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Random rant/vent.

BF and I have talked about getting married for most of our relationship.  A while back he told me that I don't get to have any say in the ring because it's his symbol of love to me and his way of getting to do something for me that shows me how much he cares.  It's a very cute thought, but only recently did I really start thinking about this. I've always been okay with the fact that I won't get to choose my ring. BF has very good taste and is an artist so I completely trust his judgement. His fashion sense is better than mine sometimes!

The only thing I've recently been a little sad about is that I don't get to go ring shopping.  I feel like that's something fun and exciting that couples [or friends] do together and it's really pointless for me to even try.  I recently joked with him saying "well it's pointless for me to even look cuz I have no say in the ring!" And his response was "you're right!" It was very playfull but dang...I kind of want to have the fun of going to stores and looking at different styles, trying on rings, etc.  Or, is he saving me the hassle and he's going to do all the grunt work? Ugh....Just wanted to get all of this off of my chest...that is all.
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Re: Random rant/vent.

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I'm leaving the ring choice up to my BF so I won't be going ring shopping either (although we have looked at rings online). You aren't the only girl who is skipping out of the ring shopping though :)

    I know some girls on here enjoyed ring shopping where as others hated it. So I really don't think you are missing out on something huge. Just be excited that your BF cares so much and really wants your ring to mean something special!


  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Beth. That's how I've been looking at it. Then I hear how everyone loves ring shopping. Haha!! I do my own ring shopping online and hope that he'll get an idea of what I like. It's also to torture myself just a little. HAHA!

    Trying to see the upside of it and I do appreciate that he wants it to be something very special. Thanks for the encouragement, I needed it right about now!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]BF and I have talked about getting married for most of our relationship.  A while back he told me that I don't get to have any say in the ring because it's his symbol of love to me and his way of getting to do something for me that shows me how much he cares.  It's a very cute thought, but only recently did I really start thinking about this. I've always been okay with the fact that I won't get to choose my ring. BF has very good taste and is an artist so I completely trust his judgement. His fashion sense is better than mine sometimes! The only thing I've recently been a little sad about is that I don't get to go ring shopping.  I feel like that's something fun and exciting that couples [or friends] do together and it's really pointless for me to even try.  I recently joked with him saying "well it's pointless for me to even look cuz I have no say in the ring!" And his response was "you're right!" It was very playfull but dang...I kind of want to have the fun of going to stores and looking at different styles, trying on rings, etc.  Or, is he saving me the hassle and he's going to do all the grunt work? Ugh....Just wanted to get all of this off of my chest...that is all.
    Posted by CFar13[/QUOTE]

    So, instead of beating around the bush why didn't you just come out and say it?  BF, I think I would like the experience of going ring shopping with you.  You don't have to pick it out per say, but if you went with him once or twice you'd get to play dress up (which is what it sounds like to me) but the decision would still be his and he could still go without you.

    I won't lie, I loved ring shopping with my BF.  Not because I got to try on all the rings and that jazz but because it was a side of him I didn't expect.  He got really into it, tried on rings for himself, asked a lot of questions and genuinely enjoyed himself.

    If it's important to you to go with him once I'd tell him that.  Be upfront.  If you can't tell him what you want now how will you when you're married?
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    PPE FTW.

    "Popular on the internetz..."
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  • edited December 2011
    As with everything, it all boils down to a personal preference... Some people hate ring shopping and some people love it... Some want to be completely surprised and others want to pick out exactly what they are going to wear...

    I was content with looking at rings online until BF & I went into a jewelry store this past weekend and he said I could try on one that I really liked... It was absolutely beautiful but when I looked at it online I realized that if I had only seen it online I would have passed right by it... Online browsing does no justification and seeing them in person can change your perception of what you thought was the ring of your dreams! So, I totally understand wanting to go with him... and I would express that to him...

    However, if he is adamant that you have NO say in the ring and you trust his judgement (which you should if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with) then let him have his moment... But express your feelings to him first and see if you can compromise so that you'll have the experience of 'ring shopping' and he'll be able to surprise you right off your feet! lol
    *Lyz*
    *I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I am alive because I'm a fighter. I am wise because I've been foolish. I laugh because I've known sadness.*
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Also, remember that you will get to go try on rings for your wedding band.  You could ask him not to purchase that yet so you can have the experience of picking them out together.

    I had a good time trying on rings with my BF, and I recommend it if you want input in your ring.  But in your case, it sounds like you trust his taste completely, which is great.  In my case, we found a ring that I absolutely loved, and now it's no longer being made and it's out of stock, so it's nearly impossible that I'll get that ring.  It makes me a little sad.

