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Possibly cursed ring??

Ok, I found out my dad is giving my boyfriend my mom's ring. The weird thing is, my parents are divorced (don't know how he got it, surprised my mom gave it to him). Is it going to be bad luck to wear it? I know the only reason my boyfriend hasn't proposed so far is because he says he can't afford a ring, he wants to give me one with a diamond in it. I haven't told anyone in my family that he's told me. He says if we were doomed then we would be already because our anniversary is also the same day my parent's anniversary was (and also my mom's birthday). It'll be weird showing my mom the ring, knowing it's the ring my dad gave her. Any advise? I know I'll have to tell her before I show her. Is this normal - a father giving his future SIL his ex-wife's ring? I mean, it's great that my dad is wanting to give it to him, he's already saying in a way that he's giving our blessing. It's just a bit weird, I think.
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Re: Possibly cursed ring??

  • edited December 2011
    * sorry, meant "he's giving us his blessing"*
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think the ring caused your parents marriage to fail and it won't curse your relationship.


  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It will stay cursed if you dont sacrifice a goat to it.
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • edited December 2011
    A ring doesn't cause a divorce.  That being said, my parents are divorced, and I would NOT want my mother's old ring.  There's too much pain behind that marriage and it's unraveling.  I'd rather not have a ring.

    Also, if your BF is insistent about giving you a diamond and you're not comfortable receiving your mom's old diamond, you should let your BF know that there are diamonds at LITERALLY all price ranges.  You can get a smaller rock, poorer clarity, or poorer color and save money that way. 
  • edited December 2011
    I know a ring doesn't cause divorce. And we both know what not to do, between my parent's divorce, my sister's divorce, my other sister's messed up marriage.... I don't know. With my parent's divorce, I completely understand why my dad left & I support him - once the truth was finallyknown. For the first couple years, the only thing my sisters & I were told (from my mom) was that he fell out of love & was sick & tired of raising kids. Which I was the only kid left in the house. Imagine how I felt. But thankfully a couple years later he finally said what happened. And I know, now, that it wasn't my fault like my mom tried to say, and in a way, imply through her explanation.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    edited December 2011
    If you don't want the ring then don't take it but don't make up some bullsh!t reason like it being cursed just be straight up and say it reminds your parents failed marriage and you don't want to wear it on your hand every day.. Like Shoes said there are diamonds in every price range and waiting until you can afford the ring you want is always an option too.


  • luvdncn90luvdncn90 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you are uncomfortable wearing it and it reminds you of your parents divorce, you shouldn't wear it. It was very nice of your father to give it to your BF, but you just need to be honest with him. Why not have him give you a small cheap ring until he can afford to buy you a bigger ring (if that's what you want)?
  • meamollymeamolly member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How about a restyle? It will still be the same stone but not the same ring
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah a restyle might be a good idea. Espcially since 1) I don't know what the ring looks like & 2) I don't know what size it is! My mom's a small lady but this ring was made over 30 years ago!!
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  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sure that your parent's proposal was on much happier, loving terms than the divorce was. Think of the ring as a symbol of that joy that your parents felt on that day.
    I don't want to make assumptions, but maybe your parents waited until marriage to have children. The ring then also symbolizes your birth and your life.
    Take the ring and the joy that it symbolizes. Prove to that ring that you won't do the same as your parents!
    White Knot
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah I agree with people.  A ring doesn't make the marriage cursed, the people in the marriage have the only power to do it.  If you love the ring then consider yourself lucky that your parents wanted you to have it.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think you should have the diamond put in a different setting.
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • Beads921Beads921 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PPs on a couple of things: 

    1. The ring doesn't make the marriage bad, the couple themselves does.
    2. Get the ring re-made. Then it won't have to be a daily reminder of their crappy marriage/divorce in the same way.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I understand how you feel.  Fi's mother gave his brother her ring, and his Fi wouldn't take it.  Its just associated with a bad and failed marriage.  That being said, I think reseting it might make you feel better.  If it doesn't though, its ok not to want that ring, I'm sure your family will understand. 
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  • edited December 2011
    The diamond in a new setting sounds like a good idea.
  • edited December 2011
    If you are superstitious, I think you are only jinxing yourself. Everyone I know is stunned FI saw my dress before I bought it because it is "bad luck". Curses only exist if you buy into them. I would say the current divorce rate is probably worse for any marriage than a ring from a failed marriage. If you buy a ring second hand, it likely came from a divorced couple... 

    I agree, get it re-set. I can see how your mom's ring would have emotions tied to it for you. Cursed though? Nope. 

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  • edited December 2011
    Curses and superstitions are a load of monkey crap.
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You 2 are the only ones who can determine if your marriage is doomed.

    The rest is silly. Reset the stone if it makes you uncomfortable. Or wear it as a reminder of the love that brought your parents together to produce you.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm a little late to the party, but I just wanted to say that I am wearing my mother's ring and my parents are divorced.  My mother had given it to me years ago because she felt it meant more to me than her.  She was right.  When FI and I started talking about marriage, I gave it to him to have it cleaned and dipped.  I didn't give a second thought to it being "cursed".  My parents are still friends and I know this ring was given out of love just like I was born out of love. 

    I didn't have mine re-set because I also have my Mom's band, but I'm not using it.  I don't know.  For some reason I felt like the actual wedding band should be something FI and I pick out together, but that's just me.  My hope is that FI will eventually be able to afford to give me my own diamond then I can have this ring restored to its original finish and I'll have two sets to offer my daughters!  :)   I also didn't want a "vintage" ring to lose value. 

    Now, I'm just letting you know my personal feelings on it.  Our situations may be different.  I would definitely ask your Mom how she feels about it.  I'm sure she would rather see you wearing it than have it collecting dust in a box somewhere. 
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP, I actually can understand where you're coming from. I've been known to be a little superstitious. If pressed, I'd say no, I don't believe in curses or superstition, but still...I wouldn't want to wear my parents' ring from a marriage that ended in divorce, even if I tried to think of it in other ways, like as a symbol of the love that brought you into the world (which is a very sweet thought!).

    Bottom line, if it's going to remind you of anything negative, don't wear it on your hand every day! Find a polite, respectful way to break this news to your dad. Thank him profusely for the gesture. Talk to your BF first; let him know you're uncomfortable. I know you said he's concerned about affording a diamond, but let him know you don't need an expensive ring. Like Shoes said, you can compromise on color, clarity, etc., and still have something that looks good.

    Okay, I just realized my own parents' ring is an heirloom from my great-grandmother; in my case, I'd possibly consider it...but my answer is still the same for you!

    ETA: I would also come up with a little white lie when you decline the ring from your dad. Maybe just tell him you already had your heart set on something...? I don't know, but don't tell him you don't want it because it's got bad juju, y'know?
  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm late and not reading responses.

    The ring will be a symbol of the engagement and marriage that you make with it.  That's it.  It has nothing to do with the outcome of your parents' marriage. 

    If I liked my Mom's engagement ring, I wouldn't hesitate to wear it.  The fact is, that marriage produced two wonderful daughters.  I've gotten past their divorce.  They had 16 years together, and from that came my sister and I.   Then three grandchildren.
     That's what matters.  Their relationship ended, but there was a time when it was positive.  Focus on that.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_possibly-cursed-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:8ce695fe-2e17-4d12-8019-fbf40d371ecfPost:1450fd18-ecef-437f-a267-b97972c6a21a">Re: Possibly cursed ring??</a>:
    [QUOTE]It will stay cursed if you dont sacrifice a goat to it.
    Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

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