how to ask the wedding party

lindsayrae1986

can anyone help me come up with a cute/creative/inexpensive way to ask the wedding party to be a part?  we have 5 BM, 5 GM, 1 jr BM, 1 jr GM, and 1 best boy (little bro of the FI). 

any ideas would help!    i know you girls are really creative around here.

[Deleted User]

I just asked them if they would be a bridesmaid.  I didn't do anything special.  I did send a cute email card (I used the ones on the knot, actually) to the mom's of my ring-bearer and flower girl to ask them to be RB and FG, but that was it.

A couple weeks after we got engaged, a couple of my bridesmaids kept asking me questions about the others that they didn't know and asking me to ask them questions, so I sent out an email to the 4 of them and "introduced" everyone (they don't all live in the same state).  Now they have each other's email addresses, if they want to talk to each other, they can.

Wrkn925

There's a card on Etsy I want to use.  I can't get on Etsy at work, so I can send you the seller later.

Anyway, she has a card that goes on a big rambling list about "Will you be my bridesmaid?  Will you calm me down when I'm going crazy?  Will you talk me out of registering for china I'll never use? But most of all, will you hold my dress while I pee?"
I know nothing is required of bridesmaids, but I really think this card is cute, and my friends would appreciate the humor.

desertsun

Did I miss you setting your date? Do you have a venue already?

I would not ask anyone until you have a date (by which I mean you've signed a contract with a venue), and you're within 6-9 months of that date. Things change.

motoLyn

 First I love rubber duckies, so when we are going to ask our friends to be in our wedding party we're going to  either hand deliver or mail these rubber duckies that are dressed as BM or GM to our friends with a note asking them to be our attendants.  So if you want to do that to or do it with something else that you like say star wars characters or any other figures, you definitely should.

http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=12/4123&mode=Searching&erec=0&D=wedding+ducks&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntk=all&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&N=0&y=0&Ntt=wedding+ducks&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&x=0&sd=Wedding+Party+Rubber+Duckies

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6dfa3ad5-6492-4e4e-aceb-13a63b29ad7dPost:8965ac59-334b-4881-a2b7-cfa5cdc0997b">Re: how to ask the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]Did I miss you setting your date? Do you have a venue already? I would not ask anyone until you have a date (by which I mean you've signed a contract with a venue), and you're within 6-9 months of that date. Things change.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, I'm lame and just asked them.</div>

lindsayrae1986

we have a date of 7-16-2011.  we are using our church as the site and our pastor and his uncle as our officiants.  however, i don't have a photographer or caterer booked... ?

hetshup

yeah, slow down a little. Take some time to enjoty being engaged. Find out important people's schedules and go from there. It's been four days, you don't need everything figured out now.


Trust me, I'm married. I know things.

whereyat

If you look under the Maids thread, they might have some ideas if you're set on doing it in a cute way....but yeah, WAIT to ask them until you're within like 6 months.  You don't know if they can make it on that day yet, you might....cease to become friends (it happens), they move away, you drift apart, etc.  You never know - so just wait to avoid unnec. drama. 

There are a ton of posts on Maids re: how to un-ask bridesmaids b/c they've asked too early....seriously 6 mos or so is enough time for them to get their dress and make travel plans.

Having said that, I don't know your plans so just a "warning shot" or FYI.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6dfa3ad5-6492-4e4e-aceb-13a63b29ad7dPost:ec0a82d0-b12d-4739-978c-efc24ce305eb">Re: how to ask the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah, slow down a little. Take some time to enjoty being engaged. Find out important people's schedules and go from there. It's been four days, you don't need everything figured out now. Trust me, I'm married. I know things. :)
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

<div>Mrs. Hetshup knows lots now that she's murried!! I can't wait to be fancy and wise like you;)</div>

lindsayrae1986

hmmm, i can see the point about wanting to un-ask.  however, i've never heard of waiting to ask your wedding party.  i've been in close to 10 weddings and the wedding party was already decided and had been asked within 2 to 3 weeks of the engagement.  actually, in the last 3 or 4 weddings i've been a part of, i was asked when they called to tell me about the proposal - the same night!  maybe it's a regional thing, or maybe it's just the people i'm around.  ??

