S/O: Prenups

heyimbren

I don't think this has come up too much around here. But I'm curious about it, and I'd love to hear other opinions.

How do you feel about getting a prenup?
The hopeless romantic in me says they're a waste. The wannabe lawyer in me says they're a safety net.

Thoughts?

Elle1036

For a lot of couples, they just make sense both both parties involved.

I guess that makes me a hypocrite, though, because I would probably be a little hurt if BF wanted one.

JMM4208

IMO its just a piece of paper. If you are in love and are getting married for the right reasons there should be no reason why you wouldn't sign one. Its like insurance, if you have it and dont need it, great but if something does happen you will be so glad you have it. My favorite thing to say to my friends who are strongly against it: "Prenups dont take the love out of a marriage, they take the hate out of the divorce."

lnvane00

Funny you posted this because my BF brought this up yesterday and it really freaked me out. It was just out of no where and he asked me how i felt about a prenup. We are not engaged yet but I think its coming soon. At first it was like a slap in the face. Neither one of us has extremely valuable assets. He bought a house last year that I moved into in May. But other then that we both own cars and have our own assets that arent much. But I have been researching online this morning about prenups and looking up pros and cons. And I'm pretty sure I'm ok with it if it will protect us both in the unfortunate case of a divorce.

[Deleted User]

I personally feel that marriage is hopefully a one-time thing. If you are committing to someone for life, you should not be worrying about a "just in case". However, if I were famous or made substantially more than I do now, I guess I might feel differently.
 
I feel somewhat sad for people who are famous - how do you ever know that someone's feelings are true? I am content being an average wage earner (in that respect) and not having to worry about these things. Money comes and goes, but shared love can last a lifetime.

lnvane00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:056c1a97-3ae6-45aa-b036-156805aea828">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]IMO its just a piece of paper. If you are in love and are getting married for the right reasons there should be no reason why you wouldn't sign one. Its like insurance, if you have it and dont need it, great but if something does happen you will be so glad you have it. My favorite thing to say to my friends who are strongly against it: <strong>"Prenups dont take the love out of a marriage, they take the hate out of the divorce."
</strong>Posted by JMM4208[/QUOTE]

Genius!

PaigeMcC

I think if you're coming into the relationship with some worthwhile assets (I'm not talkin' bumms here people! I'm talking cash money, property, etc) then a pre-nup is a good idea.  FBD and I have no assets to speak of so, for us, a pre-nup isn't that big of a deal, IMO.

Blue & White

I'm actually pretty "for" pre-nups.  I'm not sure that we will have one someday in the future, but we'll see.  I think of them not necessarily as "planning for divorce" but also an opportune time to make sure that you are fully aware of each other's finances and values.  So yea, you don't HAVE to put all your values/financial ideas on paper, but you do HAVE to talk about them before you tie the knot. 

jemmini6

If FI really wanted one, I would understand.  He has assets previous to our meeting (his house, savings, etc) that I wouldn't blame him for wanting to 'protect'.  Although 1) I obviously don't ever plan on getting divorced (but I'm not naive enough to think that it couldn't happen) and 2) I'm not the gold-digging hoar type that would try to take anything he had before we got married, regardless of what could bring us to divorce.  I don't really have anything to my name that would warrant a pre-nup and AZ is a community property state once we are married anyways, so it doesn't matter to me.

[Deleted User]

BF & I don't have any real assets to protect... we're both pretty much broke! lol but I have actually thought of a pre-nup that protects me from any responsiblity of the loan he took out for his sister... The loan is a substantial amount of money... she makes the payment "when she feels like it" and I refuse to have any legal responsiblity for it... Not sure if a pre-nup covers something of that nature but if it's not, i'm going to have to find out what does!

skyler1108

Currently, FI and I do not really have very much in terms of assets. The money we have in savings is going to pay for our wedding, the down payment on a house after we get married and a car for him when the time comes. Even still it is not that much money.

The  biggest asset either of us will have will be a house once we buy one. However, once we get a house it will be after we get married.

