Not Engaged Yet

I don't know why this hurts, but it does! SUPER long.

Long background:
FI and I used to share a house with one of my best friends, S.

The house belonged to my brother, and he rented it to FI and I when he and his family had to move for his job and they didn't want to sell b/c of the way the market is.

I used to invite S to a lot of family gatherings b/c she didn't have family in town. We had so much in common. Kindred spirits in a lot of ways. I considered her family and told her so on many occasions. 

So, I fully trusted S to hold up her end of being a good roommate in my brother's house, and so my brother trusted her too. We did not require any kind of deposit, lease, etc. She was allowed to paint her room with the understanding she would do a good job and do any touch ups needed when she moved out.

Well, things did not go well.  Eventually, I told her that I wasn't sure our friendship could survive, and I wanted to still be friends, so we might want to talk about alternate living arrangements. I think she viewed that as a threat to kick her out. It wasn't meant that way at all. But it devolved into a shouting fight shortly after that.

I thought we resolved it, and though there were a couple other incidents, I thought we were still friends and would remain friends despite not being good roommates. 

The understanding at the time she moved in (and we had several other conversations about it) was that she would look for a new place once she finished school. 

So, she moved out a couple months after the shouting fight. My FI gave his day off and the use of his truck and muscles to help her move. 

I didn't hear from her when she was coming back to clean and stuff, so I left her a note asking her to do a couple things in common areas, like clean all her stuff out of the fridge, clean a couple shelves in the fridge, and mop the kitchen floor. I assumed she would clean her room and bathroom. I didn't ask her to do anything in the living room or office. I thought it was like moving out of any place you rent -- you clean up after you move out.

Well, she did a real half-assed cleaning job and left behind all kinds of crap. Actual trash as well as stuff she didn't want but was too lazy to throw away. She also did not do the painting she had promised to do from day one.

So, I tried contacting her by phone and email, explaining that I was upset about it, that I felt she had betrayed a trust and behaved in a thoroughly disrespectful way, and that I was really hurt and wanted to be friends, but needed an explanation for her behavior. I acknowledged that I am not perfect, so if I had done something, I would appreciate her telling me what and giving me a chance to make it right.

She never contacted me. 

I still don't know if she had decided the friendship was over previously or if she got pissed about me leaving her a to do list and then pissed about me confronting her or what.

Haven't spoken to her since before she moved out.

We stayed friends on facebook, which gave me hope that one day we could be actual friends again. I really miss her. We used to have SO much fun together. But I am still hurting over what happened.

Today she de-friended me on facebook.

It breaks my heart.
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Re: I don't know why this hurts, but it does! SUPER long.

  • edited December 2011
    Ugh, this is rough. It's always difficult after a big falling out like this, especially when you lived together.

    Hopefully, the two of you just need some time & space. Give her a few weeks to cool off, and then see if you can get in touch with her.

    I know how hard this is, hang in there. :-(


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  • edited December 2011
    Oh I'm sorry, Desert, that sucks.  I recently went through a painful friend breakup myself and it hurts, but in the end I know that is someone truly wanted to be my friend they wouldn't disrespect me.  Hugs
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, Desert. Of course you feel hurt--you don't need to wonder why. Anyone would in that situation.

    ::hugs::
  • edited December 2011
    Being de-friended always hurts my feelings much more than I want to let on.  It's such not a big deal that you wonder why the person would feel so strongly about not wanting to see you that they would do something like that.

    I was really hoping this post would be about an ingrown hair, to be honest.

    I'm sorry this is happening. :( Hopefully it will all work out for the better.  Friendships grow apart and it sucks, but after a while it gets better. 

    You have less than 3 weeks before you marry the love of your life! Don't let this get you down, friend!
    Anniversary
  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's been over a year since she moved out and this all went down, so I've given her plenty of time and space.

    It just sucks not to know exactly what I did. Obviously it has something to do with the house stuff, but I don't think I ever did anything so terrible to warrant just cutting me out of her life like I never mattered.

    I'm trying not to let it get me down. I was just thinking today about how I've been so happy during my engagement. Even with the stress of planning, I've still managed to enjoy this time so much.

    It's just a shock to have this happen now.

    Thanks for understanding, guys. It helps. 
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  • edited December 2011
    My apologies, when I read it I thought it happened recently.

