How far is too far? (WR - PIP)

[Deleted User]

FI and I are having a difficult time picking a wedding venue. We've looked at a few around town within our budget, but we just can't seem to decide what we want. We'd like a smaller wedding, but FI's mom wants to invite everyone under the sun.

We're thinking one way we may be able to invite everyone but not necessarily have everyone attend is to do a bit of a destination wedding. We want a location that is within driving distance, but somewhere convenient for out of town guests. I came across a cute B&B in Durango, Colorado that is about a 7 hour drive from our house. There is an airport in Durango, so out of state guests could fly in and not have to make the long drive. We think this would cut down on the local neighbors and family friends that our parents want on the guest list...because would they actually drive 7 hours to go to our wedding?

The venue can accommodate 200, so we wouldn't risk being overcrowded if everyone showed...but if only 75 came we'd be thrilled! What do you ladie's think. Is this too far to ask our family to travel? We only have about 3 friend couples, his parents, FBIL & FSIL, my grandparents and an aunt and uncle in state. All other family would have to fly in anyway.

Also...what do you think of the venue?? http://www.bluelakeranch.com/ 

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JordanL1221

I would do the same thing. I think it is a great idea!

It is YOUR wedding and YOUR day. Make it what you want.

BF has talked about getting married someday in his home state of Colorado, which I would love. Why? Because I don't want a huge wedding, and while planning my first wedding when I was engaged three years ago, I realized that she wanted to invite people I barely knew.

That is a beautiful venue and you would have gorgeous pictures. Forgive me for forgetting, but which month is your wedding in?

cu97tiger

If your parents and close friends that you MUST have there are ok with the drive, then I say go for it! The venue is very pretty, and I've heard GREAT things about Durango!

CASK85

That venue is so gorgeous! And I agree with Tiger. 

mookow86

Wow, the venue is absolutely beautiful! I agree with Tiger, too.

Peaseblossom55

Wow the venue is so pretty.  As long as people you really want to be there are willing to travel, I don't see why it wouldn't work.  You may be surprised though how many people may still attend given the distance.

bethsmiles

I love the venue. I don't think the drive is too far but I'm not sure if it will actually cut down that much on who will attend because sometimes people surprise you with what they are willing to do to attend a wedding.

Can you put your foot down with the guest list or is your FI's mom helping with the cost of the wedding?

Swazzle

I agree with Tiger also. 

That B&B is absolutely beautiful, Allusive!

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of the great thoughts ladies. I just wanted to make sure people weren't like "WTF"! Family is the most important part of our guest list. We're hoping this would be a fun getaway destination for everyone without the expense of a tropical, far away destination.

"That is a beautiful venue and you would have gorgeous pictures. Forgive me for forgetting, but which month is your wedding in?" - Jordan

Pictures are my #1, so I thought this venue was perfect for that! You didn't forget, we haven't picked a date yet. We are actually hoping to fall in love with a venue first and then pick from available dates. Probably next June or early September though.

"If your parents and close friends that you MUST have there are ok with the drive, then I say go for it!" - Tiger

This is why we have to go somewhere within driving distance. FI's dad has never said anything, but I think he's afraid of flying. It's definitely a venue we'd have to discuss further before booking, but I think our families would be comfortable with the distance.

"You may be surprised though how many people may still attend given the distance." - Danser

This is why I want to make sure even if we do a bit of a destination wedding that we can accommodate everyone we invite. We'd be hoping for less, but could afford and fit everyone invited at this location which is comforting.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:e8ddd7ac-83b9-4114-8e64-bdc2d493d4fb">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]I love the venue. I don't think the drive is too far but I'm not sure if it will actually cut down that much on who will attend because sometimes people surprise you with what they are willing to do to attend a wedding. <strong>Can you put your foot down with the guest list or is your FI's mom helping with the cost of the wedding?
</strong>Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

