Can I whine for just a minute?

Elle1036

Yep, it's 2 am on a Friday night (Saturday morning) and I'm on my computer being pathetic and lonely.

I am sick of this LDR.  I know I'm lucky that we haven't had to do it for very long and we won't have to do it for much longer, but I want it to be over now.

I had a good time hanging out with some friends earlier today, but coming home to an empty apartment sucked.

I was supposed to go visit him this weekend, but I'm having car trouble, so it may not be possible.



What do you have to whine about?

Ember01

Elle... I feel for you! I agree! Being in an LDR sucks! You just have to look forward to the time you can spend together and to the positives of the relationship being this way . You are growing stronger as a couple. But, I know that being told your growing stronger as a couple doesn't help you feel better right now.

I have a few things to whine about. I'm trying to write this stupid book chapter, and it is about a topic I have know nothing about. So, not only do I have to do a ton of research, but it's also due next week to the editor. My advisor has known about this for over a year, and just a week ago asked me to write with her! Grrrr!

And, my second thing to whine about is WR. My FI and I are going to look at venues today. My future in-laws decided that they wanted to come after we told them this was our private day. Now, mind you, we went and looked at venues a couple of weeks ago when my FI wasn't in town, so that the mom's could see stuff and we could narrow it down to the top 3 when FI was in town. Then, the kicker to this, is that (without asking me or FI), my FMIL CHANGED THE TIMES OF OUR APPOINTMENTS TODAY!!! We have appointments with other vendors inbetween, and her time changes didn't work so well with our other appointments, so I had to change stuff around to accommodate her changes! Oh, and his parents couldn't make our Sunday appointments, so they scheduled their own appointment there yesterday, and went to the venue by themselves.

Alright, that is all my whining (venting) for today.

Ember01

Oh, I'd like to add one more thing to whine about... While typing that previous post, my adorable cat just came into the bedroom, and puked his entire stomach out on the rug next to my bed. Grrrr!

bsidebella

I want to whine about how I STILL haven't heard from this job and I might as well give up hope and start looking elsewhere. I might never hear from them. I might as well accept that.

Also I want to get rid of this damn cold or whatever it is because it took a turn for the worse two nights ago. I'm feeling better but not 100% and I have plans today with my mom and I need out of my apartment.

ANDPLUSALSO I have a concert to go to in NYC on Tuesday and they're predicting more snow. I am tired of snow!

heyimbren

Aw, Elle, that sucks. But you can do it... and just keep in mind that it's just temporary. Because soon enough you will be MARRIED!!! But in the meantime, I know what you mean. How long distance are you two? I hope you get to see him soon. But I also think that for people that handle an LDR for a while, it's incredibly strengthening for a relationship.

Elle1036

Ember - The cat vomit story made me laugh.  I have a long-haired cat who coughs up furballs on a regular basis.  I find them everywhere.  It's so gross.

Also, sorry your future in-laws are being such pains, but still try to enjoy looking at venues today.

Bella - I was just wondering if you had heard anything yet!  I hate when employers keep you hanging like that.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:1616caf4-3901-4e24-adbc-ae5ea80c58d4">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]Aw, Elle, that sucks. But you can do it... and just keep in mind that it's just temporary. Because soon enough you will be MARRIED!!! But in the meantime, I know what you mean. How long distance are you two? I hope you get to see him soon. But I also think that for people that handle an LDR for a while, it's incredibly strengthening for a relationship.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Aw, thanks Bren.

It's not that long of a distance - just about a 5 hour drive.  It's long enough, though.

bourgehm

I feel that way pretty often too. We're only 2 hours distance now (it used to be 6), but I will still only see him maybe once every few weeks (3 at the most probably now).  I used to only get to see him once every month or two because of the 6 hour distance and with school and everything... 2 hours isn't that much time in between. Last semester I got to see him almost every weekend, but that was because we had a wedding coming up. Now that there wasn't a wedding, I'll probably only see him once every three or so. Oh well.  I hate long distance. SO much. 

sparkles88

Ember is right. Being in an LDR will only make your relationship stronger. In my personal experience it made me appreciate BF even more. I kind of took him for granted, because we live together and we share a car, so we practically do everything together. I was so accustomed to having him around or being able to text him if something came up, but it was a real wake up call when I studied abroad. A 9 hour time difference plus a 13 hour expensive plane trip meant we didn't get to see each other for 4 months. Just take comfort in knowing the end of the time apart is slowly approaching.

