Are we crazy??

SoontoBeeMrsLee

My boyfriend and I are sophomores in college. We have been together for a year, and we are planning on getting married a year after we graduate college (depending on job placement etc).

 My current boyfriend Alex, was my best friend in my first year of college. I had gone to college with a boyfriend at home. My boyfriend at home's sports games and practices limited the time I could talk to him. It seemed that he had no time for me anymore. Alex was always there for me when I was upset that I hadn't spoken to my boyfriend in weeks and always made sure I was okay. 

During finals time I came down with Mono and my boyfriend (who lived 15 minutes away) refused to see me. Alex (who lives 60 miles away) drove through a snow storm to see me. He didn't mind running the risk of catching mono to be around me.

A week after Christmas I had to be in my Uncle's wedding, my boyfriend had a hockey practice and told me he couldn't attend. Alex threw everything aside to go with me. 

Eventually I realized things were going downhill with my boyfriend and Alex (being the gentleman he is) told me to try to fix things (even though my roommate knew for a fact he really was interested in me). I told him to go find a different girl because he deserved someone special. We ended up together a few months later, and he ended up letting it slip that he took my advice and looked for a new girl.

His best friend ended up telling me that Alex told him no matter how much he looked he would compare each one with me, and noone seemed to interest him because he wanted me.  I asked Alex if that was true one night and he got all red and embarassed and couldn't look at me.

He takes care of me when I'm sick, does things he really would rather not for me, and I do the same for him.

He refuses to yell at me, and will walk away for 5 minutes, then come back and calmly talk things out with me. It's something I'd never experienced with a boyfriend before. We get into arguments, as any couple will, but we have a healthy loving relationship.

There's so much more to him, I could probably write a novel. But after getting
way off track, my question is...

Is it completely crazy for two people who have only known each other for about a year and 1/2 in college to have this feeling that there's no one else for them and they eventually would like to get married?

PaigeMcC

Maybe.

I can't tell you that you're crazy for what you feel.  There is no control over feelings.  I would urge you to slow down and enjoy your relationship.  You seem to know that you have a wonderful man on your hands and you seem to know that you should wait until you're out of college - these are all good things.  I don't think you're crazy.  I think you're young and in love.  Those are two wonderful things.  So don't rush and just enjoy it.

bethsmiles

I met my BF my Freshman year of college. We started dating a month after we met and not even a year into it we were talking about getting married. I don't think its crazy at all that you both have these feelings. But waiting is a really good idea. My BF and are going to wait until we are both done with our undergrads. By the time we get married we will have been dating for around 4 years.

You and your BF are only sophomores so waiting till you are done with school gives you another 2 years to decide if you really want to get married (not saying you don't! but it gives you time to be sure). Just make sure you focus on the right now in your relationship not the future/after graduation/a wedding. The time you have with him right now is important and you should be focused on your relationship as it is.

SoontoBeeMrsLee

We're not really planning anything because we have so much going on, we already decided that we weren't going to read too much into it because the jobs we want when we get out of school are in two completely different markets, and we want to have our fianances under control. We want to have some time to establish ourselves and set a good foundation. The very earliest we would be getting married would be 2014 (a year after we graduate we'd both be around 23), but again, we're not setting anything in stone just yet.

Thanks so much for the feedback!

AudgiePodge

Why do you feel the need to be judged?

No, I don't think what you feel is weird.

I don't know you whether to judge if you are crazy or not.

SoontoBeeMrsLee

I've had friends who got married at young-ish age, and got highly criticized for their decisions. I've only been to weddings of older adults and people getting married for the second time, so I didn't really know.

