booking a place without the ring?

leslieherrel

Hi ladies, quick question for you all!

I'm with a wonderful, amazing guy and we're defintely on the marriage track. We've been ring shopping, and I happen to know that the ring is in the works (but takes at least 6 weeks to get hand crafted).  The actual proposal will be a surprise, but we're both 30 so it seems a little silly to expect the engagement to be a TOTAL surprise, right?

Anyway, we discuss the wedding a lot and marriage in general...our future etc, and we have talked about wanting to get married in spring of '12.  In fact, we found a place online that we both LOVE--and just out of curiosity I called the place to check availability.  They have ONE saturday open in the spring and suggested I come look ASAP.  And I'm considering it.  BF is totally on board--says he is now set on this place and wants me to look at it and put a deposit down--but I can't help but feel like I maybe pushed this more than I should have.

Do I book the place before the ring? Or do we settle for a venue we don't love just because damn Tacori takes so long to make their rings? 

I have a feeling you're all going to call me crazy, but I'm ready for it.  Let me have it!

ADTonk

BF is totally on board--says he is now set on this place and wants me to look at it and put a deposit down--but I can't help but feel like I maybe pushed this more than I should have.

If you think you pushed this more than you should have, maybe you did.  Ask him.  You could say something along the lines of "I noticed this happened really fast and I may have gotten a little too excited and ahead of myself.  Do you think we should wait to book a venue until we are actually engaged?" 

Depending on his answer, you can book it or wait.  There's nothing wrong (in my book) with proceeding with wedding plans if both of you are comfortable with it.  But if he indicates that maybe you should wait, just remember there are PLENTY of other beautiful venues that you will like.  Wait until you have the ring and look around again.

DanieKA

It totally depends on how comfortable you feel. You'll hear a lot of "Don't Pre Plan!!!!!" here. And that's true. But if you and your SO consider yourselves engaged, then go see the place you are interested in. If you don't feel comfortable being engaged, or saying you're engaged without the ring, then wait. A lot can happen between now and then. 

In a way you have jumped the gun. You are clearly not comfortable going to look at a place without a ring. I get that you think you love this place (not having seen it in person), but you have to decide what your priority is. The ring first, or not. It seems like having a ring before doing all the planning is a big deal to you, so I say wait.

Brace for the pre-planning flames! I'm glad you're ready for it:) You seem to have lurked a bit to expect it. Why not stick around for a while. 

[Deleted User]

I agree with ADTonk and DanieKA...it just depends on whether you consider yourself engaged or not, and whether you and your guy are on the same page with booking a venue.

Also, I wouldn't be too quick to fall in love with a venue. Check it out, look for reviews online, ask for references - you're putting a lot of money into a wedding and you shouldn't rush into it more than you would any other big purchase.

Good Luck and congrats on the upcoming proposal!

Hazel_B

I agree with what pps posters have said. Along with you need to know your budget before you start signing contracts and paying deposits.

Cackle6

I agree with the PP, but I also don't think there is any harm in just going to look. You can always call back with a deposit, and usually places will pencil you in and call you if someone else is looking at the same day you are. So I say go ahead and at least look at it, and then after you talk to your SO and figure out if he's really comfortable with everything, call back and book it.

I looked at the venue I want back in December when I was home for the holidays, because I figured as soon as he asks, I want to be able to book it. Of course I live out of state so it's a little different, but seeing the venue in person was really cool, and it solidified for me that it was *the* venue. And my parents loved it too, heh.

SassyFlats

Don't book it, unless you guys consider yourselves engaged and have hashed out a budget and a guest list.

Unless you've done those things, you'll be getting ahead of yourself. You've got to know the amount of money you are willing to spend (and you probably want to look at prices for photography and catering before you settle on an amount to spend on a venue), and you've absolutely got to have a good idea of the number of guests in case the venue has a limit.

And, if you don't consider yourselves engaged and your SO takes a while to propose after he gets the ring, how will you feel if you've already booked things?

