Not Engaged Yet

I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...

**Slight rant**
I forgot to say that she's only 18, if that changes anything. 
My best friend (the girl who is supposed to be my MOH) has been with her BF for five months, and granted they seem to be very much in love, she is convinced that she is going to spend forever with him and they will be moving in together and getting married. She's talking about when her and her BF will get married, how soon it may be, etc. 

I'm not sure how to tell her she needs to cool it on the wedding planning or she's going to drive herself crazy. That and I'm really nervous they'll get engaged before me and my BF do. I know, that probably sounds selfish but I've been her friend for 8 years and I know how she is and this is something that will pass if they break up. 

I'm just not sure what to do.... she has the tendency to blow of me and her other friends for her boyfriend and also hangs out with this not-so-nice girl who I know is talking bad about me. 

Sorry if this is all over the place. :(

Edit: Thanks for the eye opener you guys. :)
I'm just a mess of emotion about her and how our relationship has changed. 
As for the MOH comment, I see now it may have been a mistake to make such a serious promise especially since our relationship has changed very much since high school when the promise was made, but I'll definitely have to cross that bridge when the time comes.
As for Goldlie said, it does sound very selfish about what I said about her possibly getting engaged before I do. 
This is the kind of advice I needed as opposed to someone just holding my hand and telling me what I want to hear.

Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...

  • edited December 2011
    I think you're BSC if you're already referring to her as your MOH when you're not engaged yet. Both of you need to cheeeeeeel.
  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Take a deep breath.  It doesn't really sounds like she is planning that much, just doing the wow I'm so in love thing.  Talk to her about your issues with her not spending much time with you and deal with the friendship thing.  Let the rest go, it will be what it will be. 
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:07138f12-ac8c-4804-b989-cbf934e9d75b">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're BSC if you're already referring to her as your MOH when you're not engaged yet. Both of you need to cheeeeeeel.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
    I didn't realize it sounded that way! Haha.<div>My bad. I really meant to use the fact that we promised (this promise was made in high school) to be each others MOH as an indication of how good a friend she is to me. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:bbc8d890-628b-4520-bc6a-0f82d79a801f">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Take a deep breath.  It doesn't really sounds like she is planning that much, just doing the wow I'm so in love thing.  Talk to her about your issues with her not spending much time with you and deal with the friendship thing.  Let the rest go, it will be what it will be. 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
    Thank you. I've tried to tell her politely she needs to be careful of taking things too seriously too fast, but she kind of blew off the advice. I'll try it again.<div>As for the friendship thing, it's good advice. :) College has definitely changed the dynamic of our friendship and it's not something I'm used to. Hopefully we can work our problems out easilly considering she's one of my roommates starting in August! </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:07138f12-ac8c-4804-b989-cbf934e9d75b">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're BSC if you're already referring to her as your MOH when you're not engaged yet. Both of you need to cheeeeeeel.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
    GPB FTW<div>
    </div><div>Seriously, don't pick your wedding party until you are engaged and not too for from the date.  If you have a long engagement, don't pick right away.  Unfortunately, relationships change.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, it's quite selfish for you to be concerned that she'll get engaged before you.  It's not a competition. </div>
  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you need to tell her things are going too fast, unless you think something other than her saying "I want to marry my new bf" is the problem.  Many girls get new bf's and think what if.  A friend of mine met a guy at my wedding and is now totally saying what if... but she then moves back to reality.  Thats not a problem IMHO.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the eye opener you guys. :)
    I'm just a mess of emotion about her and how our relationship has changed. 
    As for the MOH comment, I see now it may have been a mistake to make such a serious promise especially since our relationship has changed very much since high school when the promise was made, but I'll definitely have to cross that bridge when the time comes.
    As for Goldlie said, it does sound very selfish about what I said about her possibly getting engaged before I do. 

