Not Engaged Yet

Ring and cost

Hello all,

I am getting engaged and we have already set our wedding date. We are doing things a bit out of order but I have been looking at engagement rings and I found my dream ring. It is around $7,900 dollars and I have told my fiance that it's just an idea and he could look other places for ones much cheaper but he said that since my heart is set on that I need to worry because he will take care of it. I know he could and can afford it but I am very cost conscious and have been reading a bit about how much to spend on the ring. I never thought I would want a ring or to get married but then I met Chad and I love him so much. He's so amazing and he makes me and drives me to be a better person. He talks about us and our futurue and never just his with me there. I love him more than anything and it wouldn't matter to me if he got it from a vending machine. But I have been reading all these negative articles about women who wear expensive engagement rings and I feel like it is wrong of me to have even looked at the ring. I am not a jewerly wearer, I wear no jewelry (not even a watch or earrings) and Chad (my soon to be fiance) tells me that I deserve at least one nice thing in my life other than him. He says it's something he wants to do for me because I give so much to him and the children (he's been married before, he's 32 and I am 24). I just wanted to know what other's thought of this and what their experience is or was with their rings or not having rings... 
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Re: Ring and cost

  • If your BF can afford it, then go for it.  My ring wasn't quite that much, FI wasn't willing to spend that much even though he could have afforded it.  I figured he would just be able to contribute more to the wedding if he spent less on the ring, which is what happened.  

    The only reason I would be hesitant to wear a larger or flashier ring is if I decided to work for a non-profit or in public health outreach in some situations.  Women can be judged for wearing expensive things in those settings, which is completely reasonable and understandable considering the line of work.  

    Tell me about setting your date before getting engaged.  Why did you choose to do that?  I waited until I was engaged because it seemed more special that way.  Also, my venue only had 3 available dates in the fall of 2013, so I really didn't have a choice of dates at all.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You're overthinking this. If he can afford the ring and wants to buy it for you then graciously accept it and be happy about this.

    Now let's talk about you chosing your date before being engaged...why?


  • I didn't want a huge, expensive ring either. I wear fake diamond earrings everyday and a watch so I'm not big on jewelry either! When we started looking at rings, I found one at a chain jewelry store that I loved. I don't really know much about diamonds but my FI was all over diamonds and knew a lot about them. I was fine with the 1/2 carat one that came out of the case. When he proposed, I was shocked at all of the modifications that he did to it but I loved it! We had to do some work to it after I got it and when we brought it back to the jewelry store the saleswoman needed to know a ballpark price range he paid, and when he told her I think my mouth hit the floor. It was 5 times more than the original price of the ring and I remember, like you, I felt so guilty. My DH now explained it to me that this is the only diamond ring he will buy me for the rest of my life and he wanted it to be something that I loved. He only wanted the best to the woman that he was spending the rest of his life with. Instead of feeling guilty now, I'm proud because my DH worked so hard in to buying me my dream ring and then going above and beyond to change it and spending wayyy more than I would have ever imagined. Sorry for the long post but I know how you feel. It is hard to easily feel guilty about it but when I feel as if he couldn't afford it he wouldn't have gotten something so elaborate.
    TTC #1 since June 2012
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:aeab83b8-b40e-477c-b6e0-92e1eafacdee">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your BF can afford it, then go for it.  My ring wasn't quite that much, FI wasn't willing to spend that much even though he could have afforded it.  I figured he would just be able to contribute more to the wedding if he spent less on the ring, which is what happened.   The only reason I would be hesitant to wear a larger or flashier ring is if I decided to work for a non-profit or in public health outreach in some situations.  Women can be judged for wearing expensive things in those settings, which is completely reasonable and understandable considering the line of work.   Tell me about setting your date before getting engaged.  Why did you choose to do that?  I waited until I was engaged because it seemed more special that way.  Also, my venue only had 3 available dates in the fall of 2013, so I really didn't have a choice of dates at all.
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>He asked me about getting married... I said well I'd like a summer wedding, end of summer. He said "Late August 2013 it is." I was taken aback, and he said  "Well I know that I know that I know that you are my soul mate. So you need to go ring shopping." </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;">He calls me his fiance, I call him mine. We are palnning a wedding. As in I have looked at venues and flowers, dresses, all that jazz. We seem to have just done things a bit backwards. I guess it would make more sense to have a ring first but he said he was afraid he'd pick the wrong one. I am not saying it's ideal but I think there are certain situations where things don't often make sense. </span></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12px;">
    </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial"><span style="font-size:12px;">As for how long we have known each other, and been together. My parents were together for 5 months before they were engaged. I guess I don't see it as a big deal, I think love is personal and I know that how I feel with Chad is never what I thought I could feel before. Perhaps it is rushed, but I don't feel rushed or pressured but I understand concern. 
    </span></font>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:d1e04e5a-fa2c-4fa5-aa94-1e50d6821ca2">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]He calls me his fiance, I call him mine. We are palnning a wedding and all that, just done things a bit backwards. I guess, I don't know if there is a rush to get married, but I am not going to spend 10 years with someone waiting to get married. I don't see a point. I know that this is what I want. 
    Posted by livsparks[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well I think that's a little extreme.  I was with FI for almost 3.5 years when he proposed.  I certainly wasn't waiting 10 years either, but I didn't want to jump the gun on planning and waited the few months it took him to get my ring and propose after we started seriously discussing marriage.  </div><div>
    </div><div>How long have you been with your SO?  </div><div>
    </div><div>FTR - I don't think there is anything wrong with planning a wedding before getting an engagement ring, but I don't see why you wouldn't just say you are engaged.  We had a similar conversation in June of last year, and I said "so does that mean we are engaged?"  FI said, "No I want to propose with a ring" so we remained BF and GF until September, and we didn't plan a wedding until then.  You don't need a fancy proposal.  </div>
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Sooo....you're already engaged? You just don't have a ring.


