Intimate Questions

NurseyK

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:69b6ffd7-918c-4780-94b7-8ffe56bbe80f">Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? 3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? 4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? 5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

<div>1.  For me, sex appeal is not that important, but attraction definitely is.  Attraction is more than just whether somebody is good looking for me.  It's more about humor, intelligence, shared interests, etc.  I've been extremely attracted to people who were only mediocre in the looks department.</div><div>
</div><div>2.  Yes, absolutely.  Normal and even healthy.  Aren't friendships types of attraction, too?</div><div>
</div><div>3.  I'm not a very sexual person in general (TMI?) so I go through phases where I don't feel sexually attracted to anyone, including FI.  I've never tried to change it.  I don't see it as a problem.  It's just me.  I've always been intellectually and emotionally attracted to him.</div><div>
</div><div>4.  Yes, but it depends a whole lot on the people involved.  Personally, I would be ok with never having sex again, so it wouldn't ruin my relationship if I were involved with someone who had the same viewpoint.</div><div>
</div><div>5.  Nope.</div>

swhite2012

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 

I think it is a very important part of a relationship. I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship where there wasn't any kind of physical attraction. I've done that once and it went on for far too long.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?

Yes, definitely. I don't think that it's ok to act on it if you are in a relationship. Sometimes it's even good to talk about with your SO.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

Actually we are currently in a bit of a rut. FI has gained a lot of weight in the last couple years, and as horrible a person I feel like saying it, it has decreased my attraction to him. I think my lack of drive also has to do with my BC. 

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

If it was there at one point, it can come back. But if there was never any kind of attraction, I think it can be a problem, possibly permanently.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

Yes, the previously mentioned relationship. He was OK staying in the relationship with a lack of attraction, but I was not.

Swazzle

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 

I think it's really important. Why would you be with someone if you weren't attracted to them in some way? 

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?

I mean I will look at a guy & think "he's cute/hot" but I'm not thinking "damn I wanna jump his bones."  So I guess to an extent. 

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
I've always been sexually attracted to FI. Which explains why I gave it up the first night  

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

I'm not really sure, I can't imagine not being attracted to FI.  I love just about everything about him.  Except his big toes. I don't care for his big toes much.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

When I gained a ton of weight I felt really unattractive but FI still told me I was beautiful every single day. 

thelamarrs

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 
I think attraction is more inportant tha n sex appeal, but in general they are definitely both important IMO. I mean, if you're not attracted to your SO but to someone else, what's keeping you from acting on those feelings?

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Definitely. It's all about your ability to not act on that attraction. I may have an attraction to a hot guy walking down the street, but at the end of the day I'm still more attracted to BF. 

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

When I started Yaz for birth control. The year I was on that brand I never wanted to be physical and I had to will myself to do more than kiss. I felt bad for BF. And yes, I changed brands and everything is relatively back to normal. 

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

Yes. Being physical, not just sex, make me feel closer emotionally to BF because intimacy is something I get only from him, which makes it so much more special. 

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your 

Not with current BF but with the ex I had a LTR, yes. 

bethsmiles

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
Sex appeal isn't that important to me. I'm attracted to BF for so many reasons other than how he looks and all of those are more important than physical appearences. I probably wouldn't go for someone unless there was initial physical attraction but IMO it becomes less and less important and other qualities are much more important (intelligence, kindness, humor, ect).

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Sure.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
No.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
It depends on why there is a lack of sexual attraction. I would say underlying reasons for a lack of sexual attraction would be more instrumental in ruining a relationship.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
Nope.

GoldenPenguin

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? VERY important. But, everyone finds different things attractive.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? Casually, yes. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "such & such celebrity is hot," but it's different if it's someone in your every day life.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? Nope! We don't have any issues in that department - I think because we go for so long without seeing each other, whenever we do, it's super exciting.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? For some people, absolutely. I know, personally, I couldn't be in a relationship where I wasn't sexually attracted to my partner.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate? I have lost attraction to a couple ex-BFs, and ended the relationships shortly thereafter. I don't know if an ex-BF has ever lost attraction to me... they've never told me, anyway!

