Cigarette Butts - Ick!

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:13e9afe9-1e01-469c-9eda-7f2fba5c89b1">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]Paige, YGPM
Posted by SenoritaCupcake[/QUOTE]

Back at'ch!

marleylikeair

Bside--good for you on the no-smoking-if-you-have-kids-thing. We are eye-to-eye there.

Bren, I agree somewhat. Once you cross a certain line (which is a sort of indefineable line!), it *should* be private. But I just kind of feel like if they choose to cross that line, as long as I'm not stuck hearing/seeing it (like if I can just turn around and not hear moaning), I don't care that much, you know?

When I lived in the city, if it was happening on a train and all I had to do was look/turn the other way to avoid it, or even change seats, okay. If the train is packed, however, and it's harder to get away, plus I'd lose my seat and have to stand, then I'd see it as annoying. If I were in a movie theatre and sitting close enough to a big-time PDA session that it was distracting me from the movie or I'd have to move in the middle of the dark theatre? Annoying. If they're a couple rows behind me and not making noise? Fine. Outdoors in an open-air public space? Cool. Standing right next to me in an elevator, with no means of escape? Not cool.

It's going to make me uncomfortable if it's over that indefineable line, but I don't think my momentary discomfort is any reason someone else should give up the freedom to do as they please (providing they're not breaking any laws).

peekaboo2011

I'll jump on the smoker-hating bandwagon as well.  Dad smokes, but I'm strongly against it.  He's also almost 60, so I'm not going to cross the man.

My issue stems with one certain smoker.  I live in a dorm, and the kid who lives across the hall/common area thing from me leaves his window open all the time, and then the door to add to it.  It won't be so bad when it warms up around here, but since it's cold, our entire hall is cold.    Normally, it wouldn't bug me.  In the past couple weeks though, he shut the window and our entire hall reeked of pot for a day.  We're talking contact high.  You want to do that nonsense, that's your prerogative.  Don't bring it into where I live.  Why can't people just not do drugs that smell bad in community living situations?

The entire ironic thing about this, however, is that we're in themed housing.  We were all supposed to be living here for "shared interests".  We're apparently technically called "Nucleus Nook" because we're the science floor.  Sigh.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:57902f61-af4d-45c1-b98c-1babf7ad1b56">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll jump on the smoker-hating bandwagon as well.  Dad smokes, but I'm strongly against it.  He's also almost 60, so I'm not going to cross the man. My issue stems with one certain smoker.  I live in a dorm, and the kid who lives across the hall/common area thing from me leaves his window open all the time, and then the door to add to it.  It won't be so bad when it warms up around here, but since it's cold, our entire hall is cold.  :(  Normally, it wouldn't bug me.  In the past couple weeks though, he shut the window and our entire hall reeked of pot for a day.  We're talking contact high.  You want to do that nonsense, that's your prerogative.  Don't bring it into where I live.  Why can't people just not do drugs that smell bad in community living situations? The entire ironic thing about this, however, is that we're in themed housing.  We were all supposed to be living here for "shared interests".  We're apparently technically called "Nucleus Nook" because we're the science floor.  Sigh.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your dorm allows smoking?!  Smoking was phased out of ours back in 2003 or 2002.  

In fact, now that I think about it, it's illegal to smoke in a lot of places here: Within public confined spaces (restaraunts, bars, malls, schools, hospitals, etc), within 4 metres of an ar intake valve, window or enterance of a building, in a car with anyone under 19, public spaces...in fact our local health authority is totally smoke free - you have to leave their property to smoke.

</div>

niknik15

Paige YGPM from me too.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:8ce4c575-1b5b-4348-8813-e5800ba857c8">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : Your dorm allows smoking?!  Smoking was phased out of ours back in 2003 or 2002.   In fact, now that I think about it, it's illegal to smoke in a lot of places here: Within public confined spaces (restaraunts, bars, malls, schools, hospitals, etc), within 4 metres of an ar intake valve, window or enterance of a building, in a car with anyone under 19, public spaces...in fact our local health authority is totally smoke free - you have to leave their property to smoke.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

<div>We don't allow smoking.  I would not pay 40 grand a year to live somewhere that allows smoking.  But the problem is proving it.  When we called safety, after three of us were able to confirm that we all had smelled it, the officer had a cold and it had apparently dissipated too much for them to prove it.  And, since he couldn't smell it, even though the kid's door was open, he wasn't able to rummage through anything to find any pipe or whatever you use to smoke pot.  Next time we'll get the kid though.</div>

heyimbren

Marley, the way I see PDA is the same reason I don't swear: I don't actually have anything against it personally, but some people do, and I think it's thoughtful just to refrain from swearing out of respect for those other people. So while I think people have the freedom to make out by my locker at school, I think it would be respectful for them to refrain from swapping spit right then, right there. Because while one can say that it's easy for me to get up and walk away, it's just as easy for them to refrain from doing so for a few minutes.