  • Holy huge sig Sadie. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:73b953cd-90fe-4c7f-93a2-d2c8416e9154">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]Holy huge sig Sadie. 
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    So sorry! I'm new to the sig world so I'm fixing it now.
    TTC #1 since June 2012
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:d106ec8b-77cc-4748-8adf-192dfb002380">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : Well I think that's a little extreme.  I was with FI for almost 3.5 years when he proposed.  I certainly wasn't waiting 10 years either, but I didn't want to jump the gun on planning and waited the few months it took him to get my ring and propose after we started seriously discussing marriage.   How long have you been with your SO?   FTR - I don't think there is anything wrong with planning a wedding before getting an engagement ring, but I don't see why you wouldn't just say you are engaged.  We had a similar conversation in June of last year, and I said "so does that mean we are engaged?"  FI said, "No I want to propose with a ring" so we remained BF and GF until September, and we didn't plan a wedding until then.  You don't need a fancy proposal.  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I agree with the not needing a fancy proposal, it's not my bag. Ha</div><div>
    </div><div>Six months, we have known each other a year. </div><div>
    </div><div>Well I guess FTR: We are engaged... sounds nice... I am not one to know much about weddings and I have heard people say, "Well you're only engaged if you have a ring." So I wasn't sure how to go about it.. haha </div>
  • As long as your FI can afford it, let him worry about how much to spend on your ring.

    Also, I called him your FI because you've set a date.  You are engaged, you just don't have a ring.

  • I told FI that I would most likely cry or laugh inappriately if he did it in public, so he just did it at home, while I was wearing PJs and hadn't showered.  

    Also, I don't think just saying "we're planning on getting married in late summer of 2013" is really picking a date or wedding planning.  I knew we would have a fall wedding, with a 2 year engagement.  But other than that, we didn't know any other details, not even what state we'd be getting married in.
  • Get a ring you (both) love and that fits your budget.  Don't worry about anything else...  except maybe make sure the diamond was responsibly mined and traded.

    I probably get judged on my ring because it's ginorm and looks like it cost a fortune.  It didn't, but I don't feel the need to explain that to anyone.  It makes me smile whenever I look down at it, so it's perfect.

  • edited July 2012
    You all have said great things. It helped me feel better.

    Date was set, I didn't really give times for all this.

    August 24th 2013. Lexington, KY. At my best friend's family farm. 
  • Hold on.  You've been dating for 6 months?  Yes, I would say you are rushing things.  What's wrong with just dating?  And I don't mean dating for 10 years, I mean until you've had time to live out the honeymoon phase and experience the stress of the holiday season with him and his kids.