A pre-nup will do us no good as we really do not have much for the other to take come wedding time and our biggest purchase will be made together after we are married. I think a pre-nup is a good idea if you do have a lot of assets coming into a marriage though.  

heyimbren

I think I'd get a prenup. J and I haven't talked about how we both feel about them, but I think he'd be okay with it. We both have some assets (I've got investments, he's got a truck and stuff like that) so it just seems to make sense. Worst case is it comes in handy or we never look at it again.

motoLyn

I was a little hurt when FI brought up the idea of a prenup before we got married.  Seriously I was just sad.  I mean what does he think I am a gold digging B*@#$?  BUT  after thinking it over a while the reason why he wanted one I could understand.  So I'm ok with it.  I mean he just wants the prenup to cover protecting what his dad has given him to pit down as a down payment on a house.  Its a substantial amount of money and so I can see why WE would need to write out a plan on what to do with the house or the money from selling the house if we (heaven forbid) divorce.  Other wise each of us isn't bringing much more than the other to this marriage.  We're pretty even.  Though we have joked about putting a clause in about gaining more than 15 pounds from the weight that we were at when we dated/married at. 

LizzyTish88

Recently BF told me that he is not going to marry me unless he is 100% sure that we are not going to get a divorce. We both grew up in divorce households and we don't want to do that to each other or our children. He has this hatred for it and wants to make sure that he never has to. So for us a pre-nup would not be something we will need.

For other couples, I can completely under the reasoning.

bethsmiles

BF and I won't be getting a prenup. Neither of us have assets that we need to protect and I'm really not worried about divorce.

AudgiePodge

FI and I talked about this. He owns his own software development company and makes a nice chunk of money from his games. I am not against signing one if that's what he wanted to do. His first successful game was before we were together, but his company came to fruition after.

sparkles88

I'm very much for pre-nups. Neither BF or I have a lot of assets right now, but that doesn't mean we won't in the future. I think it's smart to plan ahead, because you never know what might happen. BF and I actually keep our money separate, which a lot of people find strange. Whoever said pre-nups are like insurace was right. Better safe than sorry, IMO.

SeaTea02

I think it really depends on the situation. The prenup can protect both people. I would only sign one if it stated we walk away with what we entered into the marriage with and all assets acquired are split 50-50. Anything other than that would be a hell no.

I think it is also a good idea if you have children from other marriages, a large estate/inheritance, or a business. Even in those instances, you leave with what you had when the marriage began, meaning your business = yours, but the money you acquired from the business as personal income is split 50-50.

Ana_2985

I feel like there's a good chance that FI and I will eventually get divorced, so we're definitely going to have a pre-nup.

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:4c4cecdf-fed7-48a0-bd51-07c49fff74cd">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like there's a good chance that FI and I will eventually get divorced, so we're definitely going to have a pre-nup.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

Since this is the internet, I am going to have to ask.... sarcasm?

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:f9df185b-0e88-42c2-86ab-f8edd6bbf413">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O: Prenups : Since this is the internet, I am going to have to ask.... sarcasm?
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. Yes it is.</div>

calindi

I've never understood the argument that pre-nups indicate you expect your marriage to end... wills are a good idea, but it doesn't mean you want to die!

That said, pre-nups really only apply to assets that are brought into the marriage.  Anything earned during the marriage is fair game, regardless of whether there is any clause about this in the pre-nup.  You can make agreements on how you'd hypothetically want to divide things up that you might hypothetically earn, but it's not set in stone.

For us, we'll have a pre-nup because my parents require it since I have a trust fund in my name.  BF doesn't mind at all, since that's the only thing that will be in the pre-nup, as well as his law school debt.  The only assets we have otherwise are our cars, which aren't worth very much in the scheme of things.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:b5a27600-2838-4838-b7cc-2f4444c1a1fa">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never understood the argument that pre-nups indicate you expect your marriage to end... <strong>wills are a good idea, but it doesn't mean you want to die! </strong>
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Great way to put it! Also I agree with the previous assets being yours and any assets aquired during the marriage are split 50/50. I know that right now I would never dream of a life without my BF but who is to say that 20 years down the road (If the world doesnt end) that somehting won't happen to make us fall apart. Its good to have, if for no other reason than to sign your maiden name officially one last time.