PaigeMcC

You sound like a reasonable person.  I think you're very smart to wait.  No need to think you're crazy.  It's coo'

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:49d32214-7e7c-406e-a22e-7474970aaa8e">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had friends who got married at young-ish age, and got highly criticized for their decisions. I've only been to weddings of older adults and people getting married for the second time, so I didn't really know.
Posted by catherine+alex[/QUOTE]

Age is just a number. I have a lot of friends who have gotten married young (21 and under) some of them I have no doubt that they will still be together 50 years from now and others I'm not so sure. But it doesn't matter what other people think. My BF and I will probably be 21/22 when we get married and I really don't give a damn if people choose to criticize us.

calindi

It's great that you've found someone who is good for you and makes you happy.  It's good that you've learned from previous relationships what you are truly looking for in a partner.

But don't rush!  College is fun, dating is really fun.  Talking about the idea of getting married someday is great, but don't think too much in the future that you're not enjoying today.  It can either put stress on an otherwise great relationship, or blind you to problems because you're too focused on the goal of getting married to see what's going on day to day.

I say this because I had a serious boyfriend in college.  I was head over heels for him, and we talked about moving in together after college for a year and then getting married.  I knew he was "the one", so I just put all my attention and energy on him.  Turns out, we really weren't right for each other at all, but I was blind to the important differences (like our life goals weren't compatible - he wanted to settle in his hometown, I wanted to travel the world).  Point is, if I had just enjoyed the relationship at the point it was at the moment, I likely would have realized the problems were an issue rather than trying to shove them under the rug since they didn't gel with my idea of our future together. 

Ugh, that may have come out wrong - I'm not saying your relationship will fail, and I hope it doesn't since it sounds like he's good for you.  What I'm saying is that you're young, you're in love, and there's no rush.  Enjoy being in love, enjoy the fun of dating.  Don't even think the word "marriage" until you're holding a college degree - your relationship will have grown, and you each will have grown as individuals. 

SeaTea02

I agree with Audgie. Your second post sounds much more rational than your first, but from your need to be judged, you sound a little insecure. 

I am 20 and in no way judging your age, but you have all the time in the world to figure out what you really want. You should really just focus on your relationship in the here and now and work toward maintaining a healthy and strong relationship with your BF for the next few years. 

Once you are close to being financially stable and knowing where you will be working and things like that you won't say "Is it crazy to think about marriage with a guy I have been seeing for 3 years, we both have a stable job, and love each other?" You obviously know you are getting ahead of your self because you are in college. 

leia1979

I'm not voting, because I don't really like the black & white answers in this case. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. But I believe (not knowing you) that it's in your best interest to wait on acting on those feelings until later (like after graduation). Enjoy the next few years, and once you've graduated and gone out into the "real world," if you still want to get engaged, do it.

I don't see any need to rush. But I'm also a bitter old hag.

skyler1108

I think waiting to finish school and even taking an extra year after you graduate to consider marriage is very smart. So no I do not think you are crazy as long as you take things slow and just a day at a time.

GreenPepperBurger

If you need to poll internet strangers on whether you're crazy, then you probably are.

Honestly though, only you know what you feel. I met my boyfriend when I was 15, we started dating when I was 16 and we pretty much knew at 18 that we'd get married - someday. Like PPs said, no need to rush. Just enjoy things as they are now, because you will never get this time back once it's gone.

heyimbren

I don't think you're crazy to have those feelings. I think you're wise to wait.

Here's the thing; you may have those feelings, and you both may believe your relationship is working towards marriage. And that's okay. But don't allow yourself to get so caught up in that right now. I'm not saying that you are, I just want to caution you. Because once you decide "YES, we both want to get married some day" it can be easy to get caught up in the "unofficially engaged" idea and you start getting involved in all these marriage and wedding ideas that you don't need to think about yet. So, like PP have said, just enjoy your relationship with where it is now and grow with it.

loves2shop4shoes

I don't think you're crazy.  You met in college, so what?  I mean, if you'd met him as a college sophomore, got engaged within 4 months and then decided to get married while still in undergrad, yes, I'd give you the side-eye.  But you're in college, have been dating for over a year, and aren't engaged yet.  You plan on waiting to get married.  Why is that crazy?