    Either way, it sucks & I'm sorry you're feeling crappy :-(

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  • bajedivabajediva member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through this. A couple months ago, a friend of mine 'broke up' with me, and as frustrated as I had become with some aspects of our friendship by that point, it hurt. I was still making an effort to restore our friendship, or at least, part on some kind of respectable terms. I thought that my openness to be honest about how I felt would show that. Instead, she 'screamed' at me on Facebook, said some hurtful things, and said in no uncertain terms that I was never to contact her again.

    In some ways, I now feel as though she did me a favour. If you're not even willing to meet me half way, then why not just go and save me the trouble. But. It still hurts. *hugs*
  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dont-this-hurts-but-super-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:883555e1-a677-459e-8e59-eddc319a006cPost:47983f5d-788a-4d74-a585-fa8ed63d28d3">Re: I don't know why this hurts, but it does! SUPER long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh I'm sorry, Desert, that sucks.  I recently went through a painful friend breakup myself and it hurts, but in the end <strong>I know that is someone truly wanted to be my friend they wouldn't disrespect me.</strong>  Hugs
    Posted by notquiteblushing[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know, I totally agree with this in theory.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm still very hurt.</div><div>
    </div><div>But I MISS her. We always thought the same things were funny and we liked the same things and we just GOT each other, you know?</div><div>
    </div><div>It's hard to lose a friend like that. I would never in a million years have expected her to act this way, so I almost am like, Well it must be something I did. I almost doubt my own sense that I've been treated in a way that's not acceptable. Does that even make sense?</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    *hugs* Yes, you make sense.

    Going from friendship to roommates always seems to end up with unexpected consequences. I'm so sorry. Have a good cry if you need to, hon. It's okay.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    So I sent her a message on fb, basically saying I'm sorry (for whatever I did?) and I miss you and I hope we can be friends again down the road.

    She responded, and here are the good parts:
    [...]You were controlling, passive aggresive, and toward the end insulting toward me. Maybe you didn't realize these things maybe you did. I'm not angry with you anymore and I truly wish you the best. Perhaps one day in the future we can be friends again but truthfully I think a lot of growing up needs to be done, probably on both of our parts. 
    I want you to realize that I did not say these things to hurt or offend you. I truly belive them...
    At one point you were a very good friend to me. I guess that's why it hurt so much when you changed. 

    Thoughts?
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  • edited December 2011
    Desert, it sounds like you lived with my ex roommate.

    She was one of my best friends, and then one day just snapped.  I sent her a text asking if BF's friend from OCS could sleep on the couch, and she responded, "You're going to do what you want to do anyway".  Um, then why am I ASKING?  And it just dissolved from there... she ended up moving in a 3rd roommate without permission, making my life so miserable that I had to move out for the last 2 weeks of our lease (even though I was the one who was staying). It ended with her moving out a day after our lease was up, and knocking a hole in my door.  We're no longer friends, and she sent me this huge long email telling me I was a useless person and my BF deserved better, and that my parents didn't raise me right, etc.

    Needless to say, I feel you.  Roommates can be extremely difficult, and when they're friends they have the chance to hurt you.  Think back on things and acknowledge to yourself where you could have been more direct, or handled things a bit better, and learn from it.  Then move on.  People who feel the need to write passive aggressive and nasty things on Facebook just aren't worth your time.  Sadly, if she's writing that to you, it's very likely she's complaining about you to others.

    Just be the bigger person, and learn from the experience.  *Hugs*!  If you need a shoulder to cry on, let me know.  Trust me, I've been there!
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh Desert! *hugs* I'm so sorry hun.

    I don't know what the rest of the message contained so I can only comment on what you've put out here but it really seems like she feels something happened in the relationship and she can't move past it.  I know it hurts but give her the space and see what happens.  

    Losing a close friend like that is always hard but sometimes there's nothing you can do about it but give them time and space.  She may come to her senses, she may not, but in the end she's the one losing out on a wonderful friendship.
    .
    I'm sorry you're going thru this, hun

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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry that you are going through this desert, I've gone through something similar with a friend. She and I were both going through a lot of things at the time. I realized later that she doesn't necessarily deal well with life stress sometimes. This friendship fell apart over her taking it personally that I was second guessing the paint colour I had chosen for *my* apartment. We stopped talking for over a year because I couldn't handle her drama. We have recently started talking and hanging out again, but I will never forget how unreasonable she was during that time and I continue to be careful when I'm around her.
     
