Babies

paintgirl

Certainly a lot of stories on this one! I'd take drugs. As many and as often as they'd give them to me. But we're still on the fence with kids anyway. I'm just fascinated by all of the options available to women these days - doulas, midwives, birthing centers, you name it.

Question: What's the difference between a doula and midwife?

Button5807

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:2f92ee34-cafc-46cb-bbfc-be63f0f6c396">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I do want an epidural.. I don't mind needles and I'm sure the baby would rather be born drugged up than having to fully experience all the trauma.  I'm also not completely opposed to a c section.  If it's whats necessary, sure, why not.  It's not something I would aim for, although I was a planned C section baby and I think I'm well adjusted and normal.  (You know, besides the fact that i'm a horned tuna.) I was a month early and 8 1/2 lbs.  I think I'm probably going to have a large baby.  Which scares the bejeezus out of me because of my mom's experience with my sister (she was 11 lbs and delivered vaginally from a 19 year old in a foreign country) Okay, I'll tell the nasty story because I can't resist. I'm an army brat so my family's traveled a lot.  My parents lived in Europe for a long time in the beginning of their marriage (married when my mom was 17). They had my sister in Germany.  My dad spoke German, my mom did not.  The doctor spoke only some English.  My sister was a HUGE baby.  My mom was small framed.  She didn't dialate enough (I think she made it to 4/5 cm, you're supposed to be at 10) but the process was moving too fast for them to stop it.  In any normal hospital, they would have done an emergency c section, but they decided instead they would just cut her open.  They cut all the way past her anus, and then they still couldn't get my sister out so they had to use the forceps.  Instead of grabbing the shoulders, they latched onto her left arm, which caused it to go paralyzed.  They told her she'd never get to use that arm again (but my mom did exercises with her everyday and now she writes with that hand). So yeah, when I came I was yanked out of her appendicitis scar.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

You just scarred me for life.

Narwhal

Also I think when I get pregnant I'll look into Hynobirth.  It won't work for everyone, but I am able to be hypnotized so maybe it would be beneficial.  I guess what I'm saying is that I'm probably going to look for other ways to do it, but if it gets bad I have no problem wimping out for an epidural.

Also, my apologies, button.

Narwhal

I think a midwife actually participates in the birthing process and a doula is more like a coach.

paintgirl

Confession - my big hold out on having a baby is that I don't want to get fat. I have lost a ton of weight but have a horrible body image. Most women do but I should be seeing a srhink. Anyway, I'm afraid I'd try NOT to gain weight during pregnancy and it would hurt the baby. Or I'm afraid I'd turn in to a blimp and have to jump off the roof of the hospital afterwards.

And I might be a horrible mother. And it might not be possible without IVF or something anyway, so why even hope for it?

Button5807

Paint - have you ever considered seeing someone about those issues?

paintgirl

Yes. I regularly consider seeing a plastic surgeon.

Or were you referring to some other specialist?

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:9b56318b-3115-4b84-8782-f747f7606e53">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE] Question: What's the difference between a doula and midwife?
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

A doula is more like a coach.  She is there for emotional and physical support during labor.  She helps the parents follow their birth plan.  Often they also provide lactation consultation.   
Our doula will come to our house for the early labor phase.  I want to go to the hospital when necessary, but not earlier.  She will support both of us through the labor process.  This means supporting DH as well, so he can fully support me.  She is trained in the Bradley method, so she will keep on track there.  She will also do a post-partum follow-up at our house. 

A midwife has more medical capabilities.  She provides pre-natal care, delivery of the baby, post-partum care for the mother and newborn care. 
I have seen a midwife at some of my baby appointments.  It is possible that a midwife will also be present at the birth, if our OB cannot make it. 

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:00c0b105-9383-4dfa-a3e6-b57be113fba1">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Confession - my big hold out on having a baby is that I don't want to get fat. I have lost a ton of weight but have a horrible body image. Most women do but I should be seeing a srhink. Anyway, I'm afraid I'd try NOT to gain weight during pregnancy and it would hurt the baby. Or I'm afraid I'd turn in to a blimp and have to jump off the roof of the hospital afterwards. And I might be a horrible mother. And it might not be possible without IVF or something anyway, so why even hope for it?
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '5b3a1ec9-5ed7-49a2-828d-dce4fb55cae1', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/2/5b3a1ec9-5ed7-49a2-828d-dce4fb55cae1.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>  I understand and then some. 