Paige, I like your smoking rant. It's very true. We have a GREAT anti-smoking group here at school that has some of the best pamphlets I've ever seen. One is geared towards people who want to quit, one for people who don't want to quit, and one for people close to those who smoke. It's called Leave the Pack Behind (click) and while it is campus based, it's so useful and the pamphlets are available online.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:c72a07d8-afb0-4082-9bd9-d18a263f1008">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]Smokers in general.  Unless you're inside an airtight container, and change your clothes before re-entering public areas, it's going to affect those around you.  Even the smell of cigarettes on someone's clothes can make me nauseous.  My colleague who sits next to me takes approximately 1 smoke break per hour, and my breathing space is severely affected.  It's gross.  I don't want to walk by you smoking and get it in my hair and clothes, I don't want to be sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine and then your smoke wafts over as you walk by.  I even hate driving to work, because I have to have "circulate air" on at all times since people smoke nearby with their windows down and my car's exhaust system picks it up and pumps it into my car.  Yuck! And the people in my neighborhood who walk their dogs and let them take a dump on our yard and don't pick it up.  It really pisses me off.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Dude, you're just too picky.  You're asking too much and a little too sensitive.

I smoke, and I'll step away from you to smoke. I'll do my best to keep my cloud of smoke away from you.
 You can read my post about it on SB.--I stay away from entrances, properly dispose of my butts, etc.

 But you are aggravated by the smoke smell on MY clothes/breath?   People smoking in their own cars...That's a little much.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:b330ef84-36e7-409c-a112-d5326ed269e4">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : Dude, you're just too picky.  You're asking too much and a little too sensitive. I smoke, and I'll step away from you to smoke. I'll do my best to keep my cloud of smoke away from you.  You can read my post about it on SB.--I stay away from entrances, properly dispose of my butts, etc.  But you are aggravated by the smoke smell on MY clothes/breath?   People smoking in their own cars...That's a little much.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

It takes over my air space.  I don't think anyone has the "right" to make me nauseous, and yes, just even a hint of cigarette smoke makes me feel queasy.  So I'm in support of any and all bans on cigarettes, smoking, etc.

If the car windows are closed, then it won't come into my car and stink up my space.  And I need to walk down the streets, too, so if you're standing in front of me or walk by me, your smoke wafts over me.  It's disgusting, and I judge people who I see smoking instantly.  Might not be fair, but it's true.  And I'm not the only one.

Wrkn925

Nevermind.... No NEY GTG for me. 

I'mma stay in my Jeep and smoke.

marleylikeair

Paige--I think you might possibly be overreacting a bit...? I really don't think anyone here is being disrespectful to smokers unilaterally, or saying you can quit just like that.

I can't speak for everyone, but let me elaborate on what I'm saying...

I know it's hard to kick and is a real addiction. I'm ridiculously proud of BF for quitting, and happy to cheer on anyone who is trying to. If I gave the impression I thought otherwise, I apologize.

I realize my BF is the exception to the rule. In some ways, we're mega-intense people and once we decide once-and-for-all something is a go, or a stop, it is. One example: when I was a toddler, my mom brought home cute "big girl panties" as a motivator, and I stayed on the toilet all day and was potty-trained, just like that. No accidents or diapers ever again. True story. It's just how we roll.

We're complaining about being subjected to secondhand smoke and cigarette butts. The problem of butts is totally fixable, addiction or no addiction. The smoke, as long as they smoke where designated only, is fine by me, whether I like it or not. I do think it's common courtesy to stand far enough away from a door that the smoke doesn't get sucked inside, though. Any smoke/smell that does come in on clothes or wind or whatever is still gross IMO, and this thread is just a complain-about-stuff-that-irks you kind of deal; I don't think complaining about smoke equals disrespect to smokers. (Maybe that's not what you were referring to, though...?)

Kids being exposed to secondhand smoke and more likely to smoke themselves are valid concerns. If Bside and I are concerned about that, we can and should express that to our SOs.