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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It bothers me a little bit that he flat out told you you wouldn't have any say in the ring, but if it works for you, then I guess it's cool.

    I just want to second what Lyz said, though, about how what you think you'll like and what you actually like can be pretty different.  I think it's worth telling him that, while you will love whatever he gets you, it's worth going to just one or two stores so that he can get an idea of what looks best on you.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]It bothers me a little bit that he flat out told you you wouldn't have any say in the ring, but if it works for you, then I guess it's cool. I just want to second what Lyz said, though, about how what you think you'll like and what you actually like can be pretty different.  I think it's worth telling him that, while you will love whatever he gets you, it's worth going to just one or two stores so that he can get an idea of what looks best on you.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I like when the feminist in Elle comes out ;)

    Also, I really would suggest talking to him to see if you can try on rings to just see what looks good on you. Hopefully not picking anything out, but then you both have an idea of style and sizing. I think it would be worth a conversation at leas.t

  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Elle and PPE.  It's side-eye worthy that he would flat out tell you, "You get NO say."  However, if he said that and you really WANT a say, tell him so.

    FI told me he would pick my ring himself.  He just wanted me input about what cut and type of setting I wanted.  But he fully maintained that it would be a surprise.  So, we went shopping so I could get an idea of what I liked on my hand.  I was so damn picky that he basically had me pick my setting and diamond out and then bought the exact ones I wanted.  The point here is, he might say this now, but he might have a change of heart later.
  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Are you sure you're not dating my BF?  It's very important to him that he gets to pick out the ring himself, a bit traditional like.  But he does let me show him stuff I like :)

    I've come to terms with it though, and don't really want to do the whole ring shopping (and crazy jeweler salesmen) thing.  If he asked, I'd go, but I think he'd be better at it than me anyway.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random rant/vent. : I like when the feminist in Elle comes out ;) Also, I really would suggest talking to him to see if you can try on rings to just see what looks good on you. Hopefully not picking anything out, but then you both have an idea of style and sizing. I think it would be worth a conversation at leas.t
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    Teehee.

    I think I do a decent job at keeping her somewhat subdued, though.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Elle. If I had said that to BF I would expect the response from him to ask me what it is I want, not just plain out no. This is something you will wear for the rest of your life, you should get a say. There are tons of girls on just engaged who are asking how to tell their BFs they don't like their ring. Plus I think any large financial decision should be made together because if you are getting married that is your money too (in most relationships). I would expect my husband/FI to include me on the decision of what car to buy, just like I would expect to be in on a major jewelry purchase.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]Are you sure you're not dating my BF?  It's very important to him that he gets to pick out the ring himself, a bit traditional like.  But he does let me show him stuff I like :) I've come to terms with it though, and don't really want to do the whole ring shopping (and crazy jeweler salesmen) thing.  If he asked, I'd go, but I think he'd be better at it than me anyway.
    Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

    This is why I didn't want to go, either... I loathe salesmen (car, jewelry, realtors) ... If I want to buy something, I'll buy it without you begging me to, thanks!

    When BF & I went this weekend, the lady actually had the nerve to say "You should buy it now because this is a great price. Why don't you want to buy her a ring now?!?!"  That was actually why I got up and walked out, besides the price being much higher than I really would expect BF to pay for anything that didnt have windows and a door or 4-wheels and an engine!!

    /threadjack
    *Lyz*
    *I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I am alive because I'm a fighter. I am wise because I've been foolish. I laugh because I've known sadness.*
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks to everyone. I suppose I should have said a bit more. He knows my metal and shape preference. I've passively showed him things online and mentioned that I like more of an antique style.

    Sunbird- Just to clarify, he is in no way controlling. I guess this is just his thing.
    PPE- I agree with what you said and if it gets to the point where I need to say something I will.
    Blue & White- I agree with you. It's a traditional thing for him. He wants it to be 100% a surprise because it's one time that he gets to do it. This only happens once [hopefully] so he wants to make it as special as possible.
    Calindi- I really like your idea of me helping with choosing the wedding bands. He actually asked me the other day "What's the diff between a ring and a wedding set" So cute! hehe So i had to explain it all to him. I have a couple of wedding bands that I like and that I've shown him, so I think that's a great way to compromise on the whole ring decision.

    Thanks again for all of the input. Gave me lots to think about.

