Anniversaries...

mandi921vh

When I was in college I was friends with two sets of couples. After dating for 2+ years, one of those couples broke up with one another for 2-3 months before getting back together. 

The other couple broke up with one another after dating for 2+ years for about 9-12 months, the girl dated another guy whom she was in love with before the two got back together. 

During the time these two couples were not together they considered themselves to be broken up with their partners. 

What confuses the HELL out of me is that when these couples got back together the anniversary of when they began dating was the SAME as when they were together the first time...? 

To me it seems that if you broke up with your S/O for a significant amount of time and got back together that you would want to use the date you got back together as your anniversary and not the one before...?

Thoughts?

rxjen

I think it is really up to them and what they feel their date should be.....There is no rule for anniversaries and they really don't owe anyone an explanation as of why they kept their original date....

loves2shop4shoes

Meh, I think you could make an argument for either anniversary.  You can say "We've been dating on and off since X" or you can use the new anniversary.  

Ana_2985

I think celebrating dating anniversaries is completely silly.

If I didn't I would agree with you. Otherwise your friend dated and was in love with another man...while she was dating her current BF?

But I also think it doesn't really matter because, as I said, they seem silly enough already.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:262f49ce-65e5-422e-9110-3aa8d35126be">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is really up to them and what they feel their date should be.....<strong>There is no rule for anniversaries and they really don't owe anyone an explanation as of why they kept their original date....</strong>
Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not looking for an explanation from those people I was just curious why people chose to use their original anniversary when they have been apart for a significant amount of time, even dating and loving other people. </div>

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:ae0b6c66-066b-4786-9633-1187fe1d5aaa">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think celebrating dating anniversaries is completely silly. If I didn't I would agree with you. Otherwise your friend dated and was in love with another man...while she was dating her current BF? But I also think it doesn't really matter because, as I said, they seem silly enough already.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

I agree with Ana. Until you're married, I don't see anniversaries as a big deal. A nice thought, but nothing HUGE like some people make them out to be. I don't care too much either way though.

On the same line of thought, I do find it strange and illogical when they date for 2 years and 9 months, break up for 3 months, then get back together and say they've been together for 3 years. Um no, you weren't together for 3 of those months. But, whatever floats their boat I guess.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:709c4999-f4ed-45d8-9b3b-7398ed6dc247">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversaries... : I'm not looking for an explanation from those people I was just <strong>curious why people chose to use their original anniversary when they have been apart for a significant amount of time</strong>, even dating and loving other people. 
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]


Or you could ask <em>them</em> why.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:ae0b6c66-066b-4786-9633-1187fe1d5aaa">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think celebrating dating anniversaries is completely silly. If I didn't I would agree with you. <strong>Otherwise your friend dated and was in love with another man...while she was dating her current BF?</strong> But I also think it doesn't really matter because, as I said, they seem silly enough already.
Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

<div>No, her and her current BF were not together. They broke up for about a year, she dated and loved another man, then the two got back together and currently use their original anniversary when they began dating many years ago. </div>

rxjen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:709c4999-f4ed-45d8-9b3b-7398ed6dc247">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversaries... : I'm not looking for an explanation from those people I was just curious why people chose to use their original anniversary when they have been apart for a significant amount of time, even dating and loving other people. 
Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

Because maybe they wanted to rid themselves of other peoples stank.....I don't know....Because they don't want any gaps in their accrued time together? Its silly but people omit separations all the time...

deburnin

BF and I broke up for three months after graduation. We still say we've been together for almost six years. I think it would be odd to say we've only been together for a year and a half. People around us (who didn't know we had broken up) would wonder "WTH are they smoking? They've been together since high school." Then again during the break up we still saw each other a lot and texted pretty much daily and neither of us dated anyone else.

We also celebrate our dating anniversary. I don't see the big deal. *shrug* It's a nice reason to get away from the mundane and go on a weekend getaway.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:f04c7cf8-3ce4-428e-8cbf-eb4f65b058c4">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]BF and I broke up for three months after graduation. <strong>We still say we've been together for almost six years. I think it would be odd to say we've only been together for a year and a half. </strong>People around us (who didn't know we had broken up) would wonder "WTH are they smoking? They've been together since high school." Then again during the break up we still saw each other a lot and texted pretty much daily and neither of us dated anyone else. We also celebrate our dating anniversary. I don't see the big deal. *shrug* It's a nice reason to get away from the mundane and go on a weekend getaway.
Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

To clarify, I only think it's weird when people add in the time they broke up. I think adding it to the total time you've been together totally makes sense.

deburnin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:cf9686b6-c150-4dd7-8760-bb61f6c57987">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversaries... : To clarify, I only think it's weird when people add in the time they broke up. I think adding it to the total time you've been together totally makes sense.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>So we're supposed to bump our "anniversary" back three months because we weren't technically dating during that time? That just seems silly to me.</div>

Ana_2985

Deburnin- That makes sense to me. It only seems weird to me if the couple was dating other people during their "off" time.  And also, I don't see a big deal with celebrating dating anniversaries either, I just think it's silly. I don't judge people who do it, it's just not for me.

