Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!

peekaboo2011 · August 2011

Why? Just...why?

http://www.mouthyhousewives.com/husbands/why-buy-the-cow-if-youre-lactose-intolerant

Elle1036 · August 2011

The opening statement in the response is utterly priceless, "I now know exactly how Joe Biden felt when he was debating Sarah Palin in the 2008 Vice Presidential Debate. Where do I begin?"

Swazzle · August 2011

Yikes. I can't imagine agreeing to spend the rest of my life with someone I wasn't attracted to in every sense of the word. I wonder why they got married to begin with?

cu97tiger · August 2011

That's really sad. FI and I have had our issues with sexytime, but at least we are still having it, and enjoying it when we do have it. I can't imagine getting married and then not having sex for 25 days!!

peekaboo2011 · August 2011

I mean, if you're saving sex for marriage, that's awesome. But these people knew they had no chemistry before the wedding. WTH is the point in getting married?

csousa1 · August 2011

Eeeek! Now, I am not about to judge people who wait for marriage - to each their own - but I would hope, even for those people that do wait, that they would be very attracted to their partner and excited about the future sex that they would be having. Also, like Liv said, I would hope they would do SOME other things to ensure compatibility, and be very open about what they think they might want someday.

I really hope that this is a case of both of them being so nervous about having sex for the first time, that they are pushing it off and shutting down when the topic comes up. That still isn't the healthiest scenario, but at least at that point it is something they can work through and not a death sentence for their marriage.

Who knows, maybe they will get over their sex-nerves and have mind-blowing love-fest orgasms with each other. I hope?

jaycee7389 · August 2011

When I try to quote Yaga it takes me to Chicago Weddings? WTF lol.

I agree with you though.

amsmith1989 · August 2011

Settling for the company, perhaps? Either way, seems pretty silly to me.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

first off, yaga, I waited until marriage for sex. just because it isn't your personal choice, doesn't mean it isn't a darn good one for other people. it was important for DH and I, individually and as a couple. please don't spout something off without considering how it might affect other people. I also know that there are other NEY'ers that are waiting until marriage to have sex with their SO, so please just remember to be considerate. I don't judge you for your life choices, so please don't judge mine!

not trying to be snarky or rude or ANYTHING like that, so please don't be offended.

and csousa, I was nervous but I wasn't THAT nervous! haha!

some people marry with no intentions of having sex. some people just don't want it, and if they are both in agreement when they marry then that's their own business. some people marry for business, or money, or cultural reasons... with or without intentions of having sex or physical relations.

I know for a fact one of our own NEY-ers and her FI don't plan on having sex even AFTER they marry. so please be careful and considerate of other people. not everyone enters into marriage for the same reasons, and marriage works differently for many couples.

ETA: I also agree that the article is a little wacky... I definitely knew that I was physically attracted to my DH, and he was to me. we had plenty of conversations about sex, what we expected, what we thought we might like, what we thought we might NOT like... but it sounds like this girl's problem isn't sex but a serious lack of communication with her H before and after the wedding. dang, that sucks for her!

peekaboo2011 · August 2011

Coco, this wasn't meant offensively. Really. I hope that mostly everyone here understands that there are personal choices and what people choose is up to them.

My main point in posting this was that in asking for advice (Mouthy Housewives is by far my favorite advice column), she seemed upset that she had entered into a sexless marriage, and didn't want to continue in a sexless marriage, but going in to it, she knew that she and her FI had no chemistry. It was kind of a "Wha--?" while reading it.

L&J2012 · August 2011

Anyone else notice the 2 1/2 month engagement part? Why?? So many questions are unanswered here.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

peek - no, I knew exactly what you meant. I did a double take and a :headdesk: when I read the article myself.

yaga - thanks for clarifying. those of us who wait sometimes get a lot of crap for it. it's nice that you came back to fully explain what you meant, especially for anyone lurking.

like I said, I think it's a lack of communication coupled with the lack of physical/sexual attraction. it seems that they didn't talk about it at all!

and I also noticed the 2 and a half month engagement, but I didn't want to flame it because I personally know people who dated a long time, were engaged for a month or two, and then got married. it worked for them because the wedding itself wasn't a huge deal. but it sounds like here, they just didn't know what they were getting into.

peekaboo2011 · August 2011

I can't judge the short engagement either. My aunt and uncle knew each other 6 weeks before they got married..30 years later, they're still married

jaycee7389 · August 2011

Coco- TBH, I didn't take what Yaga said to be offensive. It may be a touchy subject for you because you waited, but she wasn't saying it was wrong or that you are weird or something..she just doesn't understand how some people are okay with not knowing that part of their FI before marriage.

GreenPepperBurger · August 2011

Oh dear.

jemmini6 · August 2011

Even if you've never had sex, I don't understand how you can't know that there's no chemistry/attraction? I felt chemistry (both pysical and emotional) with FI the night we met, so it astounds me that you could make it all the way to marriage and not figure that out, or ever even talk about. I mean, if sex isn't that important to you, then I guess neither would attraction be, but obviously this girl is writing in because it's an issue...