You are absolutely right that the Smoking Cessation Line is a better resource for smokers trying to quit than their SOs complaining. You're also absolutely right that a smoker is only going to quit when they're ready. I don't poke and prod any of the smokers I know. I let them know once that I want them to be healthy and take care of themselves, and I'm supportive. I don't nag because I know it's their decision and not mine. (It's also my decision who I'll live with or spend time indoors with if they're doing something that affects me negatively! Note: for a select bunch of folks, I actually *will* put up with a certain amount of second-hand smoke without saying a word, like when BF's parents invite us over for dinner.)

Also, I was half-kidding about the lung pictures and not suggesting it as something that would do the trick. I just figure if he leaves butts in his pockets for her to deal with, he can handle a tongue-in-cheek response like that. With that half-kidding suggestion, I was also expressing some tongue-in-cheek frustration in solidarity with bside's frustration. Her FI says his last cigarette will be on their first wedding anniversary, implying that he's saying he'll be totally committed to being smoke-free at that point; I think he should be committing to it sooner (not that what I think has any bearing on anything; it's just me expressing my opinion/what I'd do or expect in her shoes). Like you said, a person has to be ready and willing to quit; total success isn't required right away, but the committment has to be there, and I'm just skeptical, like Bside is, of her FI's committment to quitting if he's throwing a date out there that's way in the future and doesn't involve doing anything today, this week, or even this month toward that goal.

Okay, that got really long-winded. Cliff Notes:

- I just hate butts and secondhand smoke; I think that's all we're all saying on this thread.

- I'm proud and supportive of anyone trying to quit; I don't nag, ever.

- I mean no disrespect to smokers in general.

- I'm cool with smokers as long as they smoke where permitted and pick up their butts.

- I don't want to live or have babies with a smoker, for good reasons.

- It's really cool that you're going to be working for the Lung Association. Rock on.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:7fc17151-24c6-46e3-a141-219f9cad56b2">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]Marley, the way I see PDA is the same reason I don't swear: I don't actually have anything against it personally, but some people do, and I think it's thoughtful just to refrain from swearing out of respect for those other people. So while I think people have the freedom to make out by my locker at school, I think it would be respectful for them to refrain from swapping spit right then, right there. Because while one can say that it's easy for me to get up and walk away, it's just as easy for them to refrain from doing so for a few minutes.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Totally agree that it would be thoughtful. I just don't think of it in terms of "they shouldn't do that." I think of it more in terms of "It'd be nice if they didn't, but it's none of my business unless I can't get away from it." I think we see it mostly the same way but come to a slightly different (not totally dichotomous) conclusion.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:4e568c2a-c4eb-48fd-8df4-7b2d09ec9906">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : It takes over my air space.  I don't think anyone has the "right" to make me nauseous, and yes, just even a hint of cigarette smoke makes me feel queasy.  So I'm in support of any and all bans on cigarettes, smoking, etc. If the car windows are closed, then it won't come into my car and stink up my space.  And I need to walk down the streets, too, so if you're standing in front of me or walk by me, your smoke wafts over me.  It's disgusting, and I judge people who I see smoking instantly.  Might not be fair, but it's true.  And I'm not the only one.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

I agree with you for the most part, Cate, but I also think it's going a bit too far to say that they shouldn't be allowed to come inside with the smell on their clothes, just because, well, how are they going to avoid that unless they don't smoke at all? I do think you have every right to request a little more distance in the desk layout if the smoker is near enough that the smell on his/her clothes bothers you, and without anyone judging you for asking to be moved.

As far as smokers on the street with smoke washing over you, I don't like it either, but this is one of those situations where I don't know of a solution to the problem other than the smokers waiting until they get home, so I don't feel like I can say anything, and at least it only lasts a few seconds. What do you think?

MrsCatfish

I'm not a fan of smoking in general, but I really don't care for inconsiderate smokers.  BF smokes, has for 10 years, but he doesn't smoke in the house or in the car with me in it.  And if we're out somewhere (most of the bars/clubs around here still allow smoking inside), he'll make sure he's sitting downwind of me so the smoke doesn't blow in my face.

And if I see smokers in a car with children in it with the windows rolled up I'm really tempted to report them to child protective services..

