Need Advice/Mini Rant

bethsmiles

So I've been living in Colorado for almost a whole year now and its been 2 years since I met all of BF's friends. I have tried and tried and tried and tried to be friends with these people. I'm always nice and friendly. I've never been mean to them but its still glaringly obvious that they don't like me.

I'm so sick of trying. Its emotionally draining and nothing I does seems to make them accept me. I'm sick of always being the odd one out. Its not like I want to be BFFs with them but it would be nice to feel like a part of the group when BF and I are out with them.

Ugh...have any of you been in a situation like this before? Should I just give up and tell BF I would rather just stay home when he goes out with them?

bethsmiles

This is going to be a post and run because I'm going to eat dinner but I'll be back.

GreenPepperBurger

Have you talked to BF about this? Does he know how you feel about his friends/how his friends feel about you? I think deliberately avoiding them will make it even more awkward, especially for your BF.

desertsun

I don't think you should invest any more of your time or emotional energy in people who don't like you. That just doesn't make sense. I absolutely think you should talk about it with your BF and let him know you'd rather stay home when he goes out with them.

On the other hand, I'm just evil enough to continue to force the f*ckers to be around me and spoil THEIR good time.

How dare they not like you? They're clearly idiots.

nottheonlydreamer44

I will 100% agree with Desert. Don't put any more time into these people that do not like you (they are clearly lacking any kind of normal sense ANYWAY) so they are not worth your time. I would talk to your BF, if you haven't already, and let him know how you feel about his friends not liking you.

Hopefully you have friends in CO that you can go out with and maybe you just limit your time with him and his friends. I have been in that position before and I just went out occasionally, acted polite and then went about my normal life.

Friends vs relationship can be a tricky situation but I think you've got to stop worrying and just accept things as they are. You know I am doing this with Mike's family right now - hopefully they'll stop being asshats and warm up to you. If they don't we still love you!!

Sorry if this made no sense I am KUI

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advicemini-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c37d9b7-d57f-4934-b2d0-7d24bf0bec3aPost:575549bb-c576-459f-9ece-ccb5c19f5ee3">Need Advice/Mini Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've been living in Colorado for almost a whole year now and its been 2 years since I met all of BF's friends. I have tried and tried and tried and tried to be friends with these people. I'm always nice and friendly.<strong> I've never been mean to them but its still glaringly obvious that they don't like me.</strong> I'm so sick of trying. <strong>Its emotionally draining and nothing I does seems to make them accept me</strong>. I'm sick of always being the odd one out. Its not like I want to be BFFs with them but it would be nice to feel like a part of the group when BF and I are out with them. Ugh...have any of you been in a situation like this before? Should I just give up and tell BF I would rather just stay home when he goes out with them?
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

This is not the first time you've posted about your BF's friends.  What exactly do you mean by "it's glaringly obvious" that they don't like you?  Are they rude to you?  Honestly, if your BF tolerates his friends being rude to you for no reason whatsoever, you have more of a BF problem than a BF's friends problem.

Also, it seems strange to me that your BF would be friends with people that were so completely different than he is.  What's the deal with that?

Ever hear of the expression, "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are?"

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advicemini-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c37d9b7-d57f-4934-b2d0-7d24bf0bec3aPost:50e930e4-95ba-46b9-b60b-dd5ba1f916ae">Re: Need Advice/Mini Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you should invest any more of your time or emotional energy in people who don't like you. That just doesn't make sense. I absolutely think you should talk about it with your BF and let him know you'd rather stay home when he goes out with them. On the other hand, I'm just evil enough to continue to force the f*ckers to be around me and spoil THEIR good time.<strong> How dare they not like you? They're clearly idiots.</strong>
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Truth.

Honestly, I would give it up.  It may not even be that they dislike you, but rather they feel weird hanging around with your BF when you're there, too.  Some guys are weird around girls and feel like they have to "behave" or something.  They may feel constricted in your presence and have grown to resent you slightly as a result.  It may help things if you aren't around when your BF goes out with them.  HTH.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advicemini-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:8c37d9b7-d57f-4934-b2d0-7d24bf0bec3aPost:c0c066ef-3dde-4aab-9b0d-7301ba8287af">Re: Need Advice/Mini Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Need Advice/Mini Rant : This is not the first time you've posted about your BF's friends.  What exactly do you mean by "it's glaringly obvious" that they don't like you?  Are they rude to you?  Honestly, if your BF tolerates his friends being rude to you for no reason whatsoever, you have more of a BF problem than a BF's friends problem. Also, it seems strange to me that your BF would be friends with people that were so completely different than he is.  What's the deal with that? Ever hear of the expression, "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are?"
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

<div>Shoes has some good points here. </div><div>
</div><div>Tell us more, Beth!</div><div>
</div><div>Could it be as simple as you just don't have a lot in common and so you just don't have a lot to talk about, but you're polite to each other? Or do they actively try to make you feel unwelcome?</div>

bethsmiles

Wow. Thanks for all the replies. I'm so sorry I couldn't get back sooner! This turned into a hectic night. But anyways to answer your questions:

GBP - I have talked to BF about this multiple times and he says sometimes he sees it and other times he doesn't. He definitely knows how I feel but he isn't 100% sure how they feel about me. Mostly his excuse for them is oh well they don't mean to be rude. I get that they are all old friends from high school and super tight but they have this issue with letting new people into the group. The one girl that I do get a long with has had issues with them not accepting any of her BFs. They tend to be very judgmental about religious issues which I would prefer not come up at all because I know I have different views about things. But they seem to think that I am pulling BF away from his religious beliefs (not true at all) and that I'm changing him. But we've talked about whether or not he feels like I'm changing him and we both agree that its just that high school is over and he's just changing like everyone does during college. But I agree that avoiding them could make it more awkward.

Shoes - I totally see your point but BF does stand up for me and he's talked to them about it before. He has also talked to them again about it tonight - I'm not sure what all was said because I'm visiting my parents right now. I'm willing to admit that I can be sensitive and as a communications major I pick up on a lot of subtleties. But sometimes they are just outright rude. Its hard to describe their behavior collectively because there are varying levels.

Elle - BF does have guys nights but his friends are a pretty even mix of guys and girls, so even when I'm not there other girls are.

Part of me thinks that they really don't know how rude, cold, and unwelcoming they are. Ugh...I've been thinking about it a lot tonight and I think I'm just going to try to let it bother me less. I have my own friends and I don't need his friends approval it would just be nice.

PaigeMcC

What a pain in the behind.  It seems like you've chatted with BF about it.  I'm honestly going to go with : These people aren't worth your time or energy.  It seems like they haven't realized that people grow up, relationships evolve and they can't maintain that high school clique forever.  It's really a shittay situation.  In all honesty though, I'm impressed you've been so nice for this long - I'd have probably told someone off by now.

MissOwl

the reality is that they probably have NO idea how rude they are being. don't sweat it. you're doing the best you can and they are in the wrong. just keep bf in the loop and don't let them drain your happy. hang in there lady!