    Side note: He knows that I look at rings so it's not like he's stopping me. But ultimately the decision will be up to him. As previously mentioned I loved the compromise idea of me choosing wedding bands and will bring that up to him soon. :D
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  • edited December 2011
    Up until Thanksgiving weekend my BF has been more secretive and crazy than Gollam (sp?) on Lord of the Rings. I would get random texts that said white or yellow (referring to gold), three stone or single, "do you know what an eternity band is?" ect. Finally over break he took me and showed me some of his favorites. I know that ultimately I have almost no say in what he picks for "my precious" but at least I got to go and have a little bit of the ring experience.

    You could ask him if you both could go casually browsing and just try on a bunch of different styles and make comments on what you like about them. I'm sure he will take the comments into consideration. If he says no to that I would definitely let him know that you want in on the band decisions =)
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]Thanks to everyone. I suppose I should have said a bit more. He knows my metal and shape preference. I've passively showed him things online and mentioned that I like more of an antique style. Sunbird- Just to clarify, he is in no way controlling. I guess this is just his thing. PPE- I agree with what you said and if it gets to the point where I need to say something I will. Blue & White- I agree with you. It's a traditional thing for him. He wants it to be 100% a surprise because it's one time that he gets to do it. This only happens once [hopefully] so he wants to make it as special as possible. Calindi- I really like your idea of me helping with choosing the wedding bands. He actually asked me the other day "What's the diff between a ring and a wedding set" So cute! hehe So i had to explain it all to him. I have a couple of wedding bands that I like and that I've shown him, so I think that's a great way to compromise on the whole ring decision. Thanks again for all of the input. Gave me lots to think about. Side note: He knows that I look at rings so it's not like he's stopping me. But ultimately the decision will be up to him. As previously mentioned I loved the compromise idea of me choosing wedding bands and will bring that up to him soon. :D
    Posted by CFar13[/QUOTE]

    I think it's wonderful that you're trying to be considerate of what your BF wants. It IS his proposal.

    That said, a relationship has TWO people in it.

    If trying on rings is truly important to you, I have to believe your BF would want to find a compromise that makes you both happy. Try on a couple rings, write down your favorites, and let him make the final decision.

    It is AT a point where you NEED to talk to him about it. If you're bothered enough to seek advice of internet strangers, that says to me that it IS something that is a big deal to you, and your BF deserves to know how you're truly feeling.

    Part of being in mature and functional adult relationship is being able to be honest about your feelings.

    Your ring is only the first of many many decisions you will need to make together. It's best to start practicing sharing your feelings and making decisions together NOW.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks desertsun. I totally agree with you. He knows that I want to look at rings and I think he likes the idea of me helping with the wedding band. I think it's a perfect compromise. I get to shop around with him for them and he'll see what I like.
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  • edited December 2011
    i'm coming in late but...

    i didn't get any say in my ring.  it was a family heirloom that was given to me when i was 6 months old and was kept in a safe until it was "time".

    that being said, FI knew that we didn't get to go get a ring, but he also wanted to have the "experience"...  so we went purely for fun.  tried on a bunch of rings at a really high-end store (one of the rings i tried on was worth $180,000 with a rare yellow diamond...  it was really ugly, actually).

    we both knew the whole time that it was just for fun.  and if he ever wants to get me an anniversary ring, he knows what i like.  :)

    we still have to get his ring though.  it's not nearly as much fun ;)

    EDIT:  actually, it was fun looking for rings that he liked...  except we tried to stay within our price range, so it was more "realistic".  we looked at all kinds of e-rings just for fun, and that was a blast.

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  • edited December 2011
    I want to go ring shopping for him! I think it would be fun to make him try on rings and see if he finds something he likes.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]Thanks desertsun. I totally agree with you. He knows that I want to look at rings and I think he likes the idea of me helping with the wedding band. I think it's a perfect compromise. I get to shop around with him for them and he'll see what I like.
    Posted by CFar13[/QUOTE]

    My pleasure. I'm glad you found a compromise you feel good about bringing up with him. Please keep us updated -- I will definitely want to see a pic of what you end up with! :)
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Random rant/vent.:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Random rant/vent. : My pleasure. I'm glad you found a compromise you feel good about bringing up with him. Please keep us updated -- I will definitely want to see a pic of what you end up with! :)
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
    Oh, it won't be for a little while. He still has lots of things to pay off before having another thing to worry about paying off. But he is starting to think about it and even said "I should probably start researching this stuff huh?" But I will update when necessary. :]
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