I would like to whine about my roommate. She wrote us a note saying we all have to keep the kitchen counters cleaner. They weren't quite dirty, just disorganized. Some apples and bananas got scattered about, because we don't have a holder for them. But by her logic, the counter doesn't include the sink or stove. She has several days worth of dishes in the sink, and dirty pans on the stove, both with old food on them. Sorry, but I think her mess is more likely to attract bugs than our unorganized fruit on the counter. It annoys me when people are hypocrites.

marleylikeair

Poor Elle! Sadface. Hope your car can make it.

Ember--what a PITA. Are they helping pay for the wedding? If not, IMO, your FI should have a talk with them about butting the crap out. If they are, they should at least be discussing scheduling appointments with you, since that affects your plans for the day(s). That's nuts that they would swoop in and do that.

Hugs to all of you guys in LDRs. I know it's hard--BF and I couldn't handle it for more than a couple months before I up and moved here. Okay--there were other factors, but still.

klhrrs

I totally understand the LDR. My BF and I were in one for a very long time. I was in the  Navy and stationed in Hawaii and he was in AZ. When I wasn't out to sea (which wasn't very often) we would call and even attempt to visit each other, and when I was deployed we got to write each other every other month. This went on most of my service. Now I'm out and he and I live together in AZ.

My whine is that we've known each other for 9 years, and have been together for 4, we had a daughter and she was adopted, and we've been through 5 major eye surgeries. We often talk about having another child and starting our own family, but he FREAKS when I bring up Marriage. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

MLekathLEEN

I took FIs truck to take Riley to the vet and to get lunch. The Arby's by our house has a small driveway with a curb on each side. I was worried about his rims so while I was watching the wheels, I scratched the entire side of the truck on a bush/ small tree. He knows and seems ok but I'm just sick over it. I knew going through that drive thru would be a bad idea but fi wanted "somewhat healthy" lunch.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:3d0c1be2-6f48-4109-9491-39646b554a4d">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally understand the LDR. My BF and I were in one for a very long time. I was in the  Navy and stationed in Hawaii and he was in AZ. When I wasn't out to sea (which wasn't very often) we would call and even attempt to visit each other, and when I was deployed we got to write each other every other month. This went on most of my service. Now I'm out and he and I live together in AZ. My whine is that we've known each other for 9 years, and have been together for 4, we had a daughter and she was adopted, and we've been through 5 major eye surgeries. We often talk about having another child and starting our own family, but he FREAKS when I bring up Marriage. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!
Posted by klhrrs[/QUOTE]

You two have been through a lot! Have you ever sat him down and asked him (calmly, respectfully) why he is so opposed to the idea of marriage? I recommend using the "I feel" statements method. Like "I feel like you're not interested in getting married. Is that true?" If he says he is, ask him what kind of timeline he he has in mind. If it's still an open-ended one, like "someday, but not now," there's not much you can do except decide whether you're okay with that.

What if "someday" never happens? Are you happy staying with him indefinitely, but never being married? Only you can answer that question, and you have to be true to yourself and what you want.

After four years together, complete with talks about starting a family, if my BF was still freaking out at the mere mention of marriage, I would personally see that as a sign he probably never wanted to marry me, take a step back, and possibly move out.

That's me. I can't speak to your situation with complete authority, because I don't know you. But from what you posted, I'm seeing red flags.

How long have you been living together, post-service? If it's only been a month or two, maybe he just needs some time to adjust. I'm thinking a year to a year and a half of living together should at least get you guys to the point of him not freaking out at the mention of marriage. But you have to approach that time the right way. Don't pester him. Don't mention marriage for awhile. Just be together. Be present in the relationship. See what happens. That's what I think, anyway. Good luck!

orangecrush32

LDRs suck majorly! I hope you two are able to see each other. I'm currently in a LDR and I'm so over it...I'm ready to pick up and move to him..but I think I should probably graduate first..stupid school.

