Not Engaged Yet

Slight AW.....

So I have a cute little update (or at least I think it's cute) Smile .

At my family's over Thanksgiving, BF "officially talked to" my mom to, I guess you'd say get her blessing/officially inform her/etc that he would like to marry me. Awwww.

It might sound silly (after all we are 30, don't live near her, and don't have the ring yet......), but for him it was a big deal and something he wanted to do in person.  He is from a different culture where "respect for elders" is important and wanted to have a conversation wherein he officially told her.  She thought it was sweet that he "officially talked to" her, even though she knew what was going on and this doesn't really come as a surprise to anyone, lol. 

I would normally somewhat bristle at the idea of having to "ask permission" but this IMO is somewhat different, BF just wanted to be 'respectful' of my mom in his own way....

Did anyone else's SO do this, or are planning to do this?  I do think there's a difference between having an "official conversation" with family, as opposed to the sexist "your daughter is property" mindset and thus you must ask permission, bleh.

Anyway that was my sweet news from the holiday.  Hope y'all had good Thanksgivings Smile.

Re: Slight AW.....

  • edited December 2011
    Aww, that's sweet.  Congrats!

    FI did the same thing.  He spoke with my mother, father, and brother beforehand and got all of their blessings first.  I think it was very sweet.
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm like you in that I "bristle" at the thought of BF doing this.  It was something that he originally wanted to do, but we talked it out and he thankfully is going to respect my wishes.  Our compromise is that, after we are engaged, we will visit my parents in person to tell them (and ask for their blessing) together.  I guess that's kind of the "official conversation with family" that you mentioned.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="">Re: Slight AW.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aww, that's sweet.  Congrats! FI did the same thing.  He spoke with my mother, father, and brother beforehand and got all of their blessings first.  I think it was very sweet.
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! <img src="" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

    I should add, we are getting the e-ring custom-made at the moment which is why we don't have it yet/he wasn't just talking to my mom "in theory."
  • MLekathLEENMLekathLEEN member
    edited December 2011
    FI had asked my dad beforehand. It didn't matter to me whether he did or not but I think my dad would have been hurt if FI didn't ask him.

    For me, I see asking the parents as a sign of respect rather than the whole "exchange of property" thing.
  • calindicalindi member
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    edited December 2011
    So sweet!  I'd be really excited, too!

    BF keeps saying he's going to sneak up to visit my parents when I don't know to ask them - but it's 2,000 miles away, and he doesn't often have the money for a random flight.  I suppose he could go while I was traveling for work, but it just seems impractical with his busy schedule.  Who knows, though - maybe!  We've talked about it, and I am really against the man-to-man conversation with my father to get 'permission', but I think the conversation with my parents to ask their blessing is sweet.  And I know it would mean a lot to my parents, and BF wouldn't imagine not asking their blessing, so as long as it's BOTH of them, I'm cool with that.



  • edited December 2011
    my FI did talk to my dad before he proposed out of respect to my parents.  i knew about it, and we did have a family talk (parents + me + FI) before the official engagement as well.
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  • deburnindeburnin member
    edited December 2011
    I've asked BF not to. I don't feel the need for my parents to be aware of us taking the "next step" before I am. Although I guess that argument is kind of bunk now that I know BF has purchased a ring. Still, I don't see the point. My parents have no say in my relationship and never have. To me their blessing is unnecessary. This makes it sound like I have a bad relationship with my parents and while we're not super close that's not the case. They're just very hands off and I'm used to living my life my way. *shrug*
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  • CASK85CASK85 member
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    edited December 2011
    That is really sweet, WYA. :) 

    It isn't really my style to want BF to ask permission or even necessarily give a heads up to my parents. We've both been on our own for about 8 years, so it doesn't matter in terms of financials, plus . . . for me it just seems weird. I don't know if he will or won't, but it isn't really an issue either way -- he knows I'm not property to exchange. lol.
  • edited December 2011
             My FI asked my father for his blessing before he proposed. I was not there, obviously, but my aunt was eavesdropping on the whole thing. She said that my FI told my father how much he loved me and how he wanted to marry me and asked my father for his "permission" to marry me. I know that my father would have been upset if FI did not speak to him first and I think it was sweet that my father's wishes meant enough to FI for him to ask for his blessing.
  • edited December 2011
    Woop! How exciting and sweet.

    Personally, I don't care either way if BF asks my parents for their blessing, but I know my mother would feel a little hurt if he didn't.
  • leia1979leia1979 member
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    edited December 2011
    Awesome, whereyat!

    I actually asked FI to not speak to my parents. I told him I should be the first person he asks. And so I was.  =) 

    We went to tell my parents in person, and they were the first people we told.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    edited December 2011
    I think the idea is very sweet. But my family is very hands-off as well, and I don't think they'd care. Also, I think I would like to be the first one who knows. But still.

    I actually have two friends that ended up dating, but before they did that the guy had to jump through hoops to be able to date the girl. He had to let her parents know of his intentions (that he liked her), then let her know that he was hopign to "ask her out" sometime, then he had to let them know WHEN and HOW he was going to ask her out. They then had to approve his plan (and they shot down his first idea). I thought that was just way too weird. She was young (not quite 19 at the time) and living with them but it still seemed like a bit much. /end of threadjack.

    Anyways, congrats that is exciting!
  • ravenrayravenray member
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    edited December 2011

    Aww that is so sweet :D  BF are awesome!

    My BF will ask my father. I don't see it as a property thing, but I also know that there is no one who knows me better then my family.  I am also terrified of divorcee.  So I figure if my father doesn't approve then there is something I need to look at.  as it is my dad had the "what are your intentions with my daughter talk" with my BF and told him he would be proud to have him as a SIL.  :)  I must be doing something right!!

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • edited December 2011
    Aww Thats great! My BF has told me that he wants to ask my dads permission but he wants to have the ring in hand when he does it. I dont see it as a "property" thing, because I know that my parents havent ever been involved in our relationship. But it really is all about respect and blessings.
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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm in the "my dad would be really hurt if my BF didn't ask" boat, which I guess isn't THAT popular of a boat anymore.  My parents are really traditional and since they're such a huge part of my life, I'd want them to know what was going on anyway.  That being said, I'm sure they already have a pretty good idea that "hey, this guy might be it".  Parents are good with that sorta thing :) 
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  • edited December 2011
    FI knew it was important to me that he ask my parents for their blessing, so he did. He would have proposed no matter what (and there was no way they'd say no - they love him), but it meant a lot to me and them that he respected them enough to ask for their blessing.

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