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whereyat

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Wrkn925

-"Chill out, sometimes people just don't know what to say, or might not be aware/have forgotten what you've been through." I understand this, nonetheless, it *still* bothers me.  

This would've been somewhat my response.  This just seems like one of those social situations where people just don't know what to say.  Like when someone dies, people say "At least they aren't in pain anymore."
For us to be such social creatures, we suck at some situations.

Can I just apologize for mankind and ask you to rave about the bean dip?

Narwhal

We get the "ITS ABOUT TIME" thing too. Regardless on what you've been through, there will be people that say that. Just say something like "hehe yep." and turn around and roll your eyes. 

skyler1108

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_having-tough-time-remaining-objective-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:960a5dfd-a279-4ecc-ac07-add80084af7cPost:8a0e8036-31cf-4730-989d-b777d365c400">Having a tough time remaining objective (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]"We had always planned to get hitched in our 30's, when we're a little more stable financially and career-wise." Posted by whereyat[/QUOTE]

I actually would just say something along these lines and just try to realize that some people do not think before speaking.

desertsun

I sympathize with your situation, but just remember that YOU control your own emotions. Others can't FORCE you to feel a specific emotion. People are often insensitive, but usually they're not malicious. Just realize they're not trying to say something hurtful. Own your reaction, acknowledge it, and then let it go.

As for what you can say? "We're really happy with the timing. Thanks for being excited for us." So you're thanking them for being happy for you, while subtly and politely correcting them. Win win.

PaigeMcC

I would have said wait til you're engaged, yadda yadda but since I like you Ima play along...

People are assholes (much like fish) and they never know what to say.  If someone says something like that you simply need to look at them, force a smile and say "Thank you.  We're very happy about it." And leave it at that.  Sometimes you just need to let it roll off your shoulders.

I got a lot of "FINALLY"s when we got engaged.  We've only been together 5 years.  It's not ages.  But, again, people are assholes.  Just let it roll off your shoulders and then you can bitch about it with FI later.

loves2shop4shoes

Hmmm...  Ok.  Don't bite my head off here, but I think you're being way over sensitive here.  I get it, bad shiit's happened to you in the past 5 years.  When someone says, "It's about time", they mean that you've been together for a long time & you're good together, so they have been expecting this for a while.  I highly doubt anyone means to criticize you for not getting married sooner, especially if, as you say, you're life was crumbling before your eyes. 

Does that still make it an annoying comment?  Sure.  But you need to remember that you're being WAY oversensitive about this.  So take a deep breath and think of it in the way it was most likely intended...that this person has known that you were good together and serious for a long time and they were expecting this to happen.  Just respond with, "Yeah.  We're really excited."  And move on.

Don't read too far into it.

jemmini6

I think you need to look at it from their perspective and realize what the meaning behind those types of statements are.  They probably know that you've been through a lot and that you've been together through most of it.  I think "finally" or "it's about time" comments aren't so much about giving you grief for why you waited, but just that they are happy you are finally at a point in your lives where you are ready to get married.

I know it's hard when dealing with a lot of hardships and that some people can just never understand, but just remember that it is a happy time in your life and that everyone is happy for you, regardless of if they are the most eloquent in saying it or not.

Ana_2985

Ditto everything Desert and Paige said. And shoes too actually.

Just try to imagine that when they say "Finally! It's about time!" they mean "Finally! It's about time something wonderful and happy is happening in your life!" Because, chances are, if they love you that's exactly what they mean.

redheadtmk

"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will."

If you are already interpreting these comments negatively before they are even said, they are going to irritate you that much more. When someone says  "It,s about time!"  just say " I know right? We have been through so much and are really looking forward to happier times" or some such comment.

snowflake350

"It's about time" and "finally" are some pretty common responses especially for a couple that has been dating for 5 years. We even got that response from a few people even though we had only be together for a year and a half when we got engaged, some people just expected us engaged sooner. I found nothing wrong with that response, I was just excited to be engaged to the man I love. People don't mean any harm with that response, see it as a good thing. They see you two as a great couple together who is ready for marriage. Enjoy your engagement and don't let anyones comments bug you especially if they dont' mean any harm. Think positive and when you do get engaged maybe these comments won't bother you as much as you think.

bethsmiles

I think you are taking it wrong. My advice is to change your mindset about it. They aren't chastising you for not getting married earlier they are happy for you that your life/relationship is at a place where you can get married, especially since you have been through some hard times.

mzm153

As for the "Its about time" response, I think you should say "Yeah, NOW is time". This way you're just letting them know you have your timing. I know that you feel pressure about getting engaged and married. I feel that too but from relatives other than my parents (including extended ones).

I have relatives asking me whether I'm engaged yet or not whenever I talk to them. I would be okay talking to them about being engaged and married in the future if they didn't go around planning my wedding (if it were up to them, I'd have to invite all extended relatives, which would be more than 300 and in their towns). I just try to give responses as vague as possible. I just think that its not time to think about whom to include or not.

As for the assholes, there is a saying that if assholes could fly, any place would be an airport.

Blue & White

I think most people get "it's about time".

I also think that getting married isn't a business deal - you make it seem like you won't be thrilled.  I'd imagine a little excitement in there will make it a bit less painful.

Plus, you made it.  So no matter how shitty those five years were...you made it.  You're through.  Remember that