DanieKA

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 

Hmm, Sex Appeal? Not that important. To me sex appeal is how other people see your SO. For some people it's important that their GF's or BF's are traditionally attractive, or attractive to other people. Not so for me. But attraction is completely unique to the individual and I'd say pretty important. Though it's important to remember attraction waxes and wanes. You can become more attracted (or less) to someone as you get to know them. When I met SO I was definitely attracted to him. I still am, but for completely different reasons now. I dunno, it's hard to explain. 

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?

Yes! As long as you have eyes you are going to see something you like about another person. 

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

Not so far. There have been times I've wanted to run him over with a car. There have been times he's annoyed me to the brink of madness. But I think I'm still attracted to him during those times. 

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

Not necessarily. Depends on the people. I think when you are younger sexual attraction can mean a lot a be very strong. I think as you age, maybe go through a divorce, maybe a death, maybe you just stayed single into your 40's or 50's the thought of attraction changes from something like slammin' body or really pretty/hot to other things like being a steady companion, or someone who's easy to talk to, or someone who will make a good partner. I think you can have a good relatinship with someone who you aren't sexually attracted to. Will it ever be great? Not sure. But I'm pretty sure I know some older people who are in good albeit sexless marriages. 

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

I've never lost attraction to a mate, but I worry all the time about SO becoming less attracted to me. It's nothing he's said or done, just a very real insecurity of mine. Blame it on being the "funny friend with a cute face" in a group of really hot women (I have an attractive group of friends and family) my whole life. 

beanbot2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:15baab2d-dfc0-479f-901f-4c06f8308bf2">Re: Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]There have been times I've wanted to run him over with a car. 
Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

HAR! Love it.

ETA: BTW, this made me snort.

[Deleted User]

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
I think it depends on the couple. For me personally, I think it's important. I would have a hard time being in an intimate relationship with someone I wasn't attracted to. I don't, however, think that sex appeal and attraction are only defined by a person's physical appearance. I am attracted to BF for many reasons that do not relate to his looks.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Absolutely. I would think it was pretty odd if BF wasn't attracted to other women he sees. I'm definitely attracted to other men. I don't think you should act on that attraction, but otherwise it's completely normal and harmless.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
I don't want to jump his bones every minute of every day, but that doesn't mean I find him unattractive. Does he have the same body he did 5 years ago? No. Do I? No. Again though, my attraction to him is not purely physical.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
Absolutely. I think many people leave their partners for that very reason. Attraction affects intimacy which in turn affects your relationship as a whole. I don't see how you could be in a long term relationship with someone you weren't attracted to.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
Not that I'm aware of.

jemmini6

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
I think attraction is an important part of initiating relationships, but not wholy vital to their longevity.  Of course, we all want to find our partners attractive, and most people do, but to an extent, I don't think it's as important because we all feel less attractive as we age, but that doesnt' mean we feel less loved.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
I think there's a difference between 'finding someone attractive' and 'being attracted to someone'.  Finding someone attractive means appreciating their physical beauty, which I think is completely natural.  Being attracted to someone includes their personality and ventures into the territory of wanting to spend time with/date/hook up, etc and while it can definitely be harmless, it can also lead to other things in some cases.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
Maybe when he's sick?  LOL.  But that's obviously a short term thing that happens to everyone.  I know I certainly don't feel attractive when I'm sick.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
To an extent, yes, but it doesn't have to.  This is only because you might be tempted into other territory and start 'being attracted to' other people and because you aren't attracted to your partner, it can lead to wanting to satisfy that desire elsewhere.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
No, but then again, H is the longest relationship I've had at 3 years, so that's a relatively short time period to lose your attraction to someone.

TheMutleys

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
It is huge for me.  Huge. 

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
It depends on what you mean.  I think that acknowledging someone's attractiveness is one thing, while being attracted to that person is another.  I acknowledge that people are different but I can honestly say that I am not attracted to anyone but my DH. 

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
Nope.  He is dead sexy. 