The hardest part of being pregnant has been gaining weight.  I struggle with it daily.  I thought I would take weekly pictures, but I haven't.  Too many pictures made me cry.  All I could hear was my mother's voice through all the years.  Her constant comments about getting into the gym or questioning what I'd eaten that day still haunt me.  The only time I was ever thin enough for her was when I had food poisoning and was working out 5-6 hours a day for crew.  I looked anorexic at that point.   

It is truly a psychological battle for me.  But at the end of the day, Mr. Man wins.  I eat.  I focus on eating healthy foods.  I focus on fulfilling my daily nutrient requirements.  I focus on sustaining this pregnancy and growing our child.  At the end of the day, his needs are more important than mine.

Plus it will be much easier for me to lose the weight after he is born than for him to be born at a low-birth weight or with some sort of nutritional deficiency.  And there is always plastic surgery on the other side. 

Ana_2985

Narwhal that is terrifying.

I don't care what other people do, but I know that a water birth is not for me.  I'm just not into it.  I don't have the personality to see the appeal of that at all.

I have no idea if I'd want to be medicated.  I don't know enough about it.  Natural child birth and needles in my spine are equally scary to me.

An elective C-section is something I would never do.  I don't think I would ever go through any type of elective surgery.

When my sister had my niece, it was over in about 5 hours start to finish.  It was so easy.  I am hoping it runs in the family.

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:0628ad46-6b4d-4cc8-8f82-769b70c1b817">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes. I regularly consider seeing a plastic surgeon. Or were you referring to some other specialist?
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I should NOT have LOL'ed at this, but I did. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /></div><div>
</div><div>

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chipypony

From all my EMT/ Paramedic friends out there, just go to the hospital, we really dont want to deliver your babies either... that really can be traumatic

On another note, I am very small and I worry that I won't be able to get them out, also I have very bad scoliosis and a fused spine and metal rods in my back so, no epi for me, they won't be able to get it in BF saw a water birth last night at a local hospital doing his OB rotation, he was traumatized.

paintgirl

See Mutley gets it. I've never been anorexic - no will power - I've been more of the binge-and-purge kind of gal. I've been overweight most of my life. Only in the past few years have I been a healthy weight.

Desert - It's ok. I'm a smart *ss. It was meant to be a little funny. (It's left over from when I was the fat kid. Fat kids are typically funny. They always make fun of themselves before other people can get to it.)

But seriously - aside from a plastic surgeon, no I've not seen anyone about it. I've considered everything from shrink (seems too passive - if I just lost a few more pounds I wouldn't have this body image issue - sitting on the couch talking about it isn't going to make the weight disappear) to nutrionist (but I LIKE chocolate and bad food) to personal trainer to...

**Mutley**

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:06fd7a5b-3ee9-4d7c-8c78-5fd20d8068f6">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]See Mutley gets it. I've never been anorexic - no will power - I've been more of the binge-and-purge kind of gal. I've been overweight most of my life. Only in the past few years have I been a healthy weight.
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

See, I was never anorexic because I refused to be classified that way.  I knew the medical definition and stayed one step away from it.  Yes, I was that f-ed up.  I am 10 times better now.  It is the biggest reason that I cannot live near my mother.  I fully believe that she is anorexic or has some sort of eating disorder.  She was a professional ballerina when she was young, so I think it goes with the territory. 

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:06fd7a5b-3ee9-4d7c-8c78-5fd20d8068f6">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE] I've considered everything from shrink (seems too passive - if I just lost a few more pounds I wouldn't have this body image issue - sitting on the couch talking about it isn't going to make the weight disappear) to nutrionist (but I LIKE chocolate and bad food) to personal trainer to...
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

For me, I don't know if I will ever get past it.  I am better.  I try to focus more on being healthy than my size.  Prior to getting pregnant, I was the most confident in my body I had ever been.  I was not at my thinnest.  I was not even at my healthiest.  However, I was happy with my body.  I know I will get back there again.  I know that having children and a family are more important to me than my thighs, even if I currently hate them.