my parents are going to help us pay for the wedding, and one of their only requests was that we go ahead and get as much planned early on as possible.  we are going to pay cash for the wedding, and the longer you wait the more prices go up and vendors are booked, correct?  we have a semi-small budget and we are trying to DIY as much as we can...  in addition to buying and furnishing a house.

i guess i don't really see the point in waiting to get major things booked and planned for a wedding less than 9 months away since we have a limited budget and family coming from across the country and from Mexico.  am i totally off in my thinking?

thanks for all the thoughts! 

hetshup

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6dfa3ad5-6492-4e4e-aceb-13a63b29ad7dPost:250b4350-9e96-4276-8d9b-9ff7fa3c68f4">Re: how to ask the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to ask the wedding party : Mrs. Hetshup knows lots now that she's murried!! I can't wait to be fancy and wise like you;)
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Yep, I'm hitched, so I'm like the wedding oracle.

OP- When Kat gets back, you should ask her, she was adorable. I just called and asked, H sent a text.

leia1979

We're having a tea party, and I'll ask them there. Unfortunately, I'll only have two out of three because #3 lives down south and isn't coming up until December.

We didn't want to ask anyone until we had the date and venue. We'll be signing the contract this weekend and the tea party is set for two weeks after.

I actually think six months isn't enough notice. I'll be giving them a little under ten months notice. For my friend's wedding, we ordered our dresses six months out.

oceana919

Whooooooooooa honey, slow down a little. I'm five months out and we just booked our DJ. Take a week or two and just enjoy that "just engaged" feeling, because you'll miss it when you're neck deep in linen swatches.

That being said, all but two of my girls already knew before I even asked them - three of them are family and we all knew we'd be in each other's weddings since we were kids, and the other I had been in her wedding a few months before and it was pretty much an understanding that she'd do the same. I still sent out some cute cards to all of them, just to be nice and formally ask my last two girls.

http://www.zazzle.com/will_you_be_my_bridesmaid_card-137182130779447318

Though, now I kinda wish I had heard about the "hold my dress while I pee" card, because I totally would have sent that one.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6dfa3ad5-6492-4e4e-aceb-13a63b29ad7dPost:89630c70-922d-4bcf-8466-d20c9e6a66b3">Re: how to ask the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]hmmm, i can see the point about wanting to un-ask.  however, i've never heard of waiting to ask your wedding party.  <strong>i've been in close to 10 weddings and the wedding party was already decided and had been asked within 2 to 3 weeks of the engagement.  actually, in the last 3 or 4 weddings i've been a part of, i was asked when they called to tell me about the proposal - the same night! </strong> maybe it's a regional thing, or maybe it's just the people i'm around.  ?? my parents are going to help us pay for the wedding, and one of their only requests was that we go ahead and get as much planned early on as possible.  we are going to pay cash for the wedding, and t<strong>he longer you wait the more prices go up and vendors are booked, correct?</strong>  we have a semi-small budget and we are trying to DIY as much as we can...  in addition to buying and furnishing a house. i guess i don't really see the point in waiting to get major things booked and planned for a wedding less than 9 months away since we have a limited budget and family coming from across the country and from Mexico.  am i totally off in my thinking? thanks for all the thoughts!  :)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

<em>Just because other people do it doesn't make it a good idea. </em>

I had a serious falling out with the person I thought for years would be my MOH. Nearly a year after getting engaged, our friendship is still broken.

You always think it will never happen to you.

But what if it does? Wouldn't you rather avoid the drama if you can?

I am so SO glad I waited to ask until AFTER I saw how our friends responded to us during our planning process. I also only asked people I'd been friends with more than 10 years. You want to be sure you're not looking at those pictures another 10 years down the road and asking yourself "Why did I have that person in my wedding?!"

I think booking vendors is different from asking your WP.

In my experience, vendors do NOT Increase their prices the closer it is to your wedding date. Unless you are REALLY last minute maybe. I actually think that would be a bit unethical, and you should not book a vendor that operates that way.

But it can be harder to get the vendors you WANT the closer to your date. However, there is always someone else that often can do just as good a job.

I got engaged last December and got married July 16 of this year. I had a budget of $10k, which is pretty modest by most standards. Older regs can tell you I didn't have anything but a date and a dress until about April. My wedding turned out beautifully.

You really can take your time and enjoy every moment of the process. Do your photographer one month, DJ the next, etc. Take your time and research your vendors until you feel very comfortable giving them your money. Don't settle!

