Is anyone else having future mother-in-law issues? Help!!

Southernsunflower2012

I am starting to go crazy dealing with My Fiances mother. I have been trying so hard to deal and to watch what I say and do, but everything is a problem.

She cries to him and talk to him like he is 5 vs 28! He poor sweet little boy doesnt spend as much time with her anymore. I can understand the threat a wife for him has given her...He was her only son and the youngest at that so I am sure she is feeling some loss...

But does that give her any right to call me names behind my back insult my parenting skills ask him if he is crazy for picking someone like me? She talks bad about me to him like he will agree with her.

I know there is 2 sides to every story but I swear despite my opinionated personality and strong sense of independence I have not done anything to this woman!

She tells him all the time that I won the battle, He chose me over his mother and that she lost him the day he met me.

To my face everything seems to be fine but moments later after we leave there are problems phone calls emails texts about what a problem I am and now she is telling him that she will not be at the wedding. She will not support him marrying someone like me???? I just dont know what to do, and the kill her with kindness does not work I have tried.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_is-anyone-else-having-future-mother-in-law-issues-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:d37ca62a-1853-4b1f-b996-0bc13108cd00Post:0b43edca-75b9-4bdf-b991-4ed0d8c0db7e">Is anyone else having future mother-in-law issues? Help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am starting to go crazy dealing with My Fiances mother. I have been trying so hard to deal and to watch what I say and do, but everything is a problem. She cries to him and talk to him like he is 5 vs 28! He poor sweet little boy doesnt spend as much time with her anymore. I can understand the threat a wife for him has given her...He was her only son and the youngest at that so I am sure she is feeling some loss... But does that give her any right to call me names behind my back insult my parenting skills ask him if he is crazy for picking someone like me? She talks bad about me to him like he will agree with her. I know there is 2 sides to every story but I swear despite my opinionated personality and strong sense of independence I have not done anything to this woman! She tells him all the time that I won the battle, He chose me over his mother and that she lost him the day he met me. To my face everything seems to be fine but moments later after we leave there are problems phone calls emails texts about what a problem I am and now she is telling him that she will not be at the wedding. She will not support him marrying someone like me???? I just dont know what to do, and the kill her with kindness does not work I have tried.
Posted by Southernsunflower2012[/QUOTE]

Well, what's his reaction to her when she does this? He's the one allowing her to behave this way. Is he telling you all the things she says?

SugarFoote

Wow. You really need to talk to him about this and then both of you sit down and talk to her. I would die if my FMIL was like that. Mine is great...thank goodness

soontobemrsep

Yikes.
My advice? Ask your FI how he feels when she says this stuff, chances are he'll say angry, hurt, disappointed, etc... Then ask him to say that to his mom. If she doesn't stop with the badmouthing he may have to limit his contact with her, which will probably really set her off, but it will get the point across.
Good luck!!

lyns86stc3007

Geez...I think we share the same MIL...I started to call mine a monster in law

renegade gaucho

Why does your fiance think it's acceptable for his mother to treat you so horribly?

ltlbug

I also have a future monster in law.  My fiance agress she is super negative and has always been like this, my future sister in law says so too.  So we just limit our time with her and put up with her when we have to.  She has said some very hurtful things to myself and my mother, she has also told my fiance that he's marrying someone "who will be a hard person to be with."  We all just try to let it go, pray for grace and move on.  Good luck!

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em01092

I too am curious as to your FI's reaction to all of this. He should be standing up for you and letting his mom know it's not OK for him to talk about you like this. He should not even entertain the discussion. 

How do you know she is talking about you behind your back? Through your FI?

Grits8812

He needs to be sticking up for you.  He is 28, she knew when she had kids that some day they would move out, get married, etc.  It isn't fair to you that you have to deal with her being like that all the time when you say you have done nothing wrong.  And as a parent herself, she should really know better than to try to bad mouth other people's parenting skills.  

imean

In my opinion you need to set a boundary with both your fiance and future mother in law. You need to have a convo with your man and let him know that you don't think things will work out for very long if your mother in law is constantly bashing you and being negative about your relationship. You should both then confront her and let her know that as adults you have decided to get married and start a family, and that she needs to come to terms with that, if she crosses that boundary and continues the rude behavior you will have to limit her involvement your lives, as you have decided to get married and make your marriage/family your primary priority and making it work will be what you are most committed to. Having her around could be risky for the marriage relationship. After this boundary is set she can decide whether she is willing to accept you and your family/marriage as if, or if she is so against that she finds it necessary to cut ties, this wil be her decision to make. Hopefully she'll decide to stick around and be more supportive, even if for the sake of her son and grandkids.

RealHappyGal

My FMIL and other fam members do not like me not do they approve of our marriage.  However, The FI doesnt allow blatent to my face disrespect to go on (anymore).  I have also requested to NOT be informed of anything that is sais behind my back.  Me knowing the details of it only reinforces what I already know (that they dont like/approve of me) and I get all pissed and upset.
I have no idea if they still talk about me and Id rather not know.

*FI's mom has cancer and will be living with us sometime in the coming year.... pray for me*

Its very hard to deal with In-laws that dont like you and further when the FI/hubbie isnt putting a stop to it.  I dont know that there is anything that can be done/said to change their feelings but, atleast they can change blatent actions


I think also that son's are confused who has "the power" in these situations.  They dont want to hurt mom.  But at end of day mom is never going to disown them....

funflower1

Are you sure we don't share the same FMIL??? My FMIL gets an attitude with her son if he doesn't cater to her. And heaven forbid we are gone even a minute longer that we say because the world is going to come to an end. My FI and I have argued several times about this but I get the same response each time. He does not want to upset her any more than he has too.

Southernsunflower2012

I posted this a long time ago but am still dealing with this. I have talked to my FI about this all the time and he is ashamed that his mother acts like this but they have a very codependent relationship it seems to me. And according to our pre-marital counciler he said that all women need security and bc she isnt getting it from his dad then she is and has been seeking it from her son for years. Now that he doesnt need her and doesnt ask how high when she says jump that her security has been taken away which is why she acts so unruley! I dont know if this is the true reason for her disfunction but it guess it is a start to try to understand it. She is still pathetic and I want to dig a hole and put her in it. I regret talking her into coming to the wedding after she called me a bitch and said she wouldnt show. I screwed up!!! hahaha