[Deleted User] · August 2011

thanks jaycee, but I think if the tables were turned and I said "UGH. This is why I don't understand people who don't wait until marriage to have sex." I don't think it would have been well received with majority of the girls here who do have sexytime with their SO before marriage. no big deal. sometimes we spit things out here without thinking how they might be perceived by others.

I wonder how old the writer is...? and cultural influences?

SKP82 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:6db274a4-0870-40e2-98b0-ca9db75868a5">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]first off, yaga, I waited until marriage for sex. just because it isn't your personal choice, doesn't mean it isn't a darn good one for other people. it was important for DH and I, individually and as a couple. please don't spout something off without considering how it might affect other people. I also know that there are other NEY'ers that are waiting until marriage to have sex with their SO, so please just remember to be considerate. I don't judge you for your life choices, so please don't judge mine! :) not trying to be snarky or rude or ANYTHING like that, so please don't be offended. and csousa, I was nervous but I wasn't THAT nervous! haha! ;) some people marry with no intentions of having sex. some people just don't want it, and if they are both in agreement when they marry then that's their own business. some people marry for business, or money, or cultural reasons... with or without intentions of having sex or physical relations. I know for a fact one of our own NEY-ers and her FI don't plan on having sex even AFTER they marry. so please be careful and considerate of other people. not everyone enters into marriage for the same reasons, and marriage works differently for many couples. ETA: I also agree that the article is a little wacky... I definitely knew that I was physically attracted to my DH, and he was to me. we had plenty of conversations about sex, what we expected, what we thought we might like, what we thought we might NOT like... but it sounds like this girl's problem isn't sex but a serious lack of communication with her H before and after the wedding. dang, that sucks for her!
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

I'm really not judging, but I don't understand this. Can you share the circumstances or reasoning? Again, not judging, but I am curious.

SKP82 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:0149bce7-3729-4da3-b0f1-cec82445b89d">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks jaycee, but I think if the tables were turned and I said "UGH. This is why I don't understand people who don't wait until marriage to have sex." I don't think it would have been well received with majority of the girls here who do have sexytime with their SO before marriage. no big deal. sometimes we spit things out here without thinking how they might be perceived by others. :) I wonder how old the writer is...? and cultural influences?
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

She said she's 21.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

SKP - it's not my story to tell, so I don't feel comfortable sharing much without her consent. basically, neither she nor her FI desire to have sex or any kind of sexual relations, at all. I think she said they are asexual? anyway, that's it in a nutshell.

I didn't catch where she said she was 21, so thanks!

zipis1 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:fcea5990-7734-4fbf-be75-f60bf4aac8d5">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?! : I'm really not judging, but I don't understand this. Can you share the circumstances or reasoning? Again, not judging, but I am curious.
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

That would be me, I believe. Unless another asexual snuck on here (in which case GIT OUT MAH TERRITOREE!! ;P)

As Coco said, we're asexual. However, we are not aromantic (though I'm very close to being so), so we still fall in love and all that (obviously). However, we have zero sex drive, so no need for sex. We're perfectly happy snuggling on the couch and sharing little kisses (we're not very into making out either. We find it kinda...ew).

SKP82 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:f31ebc31-3d7a-471e-a99b-eb4ccabccee5">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?! : That would be me, I believe. Unless another asexual snuck on here (in which case GIT OUT MAH TERRITOREE!! ;P) As Coco said, we're asexual. However, we are not aromantic (though I'm very close to being so), so we still fall in love and all that (obviously). However, we have zero sex drive, so no need for sex. We're perfectly happy snuggling on the couch and sharing little kisses (we're not very into making out either. We find it kinda...ew).
Posted by zipis1[/QUOTE]

I thought it might be you, but only because you're the only other NEYer that I knew of who was not currently sexually active with your FI and I remember you mentioned before that neither of you want children.

Like Yaga, I am curious. Do you mind if I ask if you've always felt that way?

ravenray · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:63bf7f57-7182-4ab3-a8e8-9a18a6c74d5b">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Coco- TBH, I didn't take what Yaga said to be offensive. It may be a touchy subject for you because you waited, but she wasn't saying it was wrong or that you are weird or something..she just doesn't understand how some people are okay with not knowing that part of their FI before marriage.
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]
I agree with Coco I was offended by what Yaga said and if Coco hadn't asked I would have. Yes I might be more sensitive because I am waiting but that really doesn’t bother me. The way the wording was put sounded offensive but after she clarified it was fine. That OP sounds.. interesting. More communication. Zips- I didn't know that. Is it always something you have had or is it a fairly recent thing (like 5 years)? You don't have to answer if you don't want too :D

csousa1 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:6babd2bc-758c-46b3-9dbd-7cbca572f6f4">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?! : I thought it might be you, but only because you're the only other NEYer that I knew of who was not currently sexually active with your FI and I remember you mentioned before that neither of you want children. Like Yaga, I am curious. Do you mind if I ask if you've always felt that way?
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

I'm quite curious as well. As a person with a very high sex drive who has never wanted anything more than being a mom, seeing such an opposite end of the spectrum intrigues me. Zip, have either of you had sex and just realized you don't like it? Like everyone else said, please feel no pressure to answer if it's too personal, and certainly no judgment intended, just genuine curiosity! I find it interesting!

