Vent/Any advice? Kinda long..

kellyt89

Ugh...I don't even know where to start. A little background I guess:

First, BF and I have been LD for the past 5 months. We live 6 hours apart and are both full time students (he's in his 1st semester of grad school and I'm in my last semester of undergrad) so we only see each other once a month, usually for 3 or 4 days tops. We have less than 6 weeks to go before I move to Cambridge (he's in Boston) but we're both so incredibly sick of the distance.

On a more personal note, I've had depression/anxiety for a long time and have been on antidepressants for almost 2 years. I feel like my depression/anxiety is through the roof lately, and I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure where to go for help right now since I'll only be here for 3 weeks, then home for 3 weeks, then in Massachusetts. I've emailed my counselor at the college to try to get an appointment to talk about everything I'm dealing with and possibly changing/upping my medication.

Bleh.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for...just support and maybe some advice from anyone who's had any sort of similar situations. PMs are welcome if you don't want to post here, you just have to help me open them up, ha!

lunarsongbird

I'd start with talking to your psychiatrist before you move to get your antidepressants adjusted. You can let them know that you are in "crisis"- and they should get you in right away.

I would imagine the these HUGE changes are causing more imbalances then usual... Don't discount what a big deal this move is. So will you be together in 6 weeks? No more LD?

desertsun

Stress is a major factor in depression/anxiety for most people, so it would make sense that not having your usual biggest support person as available as you're used to, on top of a move and finals, would result in you struggling a bit.

For me, there are a couple things that are helpful:

Talking to a close friend

Writing in a journal

Making to do-lists and making sure I cross of at least ONE thing every day

Getting more exercise

Eating better

I know some of those things can seem impossible when you're down in "the pit," as I call it.

So also try to give yourself permission to let go a bit and take a day or two to wallow if you need to.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, and I hope that you're able to get in to see your counselor, or that some of the suggestions you get here will be helpful. Sending positive thoughts your way.

kellyt89

Thanks lunar, I emailed my therapist tonight after feeling super anxious, and asked her to get me in on Friday (there are things after school every day next week Monday through Thursday at my student teaching site...gahhh).

I think you're right, these are all going to be big changes - the stress of student teaching, graduating in 3 weeks, going home for the holidays and then moving. That's probably why I'm such a wreck. Also, I have a place to live once I'm there but no job so I have to find one ASAP which is sort of terrifying.

But yes, besides a couple of weeks when he's an hour away at home for break, no more long distance! It's a big step for our relationship and it's going to be so good, we're really excited.

ETA: Thanks desert, you always give great advice! BF's been really great but there's only so much he can do over skype, you know?
My roommate gave me some "calming vanilla" tea and some lavender spray for my anxiety tonight. She's great.

jaycee7389

That sounds really rough, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I second what Lunar said about contacting your psychiatrist. Is it your anxiety that is really hitting you hard or both? Maybe he/she can prescribe you a benzo for the next few weeks until the move is taken care of and things calm down? I would definitely talk to someone though so you don't have to continue feeling this way.

kellyt89

My anxiety has been pretty bad but so has my depression. It's like the SSRI has gone from managing the depression, to taking the edge off, to now barely helping. But if I take it late (11 am instead of 7 for instance) I feel horrible. I can usually calm myself down before I have a full anxiety attack but some kind of benzo/valium/xanax might be a helpful thing, I didn't think of that.

jorja86

I am so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like you are already doing the things that I would have suggested (talking to your MD about upping your dose). PP offered some great suggestions in the meantime, though.

I would also guess that stress is behind the exacerbation in your symptoms. I know exactly how it feels, though, to know that you had things under control, and then all of a sudden, they're not anymore. It doesn't matter why, it still sucks.

I would also second the suggestion of exercise. I know it might be the last thing you feel like doing right now, but in my experience, it can do amazing things as far as your mood.

Again, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Feel free to PM me...I've been around the block with anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.

kellyt89

Thanks jorja, I definitely might take you up on that. I really do need to start exercising but it feels like DEATH to even consider it when I'm feeling crummy, ha.

Honestly, my mood has been a downward slide for a couple months and I was ignoring it, hoping it would get better on its own, stupid.