    My ring looks big and fancy, and it is a diamond, but there is a black inclusion right in the center that make it a much less expensive stone.  In fact, I requested size over clarity.  I am not ashamed to admit that.  
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:8ca70bfb-c89f-409a-a457-402276dba8e6">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hold on.  You've been dating for 6 months?  Yes, I would say you are rushing things.  What's wrong with just dating?  And I don't mean dating for 10 years, I mean until you've had time to live out the honeymoon phase and experience the stress of the holiday season with him and his kids. My ring looks big and fancy, and it is a diamond, but there is a black inclusion right in the center that make it a much less expensive stone.  In fact, I requested size over clarity.  I am not ashamed to admit that.  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I understand concern, but in the end I will do what I want to do. </div><div>
    </div><div>Grateful for the advice. </div>
  • A ring's cost varies greatly upon the couple. My reccomendation is to keep it within what you can afford. One year ago I would have dropped my jaw at that cost but looking at my hand right now I cant quibble. The setting that I loved before the stones was almost 4k, and though I showed FI several others that I really liked he told me absolutely not. In addition to this I was looking at center stones from about .75 to 1 carat (sapphires weight 1 carat are the size of a .75 carat diamond) he wanted bigger! He told me I get one chance to propose I'm going to do it right the first time. The setting I loved he loved too and it was unique and had meaning to us as well. In the end when he found how sentimental I was he pushed for the larger stone on my hand and in the end I'm very happy he did because the stone we chose though I initially thought was too big is perfect and I'll never want one larger so my sentimental hesitancies will not be a problem in the future. We went with a 2.36 sapphire cut to the size of a 2 carat diamond.

    My hopes initially were to keep the cost bellow 5k, but it was about your quoted price in the end and our appraisal that came with it is for substantially more. The finances worried me but the cost wasn't a pressure point on his finances and now I look down at my hand and I cant help but smile because it is amazing to look at, but honestly the first thing I see when I look isn't the ring but him and my daughter on Sunday when he gave it to me.

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  • I'm with Elle on making sure its sourced responsibly too. This was a big deal for me. Gold can be just as dirty as the stones.
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  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yeah.... dating someone for 6 months is NOT a lot of time, especially since you're only 24.  Throw kids into the mix, and I would really advise you to wait longer.

    How old are the kids?  Do you live together?  If so, how long did you wait to move in together?
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:03a5a24f-f7de-4c2a-aea9-bc07fde2d3e1">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with Elle on making sure its sourced responsibly too. This was a big deal for me. Gold can be just as dirty as the stones.
    Posted by dewingedpixie[/QUOTE]
     <div>
    </div><div>I agree completely. The ring I am talking about is actually a vintage diamond and all the surrounding diamonds were vintage and they took them from other rings and made this one. It is hand crafted, the band, I'll have to ask or get him to ask about where the gold came from. </div>
  • Maybe I'm a terrible person, but I really don't understand spending $8k on a piece of jewelry. It's his money, and he can do what he wants with it, but I personally don't get it.

    I also think six months is kind of soon, but none of us are going to change your mind.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:820aec17-a375-4b47-9556-5f971c02903c">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe I'm a terrible person, but I really don't understand spending $8k on a piece of jewelry. It's his money, and he can do what he wants with it, but I personally don't get it. I also think six months is kind of soon, but none of us are going to change your mind.
    Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