FI's parents are contributing to the wedding, so we do feel obligated to accommodate as much of her guest list as we can. Many of her add ons are people I have never met and FI hasn't seen in 15+ years. We're hoping the 7 hour drive would weed out some of those folks...but still allow us to invite them. Since the venue holds 200 and our core list is around 100, this would give us plenty of room if those extras did actually make it out.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:4d449bb7-9aae-4fbf-af85-dccc9afedcb4">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP) : FI's parents are contributing to the wedding, so we do feel obligated to accommodate as much of her guest list as we can. Many of her add ons are people I have never met and FI hasn't seen in 15+ years. We're hoping the 7 hour drive would weed out some of those folks...but still allow us to invite them. Since the venue holds 200 and our core list is around 100, this would give us plenty of room if those extras did actually make it out.
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

Oh ok. Well if you haven't seen a lot of these people in 15+ years or don't even know them I would bet that a lot of them don't make the 7 hour drive. It sounds like a good way to accommodate the parents without necessarily having to sacrifice what you want :)

skepticals

I agree with tiger, and the venue is georgeous!

7 hours is not that far of a drive, I drive that far just to visit home every once in a while, and it goes fast!

If people want to fly, Its maybe 45 minutes in the air (based on my destination). If you love the venue, the people who love you will find a way to be there.  

lennonkdc

I'm kinda of the fence. I agree with the PP that if the Must Haves (family and friends) are ok with it, then go for it. Its a wonderful venue and your pictures will be wonderful!

However, my un pop op, is that if your real reason for doing it (hoping some people that are important to FMIL) will not come seems immature.  If FIL's are helping  to pay for the wedding, then they have a right to have their friends there to celebrate and share this happy day for them (Their son is getting married, that's a BFD).  I know a lot of people will say "Its YOUR day" but unless you are an orphan who is marring herself there are many other people/views to consider. Just MHO.

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:cc1f1725-a059-4043-8b00-2b3d8cf34b92">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kinda of the fence. I agree with the PP that if the Must Haves (family and friends) are ok with it, then go for it. Its a wonderful venue and your pictures will be wonderful! However, my un pop op, is that if your real reason for doing it (hoping some people that are important to FMIL) will not come seems immature.  If FIL's are helping  to pay for the wedding, then they have a right to have their friends there to celebrate and share this happy day for them (Their son is getting married, that's a BFD). <strong> I know a lot of people will say "Its YOUR day" but unless you are an orphan who is marring herself there are many other people/views to consider. Just MHO.</strong>
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

lol.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:cc1f1725-a059-4043-8b00-2b3d8cf34b92">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kinda of the fence. I agree with the PP that if the Must Haves (family and friends) are ok with it, then go for it. Its a wonderful venue and your pictures will be wonderful! However, my un pop op, is that if your real reason for doing it (hoping some people that are important to FMIL) will not come seems immature.  If FIL's are helping  to pay for the wedding, then <strong>they have a right to have their friends there to celebrate and share this happy day for them (Their son is getting married, that's a BFD).</strong>  I know a lot of people will say "Its YOUR day" but unless you are an orphan who is marring herself there are many other people/views to consider. Just MHO.
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

But she wouldn't be picking a venue where they CAN'T come she would be picking a venue where it's likely people who aren't that close to them probably won't come because let's be honest someone who hasn't seen their friend's son in 15+ years probably doesn't think it's a BFD that their friend's son is getting married.

tuarceatha

If you invite them, they will come. (possibly)

People love weddings. I can't be 100% sure, but I believe even the folks that you are like "There is no way..." seem to find a way. They also seem to feel obligated to be there when they are invited. I went to a wedding in Vermont last summer for someone I'm not super close with, because I wanted to participate and enjoy the awesome resort they chose for their venue/wedding weekend. Speaking of which, that venue looks beautiful.

