No gifts?

MLekathLEEN

What do you ladies do when the invitation states "no gifts"? My parents have an engagement party this weekend and on the invitation, it states no gifts. The grooms parents give my dad a lot of business and my mom feels uncomfortable going with just a card or nothing at all. Any wedding events other than this are in another state so this would be the only gift my parents would give.

Thanks Ladies!

calindi

I'd give a bottle of wine - it doesn't *quite* count as a present, but at least you don't show up empty handed!

bakes218

I was going to suggest a card and wine also. I can't go to anyone's house emptyhanded so I have brought bottles of wine many times.

LizzyTish88

I agree, I think a bottle of wine and a card would be very nice.

MLekathLEEN

They live in NYC so the wine would be a hassle to take back.  I've done some internet stalking and they are registered at a few stores. I'm figuring the "no gifts" is so they don't have to take anything back with them.

calindi

The "no gifts" is so they end up with a bunch of cards with checks.  Or a genuine attempt to make people feel invited as guests, rather than a gift-grabby event.  Either way, perhaps a gift certificate for a restaurant in NYC?

katanne9

Hmmm, a gift card of sorts??

tafft1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:743258c6-97a2-420c-90c1-47af6a22cf5fPost:6b105a63-a6b0-4d07-bfa7-b2fb3b3d98aa">Re: No gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]The "no gifts" is so they end up with a bunch of cards with checks.  Or a genuine attempt to make people feel invited as guests, rather than a gift-grabby event.  Either way, perhaps a gift certificate for a restaurant in NYC?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I don't believe that is necessarily true..Though a card is always a nice gesture and if you feel so inclined add in a gift card or check depending on the situation. Not everyone wants gifts or has need for them - it is certianly not unheard of and some would rather such money be put to a better use than just a gift. It seems kind of rude to assume such without knowing them directly.

If someone I knew closely/ worked with on a regular basis stated no gifts I would respect their request but still include money/check as it is who I am and am not one to judge their reasons why. Now if the invitation said "No gifts only monetary gifts please" - THEN I may feel differently.

calindi

Taft, you missed the part about "Or a genuine attempt to make people feel invited as guests, rather than a gift-grabby event."

MLekathLEEN

I don't think it's an attempt to not look gift-grabby. The more I think about it, the more it seems like it's mostly so they don't have the hassle of taking everything back with them. A girl I worked with was moving to CA after her wedding. She had to return all of the items here and repurchase there. I think we might do a giftcard to wherever they registered at.

tafft1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:743258c6-97a2-420c-90c1-47af6a22cf5fPost:26babac8-b615-403e-bf15-e4be99f3f11d">Re: No gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Taft, you missed the part about "Or a genuine attempt to make people feel invited as guests, rather than a gift-grabby event."
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

It's not that I missed it - I took it in a sarcastic manner - failure on text translation at 6am in the monring ;)

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:743258c6-97a2-420c-90c1-47af6a22cf5fPost:3e9bbde2-fcfa-4187-887c-0164f56db62f">Re: No gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's an attempt to not look gift-grabby. The more I think about it, the more it seems like it's mostly so they don't have the hassle of taking everything back with them. A girl I worked with was moving to CA after her wedding. She had to return all of the items here and repurchase there. I think we might do a giftcard to wherever they registered at.
Posted by MLekathLEEN[/QUOTE]

That is what I would do, or send something from the registry to their address in NYC.

[Deleted User]

We had a few people send us engagement congratulations cards with $25 gift cards to different restaurants (TGI Fridays, Olive Garden) - they were so unexpected, but so appreciated - they're just perfect for a simple date night.

leia1979

The last party I went to that said "no gifts," I brought a card with a check inside. No gifts? Too bad, you're getting one anyway.

I can understand not wanting to lug large items around, though.

musikbx

For the record, if they live in NYC, there are a lot of chain restaurants that are not available in the area. (Take it from a girl who wants nothing more than a bowl of cheddar broccoli soup from Chili's.)

If you're going to go the gift card route, Bed Bath Beyond or Macy's would be a good bet. Also Crate & Barrel, West Elm, and Pottery Barn.

Another NYC specific thought: I know I plan to tell my family/friends "no gifts" simply because my Manhattan apartment is SO FREAKIN' SMALL. I only have room for the essentials... like my espresso machine ;-) 

desertsun

Their registries should have the address they want gifts shipped to. Honestly, I'd order something from the registry online and have it sent to them, then print out a picture to put in a card for the shower. That way the abide by the request, but also the couple knows your parents care enough to give them a gift.

nottheonlydreamer44

I like desert's idea here - that sounds like a feasible and nice plan! I'm also with the idea of gift cards; simple date nights can be A LOT!

As for the whole "no gifts thing" FI and I are doing it for the wedding and we're already pissing people off. We don't need anything (I'm not having a bridal shower, either) I've been married before and since we just bought a house we spent a small fortune buying everything we wanted to furnish said house. We have too much already and we're giving things away.

Instead of gifts we just asked that everyone make a donation to the charity of their choice and instead of favors we are donating the money we would have spent to ASPCA and the World Wildlife Foundation. When we have shared this with some of our intended guests we've been met with not so nice feelings. They argue that we HAVE to register or they'll just bring us a gift. We honestly don't want anything but for everyone to have a wonderful time.

This can be a tough thing so good luck!

CvilleClaire

I don't want gifts..especially because most people will have to travel to come to us.  My home is stocked, I don't need anything.  However, I have been told that I must register to satisfy my gaggle of aunts, who want to do something regardless.

So, I'm going to register for china and Waterford, since I know my aunts will be all over that.  I sure hope friends don't feel obligated to give us anything. 

A friend who recently got married asked that people make donations to a charity instead of gifts.  I thought that was a smart way to divert people away from presents.