Update on FIs Dad

NurseyK

Greg is having a lot of feelings come up about his Dad. We didn't find out until it was too late that he never wanted tubes and he was a DNR. It's too late to go back because it would be inhumane to pull tubes and just stop treatment. Well... it does happen... but his family isn't ready to make that decision.

Now that so much has been done for him and he is no longer on life support, it looks like the brain damage is permanent.  His Dad is still hospitalized, confused, and trying to pull out all his tubes. He keeps getting infection after infection. Also, his insurance company is making him move somewhere cheaper - 130 miles away (to Phoenix). Greg is really upset about this move, which is happening tomorrow, because visiting him on a daily basis just isn't feasible.

Greg is realizing that he missed out on a relationship with his Dad after his Dad initially got mentally sick (depression, mania)... and that he never really knew him. In light of this, Greg wants to do better for our family by putting more effort into relationships. It would be the understatement of the year to say that he has been dealing with a lot of emotion and personal growth lately.

Greg and I are as good as can be expected relationship wise. This last 2 months has been so trying for him, which affects our relationship on daily (fluctuating) basis. It's caused him to be a bit moody and lose his $hit more easily. This is a side of him I've never seen... and am learning to give him a few inches of room when he is having a bad day.


I'm rambling. Thanks for reading. T/P please.

bethsmiles

I'm so sorry your FI has to go through this. It must be really hard. You'll both be in my prayers. *hugs*

kellyt89

Nursey, I'm so sorry for everything you and FI are dealing with. I must have missed the first post, I had no idea this was going on! I can't imagine how hard it must be for your FI to watch his dad like that.

I think that it's amazing that through all of this your FI is trying to make positive changes in himself and his relationships, that's really impressive. You both and his family are in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

lunarsongbird

Nursey- my gawd...I must have totally missed this. What an awful situation! And 130 miles away?! I HATE insurance sometimes!! Hate, hate, hate

Hm...I wonder if Greg will want to seek some counseling after all is said and done- or maybe now.

There have been times when my mother was in the hospital that I was really surprised by my own reaction. I'm sorry you are dealing with all this stuff. Have you asked Greg how you can support him? (Although- I bet he has no idea). ::hugs::

motoLyn

Oh Nursey I am sorry to hear about the situation.  You and your FI are handling it the best that you can.  You have my T&P. 

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-fis-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a0e969bc-8352-47a9-802c-e6f2eea692dbPost:2b6bce22-6425-4891-a38a-62091af313de">Re: Update on FIs Dad</a>:
[QUOTE]Nursey, I'm so sorry for everything you and FI are dealing with. I must have missed the first post, I had no idea this was going on! I can't imagine how hard it must be for your FI to watch his dad like that. I think that it's amazing that through all of this your FI is trying to make positive changes in himself and his relationships, that's really impressive. You both and his family are in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your kind words.

The cliff notes version: his dad experienced a lithium overdose because his kidney function declined, which was related to a UTI. There is no known antidote for it and no way to reverse the effects because it's a soft metal. His blood level was considered severe when he was admitted.

Hazel_B

I'm sorry you are all going through this. I'll be thinking about you.

This is a question purely out of my ignorance. I understand the family doesn't want to make that decision (who would), but if there is something that his father has signed and states his wishes doesn't that have to be followed?

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-fis-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a0e969bc-8352-47a9-802c-e6f2eea692dbPost:5360e534-8666-4a6b-9ad6-6d244fc6c47c">Re: Update on FIs Dad</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you are all going through this. I'll be thinking about you. This is a question purely out of my ignorance. I understand the family doesn't want to make that decision (who would), but if there is something that his father has signed and states his wishes doesn't that have to be followed?
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

Yes... but in this wierd situation where the paperwork was found after a tube was placed in every orifice, and then some, the only thing the hospital will do is not place any more tubes. It's now up to the MPOA to make the call to send him home on hospice... where only comfort care would be provided. He was weaned from the vent before the paperwork was found. He is now breathing on his own.

cu97tiger

I'm so sorry to hear this, Nursey. T&P coming your and Greg's way.

flygirlmeg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_update-fis-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a0e969bc-8352-47a9-802c-e6f2eea692dbPost:2b6bce22-6425-4891-a38a-62091af313de">Re: Update on FIs Dad</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong> I think that it's amazing that through all of this your FI is trying to make positive changes in himself and his relationships, that's really impressive. </strong>You both and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]

Nursery, I'm so sorry you & FI are going through this right now.  I'll echo Kelly's comment about his trying to make positive changes.  He sounds like a really amazing man.  He's lucky to have you by his side.  **hugs**

ravenray

Oh no Nursey!  *hugs*  I am so sorry that your FI is dealing with this!  I will be praying for him and you and your FI and his family.  This is so tough.  You are a wonderful FI though to be so kind and understanding in this hard time.  You are awesome!

Stina51286

Im so sorry to hear that Greg and you are having to go through this and this time of year. My thoughts and prayers go to Greg and your family in this hard time.

Hazel_B

Okay, that makes more sense to me now.

It's a tough situation no matter what you do. T & Ps

lennonkdc

Nursey, I'm so sorry that you and FI are going through this. I'm sending love and prayers to you all. Big hugs are being sent your way.

csousa1

It's incredibly hard to see your SO go through this kind of pain and feel helpless to stop/fix it.

I'm sending so much T&P to you Nursey (and FI and his family), and I'm here to talk if you need to. Although different, I understand what a tough spot this is for you and how it can affect your relationship. Hugs!!!

Peaseblossom55

Im so sorry to hear T  & P are on the way.

kmheiges

So sorry to hear about that happening to your FI family. My uncle was in an explosion a few years ago and sustained a severe brain injury. My aunt had to decide whether to pull the plug or not, and decided not to. He will never be back to his normal self, but he has made so much progress. He is now living at home (although he has 24 hour nursing care), and comes to all of our holiday parties and family activities. It is so hard to see them like that in the beginning, and it is especially frustrating that you guys wont be able to visit all of the time.

Just know that the first year after brain damage, individuals are able to make a lot of progress. My uncle used to pull at his tubes and was always confused, and now that has pretty much disappeared. He is still in a wheelchair and can't do everything by himself, but we are able to hold conversations with him. Good luck and don't give up hope!