15Step

I'd be interested in seeing what my BF has to say about pre-nups, but I for one would be on board for it.  I recently became a small business owner and he just got a promotion that sent his career in a completely different (and awesome) direction - pretty sure if something happened, neither one of us would really want the other to be involved in our business since we both got to this point as individuals.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:b5a27600-2838-4838-b7cc-2f4444c1a1fa">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never understood the argument that pre-nups indicate you expect your marriage to end... <strong>wills are a good idea, but it doesn't mean you want to die! </strong>That said, pre-nups really only apply to assets that are brought into the marriage.  Anything earned during the marriage is fair game, regardless of whether there is any clause about this in the pre-nup.  You can make agreements on how you'd hypothetically want to divide things up that you might hypothetically earn, but it's not set in stone. For us, we'll have a pre-nup because my parents require it since I have a trust fund in my name.  BF doesn't mind at all, since that's the only thing that will be in the pre-nup, as well as his law school debt.  The only assets we have otherwise are our cars, which aren't worth very much in the scheme of things.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Well...yeah you may not want to die but you are going to. Everyone is going to die, not everyone is going to get a divorce. So a will isn't really similar to a prenup.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:73585c12-e4c8-4884-91ac-8031ba3fee64">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O: Prenups : Well...yeah you may not want to die but you are going to. Everyone is going to die, not everyone is going to get a divorce. So a will isn't really similar to a prenup.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I was just going to say this.

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:b5a27600-2838-4838-b7cc-2f4444c1a1fa">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never understood the argument that pre-nups indicate you expect your marriage to end... wills are a good idea, but it doesn't mean you want to die! That said, pre-nups really only apply to assets that are brought into the marriage.  <strong>Anything earned during the marriage is fair game, regardless of whether there is any clause about this in the pre-nup.</strong>  You can make agreements on how you'd hypothetically want to divide things up that you might hypothetically earn, but it's not set in stone. For us, we'll have a pre-nup because my parents require it since I have a trust fund in my name.  BF doesn't mind at all, since that's the only thing that will be in the pre-nup, as well as his law school debt.  The only assets we have otherwise are our cars, which aren't worth very much in the scheme of things.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would be willing to bet this varies by state. 

</div>

JMM4208

@whereyat That hadn't occured to me but I think Im going to have too much fun writing my full name or mostly initials because it will be J MMM... lol or J M^3

Ana_2985

I think it's incredibly immature and naive to say divorce isn't an option or it absolutely won't happen to you. You can't know that. Life happens. No one goes into marriage thinking it's not going to work.

Of course I don't want to get divorced. Of course I don't think we would ever need to get divorced. Nothing about my relationship leads me to believe that we wouldn't be willing and able to get through anything together. We wouldn't be getting married if we didn't feel that way. We can vow to do everything in our power to stay together, but I really don't think it's fair to say we'll never get divorced because who knows what we will go through in our lives. 

Which is why is think it's also insulting to say that. It comes off as extremely judgmental. As if people who are divorced didn't take their marriage seriously and were willing to throw it away just like that.

JMM4208

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:6cbd7e57-b563-4234-b0b3-58a7b479c6e8">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's incredibly immature and naive to say divorce isn't an option or it absolutely won't happen to you. You can't know that. Life happens. No one goes into marriage thinking it's not going to work.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]


Agreed!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_prenups?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6aaf1c28-a788-4583-8280-324899928a1aPost:6cbd7e57-b563-4234-b0b3-58a7b479c6e8">Re: S/O: Prenups</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's incredibly immature and naive to say divorce isn't an option or it absolutely won't happen to you. You can't know that. Life happens. No one goes into marriage thinking it's not going to work. Of course I don't want to get divorced. Of course I don't think we would ever need to get divorced. Nothing about my relationship leads me to believe that we wouldn't be willing and able to get through anything together. We wouldn't be getting married if we didn't feel that way. We can vow to do everything in our power to stay together, but I really don't think it's fair to say we'll never get divorced because who knows what we will go through in our lives.  Which is why is think it's also insulting to say that. It comes off as extremely judgmental. As if people who are divorced didn't take their marriage seriously and were willing to throw it away just like that.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

Ditto.