TheMutleys · August 2011

Zips, I love that you are so open. It makes me want to hug you.

I hope that any asexual lurkers get confidence from you sharing your experiences. I also think that it is awesome that you have found someone that shares your life's wants and values. That is what marriage is all about.

Marriage and relationships are NOT all about sex. If sex is important to you, then that is something that you value in a relationship. It doesn't mean that it is of the same value for every other person out there, or every other couple.

I also think that sometimes too much emphasis is put on how much sex a couple is having. If both people in the relationship are happy with how much sex they are, or are not, having, then it really isn't anybody else's business.

I strongly feel that if a relationship is based too much on sex or being physical then that relationship is going to have a harder time adjusting when life's priorities change. There are going to be times in a relationship where the sex is dry. There could be times when your partner is completely incapable of having sex. There could be times where you just flat out don't want to have sex. None of these things mean that something is horribly wrong with the relationship if both people in the relationship have communicated and are okay with it.

As far as the article, the writer sounds very naive. It sounds like she thought that marriage would somehow change the chemistry between she and her husband. Marriage doesn't change people in that way. You should marry someone because you love your relationship as it is and want it to continue.

ravenray · August 2011

I agree with Mutley! She said it and said it well.

polkadot111 · August 2011

I think that you can know if there is attraction to your bf/fi without having sex. It sounds like this lady never was attracted in this way to her bf/fi before they were married and expected to just suddenly be completely into him after a wedding. Personally, I want to wait to have sex until I'm married. I am attracted to my FI though, and would like to have sex with him. It's tough to wait for both of us, but we've made the decision together.

Zip, I'm curious. Could you share more?

SKP82 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:b00742b5-2f96-4eb2-a6f6-fdd401dff4ba">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Zips, I love that you are so open. It makes me want to hug you. I hope that any asexual lurkers get confidence from you sharing your experiences. I also think that it is awesome that you have found someone that shares your life's wants and values. That is what marriage is all about. Marriage and relationships are NOT all about sex. If sex is important to you, then that is something that you value in a relationship. It doesn't mean that it is of the same value for every other person out there, or every other couple. I also think that sometimes too much emphasis is put on how much sex a couple is having. If both people in the relationship are happy with how much sex they are, or are not, having, then it really isn't anybody else's business. I strongly feel that if a relationship is based too much on sex or being physical then that relationship is going to have a harder time adjusting when life's priorities change. There are going to be times in a relationship where the sex is dry. There could be times when your partner is completely incapable of having sex. There could be times where you just flat out don't want to have sex. None of these things mean that something is horribly wrong with the relationship if both people in the relationship have communicated and are okay with it. As far as the article, the writer sounds very naive. It sounds like she thought that marriage would somehow change the chemistry between she and her husband. Marriage doesn't change people in that way. You should marry someone because you love your relationship as it is and want it to continue.
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

Mutley, I am envious of your ability to articulate so well. Also, I agree with everything you've said.

zipis1 · August 2011

I'm totally fine with answering questions. How else could I expect people to understand? :P

I've always known this about myself, both in regard to not wanting children and being asexual. However, it took me until I was in college and had met another asexual who told me about it that I realized that, 1. it had a name, and 2. I was not broken. In high school I thought I had something horribly wrong with me and tried so hard to be like how I was "supposed" to. I dated guys, but could never to bring myself to so much as kiss a guy, let alone sleep with one. It was such a relief to find that I wasn't alone, and so I embrace it tightly. Which is why I'm so open about it. Never know when someone may need to see they're not alone!

FI and I have never had sex, either with each other or other people.

I'll try to answer more, but it may not be til tomorrow. I am 24 today and FI and I are camping in the living room

(he even bought me a tent for the occasion!)

lunarsongbird · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_married-sexytime?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6d865417-3f73-4792-9716-1bda8fdf4641Post:5b27abba-55b8-4feb-ad5d-23a055ddc09d">Re: Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]That's really sad. FI and I have had our issues with sexytime, but at least we are still having it, and enjoying it when we do have it. I can't imagine getting married and then not having sex for 25 days!!
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

This.

I want sexytime tonight.

At first I thought the website was for the "Mouthy Househoars," which would have been funnier.

Do you think that letter is true? Or troll?

ETA:
Zips- A tent in the living room!! WHAT FUN! Is it your birthday!!

HAPPY BIRFDAY!

<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd0cdc8c4-5b27-4eb5-8b64-b8946f82f233', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/0/11/d0cdc8c4-5b27-4eb5-8b64-b8946f82f233.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

If not birfday....You're so awesome for having an awesomely fun day for no reason!!

SKP82 · August 2011

Happy birthday, Zip!!

Married With No Sexytime?!?!?!?!?!

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