Not Engaged Yet
Options

Advice Needed!

I used to write on this board a while back, but I've become a bit more of a lurker I suppose... 

Anyways... Here's the issue:

I was at the laundry mat on Friday (our washing machine broke).  This dude comes up to me and asks "do you speak spanish?"  I responded with "no, why?" He said, "You look like you speak spanish."  I said "okay..." and left the laundry mat because I was weirded out.  I go back to get my laundry and he starts talking to me and wont stop.  He then gives me his business card and I tried to give it back but he said "no, you keep it".  Then he asked for my phone number and I gave him a fake one... But he takes out his phone and calls it to make sure it's 'real' he said.  Then he asked what my real number is.  I was really scared by this moment, and I gave it to him so he'd let me leave because I knew he'd call it to check to make sure it showed up on my phone to make sure it's read. Worst decision I could have made.  I finally left there, but now he keeps calling me. Like 5 times a day. He knows I have a fiance becaus I kept mentioning him during our conversation at the laundry mat (although I don't know if he understands what that means)...  IT's hard to understand him because he speaks spanish and his Engish is pretty hard to understand for me.  He said he wants to talk to me on his messages and to call him back.  This morning he's already called twice and one of the messages he left said, "I want to meet up. Call me back so we can find a time to meet up.  I have a present to give you."

Creepy.

So now here's my question:

Should I call him back and tell him I'm really really not interested?

Do I just ignore his calls?

What do you ladies think?
When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
image
«1

Re: Advice Needed!

  • Options
    CASK85CASK85 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd change my phone number and find a new laundromat. That is so creepy!  Don't call him -- it doesn't seem like he's the type to take no for an answer, so you'd probably just end up encouraging him by calling. 

    Any of you lawyer people -- can she report him for harassment? 
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    cs: Yeah, I suppose you're right. That could easily just flame the fire. I sort of doubt he would take no for an answer.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    lnvane00lnvane00 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OMG!! So creepy! Definitely dont go anywhere near that laundromat again. And change your number asap!
    March Siggy: Our Furbabies Thunder and Tinkerbelle photo 576844_10151220437472389_274194501_n.jpg PhotobucketPhotobucket
    He put a ring on it!!! 12-12-10! Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    For Sale Bio
  • Options
    loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dude this so helps confirm why I find laundromats so stinking creepy. I always thought I had an irrational fear of those places. Check on your phone and with your phone company to see if you can block the number. I know that some phones/ companies can do that. If you have a smart phone, some of them you can program to send specific numbers right to your voicemail. Good luck!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should have flat out told him you don't want him to have your number but I would have done the same thing you did in this situation so I'm not really one to talk.
    Tell him that you would not like to speak to him anymore and do not want to meet up. I know it's tough to be blunt but you're going to have to be if you want this to stop.
    Next, I'd call your phone company and ask them what you should do. See if there is any way to block the number without changing your number.
    If he threatens you, go straight to the police.

    Hope this helps.
  • Options
    desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    For your own safety and protection, I would consider a restraining order. Here's some info applicable in your state:

    I'm not a lawyer and am not qualified to give legal advice, but I do think this is something you might want to look into.

    I would also just send the person a text to say "I do not want to speak with you. Please stop contacting me."

    But please really consider reporting this to your police. The world is full of crazy people, and heaven forbid something happen to you, but if it did, there would be a record of this harassment for law enforcement to go back to.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • Options
    msgraphicsmsgraphics member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't change your number, at least i wouldn't… too much hassle from me.  Stay away from the laundromat and the next time he calls let your fiance answer the phone and threaten him with legal action.  It will blow over.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Technically you cant get him for harassment unless you tell him to stop calling.

    I would just ignore him. He will go away. I hope your name isn't on your voice mail (last name) so he can't find out where you live. I also hope you didn't tell him where you live. He will go away, I promise. Don't go back to there. Heck go some where really far away. See if you can pay (or cook them a nice dinner) mom/brother/sister/friend to do some laundry at their place.

    And I remember you. I guess I lurked when you posted.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    I keep thinking it will blow over, but I haven't answered the phone yet, and he KEEPS calling multiple times everyday. Unless I do SOMETHING, I'm thinking he wont just quit calling. 

    I might look into this restraining order thing and am goign to call the phone company today and see if his calls can go straight to voicemail.

    Thanks!
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    motoLynmotoLyn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:893426f4-30d8-4088-b77d-49b07b3dccc4Post:57111b0c-9f6e-4963-9670-d14723c67402">Re: Advice Needed!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't change your number, at least i wouldn't… too much hassle from me.  Stay away from the laundromat and the next time he calls let your fiance answer the phone and threaten him with legal action.  It will blow over.
    Posted by msgraphics[/QUOTE]

    I go with this suggestion, let your FI tell him that both he and you do not want him to contact you every again.  That you will report him to the police and stay the hell away from that Laundromat.  I know its hard but you need to learn how to be firm with "No I do not wish to give my number out".  Good luck I hope you can shake this creep off your tail.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    motolyn: normally I would be a little firmer, but this dude actually was scary, so I was just so creeped out that I just caved and gave him it so I could get out of that laundrymat.
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    edited December 2011

    As PP's have said... Don't go back to that laundromat. Also, I would have FI answer the phone the next time he calls. Don't physically threaten him. Just let FI answer the phone and see what he says... Maybe the presence of a male voice answering your phone will be enough for him to stop calling you.

