Children ruin weddings?

desertsun

I see this pretty frequently on various boards -- people talking about children "ruining" their special day.

I don't get it.

Yes, a child might start to cry during your ceremony.

You pause, turn and stare until the parent removes the child, and then proceed. Or whatever.

How is that really different from dealing with the wind when lighting a unity candle? Or tripping on your way down the aisle? Or knocking over your wine on your head/sweetheart table.

These things happen, but you still end up married. And, in fact, children's misbehavior reflects on their parents, not on the bride or groom. So how, exactly, do children ruin weddings? Genuinely curious here. Thoughts?

noelle24

I think it's not a matter of it reflecting badly on the bride and groom, but that badly behaved children can be very annoying and distracting.

I went to a bridal shower once where this 8 year old kept ripping the wrapping paper off gifts if the bride wasn't opening them "fast enough" for her.  Yeah, we all judged her mother for not controlling her, but it added a lot of stress for the bride when she should have been able to enjoy her shower.  If something similar happened during my ceremony, I'd be upset too.

Most parents have the sense to remove crying/misbehaving children from ceremonies.  But there are definitely parents out there that won't.  And if you KNOW that you have those types of parents on your guest list, I'd be tempted to say "no kids" too.

You're right, some things you can't control, like weather. But that doesn't mean you can't make precautions. If you know you're clutzty and are worried about tripping down the aisle, I'd make sure to wear flats.  Similarly, if you know that you get easily annoyed by young children or have little rascals in your family, you CAN control your guest list. 

And not everyone loves kids.  You may see kids running around a reception and think "oh, how cute! they're enjoying themselves" while someone else may think "ugh! Someone's going to trip over them. why can't my guests control their crotch-fruit?".  It's a matter of perspective.

MidniteRae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_children-ruin-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7edc981b-b077-4837-984a-39e4be627d7ePost:eb267673-ed04-4185-87a8-e16df26a976c">Re: Children ruin weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's not a matter of it reflecting badly on the bride and groom, but that badly behaved children can be very annoying and distracting. I went to a bridal shower once where this 8 year old kept ripping the wrapping paper off gifts if the bride wasn't opening them "fast enough" for her.  Yeah, we all judged her mother for not controlling her, but it added a lot of stress for the bride when she should have been able to enjoy her shower.  If something similar happened during my ceremony, I'd be upset too. Most parents have the sense to remove crying/misbehaving children from ceremonies.  But there are definitely parents out there that won't.  And if you KNOW that you have those types of parents on your guest list, I'd be tempted to say "no kids" too. You're right, some things you can't control, like weather. But that doesn't mean you can't make precautions. If you know you're clutzty and are worried about tripping down the aisle, I'd make sure to wear flats.  Similarly, if you know that you get easily annoyed by young children or have little rascals in your family, you CAN control your guest list.  And not everyone loves kids.  You may see kids running around a reception and think "oh, how cute! they're enjoying themselves" while someone else may think "ugh! Someone's going to trip over them. <strong>why can't my guests control their <em>crotch-fruit?</em>".</strong>  It's a matter of perspective.
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]
There goes my mountain dew...

dwest2201

I see nothing wrong with children being at weddings or receptions.  I think that any parent with any amount of respect for the bride and groom would take a crying baby or chatty toddler out of the chapel/sanctuary/what have you during the ceremony itself.  Because I know that FI (whoa) and I have a lot of friends and family with little ones we'll probably let a few close relatives on each side know that if a baby or toddler is carrying on to gently remind them to take them out because we will be having it videotaped and would like to be able to hear the ceremony and our vows.  As for the reception... kids are hilarious when they are dancing around all dressed up in their adorable little outfits and what not!  I'm all for it.

I do understand when some people choose not to invite children as a way of saving money on the per person price if budget is an issue though. 

dwest2201

Crotch-fruit has now been added to my vocabulary... and I will be using it. 