My whine session is that my computer hates me. It takes me a half hour to connect to the internet and then after it does it freezes for ten minutes or so. Then it's fine for a while and then it'll start randomly freezing again. It's so annoying and my dad (who works on computers for a living) cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He told me it just hates me and I should be nicer to it..yeah..I don't think that's working. Blah.

marleylikeair

I forgot to whine!

I would like to whine about the fact that my mom sucks. I'd like to see a therapist to help me get ready to deal with her (like, confront her and try to move on, which right now I don't know how to do), and long-term, I'd like to not have to waste energy dealing with her when I need it for my own life. While I really feel I need to see a therapist, I can't afford therapy. Seriously...I went to a community health center and asked about sliding scale, and they told me it would be $123 per session. Uhhh...until I can find myself a full-time gig, I'm making $9 an hour before taxes and work 30-35 hours a week. I'm no one's dependent. What geniuses think I can afford $123 a week or even every other week?! HUH?!?!

Meanwhile, I'm anxiety-ridden all the time, I'm losing my inner voice, and I'm losing sleep because I can't fall back asleep after waking up in the wee hours to go pee, because by the time I get back upstairs, my anxiety has taken over me again. EFFFFF.

Ahhhh, thank you, Elle, that feels a little better.

luvdncn90

Elle-I've been in a long distance relationship for almost three years now, but when it's the with the right person it's worth it. Think of it this way, if you can handle long distance you can probably handle anything that comes your way. Long distance sucks!

I am currently with BF now (he's in the shower) and my only whine is that...I want Chinese food!!!! I'm going to pout now.

cu97tiger

Elle - do you and your BF have Skype? My BF and I were in a LDR for four months near the beginning of our relationship. At the time, I didn't know about Skype, but if I had, it would have made things SO much better. While it doesn't put you in the same room together, I think seeing his facial expressions when you're talking, seeing him smile, etc would make things a little easier. You can get a cheap webcam for $40 or so. (Ignore this if you are already using skype )

bsidebella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:90cfde54-3d6b-476c-961d-0ff609c2d87b">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]Bella - I was just wondering if you had heard anything yet!  I hate when employers keep you hanging like that.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

I KNOW. I was supposed to hear from them sometime last week, and I didn't. I don't want to call them <em>again</em>. <em>That </em>would be pushing it. The only reason I can think of is that they're not in a big hurry to fill the position. I hope they don't wait too long cus *looks at ticker* in less than 3 weeks I won't be in the country for 5 days!

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:6a59c8a4-a641-4e48-a88e-97f46e475a12">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]I forgot to whine! I would like to whine about the fact that my mom sucks. I'd like to see a therapist to help me get ready to deal with her (like, confront her and try to move on, which right now I don't know how to do), and long-term, I'd like to not have to waste energy dealing with her when I need it for my own life. While I really feel I need to see a therapist, I can't afford therapy. Seriously...I went to a community health center and asked about sliding scale, and they told me it would be $123 per session. Uhhh...until I can find myself a full-time gig, I'm making $9 an hour before taxes and work 30-35 hours a week. I'm no one's dependent. What geniuses think I can afford $123 a week or even every other week?! HUH?!?! Meanwhile, I'm anxiety-ridden all the time, I'm losing my inner voice, and I'm losing sleep because I can't fall back asleep after waking up in the wee hours to go pee, because by the time I get back upstairs, my anxiety has taken over me again. EFFFFF. Ahhhh, thank you, Elle, that feels a little better.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I know what you mean about your mom.  Mine is driving me up a wall.  To the point where I cannot wait until I graduate in 3 months and move to Florida to be with BF for grad school.  Mom flips about every little thing, and I'm starting to hit a point where I just want to look at her and scream "I'm a college senior! BACK OFF WOMAN!"  And yet, there is a humongous part of me that is terrified of her.  I'm not losing sleep over her yet, but BF is about to go crazy if she says anything else to me about him or anything else.  I've been letting loose on friends lately...if therapy is too expensive, maybe you could talk to a priest or chaplain or something?  I know the chaplain's office on our campus offers free therapy for students.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck with your mom, stay strong.  I know it's awful now...(I got screamed at this past weekend because I didn't get a chance to run to the post office.  She hasn't really spoken to me because of it in...3 days.), but it will get better.  And, we're always here to listen to a good rant.  