More than anything, I refuse to pass this on to our daughters.  I will not continue the cycle.  I will not make my daughters feel what my mother made me feel. 

paintgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:cf69a713-9be4-472c-b3d9-227a0210cbe7">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]I will not continue the cycle.  I will not make my daughters feel what my mother made me feel. 
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Another fear about reproducing. My family is overweight. I don't want to raise unhealthy overweight children but I don't want to swing too far the other way and raise unhealthy skinny children with poor body image or eating disorders. I am SO careful about what I say in front of my nieces. They tell me I look skinny or they ask why/how I lost weight. I answer based on health, not appearance. I don't want them to have the same hang ups I do.

**Mutley**

Paint, I really just want to give you the biggest hug right now.  I understand why you are having these fears.  I think that being aware of them is the first step.  The next step is deciding that you want to do it differently.

If you do decide to have kids, I know that you will be a great mother.  The fact that you are putting so much thought into it before jumping in shows that. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:90b3b4dd-88ae-4f98-aa7d-206e237aa967">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : You just scarred me for life.
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

Me too.  I'm still sitting here in complete shock. 

[Deleted User]

Awww I feel like jumping through this screen and hugging you paint - Getting over the whole body image thing sucks.  I honestly don't think an hour goes by that I don't think about how disgusting I look and wonder how on earth FI can love me when I look this way... I'm working on it, but I don't know if I will ever get to the point where I truly feel comfortable in my own skin.

Oh and I want to give you a HUGE hug too Mut... It breaks my heart that you're mother treated you that way.  If I learned anything from my mother's parenting skills, its how NOT to parent.   

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:d6739031-bc45-495c-b48a-cebb7c199eb1">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE] also I have very bad scoliosis and a fused spine and metal rods in my back so, no epi for me, they won't be able to get it in :( Posted by chipypony[/QUOTE]

Harrington rods....my FI had that done too. It is also probably what contributed to him breaking his neck and needing more rods. I had never heard of the surgery until I met him.

hetshup

I think this thread needs a snuggle train.




Snuggles.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:06fd7a5b-3ee9-4d7c-8c78-5fd20d8068f6">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]It's left over from when I was the fat kid. Fat kids are typically funny. They always make fun of themselves before other people can get to it
Posted by paintgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS!! I always get "Oh you're so funny!" And I'm like "Well yes, most fat kids are funny." And people don't get it! THANK YOU! I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!</div><div>
</div><div>Also, you need a hug...like 7times over *HUGS*  I have NEVER been comfortable with my weight/size/shape but in recent years I've come to accept it.  It's who I am.  I can only change it so much and even changing it doesn't always help.  I lost 40lbs and it didn't make me feel any better.  I fit into a size 20 instead of a 26...but that doesn't really make me any better...it just makes me smaller </div><div>
</div><div>*shrug* I could go on and on about weight issues/body image/fatness but I won't.</div><div>
</div><div>And Mutley you need a hug too *hug* I am sorry that you didn't have more support about body image when you were growing up.  But I'm so glad you realize the importance your attitude will have on your children.  You're  going to be a rockin' mom;)</div>

PaigeMcC

And on the baby side - I'm having TONS! And I'll do it at a hospital, probably the same one I was born at.  Drugs will be an option.  I'll try without but that might not last long.  I'm a wimp

sapphirebaby926

I just want to jump through my screen and give Paint and Mutley hugs ::HUGS::

As far as birth for me I know I'm a wimp and I'll need an epidural - I have no delusions about that. I don't want to have a c-section either unless it's absolutely necessary. I think too many people have c-sections because it's easier or because they're too worried about their vag streching out.

chipypony

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:1d968300-0a86-474b-90b0-65138ccda0cf">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : Harrington rods....my FI had that done too. It is also probably what contributed to him breaking his neck and needing more rods. I had never heard of the surgery until I met him.
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

Most people haven't heard of them, mine are pretty obvious though, I have a scar from the base of my neck to base of my spine and one of the clips holding one of the rods in place is visible under my skin, its gross but BF puts up with it. I am also not suppose to do any sort of dangerous things, they told me not to ride horses, I don't really listen well.

dwest2201

Mutley and Paint I feel for you girls.  I wish more women would discuss the way they feel because I really think that all of us have body image issues to some extent... society makes it hard not to!