Good point on the children thing... IF the bride and groom do not particulary like children then that is their call as it is their day.

Hazel_B

I saw this at church growing up and would prefer no kids at any future wedding I may have.

Well behaved children are no problem, but I have seen too many parents let their children run wild. I think it is one less thing for the bride and groom to worry about.

I agree it falls under the things you can't really control, but I wonder if many feel that they can control it by eliminating them entirely.

That all being said if my BF and I were to get married we'd have so many OOT and Out of Country guests that children would have to be invited, possibly with a babysitter present.

Also, crotch fruit is definitely added tp tje vocab now!

desertsun

LOL @ crotch fruit!

And yes, I see your points, everyone.

There is nothing wrong with not inviting kids to weddings.

I just also think that sometimes people have really high expectations and turn all ridiculous about them (aka "bridezilla") and that your attitude really does impact how you feel about the wedding. If you think other people can "ruin" it for you, you're more likely to get stressed out or upset about things. If you go in thinking nothing can ruin the day as long as you end up married, then you're more likely to enjoy your day. Does that make sense?

ekathleen684

Crotch-fruit...bahahaha!

I'm still undecided on the kids at wedding thing. My stand is mostly based on budget, if I can only invite 100 people, I'd rather just have 100 adults than cutting people so I can invite children.

We haven;t started a guest list et though so we'll see.

noelle24

I see your point desert. I agree that if someone is that obsessed with perfection, they are most likely going to be disappointed by something else anyway. 

Narwhal

The only reason I would be against having children at my hypothetical wedding is that I don't know enough kids for them to be entertained with each other, so the two or three kids would be completely bored and maybe getting into stuff.  And i think that it's more fun for the parents if they have an excuse to get a babysitter (well, no kids allowed, lets call susie) so they don't have to chase them around all night.

zipis1

I likely won't be having children at my future wedding, and if I do it would only be my two nieces (maybe. I wouldn't want them to be bored being the only kids there). For me it's simple though. I do not like kids. At all. The things some people think are cute I find to be ridiculously irritating. So as far as "ruining" it for me, it would only be because I'd end up spending the day annoyed every time I saw or heard a child.

Another thing that would potentially upset me is based on something that happened at my friend's wedding. She had her vows videotaped, and when she watched it later it was as follows:

"Do you, D., take..."

"MOMMY!"

"SHHH!"

"...have and..."

"BUT MOMMY!"

"SHHHHH!!"

And so on and so forth. She couldn't even hear when they said "I do" or were pronounced man and wife because of several child interuptions. She didn't notice it too much at the time and so she at least still has her memories, but she's absolutely heartbroken about the video.

jeanacorina

Aww, that's sad about the video.

I was fine with having kids at our wedding. We both love kids. Our wedding just wouldn't have been complete without the ring bearer and flower girl (my cousin/MOH's kids). I was prepared for ANYTHING with those two. I told my coordinator they might wrestle each other down the aisle or take off mid-ceremony to play in the grass and that was fine with me. You can't tie those guys down.

What REALLY surprised me (and even bothered me a little) is that my aunt and cousin brought a little girl I've never met. My cousin is likely to get custody of this kid (not her own child, long story) but right now is sharing custody with someone else. They had to get court permission to take the little girl out of state to my wedding.

They drove straight through for a day and a half without stopping overnight. While they were here, they spent the whole time shopping, swimming, going out to eat, and so on. I didn't see them AT ALL except passing in the hotel parking lot while coming and going.

Well, come wedding day the little girl was exhausted and cranky. Apparently. I didn't see or hear her at all... but someone told me she was really wiggly during the ceremony, and then while we were taking pictures afterward and everyone was inside eating, this kid had a tantrum and threw her sippy cup on the floor, splashing juice on other guests and making a scene.

This is all second-hand, I wasn't there. What REALLY bums me out is that my aunt and cousin were in a big rush (and possibly embarrassed) and wanted to get the baby OUT of there. They left without even saying hello to me and Josh. Before we even started our table-to-table greeting. Like... they were there for MAYBE an hour. Tops.