    This is the kind of advice I needed as opposed to someone just holding my hand and telling me what I want to hear. 
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Calm down.  I know it is hard to hear someone who has been dating less then you might be is or engaged. I know being jealous is hard. 
    I would stop worrying about your friend’s relationship.  Just be happy for her that she found someone she is happy with.  Unless you have good reason to not like him, don't be down on their relationship, she might not want to be friends you after a while if you are unsupportive of her relationship. 
    If you worry about her hanging out with this other friend, talk to her.  If she really is your best friend you should be able to express your concerns calmly and without placing blame.
    GL 

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:3ae03f2b-7b29-465f-b33b-2cd188cd45fc">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Calm down.  I know it is hard to hear someone who has been dating less then you might be is or engaged. I know being jealous is hard.  I would stop worrying about your friend’s relationship.  Just be happy for her that she found someone she is happy with.  Unless you have good reason to not like him, don't be down on their relationship, she might not want to be friends you after a while if you are unsupportive of her relationship.  If you worry about her hanging out with this other friend, talk to her.  If she really is your best friend you should be able to express your concerns calmly and without placing blame. GL 
    Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]
    Taking deep breaths now! <div>Thank you for the advice. Sometimes it's hard to see past your own jealousy to see what the right thing to do is and I'm no exception to that.</div><div>As for the other friend problem, I'll definitely do that I'm just nervous in case what I think is happening is really true. </div><div>Thanks again. :)</div>
  • edited December 2011
    What GPB said. We don't know the whole story on your friend and her BF, but I don't really know if you can judge whether or not they are going to stay together. Also, the length of the relationship has nothing to do with the seriousness of the relationship. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years and it was no where as serious as my relationship with FI (which is shorter).

    EDIT: Ok I read it wrong and thought you were saying you've been with your BF longer and that's why you don't want them to get engaged first. But still, you shouldn't care if they do.
    5/27/12
    image
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, but I think when you are nineteen years old and have been with a person for five months, it is way way too soon to even think about marriage, let alone be talking about it.

    I bet the guy has no idea the girl he is seeing is doing this. Am I right?

    In general, physiologically speaking, people do really need more time to know each other. In the first flush of attraction and infatuation...well, it's almost like a high. You're not necessarily thinking clearly. You need more time to form a lasting, deep attachment to another person.

    I am not at all saying there aren't exceptions. But that's exactly what they are. IMO, good advice is not based on exceptions.

    If this girl were my friend, I would straight up tell her she's being unrealistic. Life is not a romance novel or fairy tale. It is in her own best interests to take her time and not rush into anything.

    Not only is college a time of great personal change, but those first few years out of school are also full of change.

    Statistically speaking, those who marry later have a lower divorce rate. There is a reason for that.

    I think good friends are the ones who will be honest with you. Not the ones who enable unhealthy thinking or behavior.

    So be a good friend and talk to her in a calm, respectful way about the good sense of cooling it a bit and just enjoy being in a happy relationship for a while without worrying about the future.

