Ring Shopping

dohertmk5

Hi Ladies,
I'm fairly new--I posted an intro a while back but just occasionally see whats new on here. BF and I are 27 and 28--been together over 4 years--engagement seems likely within the next year.

Anywho, I wanted to get opinions on ring shopping and getting involved in the proposal process.  I've seen a lot on here that girls pick out their rings.  My sister also aksed me recently if he and i had gone ring shopping/  Do you prefer this?  Is it common to do this? Were you still suprised when he proposed? 

I was just curious as my BF and I were out to dinner the other night and one of his friends recently proposed.  I started talking about the ring and if he did a good job picking out the ring or had his now fiance gone with to pick out the ring.  My BF got this look of total confusion when I said this.  He told me he thought it takes away from the whole surprise aspect of the proposal  experience and didn't even know people did that.  So needless to say, I am guessing he is going for the element of surprise when it does happen for us. 

Did you pick out your ring?  Did he ask you to go with him or was the suggestion your own?  If you are engaged or married, did it matter?  If you aren't, do you want to be involved or completely caught off guard? 

PaigeMcC

FBD asked for ideas about the ring.  He wanted to make sure he got something I liked but he also wanted it to be a surprise.  So I sent him some pics from various websites and let him know that I liked white gold (which he already knew) and I thought three stone rings were lovely.  I also told him I wasn't comfortable with him spending more than $1K on my ring b/c we're saving for a house and I'd rather spend the money on our home than on my ring.  

Other than asking for my input on that and talking about what we wanted to spend I really just let him do what he wanted. I knew he would get something I loved and I knew it wouldn't matter in the end as long as it came from him.  In the end it was still a HUGE surprise when he proposed because, although I knew it was coming at some point, he was sneakier than I thought;)

mellimel19

Though we are not engaged yet, we have gone ring shopping together. He had asked me some questions about what types of rings I like, and I gave him answers, but also told him that lots of my friends had told me that sometimes rings you THINK you like end up not looking good on you, so I said how about one day we stop into a store so we can look together? For us personally, I think my bf would be a bit nervous to make the decision totally blind on his own, so we went to a few stores, and he left confident that he would be able to pick out a ring for me when the time comes. I wouldn't want to pick the actual ring out myself though, I'd like ther to be some element of surprise

mandi921vh

I had always thought that I would want my FI to pick out a ring and surprise me with one he picked out himself. Well about a year before the actual proposal I saw a ring he had accidently left out on his computer which was really expensive (way more than I ever thought he would spend on a ring) plus it was way too bling bling for me. I then realized that I needed to lead him in the right direction. We had already talked about marriage before so seeing the ring wasn't really a surprise. Over the next 9 months or so we looked at engagement rings online narrowing down our search to a few then we went into the jewelry store to try them on and get my size. I picked out a few that I liked for FI to pick his favorite (so it was still a surprise as to which ring he picked). When FI proposed about a month ago I was totally surprised! I wasn't expecting it for another few months or so. 

So even though I did pick out my ring (along with others) the actual ring was a surprise and the proposal was still a surprise to!

dwest2201

There is no right or wrong way to do it.  You and your BF have to decide what works for you.  Some guys (my FI) want it to be a surprise and don't want to take you to try them on together (I was fine with this and gave him simple guidelines of white metal, round stone(s) and I didn't care if it was diamond, moissanite or gemstone just don't spend a fortune).  Some guys would rather you pick the exact ring you want out.  It doesn't matter as long as you are both happy with it.

ekathleen684

There's no right or wrong way to do it. FI had asked me to send him some ideas and he went off that to pick out my ring. He had took me ring shopping but little did I know, he already had it and just took me to throw me off.

deburnin

BF and I have gone looking at rings together. I found a ring that I really like. It was the only place that we've gone that he asked serious questions, but he's convinced that it has to be a surprise. I'm so convinced that he won't get that one now, that it'll be a massive shock if he does. I'm trying to stop obsessing over it though because a proposal is at least another year off.

bsidebella

I'm not engaged yet but my BF has my ring. I didn't really pick it out, but BF took me to a jewelry store to see what I liked and didn't like. It was his idea. I am very picky about my jewelry - for example, I will not wear yellow gold, at all. It was important to me that he knew at least that. He had my preferences in mind when he had my ring made.

