Wow this is reallly tough C&P

notquiteblushing

CN: Dying FMIL wants to come on the honeymoon.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_fmil-honeymoon

I like the suggestion that one person had to just take a trip with the MIL and delay the actual honeymoon until later.  It's a tough situation though.

WWYD?

Button5807

If her reason for wanting to come is that she wants to spend as much time w/me as possible and not b/c she's never been to disney and always wanted to see it I would say no. Can you even travel with stage 4 cancer? And maybe I'm a di(k for thinking this but what if she died on the honeymoon? Granted she could die while you were away also. I'm not sure what's worse, having the memory of your honeymoon focused on the fact that you found your dead MIL in the hotel room or knowing you dragged your DH away on a super fun vacation and made him miss his mothers last moments on earth.

I think if I was actually in this situation I would suffer some sort of brain hemmorage from thinking about it.

paintgirl

Hard to say without knowing details. If the FMIL is a drama queen and will outlive us all, then go see Mickey without her and bring her some ears back. If she's really sick, how selfish is this friggin bride?? The bride likely has years of vacations ahead of her with her future hubby. People get so hung up on terms... "honeymoon" must be right after wedding and look like "this". BS.

notquiteblushing

I definitely agree that the word "honeymoon" is silly and if you can't take a big trip right after your wedding, then you can't take it.  That being said, I think it would be a big downer going to Disney right after my wedding with a dying relative.  Flame away.  Can they plan a family vacation instead, with other siblings and the FFIL too?  I don't know based on the OP.

desertsun

Agree with paintgirl. A post-wedding trip doesn't mean it's a honeymoon. They can take a honeymoon just the two of them later. Really, I think it depends on how long she has and what her state of health is. Is she really strong enough to travel?

Button5807

NQB I'd like to do whatever the opposite of flaming is to you. lol

desertsun

Good point, NQB. A big family trip would be better.

KD+BC

I have a hard time with honeymoons. Even talking to my friends here, you would think it was a non-negotiable. I want to go on one but if life happens, I'm ok with it. I mean, we're getting married to be together forever, we'll have time to go on a vacation.

I think I'd postpone my honeymoon if my FMIL was dying. Or, as mentioned above, go on a family vacation. I know how close I am with my mom and I can't imagine leaving to go hang out with Mickey and Minnie if my mom was dying. But, that's just me.

Button5807

I thought about this all night long, damn you NQB ;-)

Ultimately I decided that there were just too many variables to consider and then prayed I never find myself in a situation like that.

noelle24

Dear god, how selfish is this bride? Her FMIL is dying, and she wants to drag her FI off to Disneyworld alone, FFS!  She should be postponing the honeymoon so her FI can spend as much time with his mother as he can.  I have a lot of not-so-choice words for this girl.....

I half wonder if this is MUD.  In Stage 4 cancer, FMIL should be so weak, and so drugged up, I highly doubt she'd be able to travel or get out and do anything.  When my grandmother was dying, she was so hopped up on morphine she didn't know who or where she was.  

And if they DO go on a trip with FMIL, they need to take other family members with them.  I'm sure FFIL or other siblings will want to spend time with FMIL as well.  Plus, caring for a cancer patient is a 24/7 job that is physically and emotionally exhausting. 

PaigeMcC

Woah.  I can't imagine this happening...but if it did I would def. postpone my honeymoon! I can't imagine bringing my MIL with me on my honeymoon but if she was dying I would NEVER want to leave her and go off for a week. 

**Mutley**

I didn't read the post because I don't want to see red. 

Honeymoons are a luxury.  It is the same as your 'pretty, princess day.'  It does not matter.  I cannot imagine starting my marriage off by saying 'F you' to my dying MIL.  I would try to plan a big family vacation, even if that meant it was only 1 hour away from home and delay the honeymoon.  I would want my DH to spend some last quality moments with his mom.  I would not care how much of a drama queen she is at times.  She has stage 4 cancer.  That is not something that might kill her.  She will die.  How selfish can one be?  

I cannot imagine the resentment her DH will have if he is forced to take this honeymoon and his mother dies while they are gone. 

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wow-this-reallly-tough-cp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:adbe6b66-b393-42f8-abb7-02168be9c134Post:49d84a0f-c44e-4dfe-9c2e-4d2f99dfa7ef">Re: Wow this is reallly tough C&P</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't read the post because I don't want to see red.  Honeymoons are a luxury.  It is the same as your 'pretty, princess day.'  It does not matter.  I cannot imagine starting my marriage off by saying 'F you' to my dying MIL.  I would try to plan a big family vacation, even if that meant it was only 1 hour away from home and delay the honeymoon.  I would want my DH to spend some last quality moments with his mom.  I would not care how much of a drama queen she is at times.  She has stage 4 cancer.  That is not something that might kill her.  She will die.  How selfish can one be?   I cannot imagine the resentment her DH will have if he is forced to take this honeymoon and his mother dies while they are gone. 
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

Agreed!!

Button5807

Mutley - the thing that struck me was that the OP mentioned her FI feeling that the honeymoon should be just them w/o the mom...

I didn't read anything in the comments though.

**Mutley**

Yes, the honeymoon should be just them.  But it CAN be delayed. 

I just think it it ridiculous to think that you HAVE to take a honeymoon directly after you get married.  Guess what, life means that you don't always get what you want when you want it.  And being married means that you have one more person, one more family to think about. 

Off to read now.  Need something to read while listening to the health care summit.   

hetshup

If my FMIL was at that stage of cancer, why are they even worrying about the honeymoon?! I would be getting married, ASAP, like this weekend. You can have a big party later, but she deserves to see you married and to be there. I don't understand at all.

**Mutley**

Hetshup, after you said that, I looked to see when they are getting married.  It is still 4 months away.  Like you, I would already be married in her case.

Sad as it is, I do not think the OP and her DH have actually realized that MIL is going to die and soon.  I have seen it first hand.  Some people go through complete denial that a loved one is going to die.  It is too hard to live with it everyday to be acutely aware of that fact.  It does make it a lot harder when it happens. 

202987

First of all, I am a heinous B-word.  Please know that reading my post.

However, I kinda have to ask why, when FMIL has Stage 4 cancer, is she wanting to take a trip 4 months from then.  Why not push up the trip to before the wedding, have big happy trip then with FMIL, then later have a day/overnight trip somewhere close for the HM?  I definitely agree that a HM is not a requirement, and I definitely agree they can be postponed, and I definitely agree some things are more important.  However, they could all go prior to the wedding to make sure FMIL can go, and in best health possible, then if possible spend 1 night at a nearby hotel.  One night later won't be the end of the world, and you will have had the happy trip months ago, should the worst happen.

And commence with the telling me what's what in 3...2...1...