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
Yes.  I think that if ANY issue is not talked about, then a relationship can be ruined permanently.  If it is bothering one of the people in the relationship but it is ignored by the other person, then I believe that can be very damaging.  I think this is true in regards to any problem though. 

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
No.

NurseyK

FI and I are having problems. It's so hard. I need to talk to someone... but I'm too busy at work to type everything. Ugh.

bsidebella

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?

For attraction, on a scale of 1 to 10, it's an 11. If I was not sexually attracted to FI, I doubt he'd even be FI. Sex appeal is in the eye of the beholder. There are times when I look at my body and think, "How in the world is anyone ever going to find this lump of lard attractive?" And then FI slaps my butt and calls me sexy thing. So, go figure.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Absolutely. I think humans are naturally wired for sex. 

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

When we have really big fights and we say hurtful things that we don't mean. Or when I ask him to do a chore for me and it doesn't get done. My anger cancels out my sex drive.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
Yes, yes. Like I said earlier, if there was no sexual attraction between me and FI, we wouldn't even be dating, let alone getting married. 

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

No, not really. I lost attraction to my ex when he dumped me out of nowhere, but that's to be expected, right? 

lunarsongbird

Nursey- what brings you to ask these questions? Anything we can help with.I totally suck with my sexytime desire...So I'll come back to these questions with probably a different opinion then most.

NurseyK

Yaga - PM sent.

Lunar -  To say the least, we're in a rough spot with only 66 days to go until we get married. I'm a ball of emotion.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:e6d2bb12-231f-4ec5-985a-017fb31f6b2f">Re: Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Yaga - PM sent. Lunar -  To say the least, we're in a rough spot with only 66 days to go until we get married. I'm a ball of emotion.
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

<div>Email me darling. FI and I have had our issues and are successfully working through them. </div>

CCO2012

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
Very... For me and FI our physical appearance caught each others eyes and kept our interest while getting to know each other long distance. Luckily we fell in love pretty quick after that

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
I of course find other people attractive, but I have no desire to "be with" anyone other than FI.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
Never, he is smoking hot!

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
I think it can. If sex is an important thing to you and your relationship with your partner, a lack there of can ruin things quickly!


5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:7a0e9bea-238a-4767-b0f2-c73cb5e58a15">Re: Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intimate Questions : Email me darling. FI and I have had our issues and are successfully working through them. 
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

Don't keep those secrets to yourself! How are you working through them?! LOL...I'm having sexytime like...once every other month! LOL

NurseyK

@ Tiger and lunar... PM sent

ravenray

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? It’s important but it’s not the only thing to a relationship and it isn’t the most important for me.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?I guess.  I mean there will always be someone out there is who “hot” but that doesn’t mean I am attracted, he might be nice to look at but that is all.  Emotionally and intelligently that is totally different, if I was having those kinds of attractions to others, something would be wrong with me.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?Nope, but then again we aren’t having sex.  I image this will wax and wane with time

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?No.  I think too many couples build so much of their relationship on sex that when that is no longer an important part of their relationship, they crash and burn.  This is not saying that if sex is a big part of your relationship you won't work out but from what I have seen, making that the focus of your relationship isn't good.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

No.  I was the girl who was never attractive… *sigh* 

kellyt89

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? I think that it's very important. I have a fairly high sex drive. However, I think that attraction is about way more than strictly physical attraction - emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, respect, trust, intimacy. Sexuality can build and strengthen intimacy but you need everything else too.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? Absolutely. I think it's what you do with that attraction.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? fell out of love with XBF for many reasons. I had a lot of pain issues due to a microperforate hymen and residual anxiety so sex was extremely painful- it started to feel like a chore.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? I think that lack of physical attraction can turn - attraction can ebb and flow. I think that a lack of physical attraction when it's because of other things can ruin the relationship - lack of trust, lack of respect (I lost a lot of respect for XBF due to how he acted sometimes, how he handled money, etc)

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate? I guess I lost attraction to XBF, yes.