Where are our DW gals? Share your attendance rates?

lennonkdc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:f49bd4bb-6018-4cec-8e07-e52ea5742fb5">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP) : But she wouldn't be picking a venue where they CAN'T come she would be picking a venue where it's likely people who aren't that close to them probably won't come because let's be honest <strong>someone who hasn't seen their friend's son in 15+ years probably doesn't think it's a BFD that their friend's son is getting married.</strong>
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Probably not, but I'm assuming that not all of the people that FMIL wants to invite fall into that narrow catagory.  My point is if its important for some one who is paying to be able to have those people there, then you try to accommodate that. I think the better course of action is to talk it over with FMIL, if she won't budge on the guest list, then walk away from the money. But as in all things, those who pay get a say. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, on rereading the org post, inviting people who you know won't come or you hope don't come seems really gift grabby. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

ravenray

That is so lovely!  Please have it there!

My wedidng was only 2 1/2 hours away from most people, yet I still had a fair number of people choose not to come because of the distance.  So I think that is a great plan!

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:a528b8eb-98d9-43e1-b89f-3d332a6ba28c">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP) : Probably not, but I'm assuming that not all of the people that FMIL wants to invite fall into that narrow catagory.  My point is if its important for some one who is paying to be able to have those people there, then you try to accommodate that. I think the better course of action is to talk it over with FMIL, if she won't budge on the guest list, then walk away from the money. But as in all things, those who pay get a say.  Also, on rereading the org post, inviting people who you know won't come or you hope don't come seems really gift grabby. 
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

If they were paying 100% then I could see your point. But I get the impression that they are contributing some money so not all decisions need to accommodate them perfectly. I think it's a good compromise that the venue could hold all of the guests the parents want to invite if they choose to come but is far enough away that it may weed out people that aren't that close to the bride and groom.

Would you say that they need to pick their date based off of people they haven't seen in 15+ years just to accommodate his parents?

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:a528b8eb-98d9-43e1-b89f-3d332a6ba28c">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP) :  Also, on rereading the org post, inviting people who you know won't come or you hope don't come seems really gift grabby. 
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

I don't know..sounds to me that there is alot of people that they don't know/haven't been in touch with that FMIL wants to invite and they don't want to.  How is it then gift grabby to invite the people that the purse string holders want invited but you don't know?  I don't think it's fair to say if you accept money you have to accomodate their guest list and then call them gift grabby if they do because they don't know them/don't expect them to drive 7 hours. 

Allusive - You are never going to please everyone and if you love this venue, the most important people are ok with the travel, OOT guests are traveling anyways AND FMIL can invite all whom she wants regardless of whether they show up then I think you might be getting the best of both worlds.  Plus the fact that you chose a venue that can actually accomodate all who are being invited, shows you aren't just inviting 200 people to a 100 person venue hoping they won't show.

lennonkdc

1) Of course you are never going to make everyone happy, but those who help pay have a right to be accommodated in so far as it is reasonable possible. If FMIL's BFF who simple must be there had a condition that would make 7 hours too far, then I think that is an issue that needs to be considered. There is a huge difference between close family friends and people who haven't seen FI in 15+ years. Compromise doesn't mean making everyone happy, it means reaching a consensus that everyone can live with. 

2) Maybe gift grabby is the wrong word- how about disingenuous? Who wants to go to a wedding that you're not really wanted at to begin with?

Picking a venue with the hope that its too far for the people you don't want there in the first place seems like it could back fire. Those people might just come anyway, and those people that you really want there might not be able to make it. 

I know this is a minority opinion, but to give you an idea of where I am coming from- BF and I don't travel more then 3-4 hours for a wedding. We don't fly to them unless its close family. Its not that we don't love our friends, or want to celebrate with them, but if we are going to spend that time/money we'd rather spend it when we could actually spend time with the couple. 

I think that if Allusive, her parents and FIL's are ok with the venue, then she should go for it. I just don't like one of the reasons behind it.