Total change of subject, but people who are inconsiderate with their cell phones really bug me.  I have a friend from college who, every time we get in the car together to go anywhere, is on the phone with somebody (even if she's driving).  I mean, I guess it's ok for a short trip, but we drove 45 minutes into the city the other night with her on the phone, and it drove me crazy.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:d9ae7de0-84eb-4225-89cb-a82aa6361360">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : Totally agree that it would be thoughtful.<strong> I just don't think of it in terms of "they shouldn't do that."</strong> I think of it more in terms of "It'd be nice if they didn't, but it's none of my business unless I can't get away from it." I think we see it mostly the same way but come to a slightly different (not totally dichotomous) conclusion.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

Except I never said they <strong>shouldn't</strong> do it, but that it bugs me. It's a pet peeve thread ;)

Also Marley, I think Paige's point was that it isn't so easy for some people to quit smoking. It's great if your BF was super determined and able to quit cold turkey, but it is a chemical addiction that cannot always be quit simply through sheer will power. I think that was her point.

marleylikeair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:15061959-da1c-4bdc-b4c7-133bad739159">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : Except I never said they shouldn't do it, but that it bugs me. It's a pet peeve thread ;) Also Marley, I think Paige's point was that it isn't so easy for some people to quit smoking. It's great if your BF was super determined and able to quit cold turkey, but it is a chemical addiction that cannot always be quit simply through sheer will power. I think that was her point.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

Okay, gotcha. I guess I was getting the impression you were saying they shouldn't. My bad.

I got that Paige was saying it's not easy and that it's a real addiction. I'm just saying that that's not mutually exclusive with the things we were saying. It's hard to quit, but that doesn't mean we're being disrespectful by saying we hate smoke and butts.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:193ca4ab-0c8d-49b7-9277-01ff947992a2">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick! : I agree with you for the most part, Cate, but I also think it's going a bit too far to say that they shouldn't be allowed to come inside with the smell on their clothes, <strong>just because, well, how are they going to avoid that unless they don't smoke at all? </strong>I do think you have every right to request a little more distance in the desk layout if the smoker is near enough that the smell on his/her clothes bothers you, and without anyone judging you for asking to be moved. As far as smokers on the street with smoke washing over you, I don't like it either, but this is one of those situations where I don't know of a solution to the problem other than the smokers waiting until they get home, so I don't feel like I can say anything, and at least it only lasts a few seconds. What do you think?
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]

They just shouldn't smoke at all.  If you make the choice to smoke (nobody is born a smoker), you deal with the consequences.  If that means a lot of inconvenience for you, that's too bad.  ("you" is a hypothetical concept here.  I'm not directing this toward anyone).

I'm sorry, but I'm with Cate on this one.  There is nothing good about smoking, and I won't put up with smokers' "rights".  There shouldn't be any such thing.

heyimbren

I'm all for smokers not being allowed to smoke in public places (that one does bug me) but I think it's getting to be a bit much when you try to tell them they can't have smoke smell on their clothes or in their hair.

Elle1036

I don't see why it's too much.  Second hand smoke is dangerous.  I didn't ask or agree to be put in danger.  If you have smoke on you, I don't want you around me.

This is something I feel really strongly about.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:5e82c63d-c265-4081-bc6d-14846073442f">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm all for smokers not being allowed to smoke in public places (that one does bug me) but I think it's getting to be a bit much when you try to tell them they can't have smoke smell on their clothes or in their hair.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

If it stayed on their own clothes or hair, that would be one thing.  But it doesn't - smells travel.  I can smell my coworker from the 4 feet away she sits. 

If someone uses a perfume that causes an allergy for a coworker, a company will ask that employee not to wear it anymore.  I've worked for companies that have had bans on perfume and cologne to avoid this problem all together.  It's the company's responsibility to provide a healthy working environment for its employees.  Cigarette smoke makes me nauseous, but it can also trigger migraines.  I don't think it's unreasonable that my colleague should be asked to avoid smoking an hour before work until the work day is done to prevent another employee's discomfort.  I don't think I should have to move away from her when it's her behavior that is invading my space.

Look, I didn't say it was reasonable and it's certainly not likely to happen anytime soon, but I'm all for banning or taxing the heck out of cigarettes.  I just simply think people shouldn't smoke, end of story.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_cigarette-butts-ick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9f52ff10-6d50-4ff0-b4f3-db5c4e026673Post:e44f6769-0973-4698-8e07-1639fa4a7d17">Re: Cigarette Butts - Ick!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see why it's too much.  Second hand smoke is dangerous.  I didn't ask or agree to be put in danger.  If you have smoke on you, I don't want you around me. This is something I feel really strongly about.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

This!  If I were spraying toxic gas around, people would be offended, pissed off, and angry.  I don't have a "right" to subject other people to toxic gas, even if it's just the remnants they can smell on my clothes.  What's so different about cigarettes?

heyimbren

I agree that people shouldn't- but as of right now it's their choice. I totally agree that changes should be made.

And Cate, I was going to bring up the perfume thing. But to a certain extent you can't control that either. What about shampoos? Laundry detergent? Just walking around in public?