OP- Yeah, I get it. I meant that if they use their original "anniversary" how do they explain the portions of time when they were dating other people? Either way it seems silly and probably why I'm not into it.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:807febe8-b9e8-4bfb-9e5a-8d14ec1d68c0">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversaries... : So we're supposed to bump our "anniversary" back three months because we weren't technically dating during that time? That just seems silly to me.
Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]

No, I don't care about when it's celebrated. I think it's silly when people date for a while, break up for a few months and then count that time as how long they've been dating. If you dated for 2 years, then broke up for 6 months and got back together, you didn't date for 2 and a half years. You dated for 2 years. I guess I just find how people count it weird, not the date they celebrate it.

meamolly

I am one of the silly people who like to celebrate the dating anniversaries because they are a big deal to me. I am also one of the silly people who broke up with a guy I was once with a few times while were together. I counted the time that we were not exclusive. I was still with him just not exclusive, we never stopped talking and being with each other. that is why I still to this day say he and I were together for six years and not five.

deburnin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:ba27abb4-8c4a-4b12-8127-00934ac2dc89">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anniversaries... : No, I don't care about when it's celebrated. I think it's silly when people date for a while, break up for a few months and then count that time as how long they've been dating. If you dated for 2 years, then broke up for 6 months and got back together, you didn't date for 2 and a half years. You dated for 2 years. I guess I just find how people count it weird, not the date they celebrate it.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand what you're saying, but for me saying we've been dating for 5 years and 9 months on what would be our 6 year anniversary doesn't make sense. Then again our break up was a lot short than OP's situation and your example.</div>

heyimbren

Meh, I guess I'm just more like Ana in that I don't make anniversaries a big deal. I do get that once you're up to 6 years, what difference does a couple months make? It's still a significant amount of time for a serious relationship.

desertsun

My take is that people just use round numbers precisely to avoid conversations like this.

It's so much easier to just say "we've been together about 4 years" than to try to explain a period where you were broken up. A lot of times, the details of those break ups aren't anyone's business, but it just invites questions if you bring it up.

 

I agree with Jen -- it's up to each couple to decide for themselves, and it's really no one else's business.

I don't get why the OP is so concerned about other people's anniversaries and relationships.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:b556d83f-fadb-458c-82f5-63c6e0ae0038">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I am one of the silly people who like to celebrate the dating anniversaries because they are a big deal to me. </strong>I am also one of the silly people who broke up with a guy I was once with a few times while were together. I counted the time that we were not exclusive. I was still with him just not exclusive, we never stopped talking and being with each other. that is why I still to this day say he and I were together for six years and not five.
Posted by meamolly[/QUOTE]

<div>I am one of those people too! Usually our anniversaries consist of us getting each other cards, he usually buys me flowers and we go out to dinner, sometimes a movie. I am sure once we are married this is how we will celebrate our wedding anniversary as well. Of course I would imagine that we would still acknowledge the day we began dating as it was the day our lives together began.</div><div>
</div><div>My parents have been married for 30 years and still acknowledge the day they began dating.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh well to each his own.</div><div>Wha</div>

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anniversaries-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7fb118d6-4c7f-4a10-882c-b8ea3b220885Post:f9208521-343c-4660-b34e-f9eca3d82ea5">Re: Anniversaries...</a>:
[QUOTE]My take is that people just use round numbers precisely to avoid conversations like this. It's so much easier to just say "we've been together about 4 years" than to try to explain a period where you were broken up. A lot of times, the details of those break ups aren't anyone's business, but it just invites questions if you bring it up.   I agree with Jen -- it's up to each couple to decide for themselves, and it's really no one else's business. <strong>I don't get why the OP is so concerned about other people's anniversaries and relationships.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>I was just curious.</div>

orangecrush32

I know what you mean. My guy and I dated for a little while in 2007 and broke up and then got back together a little over a year later. I don't say we've been together 3 years because I don't consider the first relationship between us to be included because we were two completely different people. That's just me though and it's to each their own.

Funny thing is me and my friend just had this conversation about her teenage cousin. Her and her boyfriend have been "together" since January and yet they've only actually been dating about 3 to 4 of those months. They break up constantly. It's ridiculous, but that's a teenage (13 year old ) relationship for ya. haha.

Also, on Tuesday is our anniversary and this weekend we will actually be celebrating it. Last year we didn't make it a big deal but due to recent circumstances and issues he decided he wanted to make a big deal out of it to make it up to me. Honestly, anniversaries aren't that big a deal I don't think. It's not about the amount of time you've been together. It's how you feel about one another.

bethsmiles

I really like celebrating my anniversary with BF, its just something fun to do. It may be silly but there isn't a good reason not to lol.

Anyways to answer the question, I think that unless a couple breaks up for years its just simpler to not readjust their anniversary, its not like it really matters anyway. Other people don't know when my anniversary with BF is (I'm pretty sure I mentioned it on here, but I doubt I mentioned it to any of my RL friends) so what does it matter when we celebrate it?

jemmini6

I think it's silly when people celebrate dating anniversaries in months.  I had a friend who wanted to treat every one month mark as some big special event, she even didn't come out for my birthday because her BF had a big surprise planned for their 3 month "anniversary".  I tried telling her that the route of the very word "anniversary" is "annual" which means YEARLY.  You literally cannot have an anniversary for months.  She didn't get it.

FI and I usually go out for a nice dinner on our dating anniversary, this Sunday will be our last one though before we get to start celebrating our actual marriage anniversary