Nursey, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time with FI, I hope you two can figure thigns out. Are you doing any premarital counseling?

tulaq

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction?
It's important, however for me it always comes down to chemistry (how do I feel with them) rather than how they look.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Yes, attracted physically, absolutely.  It's biology.  Not ok to do anything about it though.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
I don't think I've ever not been attracted.  If we're arguing or something, I do sometimes forget, but never for long!

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
Absolutely! I have always maintained that a marriage is a best friendship with sex, a best friend you don't sleep with or don't want to is just a friend.  Not a marriage (or a sexual relationship).

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
I did break up with a guy because we just didn't click in bed, mostly because I just wasn't that attracted to him.


EDIT: this is actually kind of a weird topic for me and my SO right now because I am actually the one that wants much more than he does.  When we first started dating we had pretty even sex drives but now the combination of him getting a way more stressful and exhausting job and me feeling increasingly more comfortable and in love with him has cause an imbalance.  I think it's  extra hard because it's not the societal norm or something for the woman to want more sex than the guy and rejection hurts a lot.

NurseyK

Thank you for all your thread answers/books/messages. They have helped some, especially in understanding how/where these issues stem from. FI and definitely have more talking to do about this. 

I have hope that these issues don't cause permanent relationship damage in the long run, although I see how it could. I need a stiff drink. Who's with me? I might be on later... tipsy... feel free to join me. 

Peaseblossom55

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 

Quite important.  I think what the attraction/sex appeal is like is different for every couple.  Things that I find sexy/attractive about my BF may not work for someone else.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?

a fleeting thought may be

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?

No, I haven't, sorry.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?

Yes defintely

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?

Yes in ex's and it does go downhill from there

dwest2201

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? 
Both are important, but attraction (not just physical) is much more important IMO.
 
2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people?
Finding others attractive is normal, yes.  As long as you aren't thinking about hooking up with them it shouldn't be an issue.

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it?
Not counting being sick, no.  We are both very attracted to each other, despite us both putting on a few el bee's and not working out and feeling a little blah about ourselves.  Even when we were working through our issues our attraction to each other was so intense.  He tells me that I am beautiful, hot, sexy, etc. He can keep me up late or wake me up in the middle of the night, even.  That part of our relationship has never been an issue.

4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently?
Yes, this was one of the many issues in my failed marriage with exH.  His drive varied a lot and it made me feel like he was unattractive to me.  After we dealt with that issue I got pregnant, he found the whole thing to be repulsive.  After our son was born things never got better.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate?
Yes, see above about exH with me when I was pregnant.  I also lost attraction to him as well, mostly because he turned into a d-bag.

aeroprincess87

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? Very important. 2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? Yes, being in a relationship doesn't mean you stop realizing other people are attractive. 3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? No, I was attracted to my boyfriend from the first time I laid eyes on him. 4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? Yes because sexual intimacy is a NEED in a long term relationship. And no attraction equals no sexual intimacy, at least none that is fulfilling. 5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate? With one of my exes I lost all attraction to him after the pain from my previous relationship subsided (yes he was a rebound) and I realized he sucked at sex. After all that I couldn't wait for him and I to be over.

tdwpg1984

1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? I think it's pretty important.

2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? Yep. I would totally leave my BF for Ryan Gosling. He's hot, rich, famous and a good actor! I've had a crush on him since I was a kid and he was on Breaker High. BF and I agree though that it's fine to find others attractive as long as you don't do anything about it (Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu, you just can't order anything but your diet food).

3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? Yep. When I come home after a late shift he often wants sexy time, and I just want sleepy time and the dogs are all over the place and wild and the kitchen is a disaster and I just want to say "What did you do in the 5 hours since you've been home?" But it doesn't usually last long. I haven't done anything about it though.

 4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? Defintely. BF and I have been going through a bit of a lull lately. I was studying like crazy, then we had our trip, then we were both sick, and even before that sex was more perfunctory than sexy for awhile. We've been trying to spruce things up a bit, but we also had a talk about how if sexy times are permanently unsexy then there's gonna be problems.