And they left first thing the next morning. So, I still never got to see them. Because they brought a 2-year-old I've never met (when they could have easily made other arrangements for her) and had her worn out and hopped up on sugar before the wedding even started.

Makes me sad. I LOVE kids. But they drove a day and a half, stayed in the same hotel as everyone else for three nights, and yet I didn't even get to say hello. Sad.

loopy82

We are not having children at our wedding. Not because we think they will "ruin" the wedding, but for various other reasons.

1) The majority of children that would have been invited get hyper and out of control especially with all the other invited children.

2) Due to these children getting crazy - our venue is not conducive to hyper running children.

3) We both have minimal patience with children.

4) Honestly..... becuase we are having a seated dinner it was an easy way to cut a cost. It would be that many less meals, not to mention about 3 less tables and like 25 less chair covers/ sashes that we would have to rent.

Goldlie11

There aren't too many young children on my side of the family (at least close family).  I have one family who is bringing her kids and another family member who is not.  The family member who is not bringing her kids prefers it that way.  She loves to have an opportunity to get a night free from the kids since she's a SAHM.

As for FI's family, there are a lot of young kids.  He made the choice to not invite them.  He doesn't want them running around and he certainly doesn't want to pay for them.  He'll do anything to save a buck.  

katanne9

We love kids, but we do not want any kids at our wedding.

I think a major factor of that is neither of us have any young children in our lives we are particularly close to. It's easier, and more endearing, when you have a close relationship with said child - rather than the kid of some random guest.

PaigeMcC

We'll be having children at our wedding.  I know anyone that brings their kids will be watching them and if they put up a fuss they'll take them out.  That being said I can understand why people who may not like kids or may not know the best behaved kids would not want any of them at their wedding.

But I don't think they ruin weddings.

desertsun

I think Kat brought up a good point -- your relationship with the children present makes a difference.

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_children-ruin-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7edc981b-b077-4837-984a-39e4be627d7ePost:ddee07ce-da74-418a-a16b-5932d369b27d">Re: Children ruin weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]I likely won't be having children at my future wedding, and if I do it would only be my two nieces (maybe. I wouldn't want them to be bored being the only kids there). For me it's simple though. <strong>I do not like kids. At all. The things some people think are cute I find to be ridiculously irritating. </strong>
Posted by zipis1[/QUOTE]

THIS.

Also, I was a flower girl a cousin's wedding when I was 6. I was the only child there, and I remember being bored out of my mind.

I would not want kids at my wedding, mainly because I hate kids. I have very little patience for their noises and their antics. Besides, I think most adults would relish time away from their kids and have an excuse to party like adults, rather than worry about where their kids were and what they were doing.

Also, neither BF or I have a ton of little kids in the family (unless someone gets a "surprise"). By the time we're planning on getting married, the youngest cousin on my side will be fourteen and the youngest on his side will be thirteen. At least that's old enough to be without parental supervision. The only "children" I'm worried about are the heavy drinkers on his side of the family.

Ana_2985

It's not the kids that will "ruin" the wedding, it's their parents.  A screaming baby or toddler is not going to walk itself to the back of the church.

I don't really care for other people's children.  I'm not the type of person who sees children at the store and thinks "Oh my God they're so cute!".  I don't hate them, I just don't love them simply because they are children.

We will be having kids at our wedding, however, they are all family members.  I have 30 something younger cousins and a niece ages 24 to 6 months (obviously they're not all kids).  They are all invited because I love them, but none of them seem like kids to me.  I would never worry about any of them doing anything that would bother me.