</div>

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:5c336bfb-2f80-40a7-b170-0006279333fd">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I whine for just a minute? : I know what you mean about your mom.  Mine is driving me up a wall.  To the point where I cannot wait until I graduate in 3 months and move to Florida to be with BF for grad school.  Mom flips about every little thing, and I'm starting to hit a point where I just want to look at her and scream "I'm a college senior! BACK OFF WOMAN!"  And yet, there is a humongous part of me that is terrified of her.  I'm not losing sleep over her yet, but BF is about to go crazy if she says anything else to me about him or anything else.  I've been letting loose on friends lately...if therapy is too expensive, maybe you could talk to a priest or chaplain or something?  I know the chaplain's office on our campus offers free therapy for students. Good luck with your mom, stay strong.  I know it's awful now...(I got screamed at this past weekend because I didn't get a chance to run to the post office.  She hasn't really spoken to me because of it in...3 days.), but it will get better.  And, we're always here to listen to a good rant.  
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Peekaboo, thanks so much for your thoughts. So sorry to hear your mom acts this way, too. We should start a support group! I'm a member of a Yahoo group called Toxic Parents. There's some good info out there if you google that phrase, and a book by that title that's been helping me some.

I know all too well the screaming fits that come from the littlest things! God, I'm so glad I'm not financially dependent on her anymore. I think you should just go ahead and emphatically tell her to back off, ha. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? You're not living at home, right? (I imagine if you were, 3 days without speaking would be tricky!)

You're right--I should definitely look into counseling through church. Thanks for reminding me of that idea!

calindi

Marley, also try self-help books.  Not usually quite as effective as a counselor, but it can really help refocus some of your energy.  Find a book that connects with you, but when BF was having relationship issues with his family (and after a messy breakup that should have happened 2 years earlier by all accounts), he read this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Choose-Be-Happy-Guide-Happiness/dp/0980109604

"Choose to Be Happy" - apparently it helped him realize what issues were within his control and how to let go of those that weren't so they didn't affect his personal happiness.  It's worth a shot, right?  At $9.99, it's a heck of a lot cheaper than those therapy sessions!

Oh, and for my whine - my colleague is AWFUL!  She's truly the most self involved, self promoting, manipulative, loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, rude person I've ever met.  Every little thing she does gets under my skin.  I used to sit across the office, so I didn't have to deal with her much.  Then they changed around the seating to accomodate more desks, and I got bounced from my nice big corner desk by the window for a smaller desk next to hers. She's loud and disruptive, so I have a heck of a time concentrating whenever she's on the phone (which is constantly).  When I try to talk to my boss about something who sits about 10 feet in front of her, I have to get up and walk around so that I can hear him over her.

She once told me that any girl who wants an engagement ring deserves to be beaten because an engagement ring is just a man's way of pissing on his property.  BF says I should wear yellow to work the day after we get engaged "to hide the pee stains".  She's also told me that she doesn't think she would ever date a guy in the military because she "couldn't ever love someone whose job it is to kill people."  It made me want to kill someone.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:78e0c532-1126-4bee-9f37-42f42867e65e">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]Marley, also try self-help books.  Not usually quite as effective as a counselor, but it can really help refocus some of your energy.  Find a book that connects with you, but when BF was having relationship issues with his family (and after a messy breakup that should have happened 2 years earlier by all accounts), he read this book: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Choose-Be-Happy-Guide-Happiness/dp/0980109604" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Choose-Be-Happy-Guide-Happiness/dp/0980109604</a> "Choose to Be Happy" - apparently it helped him realize what issues were within his control and how to let go of those that weren't so they didn't affect his personal happiness.  It's worth a shot, right?  At $9.99, it's a heck of a lot cheaper than those therapy sessions! Oh, and for my whine - my colleague is AWFUL!  She's truly the most self involved, self promoting, manipulative, loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, rude person I've ever met.  Every little thing she does gets under my skin.  I used to sit across the office, so I didn't have to deal with her much.  Then they changed around the seating to accomodate more desks, and I got bounced from my nice big corner desk by the window for a smaller desk next to hers. She's loud and disruptive, so I have a heck of a time concentrating whenever she's on the phone (which is constantly).  When I try to talk to my boss about something who sits about 10 feet in front of her, I have to get up and walk around so that I can hear him over her. <strong>She once told me that any girl who wants an engagement ring deserves to be beaten because an engagement ring is just a man's way of pissing on his property. </strong> BF says I should wear yellow to work the day after we get engaged "to hide the pee stains".  She's also told me that she doesn't think she would ever date a guy in the military because she "couldn't ever love someone whose job it is to kill people."  It made me want to kill someone.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

