$10,000 for an engagement ring...

TwinsRib

That seems absolutely asinine to me, but that's how much babe says he wants to spend... I told him I don't care about that kind of stuff but the general rule of thumb is 30% of you income if you wanna go by the "rules"... I then quickly showed him the actual ring I want, which is like $800, and I think he was actually offended that is was so "cheap", but he agreed to get it because it's what I want.

So I know I'm halfway venting, but what the hell.... I get that he feels the ring is a reflection on him, but we aren't rich so why try to act like we are... Yeah, that's real cute... rollin around in my Kia with a 5 carat diamond lol... Ok, I'm done...

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:dff6894a-3125-46d0-9d04-b1bee3d9e4ca">$10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]That seems absolutely asinine to me, but that's how much babe says he wants to spend... I told him I don't care about that kind of stuff but the general rule of thumb is 30% of you income if you wanna go by the "rules"... I then quickly showed him the actual ring I want, which is like $800, and I think he was actually offended that is was so "cheap", but he agreed to get it because it's what I want. So I know I'm halfway venting, but what the hell.... I get that he feels the ring is a reflection on him, but we aren't rich so why try to act like we are... Yeah, that's real cute... rollin around in my Kia with a 5 carat diamond lol... Ok, I'm done...
Posted by TwinsRib[/QUOTE]

What rule of thumb?  I am seriously wondering where you heard this.  I have heard of the two month's salary.  However, that would NOT be close to 30%, it is more around 16%.  I still think it is ridiculous.  The ring should be what can be afforded and both parties are comfortable spending.  Budget/money is a huge issue in relationships.  I truly believe that the ring (or any big purchase) points to how the couple will handle money in their relationship.

Plus if my DH spent 1/3rd of his yearly salary on a ring, I would kill him.  Maybe literally.     

I am glad that you have the right frame of mind.  I think you need to remind him that being 'cheap' does not equate to the amount of money spent on a ring.  It is important to be responsible with the money you have.  I would point out how far that other $9K could go towards starting your life together.  It would be a great way to start your savings together.  It is a good step towards a down payment on a house.  These things go a lot farther than a ring on your finger.

Also, $10K wouldn't come close to getting a 5ct ring.  Just saying.  Well, maybe if the 5ct diamond had a big hunkin' piece of coal in it still.

TwinsRib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:a73f8f8a-bef0-4902-a288-7778b6f64c20">Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to $10,000 for an engagement ring... : What rule of thumb?  I am seriously wondering where you heard this.  I have heard of the two month's salary.  However, that would NOT be close to 30%, it is more around 16%.  I still think it is ridiculous.  The ring should be what can be afforded and both parties are comfortable spending.  Budget/money is a huge issue in relationships.  I truly believe that the ring (or any big purchase) points to how the couple will handle money in their relationship. Plus if my DH spent 1/3rd of his yearly salary on a ring, I would kill him.  Maybe literally.      I am glad that you have the right frame of mind.  I think you need to remind him that being 'cheap' does not equate to the amount of money spent on a ring.  It is important to be responsible with the money you have.  I would point out how far that other $9K could go towards starting your life together.  It would be a great way to start your savings together.  It is a good step towards a down payment on a house.  These things go a lot farther than a ring on your finger. Also, $10K wouldn't come close to getting a 5ct ring.  Just saying.  Well, maybe if the 5ct diamond had a big hunkin' piece of coal in it still.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

I honestly have no idea where I heard that 30% thing, but that's what was in my head, so I went with it lol... And tha'ts exactly what I told him, about the house and stuff.  I dont even need a ring to be honest.... just him! But he has never been in this situation before, so I think he was just thinking more expensive = better, but IMO (like you said) we could put that in savings and do so much more with it...

And I don't have any idea what kind of ring 10k would buy honestly, but whatever kind it is, it's way too much for me lol

MrsParker6411

My fiance got me a ring that he could afford and it is stunning. then he told me he plans on getting me a bigger better diamond. a $6,000 diamond + what he already spent for the first one! I said "no way. this one is gorgeous. It's enough for me. why dont we use that 6k (that we don't have in the fisrt place) for the wedding."

AshL23

Aww! Isn't it so funny how some men try to do what they think is best? It's kinda sweet! I def agree with you though, 10k is a ton of money for a ring! If you have that kind of money it's one thing, but if you don't, it sure puts other things into perspective: like your kia comment. haha  

lilcassers

I heard this rule too but I think it's foolish. I would rather have a $5,000 ring and a nice home. People live way in over their head and forget about saving money. If you really don't want it, tell him to put the other 5,000 towards something for both of you.

PaigeMcC

Maybe I'm just cheap...or poor...but BF and I discussed ring budgets and agreed that $1,000 is plently to spend on a ring.  Anything over and above should be put towards our downpayment fund.

But again, maybe I'm just cheap.

oceana919

Wow. $10K is over half our budget for a wedding and honeymoon. Good thing you've got good sensibilities about what you want.

CA2MT4EveR

$10,000 isn't that much money to spend on a ring.  It would give you a nice carat sized ring with good quality from an independent jeweler, or a couple carats from a chain mall store.  I am not saying he is cheap by any means, but when you think about the money invested in a symbol of your forever love, compared to the other things that we do not need that add up to $10,000 in just a year or two, it brings it into a whole new perspective. 