As a side note, if you're picking out china patterns or wedding colors already, then yes, that would be crazy.

jemmini6

You aren't crazy to be in love in college and you seem to have a good head about waiting to get married.  However, my only word of caution would be to not even think about marriage right now, whether it be now or after college.  Just enjoy your relationship for what it is right now, enjoy college, focus on your classes, etc.  When all is said an done, if you still feel you are on a path towards marriage, THEN you can start discussing it.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:b315663d-d37f-4799-abad-2ad148672a66">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]If you need to poll internet strangers on whether you're crazy, then you probably are.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

THIS

but I digress... There is nothing crazy about falling in love with someone who is there for you when you need/ want them to be... Take your time and enjoy your relationship as it is... Focus on school, prepare for life after graduation (ie. your career and establishing financial independence & stability) and be realistic about your time-frame for moving your relationship past dating and into marriage... In other words, don't let your focus and your plans revolve around your relationship... Build a foundation for yourself and if you're relationship is meant to progress, it will....

Good luck!

luvdncn90

You're not crazy at all. He sounds like a wonderful guy who treats you right. I am 20 as well and for my BF and I we decided that finishing school is a main priority for us right now.

If he's the one now, he will still be the one in two, three, ten years. Enjoy your relationship as it is right now. Don't get to caught up dreaming about getting engaged or being married. That will happen for you and being married will last the rest of your life.


By the way, we're all a little crazy for fallling in You're no crazier than anyone else just because you're young and in college. Lots of people meet their spouses and life partners in college!

joiner521

you have not completely experienced true life and love yet. Each decade, you change.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:8f65a2c8-b8c2-4f58-85b2-add4d7595da4">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]you have not completely experienced true life and love yet. Each decade, you change.
Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

Oh joiner, crawl back in your hole.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:8f65a2c8-b8c2-4f58-85b2-add4d7595da4">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]you have not completely experienced true life and love yet. Each decade, you change.
Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

Guess we should all wait until we have 10 decades under our belts before getting married then!

I didn't realize other people get to decide when someone has experienced true love. Now shoo.

Sammy0709

Since Joiner's supposed extra 10 years have made her so much more mature and experienced...*eye roll*

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:8f65a2c8-b8c2-4f58-85b2-add4d7595da4">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]you have not completely experienced true life and love yet. Each decade, you change.
Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

Joiner! Thank God you managed to dig yourself out of your hovel. I was terrified that you might have been buried under a mountain of snow... What the hell would we do with ourselves if you weren't here to impart your wisdom that could ONLY come from decades of experience!?!?

[Deleted User]

Definitely not! I met my BF when I was a sophomore as well! It was not love at first sight but within a few months we knew we were soulmates! 

Marriage after graduation always sounds like a good idea! College definitely pushes its way to the top of the "most important thing" list (behind BF of course).  It is hard at times to push marriage thoughts out of the brain once you've found "the one," but ejoying the here and now is more important.  As PPs said, you don't want time to pass you by with thinking about marriage instead of enjoying the dating stage.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:8f65a2c8-b8c2-4f58-85b2-add4d7595da4">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]you have not completely experienced true life and love yet. Each decade, you change.
Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree 10000%.  One has ONLY experienced true life and love when one's boobs hit the floor upon getting out of bed in the morning.</div><div>
</div><div>/sarcasm</div>

deburnin

I don't think so. I started dating BF at 17 and knew he was "the one." Just relax and enjoy your relationship. There's no need to rush into marriage. Waiting until after graduation is a very good idea.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8a6a8b48-e73c-4bb8-9a9d-643e4a5962f2Post:487c42c1-7ff7-4273-8555-6a1a4b3270e8">Re: Are we crazy??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are we crazy?? : I agree 10000%.  One has ONLY experienced true life and love when one's boobs hit the floor upon getting out of bed in the morning. /sarcasm
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

I almost choked to death from laughter! LOL