    Good luck and be safe!

  • Options
    edited December 2011
    "I have a present to give you"??? Eeew.

    I would try blocking the number first. I also agree with PPs that if he persists, have your FI answer and threaten legal action.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • Options
    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've had stalkers before... not recently, but it's definitely scary!  All those Lifetime movies start popping up in your head.  You deserve to feel safe.

    Don't answer - if anything, have your FI answer and tell him to stop calling you, threaten to go to the police.  If he keeps calling after that, do go to the police and get a restraining order.  If he shows up at your house or any place where you are (other than the laundry mat - avoid that laundry mat now), then make sure you immediately get somewhere safe with other people and call the police to file harassment and stalking charges.

    Call your phone company and have them block the number.  However, he's likely to call from other phones if he's persistent.  Screen all your calls - if you don't know who it is from, don't answer.

    And if you want to say something to him in Spanish, try, "No quiero hablar contigo.  Si me llamas otro vez, voy a llamar a la policia. Me entiendes, cabron?"  (sounds like: "no key-arrow ah-blar cone tea-go.  See may yah-mas oh-tro vess, boy a yah-mar a la pole-ee-sea-ah.  may en-tea-en-days, cah-bron?" - it means "I don't want to talk to you.  If you call me again, I'll call the police. Do you understand me, asshole?")

    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    edited December 2011
    hahaha, Calindi, thanks for the perfect response in spanish! 
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Cate FTW!

    Good luck. I really hope you can get this guy to leave you alone without things getting to out of hand.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Options
    CASK85CASK85 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Haha, Cate, that translation is awesome! 
  • Options
    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's one I've used before myself.  Along with a few other choice words... being a blue-eyed blonde-ish girl hanging out in Latin America (or just Miami, which is essentially Cuba), I get a few catcalls.  When I turn around and let them have a earful in their native language, it gets a bit of a shocked response. 

    When they're being crude, the best response is usually a sarcastic, "Besas a tu madre con esa boca?"  (aka "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?").

    In college, I had a guy I dated briefly that couldn't get over the fact that I broke up with him.  A little different than a total stranger, obviously, but creepy none the less.  He'd show up outside my apartment, follow my roommates to see if they were meeting up with me, call dozens of times from different numbers, had his friends call me.  I couldn't take it anymore - I was about to go to the cops (and I should have, in retrospect, but I felt bad since I had broken his heart).  One time he called, and my friend picked up because he could see how it was upsetting me.  He said (in a very creepy, Christian Slater from "The Heathers" voice), "Stop calling her.  You call her again, I'll find you, I'll cut your balls off, and shove them down your throat.  Do you understand me?!"  And he never called again!



    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    #1 you should not have given him your numer
    #2 tell him firmly to stop calling
    #3 call your phone company and block his number
    #4 if the harassment continues call the police.


    "Popular on the internetz..."
    image

    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • Options
    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto all PPs advice. Also, do you know about the rejection hotline? Just google it, and you'll find a whole list of numbers--you can pick whichever one you want that has a nearby area code--and when the person calls, they'll hear a pre-recorded rejection spiel that is harsh and pretty funny. It even has an option for Spanish. :)
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Ok, well here is my take on this.

    You really should not have given him your number.  You can't get a RO or get him arrested for harassment if you've never told him that you don't want to talk to him and to stop calling you.

    So, you need to do this.  The next time he calls, answer when your FI is present.  Tell him to stop calling you and you do not want to speak to him.  You need to do this yourself, otherwise he could argue that he had reasonable belief that you still wanted to talk to him and you just had a crazy jealous FI.  If he threatens you, call the police.  You may be able to get a RO if there's a threat.  If he continues to call you, you can call the police and tell them he's harassing you.

    You can't get a restraining order unless he 1) threatens you 2) physically attacks you 3) harasses you.  If you try to get a RO under #3, you're going to need police documentation of this.

    Good luck!


  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Rejection Line New York - 212-479-7990
  • Options
    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:893426f4-30d8-4088-b77d-49b07b3dccc4Post:17bd4113-0ea4-403b-b30f-a77102670d8c">Re: Advice Needed!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Rejection Line New York - 212-479-7990
    Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

    Just a tip--if you're doing this in NYC, go with a 646 or 917, as almost no one has a 212 area code for a cell phone. More believeable that way. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • Options
    LizzyTish88LizzyTish88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I was going to also suggest the rejection line, but she said that he was standing there calling the number to make sure it was correct. If he was standing there and called it, he could have gotten mad/violent right there.
    friends tv show funy
  • Options
    marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:893426f4-30d8-4088-b77d-49b07b3dccc4Post:76773400-c593-4354-a560-ad4b0d4e39a1">Re: Advice Needed!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was going to also suggest the rejection line, but she said that he was standing there calling the number to make sure it was correct. If he was standing there and called it, he could have gotten mad/violent right there.
    Posted by cdechristopher[/QUOTE]


    Thought of that, but thought I'd post that for future reference, I guess. It's possible he'd just get embarrassed, too. I guess in retrospect, you could always give a fake number and say your phone is on silent. Hm. OP, maybe instead of "fiance" you should have said "husband." Ooh, or maybe "my husband the cop!"