Just slow down a bit and think about it. There are other venues, and if you really love this one you could always be flexible with your date. Planning a wedding is a balancing act like that. Regardless of what you decide, best of luck and try not to get too wrapped up in wedding stress! It's easy to get overwhelmed. Don't forget, there's always elopement.

CASK85

If you both agree that you're engaged, feel free to book whatever you want. If you don't both agree that you're engaged, don't do it. Plain and simple. I sure wouldn't book anything - and I did my fair share of flame-worthy "pre-planning," none of which involved booking (and none of which I'm using now - doh!).

AudgiePodge

If you're not engaged, don't do any booking. Duh. If you are engaged and don't know your budget, don't do any booking. Duh.

SeaTea02

If you do not consider yourselves engaged and do not tell family and friends you are engaged, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Don't even go see it. 

PLEASE READ ME:http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet 

leia1979

It's totally okay to be engaged without a ring, but don't even look at a venue until you know your budget and your guest list. You'd hate to book a place (or just really want it) and then realize you can't afford it or you'll have to cut 1/3 of your guest list to have it.

jilld82

Fi and I actually had a similar situation.

The Church was booking really fast and we were pretty close to getting engaged.  It was either pick August 13th of 2011(this was a year ago by the way) or we would have to wait until it was November or December. 

My dad thought we should book it and we knew this is what we wanted so we booked it all.  We also booked the venue before we got engaged as well.  My dad had researched all of the places and had a budget in mind so we went ahead and did it.

We were engaged about two weeks later.

It worked for us, but we also had numbers, expectations, and budgets in mind.  Obviously it's ok to book before the ring, but make sure all parties are on the same page.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:b49ce69e-2100-457f-a303-b0856753c8c3">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're not engaged, don't do any booking. Duh. If you are engaged and don't know your budget, don't do any booking. Duh.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

Exactly. While you may think you love it now, unless you've worked out some of the oter specific things, I wouldn't book it yet. Also, try not to get too sold on a place yet, when you haven't even visited any places and before you've figured out your budget/guest list. Guest lists and budgets DO matter, and they do need to be decided before you look at places. And they never seem to be quite as "set in stone" as you think they are.

If you're engaged and you have all of that worked out and settled and the only thing you're waiting on is the ring, then it could be worth looking at.

Wrkn925

Leslie, my BF was harder to get out of pre-planning mode than most of the crazy unengaged girls that pop in here.  I understand.  Just tell him it's important to you to do things in order.

leslieherrel

Thanks guys, your advice was exactly what I needed! (Well, most of yours. Haha).  I guess I hadn't really considered the thought that engagement doesn't necessarily need a ring, so I guess you could say we're engaged without the ring.  We do have a budget, a tentative guest list and all that, but I think it's good advice for me to not get too sold on a place before I really explore--that spoke to me because I *might* have done things like that once or twice in my life.

After reading everyone's comments I'm thinking I will wait for the ring and just figure it out from there.  Now I have to convince BF that we don't need to book the place yet.  He has emailed me three times today about the venue and telling me to book an appointment...and he wants to come along. Go figure.  Ah!

SassyFlats

Tell him to slow his roll! lol

lavenderfields13

I think if you know your budget and guest list and see the place and fall in love, what's the big deal? Also your boyfriend seems ready
I also have a general question for everyone.. I am "pre-planning" but not booking because I'm not engaged but I like to look at venues that I might like. I know pre planning can get you in trouble here but seriously why the heck are unengaged people on TK if you're not looking?!

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:ea220f08-8644-4de4-8371-41e8dccc6100">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you know your budget and guest list and see the place and fall in love, what's the big deal? Also your boyfriend seems ready I also have a general question for everyone.. I am "pre-planning" but not booking because I'm not engaged but I like to look at venues that I might like. I know pre planning can get you in trouble here but seriously why the heck are unengaged people on TK if you're not looking?!
Posted by leese19[/QUOTE]

<div>Being engaged isn't a requirement to use The Knot.  </div><div>
</div><div>There are also people who have participated in others' weddings, like being a Maid of Honor or a bridesmaid.</div><div>
</div><div>Why would you plan for something that isn't even going to happen yet?  Wait until you're engaged.  Your tastes will most likely change in the mean time, rendering your preplanning completely useless and a waste of time.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Kimberly0402

Honestly, it's not uncommon to book the place before the ring. My cousin did it. I did it. There are only so many Saturdays in July and they go quick. We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged. It's coming, but probably not until May or June. We just haven't announced anything to anyone with the exception of my two cousins (who recently got engaged) we told them the date and nothing else for fear that they would book their wedding on the same weekend as ours and that would be terrible for our family to have to "choose".

