Not Engaged Yet

A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)

So here's the back story:

Went ring shopping in July.  I knew it'd be a while until bf was able to pay for the ring.  In the meantime I had my BSC moments, but found my center here. 

Bf said March was a good month to propose.  So I assumed it was our Cruise.  Then lately, he said we'll be engaged before the cruise, then it was February.  He was being a little secretive about vday, so I had a hunch that's when it would be.  Especially after he told me the ring was ready to be picked up vday, but I was trying really hard to be patient and not think about it.

Now for the story:

Yesterday started off BADLY.  BF was up most of the night.  He napped Sunday, and couldn't turn his brain off at night.  He sometimes struggles with nightmares from being in combat so I'm used to his sudden jolts awake.  It was really bad sunday night, so he said he was going for a drive to clear his head.  I was being insercure and thought he was starting to have second guesses about us, the house, the pending engagement.  So I was half awake while he went on his drive, but he came home and seemed better..  I was a little grumpy getting up after he snoozed for an hour and decided not to go into work on time.  We texted after a while, and he said he drove to the house lot on his drive.  He said he could see his kids, and our kids running up the hill, playing, and us raising a family there.  That he's never been so sure about the future in his life.  I about cried.

At work I was ok and not thinking about the secret plans my BF had hinted about or how mushie he was being.  Then my mother calls, asking if I saw BF's FB post.  My mom is retired and stalkes us via FB.  I told her I saw what he posted on my page, she said no on his.  I can't get FB at work, so no, I hadn't seen it.  She reads it to me... "Today is the day I show and tell someone how much they mean to me.  Happy Valentines Day".   Mom asked him if it's what she thinks it is, and he said soon mama, soon. 

From then on I tried to not focus on this... TRIED REALLY HARD.  I asked him if I should go home or can I hit the gym.  He said go to the gym then we'll go out.  When I get home, I see... my bf in PJs standing in the balcony window.  I think it was then that I knew this wasn't what I was expecting.

I get in and he said happy valentine's day.  Then told me my "big present" wasn't done but he had the card from last year I never got.  He told me he didn't give it to me because he was scared.  But now he's ready to "pull all his eggs in one basket" and couldn't wait for our future together.  So of course I cried. 

So then, I asked if we were going anywhere so I knew if I should get ready.  He said yea we have a few options.  I'm like huh?!  He forgot to make reservations and was just going to wing it.  I kind of got upset.  I knew my big present was the ring, but even if he didn't have it, we should still have plans.  I really didn't care IF we did anything on vday, but don't tell me you have something to do, and not have anything.  I felt like he didn't have plans for the proposal, so I was upset.

Finally he told me.  the plan was to get me out of work early, and we had reservations on a cruise in the inner harbor.  He cancelled them since there wasn't a ring.  Boy talk about feeling like a brat.  He was upset, and was trying to go get the ring and propose anyway.  I guess it was done, just not before the cruise would have taken off.  But I begged him to wait, and give it to me another day.  Yes, I talked him out of proposing last night.  I really didn't want to asked on vday... but he had a cute plan.

I didn't realize how excited I got thinking it was THE DAY until I realized how disappointed I got it wasn't.  He said it'll be this weekend.  He's not really going to try and hide the details since when he did they went to pot.  I feel bad, like I should do something nice for him tonight.

Anyway, so that's my vday story.  We are calling it our "almost engagement day"
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Re: A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)

  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'll be honest I got a little confused by so many little details in the story. But while it's too bad his plan didn't work out, the important thing is that you two are still working on your life together.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Awww, mana!  That's really cute and rather sad.  Hang in there, and I'm excited for the good news soon!!!

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    Anniversary

  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lesson-expectations-disappointment-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86ce0f33-8d65-4206-9085-c7de087a34b5Post:fa462962-3047-4dfa-a5e9-68d0a3f661ef">A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE] We texted after a while, and he said he drove to the house lot on his drive.  He said he could see his kids, and our kids running up the hill, playing, and us raising a family there. Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

    Jeez. I don't have children, but I think that is a beautiful thing to say to someone! You're very lucky, whether you got engaged when you thought or not :)
    White Knot
  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Bren - sorry I was confusing.  Basically, I had a hunch he was going to propose yesterday.  But the way the night went Sunday I had doubt.  Then he was being mushie and the FB status made me excited it was going to be last night.  Plans fell through, and we were both upset.

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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Calindi - thanks!  He's sweet for trying and I love him for that. 

    Alanna - it is a very sweet thing to say, it was very hard not to cry at my desk even now thinking about it.  I am very lucky to be his future wife and their future step mom. 
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  • edited December 2011

    Girl!! I was all hyped for an "I'm engaged!!" at the end of that post... but YAY it's coming!!  Tell your BF that he's stealing my engagement story!! LOL ;)  My BF was supposed to propose on an Inner Harbor cruise, remember!? LoL

  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    :-(  booo.  It's a cute story.
    I always say, Reality is what keeps life interesting. So, now, you have a real story to share for years to come.  He sounds like he was really trying.

    Alanna, your puppy is staring at me. It almost makes me want a dog.

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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I want that puppy. Gimmethatdog!


    Okay, back on track....Mana....