I tend to lose weight when I stress, without trying and its actually really annoying because the more I stress the more I lose.   When my ex and I separated and had issues at first working out our agreements etc I lost 20 lbs. and having starting at 125 that was not good!  Mostly the problems I have are some appearance issues... not so much with size, I have a wardrobe of clothes that range from size 2-7 thanks to baby and stress I've got a collection so I can gain or lose without the added stress of needing new clothes.  My biggest hang up is with proportion... I'm small but I have tiny boobs (AA's) so some clothes look horrible on me.  I feel insecure at times about my body and at other times I think I look good or feel sexy...  but I try to keep the focus on doing what is best for me to be healthy (eat right, work out) without over thinking it.  it's hard being a woman!

I had a mother who was tiny naturally (5 feet nothing and about 100 pounds) and I have similar genes so I'm naturally small and pretty thin... however my mom was always concerned about her "fat areas" or her legs or butt or belly etc etc.  She worked out every single morning and was very fit until she got sick.  She also encouraged me to be careful not to get fat and to stay healthy (aka skinny).   I thought that I was strong and didn't let that get to me but it did... sometimes I catch myself saying the same things under my breath when I look in the mirror.  It's a fine line between "letting yourself go" and being "sick" unheathily worrying or doing things that are hazardous to your health. 

I'm blessed to have a BF who has been with me through a lot and have proven that he REALLY loves me no matter what I look like... even when I have hormonal breakouts and my face looks like a pizza.  He says that he'd love me if I doubled in size even and I honestly believe that he will, even though I have no intention of doubling in size! 

loopy82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:b0710469-5526-4715-b138-b48262856e72">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : Most people haven't heard of them, mine are pretty obvious though, I have a scar from the base of my neck to base of my spine and one of the clips holding one of the rods in place is visible under my skin, its gross but BF puts up with it. I am also not suppose to do any sort of dangerous things, they told me not to ride horses, I don't really listen well.
Posted by chipypony[/QUOTE]

Yup, FI had that scar - now it goes from the bottom of his hairline because of breaking his neck. When people ask him what happened he says "Indian with a hatchett." Then he gets a strange perplexed look, like is he telling the truth?

bethsmiles

I think that it really depends on the person, but a home birth is not for me. If something is wrong with my baby I want to be at the hospital with people who can fix it. I know midwives have some medical training but they aren't a doctor. Also I have zero pain tolerance so that wouldn't be good. But I still would rather adopt than have my own right now, I know that could change though.

chipypony

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ab64a9f0-935f-4cb5-be3a-38b34866d396Post:208cc322-3dca-4a75-962c-b55adc675f73">Re: Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies : Yup, FI had that scar - now it goes from the bottom of his hairline because of breaking his neck. When people ask him what happened he says "Indian with a hatchett." Then he gets a strange perplexed look, like is he telling the truth?
Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

I have another scar from some brain surgery that starts about an inch above the one down my back. My sisters thoought it would be funny if I got the top of the scar tattooed like a zipper pull and told people I was an alien and thats how I got out of my human skin...my sisters are weird.

Again, I'd like to reiterate that us EMTs and paramedics really really don't want to deliver your babies...
Last year I went on a call for a person unconscious, turns out it was the soon to be father who's wife's water had just broken and he passed out in the bathroom he was so nervous, the wife called 9-1-1 because he was passed out and she neglected to tell us she was in labor...needless to say they both went by ambulance

KD+BC

I would like to someday go with out an epidural and be as natural as possible. However, I would never do a home birth. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to my baby because there was no doctor there.

I do have a huge problem with people when they say, "women gave birth at home for thousands of years." Yes, you are correct. Take a look at the infant mortality rate. Now look at the mortality rate of mothers during childbirth. Thanks.

KD+BC

Oh, and Narwhal's story doesn't really shock me. My mom was ripped open with me and my cousin's wife dislocated both hips during childbirth. It's not a pretty thing but they are all healthy and happy now!