Part rant, part request for advice

lmwilber

So, I'm leaving tomorrow to go take the Bar in Ohio, and I need to vent some excess stress. 

BF's mom is really getting on my nerves, she runs hot and cold, one minute its 'well wilber, your family now', even though we are not engaged, the next its the cold shoulder and snide comments. Regrettably, we are currently in a cold shoulder period.

She called out a good friend of mine, who is a work collogue of her's, for jokingly calling me her FDIL. Then she told me that he called me such and she' set him straight' (ie told him I'm just her sons GF). The next time I saw him, he told his version, and said that she was pretty offended that he made such a joke. Before then, over the x-mas holiday, she said that she wished she could have all 'four' of her kids home, her 3 kids and her new son in law. It didn't bug me at the time, but in light of this other incident, I'm wondering what I did that might have upset her. 

We have been close, going to yoga together, shopping and whatnot. I love her because I love BF, but I also like her and respect her as a friend. I have set boundaries in our discussions, but I liked having another 'mom' type to go to for advice. My mom hates malls, shopping and fashion, so it was nice to have someone to be 'girlly' with. 

Anyway, since the first of the year she's been cold to me, and I don't know what to do. No matter what, it wont be until after the Bar when I have time to calmly think this over

Have you ladies had issues with your BF/H moms? How did you resolve it?

I don't know how to talk to (or if I should talk to) BF about this? or maybe its not a big deal and I should let it go. 

Also, sorry if this is a post and run, I have some last minute studying to do, but I'll check back when I can

[Deleted User]

I have not had this problem, BF's mom made a very uncalled for comment about me when we first started dating.  Once she met me, she had nothing but good things to say about me and was always nice.

Maybe your BF's mom has reached a point where she feels like she has to compete with you for BFs love.  I have heard of this happening a lot.  It does not hurt to ask her what you could have done to possibly upset her.  Don't worry about it for now though, you have a lot of stress with the Bar coming up.

Good luck with the Bar!! And then good luck with BF's mom!

Ember01

I agree with Amsybot... Perhaps she is feeling threatened that you will be stealing her son? I have found this to be true a lot of the times with Moms. They want their son to be happy and get married, but really no girl will ever be good enough for her son.

desertsun

You don't have to be close with your BF's mom and do "girly" things together to have a cordial relationship.

Esp if she is hot and cold, I think the best thing for you to do for your own well-being is to not spend so much one on one time trying to be girlfriends.

Spend time with her with your BF. Maybe she feels like she isn't getting enough time with her son.

Talk to your BF and see if he has any insight.

But mostly, just try to be patient. I personally would not confront her about it. Just give her some time and space.

futuremrstje

Is your bf her only son? Does she get along with her son-in-law? I hate making assumptions, but if the son-in-law became the son-in-law around the time that  she started giving you the cold shoulder that could have something to do with it. I know that sometimes when people get married things change. For example a couple that bf and I are friends with who got married last summer stopped coming to the parties that we have regularly. There was a reason for it (her brother died while she was on her HM, so she didn't really feel like partying, then she found out she was pregnant and they probably conceived on ther HM, and she knew that if she didn't drink people would be asking and she didn't want to say anything until she was 3 months along). But if the son-in-law has somehow affected your bf's mom's relationship with her daughter she may be worried that you're going to be taking her only son away, or even just another one of her children away...

lmwilber

future-BF is the middle child, he has a younger sis and an older bro.  Bro  (single) lives in DC and is a Marine. Sis met a guy in the Marine Corp (bros roommate actually), married him and moved to Japan all in the course of 8 months. BF's sis and H moved to Japan in July, this treatment started over xmas. 

Amy, Ember, et all- I would agree with the whole 'losing her son thing' but we live within walking distance of his parents (same city, maybe 5 blocks), and have dinner with them often (2+ times a month). We've been together for 8 years (well 8 in april but whatever). We both turned 30 last year. This type of behavior from her is what I might expect if BF and were a decade younger, but now? 

In the end all the matters is that BF loves me, and we have an amazing relationship. I just wonder sometimes, if this is how she talks about me to my friends, what is she whispering in BF's ear? (neurotic thought, I know) 

I think I'm gonna give it a week, take the bar, see if it still bugs me, and figure it out. if if gets worse, I'll try to talk it out with her. if it stops, I'll just shrug it off, we're all human, after all.

Thanks for the feed back!