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:a528b8eb-98d9-43e1-b89f-3d332a6ba28c">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP) : Probably not, but I'm assuming that not all of the people that FMIL wants to invite fall into that narrow catagory.  My point is if its important for some one who is paying to be able to have those people there, then you try to accommodate that. I think the better course of action is to talk it over with FMIL, if she won't budge on the guest list, then walk away from the money. But as in all things, those who pay get a say.  <strong>Also, on rereading the org post, inviting people who you know won't come or you hope don't come seems really gift grabby. </strong>
Posted by lennonkdc[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't see how it comes off as gift grabby at all. </div><div>
</div><div>There are people from my family that are being invited to our wedding that I hope don't come but I'm inviting them because of how we cut our list off (certain cousins/aunts/uncles), it would be wrong to exclude certain people.  There are also people from FI's family that we know more than likely won't come (his aunt who he hasn't seen in 12 years that lives in GA for example).  We're not inviting them so they send us a gift, we're inviting them because it's the right thing to do in our situation.</div>

doubleSS07

1) Of course you are never going to make everyone happy, but those who help pay have a right to be accommodated in so far as it is reasonable possible. If FMIL's BFF who simple must be there had a condition that would make 7 hours too far, then I think that is an issue that needs to be considered. There is a huge difference between close family friends and people who haven't seen FI in 15+ years. Compromise doesn't mean making everyone happy, it means reaching a consensus that everyone can live with. 
I get what you are saying, I think that what I see was that it seems those things would be considered because it doesn't sound like they intend to do anything without the importnat people having a certain amount of say in it.

2) Maybe gift grabby is the wrong word- how about disingenuous? Who wants to go to a wedding that you're not really wanted at to begin with? Picking a venue with the hope that its too far for the people you don't want there in the first place seems like it could back fire. Those people might just come anyway, and those people that you really want there might not be able to make it. 
I think you are right in that it could definitely backfire if you chose a venue hoping people wouldn't show and that if they did you wouldn't be able to accomodate them.  I guess since she is actually looking at something, while a fair distance away, isn't totally out of reach and CAN accomodate everyone being invited, I don't see the issue with it.  Whether people choose to think they they were invited but not really welcome is on them.

I know this is a minority opinion, but to give you an idea of where I am coming from- BF and I don't travel more then 3-4 hours for a wedding. We don't fly to them unless its close family. Its not that we don't love our friends, or want to celebrate with them, but if we are going to spend that time/money we'd rather spend it when we could actually spend time with the couple.  I think that if Allusive, her parents and FIL's are ok with the venue, then she should go for it. I just don't like one of the reasons behind it.
If I were invited to this wedding (for example) I agree that I would certainly do what you and BF do and that is to evaluate the time, distance, money involved and relation to the bride and groom.  I would honestly be happy that I was even thought of enough to be invited, especially if I haven't seen/spoken to or even met the couple.  I wouldn't take it so personally that they chose to have their wedding at a destination that wasn't convenient for me.  It's my choice whether or not to attend in the end.  I get what you are saying about the reason behind it though and I guess I can see it from her perspective because you want what you want but you also want to try to not piss off your future in laws too. Eloping sounds good after reading all the cruddy planning stories! 

becunning2

Allusive:

The venue is absolutely lovely, but I also have mixed feelings about the location. If my best friend were getting married, I wouldn't drive 7 hours to her wedding. That's 14 hours of driving (two whole days!) for a weekend plus hotel costs. That makes visiting really pricey!  If you don't want that large of a wedding, I think you should find a way to have the wedding you want without your FMILs money. I'd talk with your FMIL about  reducing the guest list because you're just not comfortable with it.

jaycee7389

Wow that venue is breathtaking! My only concern would be what if only immediate family/BP can come? That seems like a pretty huge venue for a small number of people. Does this place have a vendor list or coordinator to help with planning? People often forget that when they rent a place without any help you have to rent each and every single thing. The price really adds up fast. If you do have some help though, go for it! You will have amazing pictures as well!

[Deleted User]

You've all given me a lot to think about...and I want you to know that I appreciate ALL opinions of those who've taken the time to post here.