    One time I fended off a creeper by asking for *his* number instead and typing it in, pretending to save it "ok, got it!" Smiled and if he'd asked me to call him after that, would have said I was out of minutes or battery or something and promised to call later, then got the crap out of there.

    These situations are so creepy and weird. I know when I've found myself in situations like this, it's been hard not to give out a number or answer a question. The dude is acting inappropriately, but I'm wired to be polite even when the other person is not. It's hard to find the right response to behavior you're not used to! Especially since each situation throws a curveball at you, like the dude calling you on the spot to see if the number is real. ICK.
  • Options
    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:893426f4-30d8-4088-b77d-49b07b3dccc4Post:9026a1ce-b3a7-467b-a793-bb0e50467d33">Re: Advice Needed!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, well here is my take on this. You really should not have given him your number.  You can't get a RO or get him arrested for harassment if you've never told him that you don't want to talk to him and to stop calling you. So, you need to do this.  The next time he calls, answer when your FI is present.  Tell him to stop calling you and you do not want to speak to him.  You need to do this yourself, otherwise he could argue that he had reasonable belief that you still wanted to talk to him and you just had a crazy jealous FI.  If he threatens you, call the police.  You may be able to get a RO if there's a threat.  If he continues to call you, you can call the police and tell them he's harassing you. You can't get a restraining order unless he 1) threatens you 2) physically attacks you 3) harasses you.  If you try to get a RO under #3, you're going to need police documentation of this. Good luck!
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    This is perfect advice. If you're serious about looking into an RO (if it comes to that) then start a journal documenting any contact. i.e. the day he asked for your number, the days he phones/leaves voicemails and how many times. You can try ignoring it for a bit, but if he keeps bothering you, <strong>you</strong> need to tell him not to contact you. Otherwise, if it did go to court he could argue that you never told him that. It's just easier to use as proof later on.

    If he keeps contacting you after you tell him not to, then contact the police and tell them about it. It would probably have to happen a few times before you could successfully get an RO. The key is to make sure that you are firm and clear, and you document these things. Most of the time, you don't even need to go to the police and the guy will normally back off if you make it very clear.

    Also, Paige's advice is a nice little step by step. And I know you know this already, but you shouldn't have given him your number because that could bite you back later on.
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I've learned my lessen with this for sure. Next time I will be making up something else and will not be giving out my number to some stranger! (no matter how creeped out I am)
    When you love someone, you can tell. When you're in love with someone, everyone else can tell.
    image
  • Options
    edited December 2011
    Good luck sweetie! Everyone has had good advice and I love Cate's message for him! As others have said, please do not go back to that laundromat and if you do see him somewhere else, please get somewhere with a lot of people and stay safe!

    Good luck and keep us posted!
    ♥ Couldn't Ask For More... Wouldn't Settle For Less ♥ Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    callalily13callalily13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok I might get some upset comments by the other knotters for this, but I actually disagree with some of their posts. I am doing my PhD in psychology and this sounds quite a bit like a guy with a narcisistic complex. My fiance is half hispanic and so I have known quite a large number of Latin/Hispanic men. The typical stereotype of the machismo man is quite prevalent in their culture (they are the man and women will take care of them and always want them), which is just exacerbated by his pushy nature.

    I would recommend answering ONCE and telling him that you arent interested and that you do not feel the same way he does (if he is stalkerish and falsely believes that you do care about him---this might be very bad, but it is not definitive). Any impediment to a stalker/narcisist (your fiance, restraining order) makes him feel like people are trying to keep you apart and no matter how much you tell them you arent interested the more they will believe that someone is forcing you to say that and they might become violent (worse case scenario). I wouldnt have your fiance talk to him because if he is that type then it will just make him feel that your fiance is forcing you to not be with him and it will piss him off.

    I would recommend that you answer and tell him you dont want to be with him. if he keeps calling, then either change your number or block your phone and dont go to that laundromat again.

    Good luck
    Visit The Knot Photobucket Photobucket
    <a href="http://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Wedding Planning"><img src="http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt1ce9f8.aspx" alt="Wedding Countdown Ticker" border="0"/></a>


  • Options
    leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear this, bourgehm! That sounds very scary.

    My advice is right in line with what most people are saying. Answer once, tell him very firmly, "Stop calling me" and hang up. After that, contact your service provider to see if they can block the number. If you still feel threatened after that, contact the police.

    I wish you the best!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards