How long would you wait for proposal?

futuremspita

We have been together for four years and lived together for 1 year.

So we went ring shopping thankgiving weekend. We picked out the prefect ring in the Diamond District.  It has been four months and he has yet to Pop the question.  He assures me it coming and that we will get engaged. But he wants me to be surprised.

But the anticipation is killing me.. How long do you think is too long?

Cackle6

Just be patient, otherwise you're gonna ruin it!  He wants to surprise you, so he's probably waiting longer so that you'll be more surprised when it happens. If it starts coming up on 9, 10 months then I would maybe say something, but I doubt he'll make you wait that long.

I'm actually glad that I don't know if my SO has a ring or not yet (he knows what I want so we don't have to go shopping together), because if I knew I would be in your situation and as much as I'm preaching patience, I would be dying of anticipation too! Although I am slightly jealous because I'm so ready to be engaged, heh. 

I'm sure it'll happen soon since he's reassuring you, so I would just say try to relax and let it be a surprise! Let us know how he does it when he finally does though. 

Elle1036

There are girls around here who waited about a year from obtaining the ring until the proposal.  Try to relax and let him do it on his own time.  I assure you that once it does happen, it won't feel like it took so long after all.

luvdncn90

When he's ready to propose he will. Stop worrying so much about when it will happen and just enjoy your relationship.

AudgiePodge

Forever. And ever. And ever.

AbigailMS

too long? I can assure you I will never think a proposal took too long. If you weren't ready would you want someone to be pressuring you? 

I'm not saying thats what your saying, and I'm not saying he's not ready. It just came off like you were gonna up and leave if he didn't pop the question within whatever timeline the ladies on this forum proposed. 

This is a really exciting time in your life, and one of the shortest. You've been dating for 4 years, you'll hopefully be married till forever. Enjoy this. You'll probably never be in this place in your relationship again.

DanieKA

Knowing he has the ring, I'd wait an awfully long time. Breath. It's going to happen. In the meantime, stop obsessing. I'm sure you've been uptight and expectant between Thanksgiving and now and have probably missed some pretty awesome times over-analyzing every moment you two have been together just waiting for a proposal. Don't miss out on the now.  

SKP82

If I were Patty from the Millionaire Matchmaker, I would say you need a ring on your finger in 6 months.  But that is "reality TV," not reality.

See my ticker?  That's how long I have been with my BF.  And we've lived together for a year and 8 months.  We have had the marriage discussion(s) and both know we want to marry each other.  Knowing that has put my mind at ease and allowed me to not obsess over "when am I going to get a ring???"

You know he has the ring.  If he has a ring, he's planning to propose.  I will steal this: some of the girls on here say that each time you mention the engagement, it will delay him another month.  So, lay off and enjoy your relationship.

And welcome?  Maybe you should tell us some about yourself.

ETA: Plus what Dani said. 

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-would-wait-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86369a7a-f414-4048-8d41-39715ce58d05Post:533225b0-e0c1-4d87-b186-1645f2a8abec">Re: How long would you wait for proposal?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were Patty from the Millionaire Matchmaker, I would say you need a ring on your finger in 6 months.  But that is "reality TV," not reality. See my ticker?  That's how long I have been with my BF.  And we've lived together for a year and 8 months.  We have had the marriage discussion(s) and both know we want to marry each other.  Knowing that has put my mind at ease and allowed me to not obsess over "when am I going to get a ring???" You know he has the ring.  <strong>If he has a ring, he's planning to propose.  </strong>I will steal this: some of the girls on here say that each time you mention the engagement, it will delay him another month.  So, lay off and enjoy your relationship. And welcome?  Maybe you should tell us some about yourself. ETA: Plus what Dani said. 
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. 

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Sparrow87

Enjoy the anticipation!  This kind of surprise may only happen once in a lifetime. 

SassyFlats

You wait as long as you are happy and fulfilled in your relationship and honestly feel that he's the guy for you, no matter what.

When you start tacking on time limits and conditions, you should probably leave.

I was with DH over 5 years before we got engaged. We shopped for rings for over a year. He popped the question within 24 hours of actually purchasing the ring. I have a friend whose husband had the ring in plain sight in their home for about a year before proposing. That whole twilight-zone time between "Okay, we should start looking at rings and talking about marriage" to "Will you marry me?" is really unique to each couple.

You wait as long as you're okay with waiting because forever doesn't begin when you get engaged or married. It's happening right now. Don't waste a minute pining for tomorrow, because not another day is guaranteed. Enjoy this, now, or move on to whatever will make you happy and meet your needs.

singing_lyn

Based off of my own personal experience... Until he's ready to propose.

I ruined a relationship with a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because of my inability to wait for him to be ready. I kept pressuring him and eventually he couldn't take it any more. I now know that it was for the better, but at the time it tore my heart out and in to a million pieces. Because of that relationship I've tried to acquire more patience, (which sometimes doesn't work, hence why I'm on the NEY board ) but I've learned also not to pressure my current SO, if I feel like venting I call up my sister or a friend so I'm not putting that pressure on him. I know that you're just excited for it to happen, same as most of us here , but let him do it in his time. Who knows maybe he's got a plan that you don't know about for how he's going to propose. My current SO says he has a date in mind, and I have no clue when that date might be, so I'm just enjoying our relationship as it is and trying to not think this is it every time we do something together. If anything I keep telling myself it's months away so I'll be suprised when it does actually happen.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-would-wait-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86369a7a-f414-4048-8d41-39715ce58d05Post:533225b0-e0c1-4d87-b186-1645f2a8abec">Re: How long would you wait for proposal?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If I were Patty from the Millionaire Matchmaker</strong>, I would say you need a ring on your finger in 6 months.  But that is "reality TV," not reality. See my ticker?  That's how long I have been with my BF.  And we've lived together for a year and 8 months.  We have had the marriage discussion(s) and both know we want to marry each other.  Knowing that has put my mind at ease and allowed me to not obsess over "when am I going to get a ring???" You know he has the ring.  If he has a ring, he's planning to propose.  I will steal this: some of the girls on here say that each time you mention the engagement, it will delay him another month.  So, lay off and enjoy your relationship. And welcome?  Maybe you should tell us some about yourself. ETA: Plus what Dani said. 
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

Oooohhh she makes me angry.  Am I the only one?

shipsinthenight

Have been with SO for almost a year and a half. We have talked around getting engaged and future life, but nothing concrete. I say you wait until you feel like your relationship is not moving forward. If you know he has a ring and a plan, just relax. Surprises can be awesome.

heyimbren

I'd wait longer than 4 months.

As PP have said, if he has a ring, then it must be serious. 4 months really isn't that long to wait for him to figure out this proposal and to find the right time for him.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-would-wait-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:86369a7a-f414-4048-8d41-39715ce58d05Post:fea6f4eb-8f84-4bb6-8a8f-4e1834a9c42a">Re: How long would you wait for proposal?</a>:
[QUOTE]You wait as long as you're okay with waiting because forever doesn't begin when you get engaged or married. It's happening right now. Don't waste a minute pining for tomorrow, because not another day is guaranteed. Enjoy this, now, or move on to whatever will make you happy and meet your needs.
Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Exactly this.</div><div>
</div><div>You are wasting life if you are so concerned with what will happen down the line that you can't enjoy the present moment. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Beads921

4 months is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I get that waiting can be tough, but pestering him isn't going to make it better. Just relax! 

Oh, and to answer your question, I'd wait a pretty fricken long time for a proposal myself. I want to be with BF either way, and I'd rather him be happy and comfortable with proposing than feel pressured into doing it.

Blue & White

I figure I'd wait a pretty long time, but I think knowing that he already had the ring would make it a more anxious period of time.

Just chill   It's pretty hard to do if you're constantly concentrating on the ring, though, so I'd recommend taking up some hobbies.  Especially cooking or crafting so then I can steal some ideas from you.

cu97tiger

futuremspita - I'm in almost the same boat you are. Been with BF for almost 3 years, looked at rings over T'giving weekend, and I'm pretty sure he has the ring now. He's also asked me last week how I wanted to be proposed to, and told me he has an idea he thinks he's going to go with. Andplusalso, he has started sending me lovey texts and looking into my eyes each day to tell me how much he loves me (he rarely did that before).

All that to say, he'll propose at some point. I've learned that the engagement is THE thing for the guy. My BF thinks he's got no say in the wedding (he's wrong), so the proposal is his thing. He wants it to be special and meaningful. If that means he takes an extra few days/weeks/months then I can suck it up and wait.

Congrats on finding the one... now tell us more about yourself!

kellylove22

Re: the Millionaire Matchmaker--that woman is #$%& crazy! I saw an interview with her on some morning talk show and she said that a guy should know if he wants to marry you by 6 months, and if he doesn't ask by then, then you need to give him an ultimatum (she used some catchy word she made up, but I can't remember it).

She's giving women all kinds of crazy ideas about what they should expect/demand from their partner. I guess I shouldn't care because it doesn't personally affect me, but MAN it's pretty annoying to hear generally intelligent (former law school classmates) refer to her books as their dating rules. Some of the rules sound ok (like ones about not putting out right away) but the reasoning for them either sounds off, or they're accompanying totally crazy rules (like, um, the one above). Who wants to be in a relationship where ultimatums of any kind are ok? I know I don't!

Edited to correct my terrible spelling.

ADTonk

I don't know which would put me on my toes more - knowing he has the ring and waiting for the proposal or not knowing if he has a ring or not.  I don't know whether my DBF has a ring or not (we've been together 6.5 years) and it kills me at times.  I understand how hard it is to just sit back and enjoy the time when all you're thinking is "ask me! ask me!". 

Like everyone else is saying.. just try to be patient.  Knowing that he has the ring tells me he wants to propose, but he also wants to make it special by catching you offguard.  If he knows you're on your toes, he might hold off longer. 

jemmini6

I would have waited forever.  I would have rather spent my life with FI just as his GF than to not be with him at all.  I know this isn't your situation since he already has a ring, but I think it's dumb for girls to pressure guys into marriage and do the whole "we get married or we break up" ultimatum.  If you love someone, you be with them...whether it's as a GF, FI, or wife.

That being said...he has the ring, that means he is going to propose eventually.  Just enjoy the present for the time being and relax.

Kimberly0402

My BF and I have been together for 3 years (today actually!) and we've already set a wedding date even though there hasn't been the official proposal. I was more antz when there wasn't anything going on, anything planned ect. Now that I know we are getting married next summer, I feel like it's less of an elephant in the room. It'll happen when it happens.....

thejessy

You are lucky he has the ring! My bf and I have briefly talked marriage and rings but because of our long distance situation I'll be lucky if a proposal comes in the next 2 years.