    I know your situation is completely different, but I do understand missing a friend and deep down hoping there would be some reconciliation. That being said, I'm going through that reconciliation now and it doesn't always mean that the friendship is the same as it was before.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry!  I know exactly what that's like.  I transferred colleges at the same time as a friend of mine from high school, and we ended up at the same college.  So, we got an apartment together.  Well, she was hell to live with...completely neurotic, would freak out if you left one fork in the sink.  Then when I started dating BF, she flipped out.  (It's not like I was ignoring her to be with him or anything.)  She said that she liked him & thought he was a great guy, but wasn't comfortable having him stay overnight at the apartment because she "didn't believe in it".  (Interestingly, this same girl lost it to a guy whose name she didn't know at a frat party.)  Also important to note, we each had separate bedrooms that were on opposite ends of the apartment.  Well, BF did stay some weekend nights and she got all upset about it.  It got to the point that I was uncomfortable being home, so after that semester, I moved out.

    She then got all dramatic and starting talking sh!t to everyone we mutually knew and then de-friended me on FB.  I agree with PP, that unfriending someone of FB is just a dramatic statement of "we're no longer friends".  FB is not a big deal, so to do it is just mean and rude.

    So, I feel for you.  As for her comment, just sounds like she wasn't worth it honestly.  A really good friend accepts an apology, realizes that no one is perfect, takes into account the circumstances you were going through, and does not judge.  I'd take this as a blessing in disguise.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dont-this-hurts-but-super-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:883555e1-a677-459e-8e59-eddc319a006cPost:bb070537-bf4b-45e5-a039-d4e34d97c16f">Re: I don't know why this hurts, but it does! SUPER long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I sent her a message on fb, basically saying I'm sorry (for whatever I did?) and I miss you and I hope we can be friends again down the road. She responded, and here are the good parts: [...]You were controlling, passive aggresive, and toward the end insulting toward me. Maybe you didn't realize these things maybe you did. I'm not angry with you anymore and I truly wish you the best. Perhaps one day in the future we can be friends again but truthfully I think a lot of growing up needs to be done, probably on both of our parts.  I want you to realize that I did not say these things to hurt or offend you. I truly belive them... At one point you were a very good friend to me. I guess that's why it hurt so much when you changed.  Thoughts?
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    Biitch.

    Seriously, it's been a year and now she's going to defriend you even though she isn't angry anymore.  Even if you were all those things she mentioned, why didn't she tell you about it then and deal with it?  Who's passive agressive now?

    I'm so sorry Desert. Maybe she's jealous you're getting married?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dont-this-hurts-but-super-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:883555e1-a677-459e-8e59-eddc319a006cPost:bd6f2a51-b8e9-4ce6-a3f8-13be9632bc63">Re: I don't know why this hurts, but it does! SUPER long.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You have less than 3 weeks before you marry the love of your life! Don't let this get you down, friend!
    Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

    YAYYY!!! Three weeks!!!

    Listen, sometimes these things are not what they seem.  In the case of my crazy roommate from heII, she and I both wanted to lose weight.  I lost 10 pounds, she gained 15.  She wanted to get out of debt so she could get a car, I was given a car as a belated graduation present (and I never had any debt).  She wanted her friends to visit, but they never did.  I always had people coming from all around the country (and the world) visiting.

    The breaking point was she was trying to get her boyfriend to propose (leaving magazine pages of rings around, trying to find excuses to go to the mall so she could drag him into the jewelry stores, etc.) and my BF was going off to Officer Candidate School (i.e. no communication for 2 months except handwritten letters), so she expected my relationship to fall apart.   They started having problems, probably as a result of the push for a ring, and my BF and I started talking marriage.

    It was 2 days after BF told me that he had told his platoonmates that I was the woman he would marry (and I told her, as we were close friends) that the roommate first went nuts.  Something tells me it wasn't a coincidence... and it might not be in your case either.  Your impending wedding might have gotten under her skin for whatever reason, and your happiness made her want to lash out at you when you should be at your happiest.

    If she even had a shred of decency, she would not have done such a passive aggressive thing as de-friend you and then tell you she's not mad anymore but that she thinks you need to grow up.  You deserve way better than that.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ETA: I'm sorry the font is so tiny. WTF, knot, WTF??

    Hazel, good call. Things could never be the same again.
    NQB, thanks. It's good to know the bitchiness of that fb message wasn't all in my biased perception. :) I think there might be something to your suggestion. I don't want to sound conceited, but I do think she is jealous of me in many ways. I don't think it is coincidental that she is de-friending me two weeks before my wedding.