    JMO, though. You have to do what you think is best. :)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I think when you are nineteen years old and have been with a person for five months, it is way way too soon to even think about marriage, let alone be talking about it. I bet the guy has no idea the girl he is seeing is doing this. Am I right? In general, physiologically speaking, people do really need more time to know each other. In the first flush of attraction and infatuation...well, it's almost like a high. You're not necessarily thinking clearly. You need more time to form a lasting, deep attachment to another person. I am not at all saying there aren't exceptions. But that's exactly what they are. IMO, good advice is not based on exceptions. If this girl were my friend, I would straight up tell her she's being unrealistic. Life is not a romance novel or fairy tale. It is in her own best interests to take her time and not rush into anything. Not only is college a time of great personal change, but those first few years out of school are also full of change. Statistically speaking, those who marry later have a lower divorce rate. There is a reason for that. I think good friends are the ones who will be honest with you. Not the ones who enable unhealthy thinking or behavior. So be a good friend and talk to her in a calm, respectful way about the good sense of cooling it a bit and just enjoy being in a happy relationship for a while without worrying about the future. JMO, though. You have to do what you think is best. :)
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    I completely missed the part about being 19, but that changes things.
    5/27/12
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:eff028a4-4d97-4536-8e3c-b37d4ff87495">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I think when you are nineteen years old and have been with a person for five months, it is way way too soon to even think about marriage, let alone be talking about it. I bet the guy has no idea the girl he is seeing is doing this. Am I right? In general, physiologically speaking, people do really need more time to know each other. In the first flush of attraction and infatuation...well, it's almost like a high. You're not necessarily thinking clearly. You need more time to form a lasting, deep attachment to another person. I am not at all saying there aren't exceptions. But that's exactly what they are. IMO, good advice is not based on exceptions. If this girl were my friend, I would straight up tell her she's being unrealistic. Life is not a romance novel or fairy tale. It is in her own best interests to take her time and not rush into anything. Not only is college a time of great personal change, but those first few years out of school are also full of change. Statistically speaking, those who marry later have a lower divorce rate. There is a reason for that. I think good friends are the ones who will be honest with you. Not the ones who enable unhealthy thinking or behavior. So be a good friend and talk to her in a calm, respectful way about the good sense of cooling it a bit and just enjoy being in a happy relationship for a while without worrying about the future. JMO, though. You have to do what you think is best. :)
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you! I guess I forgot to say she's actaully only <strong>18. </strong></div><div>I have *tried* talking to her about how she just needs to be careful about being too serious, but she didn't have it.</div><div>And she says that her BF wants to stay with her forever, but I don't think they've broached the subject of marriage quite yet... which I think is understandable. </div><div>I did catch myself being slightly selfish about the whole not wanting her to be engaged/married before me, though. I apologize about that!</div><div>
    </div><div>The other serious problem is her dad doesn't even know she has a boyfriend yet because she thinks he will hate him. This is something I may have been less than nice about, but only because when the subject comes up she just blows it off saying that telling him now won't change anything at all!</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm not sure. It's a bigg mess and I've tried being nice about it, but I'm honestly not sure what to do other than give her advice and sit back and watch what happens because nothing else seems to work. </div><div>
    </div><div>But the next time she brings up getting engaged/married I'll just keep reminding her to be careful, to just think about now and the very near future </div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you again for the advice.</div>
  • caitlin.cavecaitlin.cave member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I second everything Desert said.  Where did she say she was 19?  I must have missed it too.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:853ca16a-591e-4ad4-ad1d-77d1d7161f23">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I second everything Desert said.  Where did she say she was 19?  I must have missed it too.
    Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]
    I'm sure she assumed because that's how old I am, but she was almost correct.<div>The girl isn't 19 *quite* yet. She's actually only 18. </div><div>Sometimes I forget age can be a factor in situations like this. </div>
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:7a7bc483-b0d5-435c-a380-77caa88ec0a9">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC... : Thank you! I guess I forgot to say she's actaully only 18.  I have *tried* talking to her about how she just needs to be careful about being too serious, but she didn't have it. And she says that her BF wants to stay with her forever, but I don't think they've broached the subject of marriage quite yet... which I think is understandable.  I did catch myself being slightly selfish about the whole not wanting her to be engaged/married before me, though. I apologize about that! The other serious problem is her dad doesn't even know she has a boyfriend yet because she thinks he will hate him. This is something I may have been less than nice about, but only because when the subject comes up she just blows it off saying that telling him now won't change anything at all! I'm not sure.<strong>It's a bigg mess and I've tried being nice about it, but I'm honestly not sure what to do other than give her advice and sit back and watch what happens because nothing else seems to work. </strong> But the next time she brings up getting engaged/married I'll just keep reminding her to be careful, to just think about now and the very near future  Thank you again for the advice.
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]

    There is nothing you CAN do.  It's her life and she is going to do what she wants.  You can give her advice until the cows come home, but she's not going to listen to you anyway.  All you can do is listen and be there for her if her relationship doesn't work out.

    Like I said, it's HER life.  She needs to make her own mistakes and learn from them.  This is what makes us grow up.  I don't really think you should be so concerned about her.  It's not really as big of a deal as you're making it.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Yup, I assumed she was within a year or two of your age since you talked about being in HS together and you told us last night in your intro that you're 19.