    It sounds like he was trying to be really sweet.  Just smile, bank it as a cute story for the kids and enjoy the anticipation of wating for "the right time".

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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Lyz - haha I wish it ended in I'M ENGAGED!  I mean it could have if I let him go get the ring, but yea... we were too upset to enjoy it at that point.  I didn't know the plan was a cruise in the inner harbor!!!  We could have been engagement story twins!  I just knew yours might have been in Baltimore.

    Wrkn - Ah I'm stealing thta quote about reality to make him feel better.  that brownies and some loving. 

    Actually, I'm feeling better and able to joke about it.  Last night just had too much emotions flying around. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lesson-expectations-disappointment-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86ce0f33-8d65-4206-9085-c7de087a34b5Post:9da03f15-51ff-42b9-bb46-c41aecd1f961">Re: A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lyz - haha I wish it ended in I'M ENGAGED!  I mean it could have if I let him go get the ring, but yea... we were too upset to enjoy it at that point.  I didn't know the plan was a cruise in the inner harbor!!!  We could have been engagement story twins!  I just knew yours might have been in Baltimore.
    Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

    After I had guessed that it would be in Baltimore and he spilled the beans that we were going to take a cruise around Inner Harbor!  aww, sad-face!! I wanna be engagement story twins!! lol
  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Mana, excuse my pity party here, and I'm going to tell you about my Vday.

    Thursday night, BF came home from a job in Columbus.  He had been texting me telling me he was sick, and I didn't think he was that sick.
    Well, he got home, wrapped up in a blanket and carrying a pillow the the hotel GAVE to him because they felt bad because he was so sick.
    We spent 3 hours in the ER, with them telling us he had some kind of respitory thing going on.  His temp was 102.

    They send him home, I spend the next two days doctoring him.  Saturday night, his temp gets to 101.7. I'm shoving him full of Tylenol and putting cold rags on him trying to cool him off.  Temp finally breaks early in the morning.  We spend all day Sunday in bed. (Besides going to look at a house, making an offer and getting countered back at asking price.)

    Yesterday, he still didn't leave the bed.  We had pizza and a movie.  No gift, no card.  (Excusable, he was out of town Mon-Thurs, barely left the bed Thurs-Mon.)

    We're good.  He's feeling better, but still staying home today.  No pity party needed, but I promise you, your Vday was good.  If I have to stay at home another night and sit it bed, I'll go insane.  He's the one sick, I have cabin fever.

    This sounds like I'm whining.  I'm not.  I'm just glad his brain didn't fry.
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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Lyz - haha!  bf spills the beans about everything.  I was surprised I didn't know the cruise idea.  Although, it crossed my mind when I heard it advertised on the radio.  I now know he's picking up the ring today, again he can't keep a secret.  That would be fun to be engagement story twins!  Oh well, now we can be original...

    Wrkn - Please do not think I was *footstomp* my vday sucked!  More I was trying not to let the idea of being proposed get to me, but it did.  Just so happened it was vday.  I'm not a big vday person.  I would have just made a nicer dinner for us like last year, if bf didn't tell me not to and he had something planned.  Sorry your BF was so sick.  Glad he is getting better. 
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lesson-expectations-disappointment-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86ce0f33-8d65-4206-9085-c7de087a34b5Post:94ebeb97-866f-4b0b-bbb6-7ea227edefcb">Re: A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wrkn - <strong>Please do not think I was *footstomp* my vday sucked</strong>!  More I was trying not to let the idea of being proposed get to me, but it did.  Just so happened it was vday.  I'm not a big vday person.  I would have just made a nicer dinner for us like last year, if bf didn't tell me not to and he had something planned.  Sorry your BF was so sick.  Glad he is getting better. 
    Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]


    You weren't.  I'm not sure exactly why I bitched about mine, you were being positive.


    Maybe I'm bitter.  I better have a healthy BF when I get home.  I'm a horrible nurse.
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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Wrkn - haha ok.  I was like oh man, I didn't mean to come off that way.  I didn't want to be the "he didn't propose so he doesn't love me" post we were expecting.  Just the, I let it get the best of me.  I bet you were a GREAT nurse.  BF actually finds out today if he has to have sinus cavity reconstruction surgery.  He asked for a cute nurse outfit for me if he does need it. 

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_lesson-expectations-disappointment-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:86ce0f33-8d65-4206-9085-c7de087a34b5Post:94ebeb97-866f-4b0b-bbb6-7ea227edefcb">Re: A lesson in expectations and disappointment (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Lyz - haha!  bf spills the beans about everything.  I was surprised I didn't know the cruise idea.  Although, it crossed my mind when I heard it advertised on the radio.  I now know he's picking up the ring today, again he can't keep a secret.  That would be fun to be engagement story twins!  Oh well, now we can be original...
    Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

    I'm still sitting here waiting for the second of my 2 packages I was supposed to get for V-day because BF can't keep his mouth shut about anything... everytime the doorbell rings i jump up thinking it's UPS/FEDEX whatever lol
  • mana8503mana8503 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Lyz - do you know what you're getting? 
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  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mana- That sounds like a pretty excellent vday. Even if it wasn't THE day, it was still a pretty romantical one to remember PLUS you get another awesome day to remember fairly soon :)
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