-8bf2-35928a705be7">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings? : Thanks for your thoughts, @ArtbyAllie, but I don't agree that I have to choose only one.  Grace Kelly had two ceremonies as required by law and the church – Monaco law says they only recognize the civil wedding, church only recognizes church wedding.
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

Look Princess.  You are getting married in the US where religious ceremonies are recognized as legal, not Monaco where they are not.  Grace is probably spinning in her grave that a spoiled little girl is using her Monaco wedding as an excuse to try to have two weddings.  Life is full of choices and what kind of wedding ceremony to have is one of them.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:a1f87838-d84d-49d1-80cb-b7c65a8f5b30">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm issuing a correction: We're having two ceremonies : the legal one and the religious one.  And the religious one has to be later due to Church policy on confirmations and what not.  
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

I don't understand this one bit.  Are both of you being confirmed?  The church will marry a  couple as long as one person is Catholic.  If you have made the choice to convert and are still planning on a secular ceremony, do not count on the church agreeing to a convalidation.  As said before, those are for people who have left and come back into the fold or who were already married when they converted (to be more accurate, when they made the decision to convert.)

lostmykeys

Just one wedding, please.  To have another wedding/reception after you've already been married ten months seems in very bad taste to me.

jemmini6

How about you film your Hawaiian ceremony, then play it during your Chicago reception?  That way, you can still celebrate with your extended family, and they'll get to see your actual wedding, not a fake ceremony thrown together later (and like PPs mentioned, the Catholic church does not just give away convalidations because you wanted your wedding in Hawaii).

Also, you can't seriously be comparing your wedding to Grace Kelly's? ...she married the freaking PRINCE OF MONACO.  It was also a dual country wedding, yours is not.  It's soooo not even close to the same thing that it just makes you seem like you are desperately grasping at straws trying to justify your selfish wish for two separate PPDs.

At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want (assuming you lie to your church to get a convalidation), but just know that people are going to side-eye you hardcore if you go through with this.  If you are fine with that, then go ahead as planned.  But if you really want advice that will please you and your family, then please actually consider what everyone here is saying.

[Deleted User]

It’s unfortunate how nasty some of these comments have been.  I thought the reason for this post, particularly this community board, was to get comments from people who have accommodating ideas to share about the topic I posted; not a bashing on someone's choice to have an intimate destination wedding with immediate family and friends, and another reception-type wedding at another location.

I appreciate those who commented about having similar events; I know this actually happens often.  I never meant to disrespect Grace Kelly--i was actually just using her as an example for a response to that person who said it wasn't allowed and I HAVE to pick only one.   I am sure many ladies that visit this site idolized Grace Kelly or other celebrities and princesses and imagined their weddings to feel just like those weddings they idolize.  

 I don't plan on cutting the cake twice, or do the "first dance" twice.

I hope people can go back to the actual question and contribute supportive comments about how they made/make both "weddings" feel unique.  Please remember, my question is not should I have one “wedding” or two or why should  people not have two weddings.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-in-hawaii-church-wedding-in-chicago2-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:d0a8d17d-aa82-4e0f-8d6b-2be7cf4ef890Post:5cb6af7b-9854-4d8e-84a6-5d982a7a91d7">Re: Wedding in Hawaii, Church wedding in Chicago...2 weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]It’s unfortunate how nasty some of these comments have been.  I thought the reason for this post, particularly this community board, was to get comments from people who have accommodating ideas to share about the topic I posted; not a bashing on someone's choice to have an intimate destination wedding with immediate family and friends, and another reception-type wedding at another location. I appreciate those who commented about having similar events; I know this actually happens often.  I never meant to disrespect Grace Kelly--i was actually just using her as an example for a response to that person who said it wasn't allowed and I HAVE to pick only one.   I am sure many ladies that visit this site idolized Grace Kelly or other celebrities and princesses and imagined their weddings to feel just like those weddings they idolize.     I don't plan on cutting the cake twice, or do the "first dance" twice. I hope people can go back to the actual question and contribute supportive comments about how they made/make both "weddings" feel unique.  Please remember, my question is not should I have one “wedding” or two or why should  people not have two weddings.
Posted by my24stars[/QUOTE]

This is a public message board so people can post how they like.  No one was rude to you.  They just told you what you want to do can not be done under current US Catholic Church laws.

artbyallie

Really, if you think about it, you should feel lucky to have only one wedding given that Grace Kelly (and everyone in Europe in general) has to have two by necessity. We're quite fortunate to live in a country where a religious wedding is allowed to be legally binding. That's the reason she (and Kate Middleton, for that matter) had to get married first at the courthouse. And thus, it's also the reason your comparison is pointless because we have different laws.

GoodLuckBear14

OP - do you know what Grace's civil wedding was?  It was her (wearing a suit) and Ranier sitting in a Judge's chambers signing papers that were witnessed by signature by others in the room a day or two before the Catholic ceremony.  Nowhere near the same realm as what you are planning.

As to why we are so emphatically telling you that your plans are horrible, it is because we are trying to prevent you from looking like a total ass.  As to us looking to Princesses growing up, that is a pretty broad brush statement and I doubt it applies to the vast majority of women on this site.  Personally, I looked to Grace the same as I looked to Jackie: examples of class, grace and simple elegance.

DramaGeek

In a country where a religious ceremony is not recognized as legally binding, two ceremonies are acceptable and needed.  The civil ceremony is what GLBear described - the two parties entering into the legal contract plus a couple of witnesses and a notary signing papers.  My understanding is that it feels a lot like the closing when you buy a house.

The religious ceremony is the big to do with the dress and all that.  It's also done very soon after the legal part - as in the day or two after.  It is not deemed as socially acceptable (in general) to wait months after having the legal ceremony.

I'm assuming that you're going to go through RCIA and that's why you can't get married until after Pentecost 2013.  As someone else pointed out, you do not have to be Catholic to marry in the Catholic church, as long as your fiance is Catholic.  If you want to be married in the church after your conversion, then you need to wait until after you've been confirmed to be married at all, period.  The Catholic church will not look kindly on your plans.

Lethinagrl5

As most ladies gave said, I suggest you have one wedding ceremony. My FI grandparents are VERY Catholic, when we told his grandma that we were getting married the first thing she said was "your getting married in a catholic church right? God, the church and other catholics will not recognize your marriage and you well be living in sin." Well my response was no, getting married on a hillside on the beach of Molokai Hawaii (I'm not Catholic I was brought up Christian) She then responded with "well you 2 can never be married in any Catholic church because you are legally married on paper, even if the church doesn't recognize your marriage." I suggest you just do the religious ceremony in October that way you have no problems with the Catholic church. Maybe have a pre wedding/engagement party in Hawaii, get married in Chicago, film it and have a reception in Hawaii and share the wedding video. This is what my FI and I are planning on doing... Good luck in making a decision.