    I think if you've already tried to talk her down, that's all you can do. She knows your opinion. Repeat if you think it's necessary, but don't feel you HAVE to listen to her or you HAVE to always tell her what you think. It's okay to tell her you don't want to talk about it. It's also okay to just let her talk and not say anything encouraging. Stay quiet, don't respond, etc. I'm sure she's looking for validation, b/c on some level she probably knows she's BSC. Don't give it to her. Change the subject. There are lots of ways you can handle it when she starts to talk like that, so don't be afraid to try various tactics.

    As for being nervous about her getting married before you...I think you need to dig deeper and figure out why you feel that way. Is it feeling insecure in your relationship? Like it's less valid if she gets married before you? Or is it feeling competitive in general? Is that about an insecurity about yourself? Be honest with yourself. There is a lot of courage that comes from knowing yourself really well, having self-respect, and staying true to who you are and what you believe.

    I think you're handling all the comments and advice really well, Lamarrs. You have a good head on your shoulders. :)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:bbcdd287-1c55-425f-8204-b6439e2a6cb6">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yup, I assumed she was within a year or two of your age since you talked about being in HS together and you told us last night in your intro that you're 19. I think if you've already tried to talk her down, that's all you can do. She knows your opinion. Repeat if you think it's necessary, but don't feel you HAVE to listen to her or you HAVE to always tell her what you think. It's okay to tell her you don't want to talk about it. It's also okay to just let her talk and not say anything encouraging. Stay quiet, don't respond, etc. I'm sure she's looking for validation, b/c on some level she probably knows she's BSC. Don't give it to her. Change the subject. There are lots of ways you can handle it when she starts to talk like that, so don't be afraid to try various tactics. As for being nervous about her getting married before you...I think you need to dig deeper and figure out why you feel that way. Is it feeling insecure in your relationship? Like it's less valid if she gets married before you? Or is it feeling competitive in general? Is that about an insecurity about yourself? Be honest with yourself. There is a lot of courage that comes from knowing yourself really well, having self-respect, and staying true to who you are and what you believe. I think you're handling all the comments and advice really well, Lamarrs. You have a good head on your shoulders. :)
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    <div>It makes it a lot easier when people are completely honest, too.</div><div>I read around last night and saw people who asked questions/vented like I did here, got the same sort of advice but took people being honest as an attack or got offended/upset at not being validated.</div><div>
    </div><div>It helps that everyone has helped put things in perspective for me, I just need to be a big girl and talk to her about the obvious problems, and handle the others differently than I have been. </div><div>
    </div><div>Thank you again! :)</div>
  • becunning2becunning2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I want to second what Desert said.  It's refreshing that you take our advice as an honest attempt to help and give pointers rather than an attack--and that you find it useful.  You definitely have a good head on your shoulders.  We're not ALL older than you, and those of us who are certainly remember what it was like to be your age.  :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:1e54f33d-d6e3-440d-be08-1e30e71b1cfc">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I want to second what Desert said.  It's refreshing that you take our advice as an honest attempt to help and give pointers rather than an attack--and that you find it useful.  You definitely have a good head on your shoulders.  We're not ALL older than you, and those of us who are certainly remember what it was like to be your age.  :)
    Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
    Thank you! :)<div>I really appreciate all of the nice things you guys have to say about me! It makes it a lot easier taking advice feeling comfortable and everyone here so far has made me feel that way. :) </div>
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Lamarrs, I know I'm super late to the game and everyone else has already told you exactly what I would have said anyways. And I trust them too much to read over everything.

    BUT I do want to say that I was in a pretty similar situation not too long ago. Two years ago one of my best friends started talking about how she and BF were going to get engaged/married pretty soon and I thought it was a less than stellar idea (they were both 18 at the time). She asked me about it, and we talked about it. And honestly, I had my feelings of jealousy too.

    In less than 2 months now, she'll be married and I'm a bridesmaid. That's all there is to it in the end. I realized that she is an adult (a young one at that, as am I) and it's their choice to make. My choice will come later on in life. And the best I can do right now is do my best to be happy and excited for her. Because there are positive things in this. Such as, a good friend (hopefully) finding the right person for her and starting this new chapter in her life.