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:70fff6fa-b55a-49ca-b780-27af722d7a68">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it's not uncommon to book the place before the ring. My cousin did it. I did it. There are only so many Saturdays in July and they go quick. We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged. It's coming, but probably not until May or June. We just haven't announced anything to anyone with the exception of my two cousins (who recently got engaged) we told them the date and nothing else for fear that they would book their wedding on the same weekend as ours and that would be terrible for our family to have to "choose".
Posted by Kimberly0402[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I almost can't decide what funny picture to use here.... </div><div>
</div><div>Surprise ice rink wedding?</div><div>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '99be02ec-328a-4d81-8bf0-738a16c30b52', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/11/99be02ec-328a-4d81-8bf0-738a16c30b52.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

</div>

ndevvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:70fff6fa-b55a-49ca-b780-27af722d7a68">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged.
Posted by Kimberly0402[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>whoa

</div>

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:b98efdd6-f2db-4d85-8bca-df59f0bbd1bd">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: booking a place without the ring? : First things first: ZOMG! Fluffy kitty! #2. Peekaboo brings up a good point about something happening before he proposes. Yes, it is pessimistic, but I think it is something that should be considered. Honestly, there are things that might happen aside from a break up. What if one of you dropped dead tomorrow? I know it's morbid, but it could happen. Then what? You would have a bunch of money down for deposits on something that wasn't even an engagement. Nothing in life is certain, no matter how much you think it may be, and I think planning a wedding based on a proposal that hasn't happened yet is counting your chickens before they hatch.
Posted by sparkles88[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah but honestly you could make that argument about planning after you are engaged too. Why plan anything then? </div><div>
</div><div>I think the strongest argument is that even though her BF says he wants to get married he hasn't fully shown that yet. People change their mind. It is even possible for them to change their mind after they are engaged, and I get that too. Believe it or not though a proposal is a sign of more serious commitment and she and her BF haven't made that commitment yet. Don't live your relationship in a stage you aren't in. </div>

SassyFlats

Wait wait wait... you are NOT engaged... but have booked your entire wedding and told your cousins, who ARE engaged, so they wouldn't book your date?

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:70fff6fa-b55a-49ca-b780-27af722d7a68">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it's not uncommon to book the place before the ring. My cousin did it. I did it. There are only so many Saturdays in July and they go quick. We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged. It's coming, but probably not until May or June. We just haven't announced anything to anyone with the exception of my two cousins (who recently got engaged) we told them the date and nothing else for fear that they would book their wedding on the same weekend as ours and that would be terrible for our family to have to "choose".
Posted by Kimberly0402[/QUOTE]

AudgiePodge

I am not pregnant yet, but I claim the whole month of March, 2012.  You know, so there are no scheduling conflicts with anyone else wanting to get pregly.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:70fff6fa-b55a-49ca-b780-27af722d7a68">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it's not uncommon to book the place before the ring. My cousin did it. I did it. There are only so many Saturdays in July and they go quick. We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged. It's coming, but probably not until May or June. We just haven't announced anything to anyone with the exception of my two cousins (who recently got engaged) we told them the date and nothing else for fear that they would book their wedding on the same weekend as ours and that would be terrible for our family to have to "choose".
Posted by Kimberly0402[/QUOTE]

<div>*headdesk*</div><div>
</div><div>
<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '08c4ef2d-7fd0-4952-88c5-2b09c47f801b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/8/08c4ef2d-7fd0-4952-88c5-2b09c47f801b.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
</div><div>
</div><div>What if something happens before he proposes and you two don't stay together?  I hate to be pessimistic, but anything is possible.</div>

sparkles88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:8912555a-60e3-4e0b-b277-c4d1f7f8eeea">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: booking a place without the ring? : *headdesk* What if something happens before he proposes and you two don't stay together?  I hate to be pessimistic, but anything is possible.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

First things first: ZOMG! Fluffy kitty!