After attempting to write multiple responses to the above posts...I am finally giving up. We can't possibly make everyone happy with our wedding and trying to justify our reasons for considering this venue are only making me upset.

I feel as though, as a bride these days...there is no decision you make that won't be critiqued, examined, questioned and disliked. Why does the bride have to accommodate everyone and all their opinions? I don't want to be selfish...I don't even need a pretty princess day.  All I want is to be married to the love of my life and to have our closest family and friends present to share the day with us. It would be nice to have some beautiful pictures to remember the moment by.  

I'm having a very "damned if you do, damned if you don't" feeling towards my wedding. I was hoping this post would help me get excited about planning again...but honestly I just want to go cry right now. I'm over my wedding and it's barely begun.

ugh. Please don't think i'm blaming anyone here. I've just generally been in a funk about planning lately. I keep thinking i've found the "this will make everyone happy" solution, get all excited...and then someone doesn't like it or brings up something i've not thought of. I know i'll get excited about my wedding again...but for now I think I just need to take a month off or something.

A bottle of wine may be in order tonight...

becunning2

Definitely have the wine Allusive!  Wedding planning is no fun, and it is stressful to try to make everyone happy. You're right that you can't make everyone happy, dear, but don't let yourself be the one who is unhappy in the process. HUGS!

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:28b54776-d3ef-4b30-a80d-dd11702dca3c">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]You've all given me a lot to think about...and I want you to know that I appreciate ALL opinions of those who've taken the time to post here. After attempting to write multiple responses to the above posts...I am finally giving up. We can't possibly make everyone happy with our wedding and trying to justify our reasons for considering this venue are only making me upset. <strong>I feel as though, as a bride these days...there is no decision you make that won't be critiqued, examined, questioned and disliked. Why does the bride have to accommodate everyone and all their opinions?</strong> I don't want to be selfish...I don't even need a pretty princess day.  All I want is to be married to the love of my life and to have our closest family and friends present to share the day with us. It would be nice to have some beautiful pictures to remember the moment by.   I'm having a very "damned if you do, damned if you don't" feeling towards my wedding. I was hoping this post would help me get excited about planning again...but honestly I just want to go cry right now. I'm over my wedding and it's barely begun. ugh. Please don't think i'm blaming anyone here. I've just generally been in a funk about planning lately. I keep thinking i've found the "this will make everyone happy" solution, get all excited...and then someone doesn't like it or brings up something i've not thought of. I know i'll get excited about my wedding again...but for now I think I just need to take a month off or something. A bottle of wine may be in order tonight...
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You will never be able to make everyone else happy, honey.</div><div>
</div><div>It's lovely that FMIL wants to help pay.</div><div>
</div><div>I get that it's her son getting married.</div><div>
</div><div>But my personal opinion is that the general concept of your wedding really should be about what you and your FI want.</div><div>
</div><div>If the two of you truly want a SMALL wedding of around 75 people, then I personally don't see anything wrong with sitting FMIL down and saying, "We deeply appreciate your generosity, and we value your opinion. But what we really want for our wedding is a small guest list made up of people who are important to us personally, who we talk to regularly, who have supported us and/or our relationship. That is what would be most meaningful for us, and we hope that you can respect our wishes."</div><div>
</div><div>This is what relationships are about. Setting reasonable boundaries with other people to protect your own well-being. It's not selfish. It's putting your own happiness first. You're allowed to do that. It is HEALTHY to do that. Putting others first and being unable to stand up for what you want is UNhealthy. </div><div>
</div><div>So. My best advice is to sit down with your FI and talk about what the two of you want, and how you will talk to other people about your plans. Be a united front. </div><div>
</div><div>Seriously, once you make some decisions together and have talked those through with your families and the most important people you want there, you will feel SO much better. Hang in there. *hugs*</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:  Also -- Don't accept monetary support from people who won't respect your wishes. It's better to wait longer and have the wedding you and your FI want and pay for it all yourselves, I promise. </div><div>
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bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_how-far-is-too-far-wr-pip?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a8928fab-c955-42c0-a5ee-39f67631fe2aPost:28b54776-d3ef-4b30-a80d-dd11702dca3c">Re: How far is too far? (WR - PIP)</a>:
[QUOTE]You've all given me a lot to think about...and I want you to know that I appreciate ALL opinions of those who've taken the time to post here. After attempting to write multiple responses to the above posts...I am finally giving up. We can't possibly make everyone happy with our wedding and trying to justify our reasons for considering this venue are only making me upset. I feel as though, as a bride these days...there is no decision you make that won't be critiqued, examined, questioned and disliked. Why does the bride have to accommodate everyone and all their opinions? I don't want to be selfish...I don't even need a pretty princess day.  All I want is to be married to the love of my life and to have our closest family and friends present to share the day with us. It would be nice to have some beautiful pictures to remember the moment by.   I'm having a very "damned if you do, damned if you don't" feeling towards my wedding. I was hoping this post would help me get excited about planning again...but honestly<strong> I just want to go cry right now. I'm over my wedding and it's barely begun. ugh.</strong> Please don't think i'm blaming anyone here. I've just generally been in a funk about planning lately. I keep thinking i've found the "this will make everyone happy" solution, get all excited...and then someone doesn't like it or brings up something i've not thought of. I know i'll get excited about my wedding again...but for now I think I just need to take a month off or something.<strong> A bottle of wine may be in order tonight...</strong>
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