    It's all kind of scary and new, but exciting as well. So I just wanted to share that, in case that helps, and I'm only a year older than you so I think I can relate fairly well. And things are slowly starting to go back to normal a bit. There's lots of wedding talk (unsurprisingly) but we try to make a point to do NWR things too.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you! And I always check just in case someone posts a little later, and you have and it was  a BIG help.
    It's nice seeing someone who has been in the situation and I appreciate the story. I'm so happy everything has worked out so wonderfully and I hope more than anything she finds the person that will treat her the best. I hope everything works out in the end (because of my most recent thread, unrelated to her wedding talk).

  • edited December 2011
    I think it is funny that you talk about her being ONLY 18, when you are ONLY one year older than her.  Sorry spring chicken, but you are really young to be on a wedding message board as well.  I don't really care how long you have "been in love." 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker imageimageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:b9e8808f-ffb8-4f66-bc87-db03b4a1f183">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it is funny that you talk about her being ONLY 18, when you are ONLY one year older than her.  Sorry spring chicken, but you are really young to be on a wedding message board as well.  I don't really care how long you have "been in love." 
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

    <div>The original post didn't unclude her age at all, and after many of the women on this board had given advice my friends age was revealed (not even by myself) and that changed some of the advice that I was given.</div><div>
    </div><div>And yes, I'm on TK, but I'm in the NEY board and here, trying to not be BSC and encouraging other women of all ages to stay calm and take their relationship as it comes.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm also not the only young one on the board, I've met other women on here who are also 19 and 20. I'm sorry if you feel like love requires an age to be considered serious. </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:648b8eb4-1e31-4f53-8ebb-04840dabe486">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC... : The original post didn't unclude her age at all, and after many of the women on this board had given advice my friends age was revealed (not even by myself) and that changed some of the advice that I was given. And yes, I'm on TK, but I'm in the NEY board and here, trying to not be BSC and encouraging other women of all ages to stay calm and take their relationship as it comes. I'm also not the only young one on the board, I've met other women on here who are also 19 and 20. I'm sorry if you feel like love requires an age to be considered serious. 
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]

    I don't think that love requires an age to be considered serious, and I never said that.  I do think that contemplating marriage at a young age is not a smart move.  Serious and marriage are two different things.  You can be serious without being on a wedding website.  I also think that being on a wedding website, no matter the board, at your age is premature.  That is my opinion. 

    Also, just because there are other young women on TK doesn't make me think it is any more okay.  I think that those women should be doing something else as well. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_need-advice-friend-very-possibly-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ad454c7b-e65f-4a68-afe1-e3695e956822Post:c7cb7dd8-f0b4-4e5e-9d24-9ff9cc86c1a7">Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need advice on a friend who is very possibly BSC... : I'm sure she assumed because that's how old I am, but she was almost correct. The girl isn't 19 *quite* yet. She's actually <font color="#FF0000"><strong>only</strong></font> 18.  Sometimes I forget age can be a factor in situations like this. 
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]

    You used the word 'only' more than once to describe her age.  This gives off the impression that you think that you are much older than her.  Then again, you are only "19 until December!" 

    And don't forget that you look very young for your age.  <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd95474db-f92c-4156-9957-7a1eb29e7d55', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/9/d95474db-f92c-4156-9957-7a1eb29e7d55.medium.gif" alt="" /></a> 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_introduce-yourself-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08787e48-8a3e-4792-8700-ef1d66b164fbPost:b94be36a-c304-4985-ae89-1d946ac13e7a">Re: Introduce Yourself Here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]We both look very young for our age, or so we're told very often! But don't be fooled, I'll be 20 this year and he'll be 21!  
    Posted by thelamarrs[/QUOTE]

    I just find it assanine to think that your relationship is sooo much more important than hers because you have been with your boyfriend for over 4 years.  Four years when you are a teenager is very different than even a year when you are older.  At the end of the day, I think that you being on a wedding website is just as BSC as her talking about the potential of her current relationship. 

    So while I am glad that you want to keep your BSC in check, I don't think that being on a wedding website (no matter the board) at your age is a good way to accomplish that. 

    I also got the middle school vibe of writing your name with his last name from your SN.  You aren't "The Lamarrs" because you aren't married. 
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