5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate? Definitely. My ex bf was always whining about his weight and it made me totally unattracted to him. Then with a different bf I was on meds that gave me crazy mood swings and that turned him off and killed that relationship. But neither guy was right for me anyways, so it all turned out well in the end.

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:77ea1581-5001-4861-a853-945bb13f7254">Re: Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]1. How important is sex appeal and attraction? I think it's pretty important. 2. Do you think it's normal to be attracted to other people? <strong>Yep. I would totally leave my BF for Ryan Gosling. He's hot, rich, famous and a good actor! </strong>I've had a crush on him since I was a kid and he was on Breaker High. BF and I agree though that it's fine to find others attractive as long as you don't do anything about it (Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu, you just can't order anything but your diet food). 3. Was there ever a time you didn't feel sexually attracted to your SO? If not, did you do anything to change it? Yep. When I come home after a late shift he often wants sexy time, and I just want sleepy time and the dogs are all over the place and wild and the kitchen is a disaster and I just want to say "What did you do in the 5 hours since you've been home?" But it doesn't usually last long. I haven't done anything about it though.  4. Do you think the lack of sexual attraction can ruin a relationship permanently? Defintely. BF and I have been going through a bit of a lull lately. I was studying like crazy, then we had our trip, then we were both sick, and even before that sex was more perfunctory than sexy for awhile. We've been trying to spruce things up a bit, but we also had a talk about how if sexy times are permanently unsexy then there's gonna be problems. 5. Have you ever been the person who was no longer seen as attractive or the person who lost attraction to your mate? Definitely. My ex bf was always whining about his weight and it made me totally unattracted to him. Then with a different bf I was on meds that gave me crazy mood swings and that turned him off and killed that relationship. But neither guy was right for me anyways, so it all turned out well in the end.
Posted by tdwpg1984[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously?

</div>

TheMutleys

In reading people's responses, I think it is all about what is acceptable in YOUR relationship.

I don't believe that sexual attraction to your mate means having tons of sex.  Quite frankly, I just cannot right now.  (I feel huge.  Nubbins is exceedingly active, which makes me uncomfortable 75% of the day.)  It doesn't mean that I am not attracted to DH or that he is not attracted to me.  We both know that it is temporary and well be back to an amazing time in the bedroom in a couple fo months.  We talk about it a fair amount.  We both let each other know that we find the other attractive and we find other ways to be intimate.  I don't believe that all sexual attraction plays out in the bedroom.  I believe that problems come into play when one person is okay with how everything is going and the other person is not.  If DH or I were perfectly okay with not having sex right now, I would be worried.  We both miss it.  We both find other ways to make the other person feel wanted.  I see it as another time that we have to get through as a team and as long as we are working as a team to do that, then it is not a problem. 

Nursey, I hope that whatever is going on is temporary and that the two of you can be a team to get through it together. 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_intimate-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:79fc5707-05a0-4836-bf6e-5f2cf8790459Post:05c29c51-b21a-40cd-93a5-59b3931e1d62">Re: Intimate Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In reading people's responses, I think it is all about what is acceptable in YOUR relationship. I don't believe that sexual attraction to your mate means having tons of sex.  Quite frankly, I just cannot right now.  (I feel huge.  <strong>Nubbins</strong> is exceedingly active, which makes me uncomfortable 75% of the day.)  It doesn't mean that I am not attracted to DH or that he is not attracted to me.  We both know that it is temporary and well be back to an amazing time in the bedroom in a couple fo months.  We talk about it a fair amount.  We both let each other know that we find the other attractive and we find other ways to be intimate.  I don't believe that all sexual attraction plays out in the bedroom.  I believe that problems come into play when one person is okay with how everything is going and the other person is not.  If DH or I were perfectly okay with not having sex right now, I would be worried.  We both miss it.  We both find other ways to make the other person feel wanted.  I see it as another time that we have to get through as a team and as long as we are working as a team to do that, then it is not a problem.  Nursey, I hope that whatever is going on is temporary and that the two of you can be a team to get through it together. 
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Please tell me that's the official name that you and your H have agreed upon.  Please.

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