#2. Peekaboo brings up a good point about something happening before he proposes. Yes, it is pessimistic, but I think it is something that should be considered. Honestly, there are things that might happen aside from a break up. What if one of you dropped dead tomorrow? I know it's morbid, but it could happen. Then what? You would have a bunch of money down for deposits on something that wasn't even an engagement. Nothing in life is certain, no matter how much you think it may be, and I think planning a wedding based on a proposal that hasn't happened yet is counting your chickens before they hatch.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:b98efdd6-f2db-4d85-8bca-df59f0bbd1bd">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: booking a place without the ring? : First things first: ZOMG! Fluffy kitty! #2. Peekaboo brings up a good point about something happening before he proposes. Yes, it is pessimistic, but I think it is something that should be considered. Honestly, there are things that might happen aside from a break up. What if one of you dropped dead tomorrow? I know it's morbid, but it could happen. Then what? You would have a bunch of money down for deposits on something that wasn't even an engagement. Nothing in life is certain, no matter how much you think it may be, and I think planning a wedding based on a proposal that hasn't happened yet is <strong>counting your chickens before they hatch.</strong>
Posted by sparkles88[/QUOTE]

<div>And you know what they say about counting your chickens before they hatch.</div><div>
</div><div>You end up with lots of broken eggs.</div>

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:70fff6fa-b55a-49ca-b780-27af722d7a68">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it's not uncommon to book the place before the ring. My cousin did it. I did it. There are only so many Saturdays in July and they go quick. We booked the place, band, church, and photographer in February and I'm still not engaged. It's coming, but probably not until May or June. We just haven't announced anything to anyone with the exception of my two cousins (who recently got engaged) we told them the date and nothing else for fear that they would book their wedding on the same weekend as ours and that would be terrible for our family to have to "choose".
Posted by Kimberly0402[/QUOTE]

So, you're engaged you just haven't had the pretty bling or told anyone yet?  Because people who aren't engaged don't need to plan weddings.  Therefore you must be engaged.

And if you're not then why are you booking things for a wedding that isn't happening yet?

desertsun

I will never understand this.

The world is full of great venues.

Is one really SO MUCH BETTER ZOMBWTFBBQ that you MUST BOOK IT NOOOOOOOOWWWW? And how do you know if you haven't visited other places?

Really? There is nowhere else that would work? NO OTHER DATE WOULD DO?

I humbly suggest that if truly no other place or date will do, then your priorities are completely FUBAR, and you shouldn't be getting married or procreating.

Also, I think if there were fewer BSC girls out there booking things before they're engaged, venues wouldn't book up so fast. It's a vicious cycle of insanity.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_booking-place-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:94538209-ca48-40f1-a404-1d172be05986Post:f3573a9f-10eb-4ac2-8fab-de8f42d0b714">Re: booking a place without the ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will never understand this. The world is full of great venues. Is one really SO MUCH BETTER ZOMBWTFBBQ that you MUST BOOK IT NOOOOOOOOWWWW? And how do you know if you haven't visited other places? Really? There is nowhere else that would work? NO OTHER DATE WOULD DO? I humbly suggest that if truly no other place or date will do, then your priorities are completely FUBAR, and you shouldn't be getting married or procreating. <strong>Also, I think if there were fewer BSC girls out there booking things before they're engaged, venues wouldn't book up so fast. It's a vicious cycle of insanity.
</strong>Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Quoted for the truth in all its glory.

But the bolded part especially; I wish some people would just settle down with booking sooo early so that everyone else ends up doing the same thing too (besides those people who don't care that much).

There is no justifiable reason to pre-plan. If you think so, go read the stickied thread before proceeding further.