    <div>OP - Here's the thing about opinions: you'll get some people that think like Leia and can't imagine spending that kind of money on a ring. (Heck, it could buy you a used car!) Or you'll get people like Katniss, that totally get it. What really matters is what YOU think about it. How would YOU feel about wearing that much money on your hand every day.</div><div>
    </div><div>Though I will say, from the other side, I don't think about the cost of my ring when I look at it, just how beautiful it is and how happy I am that DH designed it. And for a reference point, I believe my e-ring and wedding band together were ~$7k.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:74f5517d-b3aa-4e45-b9b4-0cfa7d50023a">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah.... dating someone for 6 months is NOT a lot of time, especially since you're only 24.  Throw kids into the mix, and I would really advise you to wait longer. How old are the kids?  Do you live together?  If so, how long did you wait to move in together?
    Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I will not live with someone before I marry them. It is a personal choice and I believe everyone has to make a decision about that. I lived with someone before, a very serious relationship and he was shoving marriage down my throat left and right. I broke up with him because when I saw the future he wasn't in it. I see a vast furutre with my fiace. The oldest, a boy is 10 and the daughter is 7. I think we all have to make choices and sometimes we find the person that is meant for us and they come with other things, and maybe we thought we would hate but it becomes something that we enjoy because we love and care for that person and all aspects of them. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:b9120a08-3d47-4874-beb3-c2d09a373e19">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : OP - <strong>Here's the thing about opinions: you'll get some people that think like Leia and can't imagine spending that kind of money on a ring. (Heck, it could buy you a used car!) Or you'll get people like Katniss, that totally get it. What really matters is what YOU think about it. How would YOU feel about wearing that much money on your hand every day.</strong> Though I will say, from the other side, I don't think about the cost of my ring when I look at it, just how beautiful it is and how happy I am that DH designed it. And for a reference point, I believe my e-ring and wedding band together were ~$7k.
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly.  It's the same way with wedding costs. My budget would make some people cringe, while others might think it's low.  But we can afford it, and no one is going into debt over it.  We just don't talk about how much it will cost to avoid having anyone give their opinion on it.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:b9120a08-3d47-4874-beb3-c2d09a373e19">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : OP - Here's the thing about opinions: you'll get some people that think like Leia and can't imagine spending that kind of money on a ring. (Heck, it could buy you a used car!) Or you'll get people like Katniss, that totally get it. <strong>What really matters is what YOU think about it. How would YOU feel about wearing that much money on your hand every day.</strong> Though I will say, from the other side, I don't think about the cost of my ring when I look at it, just how beautiful it is and how happy I am that DH designed it. And for a reference point, I believe my e-ring and wedding band together were ~$7k.
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]


    Excellent point. For the record, I am a major cheap-skate who would not have been comfortable spending or wearing that much money.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:b9120a08-3d47-4874-beb3-c2d09a373e19">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : OP - Here's the thing about opinions: you'll get some people that think like Leia and can't imagine spending that kind of money on a ring. (Heck, it could buy you a used car!) Or you'll get people like Katniss, that totally get it. What really matters is what YOU think about it. How would YOU feel about wearing that much money on your hand every day. Though I will say, from the other side, I don't think about the cost of my ring when I look at it, just how beautiful it is and how happy I am that DH designed it. And for a reference point, I believe my e-ring and wedding band together were ~$7k.
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I agree with opinions but sometimes I think out side perspect is nice, just to get another view point. I think you and I see the most eye to eye, but I think sometimes I need diversity of opinions so I can perhaps not be blinded by my own "Ideal" of a situation. Thank you for taking the time to respond</div>
  • It is a lot of money but it is also going to be on your hand for the rest of your life.  I left the finance decision up to SO and when we looked at rings and I stressed that I didn't want him to go over that budget. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:b2dfd55d-3182-43e6-bdc7-fd155a39ad57">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : I will not live with someone before I marry them. It is a personal choice and I believe everyone has to make a decision about that. I lived with someone before, a very serious relationship and he was shoving marriage down my throat left and right. I broke up with him because when I saw the future he wasn't in it. I see a vast furutre with my fiace. The oldest, a boy is 10 and the daughter is 7. I think we all have to make choices and sometimes we find the person that is meant for us and<strong> they come with other things, and maybe we thought we would hate </strong>but it becomes something that we enjoy because we love and care for that person and all aspects of them. 
    Posted by livsparks[/QUOTE]

    <div>If you thought you would hate having kids, or hate dating someone with kids, then I highly advise you to date your BF/FI for a lot longer than six months before you marry him. For the kids' sake, make sure it's what you REALLY want before you drag them into your relationship.</div>
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-and-cost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9556c006-757a-4a8f-a28d-2bd248d489daPost:6e007b7e-b57a-40ab-9d56-fe6bc94f1e52">Re: Ring and cost</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring and cost : If you thought you would hate having kids, or hate dating someone with kids, then I highly advise you to date your BF/FI for a lot longer than six months before you marry him. For the kids' sake, make sure it's what you REALLY want before you drag them into your relationship.
    Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I do not hate children, I didn't want to have children by my previous relationship. I was just saying, in general about what we sometimes think we want. </div>
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