    Cate, I've spent a lot of time in the last 12 hours doing exactly what you suggested: looking back and trying to figure out if I can see from her perspective why she would think I was controlling, passive aggressive, and insulting. What I might have done that would fit those descriptions.

    I am usually very honest with myself and willing to acknowledge my mistakes. I think that's an important part of having functional relationships.

    And honestly, I think she's full of crap.

    I think she chooses to see herself as the victim and is using that to avoid taking responsibility for her own poor behavior. 

    I truly believe that there are some underlying emotional problems, and until she can get herself figured out, there is absolutely nothing more I can do.

    It's very sad, but it is what it is, and I finally feel like I understand what happened, and I think that will enable me to let go.

    It's tempting to write something bitchy back. But I think I'll settle for "It's good to finally hear your perspective. I respectfully disagree with you, but I agree that it's long past now and there's really no point re-hashing. Thanks for the response. 
    Best, D."
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry this is happening now. My best piece of advice is not to write back at all - it will only encourage her to respond so that you will "agree" that she's right.  I ended up having to block the ex-roommate so that I wouldn't even see her hurtful messages so I wouldn't want to respond.

    I always ask myself - what will it solve?  What will it fix to say something?  Will I accomplish anything?

    If not, it's usually best not to.  These people feed off of drama.

    There's always two sides to every story - it sounds like she's blown hers way out of perspective, and handled it completely the wrong way.  I'm sure there are moments here or there that we could all act differently, but at the root of it is there anything you could have done to prevent this?  Nope, except not live with her in the first place.

    In my case, I learned that I needed to stand up for myself a little bit.  She had walked all over me, and I had bent over backwards trying to make her happy when she wasn't giving me the same respect.  She stole my vaccum cleaner when she moved out, and I didn't even say anything because I knew she wasn't going to give it back and I had no way to prove it was mine.  Even though I don't have a single carpet nor any place to keep the vaccum at my new house, it still pisses me off that I didn't stand up for myself.
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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Cate on this one. I saw this happen between a friend of mine and her best friend from childhood. They had a faling out, she was missing her and wrote her to tell her that (smiliar to you), the friend wrote back in a similar way to the FB message you received. And, then my friend did what you are proposing, reaffirm her position in an adult manner and try to keep things on a good note. The other person wrote back in such a vicious way that I've never seen my friend so hurt.

    Desert just be careful because she could really turn on you.
  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Okay, sounds like silence is the best response. 

    Thanks, guys.
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  • edited December 2011
    Desert, I'm sorry that she laid this on you now.  Silence is definitely your best option.  It sounds like she has interpreted the situation in a particular way and is in no mood to hear otherwise.  You cannot reason or talk to someone when they are in that frame of mind. 

    (hugs)  As much as it may seem to suck, it sounds like you are better off with her out of your life for now. 

    And I am with NQB, her message just screams bitchy.
  • edited December 2011
    I think that her saying that she isn't mad is crap especially after a year of keeping you as a fb friend despite actually being upset then.  Eff her and her lies!

    It can be hard not to say anything, but its for the best for sure.  Just try to let it roll off your shoulders, be the bigger person and don't let that biitch cause you any stress! 


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  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011
    I <3 you guys.  :)
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And we <3 YOU Desert! I didn't post earlier, but I read and I agreed.
  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, Kat. :) 

    ::hugs::
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry! This sucks. About two years ago, I started distancing myself from my close friend. She and I just didn't have much in common anymore and she always made me feel very guilty for spending time with my bf. She always wanted me to drop everything to hang out with her at the last second. There were many other little things as well and I was just ready to pull back and hang out with her occasionally but not all the time.

    Last year she called me about 3 different times in a weeks time wanting me to go right then out with her. I happened to be very busy that week and wasn't able to go. She got mad and defriended me on facebook. It hurt me a lot. It shouldn't have because it's just facebook but it kind of told me that she just didn't care to even talk to me anymore.

    Of course, since I started pulling away, she started dating my cousin and they're getting married next week. Things are really awkward between us.

    It sucks to have to deal with this and I'm really sorry that you are.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Oh, KD, that sucks! I can't imagine having to deal with my ex-friend marrying into my family. It would be a really difficult situation. Hope you manage okay!

    It helps to know so many people have been through similar situations. Though of course I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks. It definitely makes things more difficult. We're all adults, it's sad how something as silly as facebook can affect us but it really does. It's never fun to lose a friend but it hurts when they act immaturely about it.
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