It is great that you do not want your FI to spend more money just as a status symbol.  Why does he think the $800 ring is cheap?  Is it a lesser quality and he wants you to have something nice?  I am not trying to come off as some ungrateful rich bitch here, I just wanted to give a different opinion.  I too agree that some of the money could be used elsewhere, depending on your situations.

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:d02a7438-315f-4f8c-90d7-8e180e91937e">Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]$10,000 isn't that much money to spend on a ring.  It would give you a nice carat sized ring with good quality from an independent jeweler, or a couple carats from a chain mall store.  I am not saying he is cheap by any means, but when you think about the money invested in a symbol of your forever love, compared to the other things that we do not need that add up to $10,000 in just a year or two, it brings it into a whole new perspective.  It is great that you do not want your FI to spend more money just as a status symbol.  Why does he think the $800 ring is cheap?  Is it a lesser quality and he wants you to have something nice?  I am not trying to come off as some ungrateful rich bitch here, I just wanted to give a different opinion.  I too agree that some of the money could be used elsewhere, depending on your situations.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

I think that you are missing the part about it being 30% of your income.  $10K is not too much to spend on a ring when you make over $100K a year, but if you make $30K, that is irresponsible. 

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:1e79d6ef-fb2b-46ec-b145-85b0f06e81c5">Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring... : I think that you are missing the part about it being 30% of your income.  $10K is not too much to spend on a ring when you make over $100K a year, but if you make $30K, that is irresponsible. 
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]


Oh completely irresponsible if you cannot afford it.  I get that.  I am not sure about the 30% thing either. 

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:ab8fc304-0448-46b1-891d-39f609346c0e">Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring... : Oh completely irresponsible if you cannot afford it.  I get that.  I am not sure about the 30% thing either. 
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Personally, I am like you in that I don't think that $10K is a ridiculous amount to spend when it stands alone.  But when it is put into the context of being 30% of someone's income, it makes me cringe. 

Also, I wholeheartedly agree with how people spend money on stupid crap without thinking about it.  My in-laws cannot believe that we save a ton of money every month or that we have a fair amount to put down on a house.  They are both lawyers in SF and make bank.  However, they spend their bank.  Whereas, my DH makes decent money, but our operating costs are much lower and we do not spend money frivolously.  We put our savings amount in on the 1st of the month and if we cannot go out to dinner later in the month, oh well.  They would rather go out to dinner at the end of the month and put their extra $ later.  Turns out that they rarely have any extra at the end.

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_10000-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7025c52d-0277-41bd-9bdb-4dc0b44fb284Post:e5b66f17-49b0-4851-8e28-6e95417f95df">Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: $10,000 for an engagement ring... : Personally, I am like you in that I don't think that $10K is a ridiculous amount to spend when it stands alone.  But when it is put into the context of being 30% of someone's income, it makes me cringe.  Also, I wholeheartedly agree with how people spend money on stupid crap without thinking about it.  My in-laws cannot believe that we save a ton of money every month or that we have a fair amount to put down on a house.  They are both lawyers in SF and make bank.  However, they spend their bank.  Whereas, my DH makes decent money, but our operating costs are much lower and we do not spend money frivolously.  We put our savings amount in on the 1st of the month and if we cannot go out to dinner later in the month, oh well.  They would rather go out to dinner at the end of the month and put their extra $ later.  Turns out that they rarely have any extra at the end.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]


I know a lot of people like that, and it is sad.  I have a friend who demands a fancy anniversary celebration with her husband every year.  They do not have the money for it, at all, but charge it and end up paying it off in their credit cards over a lot of time.  (probably paying close to double for it)  If they saved money instead of eating out a few times a week (or daily for her lunch) they wouldn't be so far in debt, and would be in a nice house and not their crappy apartment- after being married since 05. 

natyasa

oh boy....$10K on my hand would make me REALLY nervous! I'm glad you're reasonable and practical.

my dad has been in the jewelry business for 30 years, and let me tell you...some men come in there buying rings for $100K....which is BEYOND ridiculous to me. I don't care if you're a millionaire...that's much too much bling for one lady... you could buy a house with that!

desertsun

When it comes to how much to spend on an engagement ring, it's only reasonable to look at income. 

Someone who makes a million and spends 10% is spending 100k. Someone who makes 100k and spends 10% is spending 10k. I don't think 10% is an excessive amount to spend. 

However, It clearly makes more sense to pay down high-interest debt than to spend 10% of your income on a ring. It just basically boils down to what makes sense for you given your income versus your other expenses and your debt. 

There is nothing wrong with saving another 6 months or year for a more expensive ring if that's important to you. And equally nothing wrong with spending less to get engaged sooner. 

As long as you're being responsible financially, that is all that matters. The actual dollar amount is up to each couple.

notquiteblushing

I'm glad you told  your boyfriend that you don't want him to spend that much on a ring.  Who knows where boys get crazy ideas like that?  Tell him you'd love to spend that kind of money on a fabulous vacation, a down payment on a house, something that you value more than a ring.

bajediva

OP, my bf quoted the exact same figure when we first started discussing rings, as his starting point. he said he felt $10 000 - $20 000 would be reasonable. that sounded VERY irrational to me, considered that while he expects a nice income once he is established, we aint quite near established yet. why would i wear our home's downpayment on my hand and live in a crummy hole in the wall?

once we started looking, he realised a) i really didn't want/need anything elaborate, b)great rings can cost way less, and c) making wise choices for both our present and future is a much better reflection of how much i mean to him than a flashy ring. i'm so glad he was open to discovering that.