What a biatch.

I'll confess, though, that I used to feel that way, too (though I would have never gone to such lengths as to say that you should be <em>beaten</em>).  It was during my hard-core feminist phase in high school and college.  And even though I've lightened up on that, a LOT, I still feel kinda weird about wearing my ring sometimes.

But it's sparkly and pretty, so that helps.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:eae1d7de-cf69-4499-851e-a4e6d0bdaafb">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I whine for just a minute? : What a biatch. I'll confess, though, that I used to feel that way, too (though I would have never gone to such lengths as to say that you should be beaten ).  It was during my hard-core feminist phase in high school and college.  And even though I've lightened up on that, a LOT, I still feel kinda weird about wearing my ring sometimes. But it's sparkly and pretty, so that helps.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

She's married to a Brazilian, and they don't do engagement rings, so I think it's more envy than anything else.  She certainly is into the wedding - this is the crazy girl who's planning her 4th wedding to the same man!  Yep, she just likes it so much, she's doing it again.  I asked if it was a vow renewal - nope, full she-bang with invites and everything.  Craziness!

marleylikeair

Hey, I'm open to anything that might help me get past this hurdle! Thanks for the suggestion, Cate, I'll look into that.

Your co-worker sounds, uh, AWESOME. You should loudly do exactly what that chick on the plane did once you have the ring. The blow-by-blow and the playing with the light reflecting from the stone.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:2613e15a-1378-424e-ad67-e55dd2312a52">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your co-worker sounds, uh, AWESOME. You should loudly do exactly what that chick on the plane did once you have the ring. The blow-by-blow and the playing with the light reflecting from the stone. :)
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

Somehow I just don't think I have it in me.  Besides, she'd just criticize everything from the ring to how he proposed to just about anything, telling me why I shouldn't marry him and how awful our relationship will be.  She always has an opinion, and it's always negative, condescending, and self-serving.  If it doesn't benefit her directly, she has no interest in it except to be a nasty human being.  You better believe she won't be hearing any details when I start planning.

Did I mention she's the food thief?  She admitted it!  She said it didn't have a name on it, so she ate it.  No guilt, no apologies.  Just "Well, you should put your name on it."  Uh... clearly that person's lunch in their tupperware container wasn't for public consumption!

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-whine-just-minute?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7f6589d5-8a1e-4dc0-b05a-3eb15b7e3e60Post:4de37022-5358-423d-80c8-e509088cad93">Re: Can I whine for just a minute?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I whine for just a minute? : <strong>Somehow I just don't think I have it in me. </strong> Besides, she'd just criticize everything from the ring to how he proposed to just about anything, telling me why I shouldn't marry him and how awful our relationship will be.  She always has an opinion, and it's always negative, condescending, and self-serving.  If it doesn't benefit her directly, she has no interest in it except to be a nasty human being.  You better believe she won't be hearing any details when I start planning. Did I mention she's the food thief?  She admitted it!  She said it didn't have a name on it, so she ate it.  No guilt, no apologies.  Just "Well, you should put your name on it."  Uh... clearly that person's lunch in their tupperware container wasn't for public consumption!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I totally understand that. I was kind of kidding...kind of. :) She sounds like a total PITA. I can't stand people like that.

ETA: If I were you, I'd start not only putting my name on my food, but wrapping it in a plastic grocery bag and putting it in the back of  the fridge or crisper drawer. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />