Interfaith Problems?

Mr&MrsVazquez

Hi, we're newly engaged and new to the site. I know we probably should have put up an intro post first, but this particular topic has been bugging us since we first got engaged over the summer...

My fiance's family is *very* religious (I mean pray before every mealtime, pray over New Years countdown, you name the event, his father will pray at least five minutes (in Spanish; his family is Puerto Rican) before meals and during special times).  It's not that I mind it; in fact, I enjoy being around such faith!  The only problem is, my fiance and I do not consider ourselves "hard-core" Christians.

A while back, I introduced my fiance to Paganism, which is the base upon what I believe in the most.  Long story short, I had brought up the idea that along with the Christian ceremony, I'd like a Handfasting ritual done as well.

What we're afraid of is offending any of his family, being as religious as they are.  How can we incorporate the ritual without making it seem like I'm dragging my fiance into witchcraft or leading him away from his own faith?

kmmssg

My DD and her DH are Pagan.  Her father and I, and her biomom and stepdad are Christian.  Biomom and stepdad are Pentecostal and DD thought long and hard about it and decided this was a conversation that she would not be having with them.  WW3 would have been an understatement and a serious estrangement, I'm sure.

DD and her DH had a Pagan wedding but her mom doesn't know anything about Pagan rituals so she thought DD was just having a more "eclectic" type of wedding and wasn't happy about the lack of a prayer.

What Pagan elements are you wanting to incorporate?  DD had a handfasting as well as something where they shared some wine from a goblet.  I didn't ask her what that was called or the symbolism.

Who is going to officiate your wedding?  If you are having a Catholic ceremony, none of that stuff will fly as they do not incorporate things into the ceremony.  It is fairly cut and dried.  If you are having a Protestant ceremony you can certainly ask your officiate about including some elements, but I'm not sure how they will feel about it if they know they are Pagan rituals.  One of DD's best friends is a Pagan High Priest who performed their wedding.  They were married in a non-denominational chapel at the Univ where my husband attended.

You and FI need to decide whether your belief systems can happily coexist and you need to decide how you will be raising your children.  Make sure you are both on the same page as I have a hunch that somewhere along the lines his family is going to question things like babies being baptized, etc.

DH and I love our DD and while we aren't Pagan, she is our DD and she is who she is.  We love her unconditionally.  While I know her mother loves her with all her heart, the Pagan thing would blow up and make for a nasty rift in the family.  DD decided that didn't need to happen since they lives several states away from each other.  Her biomom is a really good person but not the brightest crayon in the box.  The Pagan rituals from the wedding went right over her head.

One other thing:  Please take his real name out of your posts and change your screen name.  You have his full name out there and one google search is all someone needs to find out way too much about him, or you.  Be safe on the net.

Good luck to you.

Simply Fated

"One other thing:  Please take his real name out of your posts and change your screen name.  You have his full name out there and one google search is all someone needs to find out way too much about him, or you.  Be safe on the net." Yup. Please be safe and edit your post do it no longer includes your full name. In the end, it's you and your fiancé's choice.. You both need to get on the same page and decide how to proceed.

Holly8412

A friend of mine is muslim and her husband is catholic. They ran into similar issues because of their families beliefs. It came down to the bride and groom sitting the families down and explaining what they wanted to do in order to represent both sides. In the beginning there was a lot of drama but once the families started realizing it wasnt about which family was "correct" and what religion should be at the top it was fine.

Mr&MrsVazquez

Wo~w, I am so sorry about putting our names out there... I'm a major in Criminal Justice and usually a LOT more careful than that, lol!  Guess i'm just really excited about the wedding... took our names out of the post; how do I edit our screenname?  Thanks for the facepalm!

My FI and I are on the same page; we want to incorporate both Christian and Pagan faith into our ceremony; the only Pagan ceremony I'd really like incorporated is the Handfasting ritual; it not only shows that, to us, we're incorporating both faiths into our lives, but it's a very romantic and heart-stringing ceremony that I've dreamed of having for years, and my FI accepts it.  Along with the Handfasting, we're going to speak about God in our vows and possibly have a prayer, so it'll be hopefully half and half.  Like I said, the only problem is offending his family, especially his father.

Simply Fated

Does his family know you're pagan? Religion is a personal choice and you shouldn't have to hide what you are. Do you think it'll help if you talk to them, first?