Oh noes! Wine is definitely in order!

Deserts advice was pretty much perfect IMO (as always) so I don't have much else to add except to always keep in mind that at the end of the wedding planning no matter how stressful it may get at times in the end you will be married to the love of you life :)

K Everdeen12

Personally, I DGAF if my FMIL's or my parents' friends can't make it to our wedding (both have expressed wanting to add friends to the guest list).  They aren't going to be invited because *we* want them there, and I would certainly not plan my wedding around their attendance.  These aren't people that I would lose sleep over not having witness my wedding.  Not that I don't like them, I just don't see how friends of my parents or FILs would trump my and my FI's needs and desire for our wedding.  

What did matter to me and him was having a wedding located close enough so that the majority of our friends and families could make it.  (Admittedly, our wedding is only 1 hour from my family, while being 2 hours from FI's, but it's kind of what we had to work with due to the venues in the path between FI's family in NY and mine in PA.  It does sound like FI's extended family is excited about the wedding and doesn't mind the trip, so that's encouraging!)  

We're lucky in that most of our guests are in one of two locations.  If I had to deal with a much more widespread guest list or a longer distance between them, like you have, I would just make sure it's close to an airport, period.  It seems like your venue accomplishes that, so as long as it's okay with your VIP guests who need to drive 7 hours, then I don't see a problem with it.  

I agree with everything that Desert said, also.  If your FMIL is going to insist it's closer so that her friends can attend, then don't accept her financial contribution.  I think it's immature on her part, to be honest.  It's her son's wedding day, yes.  But that certainly does not mean it becomes a social event for her.  If your FMIL wants you to invite them, and you're okay with that, that's fine.  They don't have to attend OR send a gift.  (But I don't think you should *expect* anyone to decline an invitation.  People do love weddings and will travel for them.)

You may want to try the approach of dividing the guest list into 3 parts - your parents' guests, your FILs' guests, and you and your FI's guests.  Have you tried telling FMIL "you have 50 spots on the guest list, please let us know who you would like to invite"?  It might be more complicated with them paying, but again, you don't have to accept it if they are trying to overrule your guest list.  

Also, that venue looks gorgeous.  

That was long and rambly, and like 12 hours late but I wanted to play in this thread.  

[Deleted User]

Thanks so much for the kind words and suggestions ladies. I really appreciate everything you all said...and I am feeling better this morning about everything. Desert - everyone knows you're one smart cookie! I just wanted to let you know that your perspective on this has really helped me. You always seem to know exactly what to say.