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_children-ruin-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7edc981b-b077-4837-984a-39e4be627d7ePost:773a53b7-e296-4542-90d4-d90ce918664e">Re: Children ruin weddings?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's easier, and more endearing, when you have a close relationship with said child - rather than the kid of some random guest.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

Absolutely true. Like my relationship with my cousin's kids- I LOVE those guys. If they HAD been wrestling each other down the aisle, it wouldn't have ruined my wedding. I'd have laughed and made sure the photographer got some good shots.

Now, other kids I don't feel close to, I wouldn't find it so funny.

notquiteblushing

I don't mind kids and we'll have a bunch at our wedding.  It's just parents that can be irresponsible and that's when their behavior gets annoying.  Case in point: I went to a baby shower and this woman had brought two kids.  One kept moving all the presents and even started opening a few.  The mother didn't do anything because she was taking a thousand pics.  The other kid was crying on and off the whole party and the mother didn't acknowledge her and said she couldn't sit on her lap because she had a wet diaper.  It was so egregious that she basically ruined the shower and someone finally had to ask her to watch her friggen kids.

kaylenelizabeth

I'm kind of torn on the kids issue too, but I'm coming from a parent's perspective (I have an 18 month old who can be a terror due to toddler-ness but who will most definitely be present at my wedding).

I don't care if DS throws a tantrum during the ceremony, I'll just designate someone to pick him up and carry him out of earshot if that's the case.  I would love to pick him up myself even if necessary, I don't mind holding little boy while I get married.  Of course, I know SO would prefer that we not have to do that - but on the other hand, he is marrying both of us, so it would be appropriate for DS to have a part in the ceremony.  SO wants to give him a ring, too, and make vows to him as well (SO is planning to adopt DS once we are married).

So I guess my own children, I'm fine with.  And I know several family members have young ones too, who I would love DS to be able to play with at the reception.  But I also know that SO and I will want to have a bit of a break, to be able to enjoy our adult newlywed time, so I think the idea of hiring a couple of babysitters and establishing a "kids room" during the reception is a good idea.

Why more people don't do it, I don't know.  It's easy to set up and get going, and all you have to do is make sure parents retrieve their children before the babysitters have to leave.  This room could be at reception site or even at hotel room if there is a block reserved for the wedding, etc., or friend/relative's house, there are all kinds of ideas.  I'd be willing to host that room at our place since DS has a zillion toys the kids could play with.

Idk.  I want DS there for sure but idk about for the reception, he's too young to enjoy it.  I think after the ceremony, we'll send the kids home and have the babysitters feed them dinner and play with them/set them up to crash out in DS' playroom.  No way in h-e-doublehockeysticks do I want DS covering my wedding dress in whatever dinner we are serving (and no doubt he would hate it and want to cover me in it as punishment for attempting to feed it to him...the logic of an 18month old lol)....

Oh yes, and I do think babysitters should be taking care of children out of earshot of ceremony *unless* the children are actually *in* the wedding.  If DS is an issue during the ceremony we'll have an attendant hand him off to a grandparent until he calms down.  Most likely though, he'll want to stand up there and hold hands with us (I hope) :-).

catemeg

It definitely is the parent's responsibility to control their children or remove them, and it is their shame if their child is a disruption.

I fully accept that while most of my little cousins will be very well behaved, my two young cousins are absolute terrors and their parents don't control them at all.  However, for me, to not have children isn't an option.  I couldn't imagine my wedding without all my cousins - when I was the little niece, I remember dancing with my aunts and uncles at their weddings and loved it.  I'm looking forward to doing the same thing with my little cousins someday.  However, we will have a babysitter present in a separate room with kids movies, blankets & pillows, and have stuff like chicken nuggets and pizza for the children under 10 years old.  Parents will have to sign their kids in and out, so they don't just go missing.  My aunt did this, and it was great.  A nice balance of adults having fun and not having to leave kids at home.  For OOT guests, it's very hard to have no kids invited since they'd have to find a babysitter in an unfamiliar town.

I wouldn't bat an eye at a wedding that was adults only, even if I had kids.  It's the B&G's perogative.  But for me, kids will definitely be invited.