ETA: Remember, the larger your wedding party, the more schedules and personalities to work with, and the greater the chance of drama. Keep it small.

jemmini6

I'm still a year + out from my wedding and I have 'asked' my bridesmaids.  I'm only having 3 though and 2 are my sisters, so it's not like I really had to ask, it was sort of just assumed.  I did ask one of my sisters to be my MOH, I didn't do anything cute though, I just said, "would you be my maid of honor?"  

mana8503

I was just asked to be a BM the other weekend.  She invited us all over to her house and gave us gift bags.  Inside were boxes with a tag sticking out saying "Will you be my Bridesmaid?"  Inside the box was a wine cork with a big bing ring on top.  I thought it was cute.

I know one friend made pic collages of pics of her and the girl, framed them and gave them with a card asking to be her bridesmaid.

I was asked to be a MOH via card and she made me dinner....

Fbrandye

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ask-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6dfa3ad5-6492-4e4e-aceb-13a63b29ad7dPost:89630c70-922d-4bcf-8466-d20c9e6a66b3">Re: how to ask the wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]hmmm, i can see the point about wanting to un-ask.  however, i've never heard of waiting to ask your wedding party.  i've been in close to 10 weddings and the wedding party was already decided and had been asked within 2 to 3 weeks of the engagement.  actually, in the last 3 or 4 weddings i've been a part of, i was asked when they called to tell me about the proposal - the same night!  maybe it's a regional thing, or maybe it's just the people i'm around.  ?? my parents are going to help us pay for the wedding, and one of their only requests was that we go ahead and get as much planned early on as possible.  we are going to pay cash for the wedding, and the longer you wait the more prices go up and vendors are booked, correct?  we have a semi-small budget and we are trying to DIY as much as we can...  in addition to buying and furnishing a house. i guess i don't really see the point in waiting to get major things booked and planned for a wedding less than 9 months away since we have a limited budget and family coming from across the country and from Mexico.  am i totally off in my thinking? thanks for all the thoughts!  :)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]

I 100% agree with this. I have been getting so much hell from people here about planning in advance. I still have 10 months but I have to plan now bdarn near everything in my area has been booked for atleast a year. Other then that my parents are paying and they want to know what they need to save. We are a military family and only have a limited income. My parents live in Germany right now and my dad will be in a military class during the time I am having my wedding so the date keeps getting changed.
But back to the actual question, I just asked my MOH lives 1500 miles away and my BM live in Germany, it is my sister. My MOH was shocked when I asked her to be my MOH and her daughter to be my Flower Girl, but she was very excited. She has been helping me over email seeing as she's so far away.

CASK85

I remember hearing something (not sure where) about a woman who asked her BMs by "proposing" to them with fake diamond rings when she had them all over for dinner. This might not work if not everyone is local. . . 

You could send a little gift box to each of them with cute girly gift and a card asking them. 

Sorry I'm not terribly creative. . . when my time comes I'll probably just call people or ask them in person if they are local. 

lindsayrae1986

i've come up with a couple options, but since they aren't all local i'm probably going with the first.  it'll be a couple weeks before i send them out though.  i'll be sure to post pictures.

1.  a small piece of scrapbook paper (about the size of a thank you card) with a cupcake glittery cut-out attached to the middle (on some of that mounting tape so it stands out a little)...  on the top it says something like "make our day extra sweet..." and below the cupcake it'll say something like "will you be my bridesmaid?".  i love to bake and most of my friends and family tease me about my love of cupcakes so i thought it was fun.

2.  a bottle of rootbeer with a note attached to it on the neck of the bottle that says "we want you rooting for us!".  a little "hokey" for me. 

like i said, it'll take me a while to make them.  i would like to do something special for my girls, and it'll also be something cute to keep with my wedding stuff.  i know it's not something i have to do, but it's something i'd like to do.  most of these girls know they will be involved in the wedding, but that's okay!  they are all very special to me.

TheKnittingJedi

I asked my sister to be my MOH over lunch with our mum, and then a week or so later I called my friend to ask her to be my other BM (she lives out of state or else I would have asked her in person too). My friend said that it was really nice of me that I called her and asked rather than asked her in a text message.

So I don't think you don't necessarily have to do it in a cute/super creative way, just as long as you ask nicely. But if you get any fun ideas, then go for it!