I think it's fine to be a little involved with your ring selection. If you let him know important preferences (maybe you'd prefer a moissanite or a sapphire over a diamond), that will lead him in the "right" direction and you can still be surprised with the overall result.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b86de15b-4734-469c-af5e-3780823b4279Post:1b7c05eb-987a-44d6-a347-1ad443a4a607">Re: Ring Shopping</a>:
[QUOTE]There's no right or wrong way to do it. 
Posted by ekathleen684[/QUOTE]

<div>LIES! It has to be done a specific way or else the relationship is not valid.  Geeeez</div>

run21

Totally up to you and your bf! My bf wanted to buy a big ring. I have circus-freak small hands and anything too big looks stupid. Plus I'd have to kill him and hide the body in the pond if he spent a ton of money. Put the two together, and it's a good thing we perused a jewelry counter and he got to see the size of stone I want (give or take) on my finger. Now he believes me. He knows stone shapes that I like and that I would prefer white gold or platinum over a yellow. I also want a pretty classic solitaire - nothing too fancy - so it's pretty easy for him. He doesn't want me to pick it out and I don't really want to be there either. So...

Pick one of these four stone shapes. Put it in a silver-thingy. Don't spend a ton of money that we could put in to other toys. Keep it moving.

But I'm kind of low maintenance. 

ekathleen684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b86de15b-4734-469c-af5e-3780823b4279Post:fa19d8ae-1717-49c4-8327-bde38937e8cc">Re: Ring Shopping</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring Shopping : LIES! It has to be done a specific way or else the relationship is not valid.  Geeeez
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Does that mean I'm unofficially engaged now? I must go talk to my "future FI" and get this taken care of!!!

leia1979

Like the others have said, it really depends on what you and your BF want to do.

My BF and I talked about it, and there was a little back and forth. First, we were going to just use an inexpensive ring for the surprise aspect of the proposal and then go pick something out together. Then he wanted to do it all himself. Then we went shopping together, intending to just find styles I liked, with me thinking he'd go back and pick something out. In the end, I was with him when we placed the order.

And after all that, he's still going to find an inexpensive ring for the actual proposal due to the "situation" he says. He could be trying to throw me off the trail, but I think that may mean Disneyland next month.

Anyway, there are many ways to go about it, and as my convoluted story shows, you may try several different ways before it's all said and done.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b86de15b-4734-469c-af5e-3780823b4279Post:06c77102-ee6d-4a73-8f23-201e65075460">Re: Ring Shopping</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring Shopping : Does that mean I'm unofficially engaged now? I must go talk to my "future FI" and get this taken care of!!!
Posted by ekathleen684[/QUOTE]

<div>Totally.  Get on that =P</div>

dohertmk5

Interesting....I guess it is more common than I thought.  Personally, I honestly haven't given too much thought into the ring itself.  I had never thought I would be involved in that side of it.  I guess I am in the minority though . I did tell him I agreed and it is a gift from him symbolizing his lifelong commitment to me and thus it is in his hands.  I think the way he sees it, the whole experience on his side begins long before I know about it--from deciding to start saving for a ring, to asking permission from the parents, to picking out the perfect ring, to the anticipation of my reaction and planning the perfect proposal--he sees all of that as part of the total package.  So yea--he doesn't even want me to know when and if he is looking--and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

But yep--every relationship is different and there is no right or wrong way.  I was just curious as to others experiences.  We actually met up with the recently engaged couple later that night and the guy also seemed pretty oblivious to the concept of having the girl come with ring shopping.  Oh men....

So just to let some of you know--if you do want to be involved, you may have to be a little blunt.  Like I said, based on the reactions of my BF and his friend, some men might just not know having you be involved is an option...

aperitisa

In my case, FI realized that I'm super picky and it's kind of the most important piece of jewelry in my life and he wanted me to be 100% happy with it.  Also, we had the loose diamond so he had alot more options and was really overwhelmed.  So he proposed with the diamond and then we created the ring together.   I'm ok that it wasn't a surprise because I know 100% without a doubt that I will love this ring for the rest of my life.  Also, it was lots of fun to go shopping with him and create the ring together! It was a great way to start off our engagement.

misskrysbaby

FI just asked me what shape of stone I liked, if I was into unique bands, vintage, solitaire or side accents. I just looked around on various websites and showed him the type of ring I like. He took it from there. He went onto bluenile.com and built a ring for me that matched what I liked. It was a complete surprise when he did it because it basically included all the elements I liked, into one ring.

Some women go with their guys to an actual, physical store and pick out a ring, and some women just give their guys suggestions, like "I like princess cut" or "I like white gold solitaires". It really depends on how much assistance the guy needs when picking it out. Some guys know what to do, and some don't. Some guys need a little push in the right direction, and some don't.

catemeg

I don't get the argument about ruining the surprise.  I mean, if you both would rather him pick out the ring alone, then by all means.  But now a days, it seems most people have talked extensively about marriage by the time they get engaged, so they already have a pretty good idea when it's coming.  So I don't know how looking at rings together could possibly make it less of a surprise, unless you purchase it together and he proposes as soon as you walk out of the store, in which case that wouldn't be much of a surprise.

My boyfriend and I decided to look at rings because he knows I'm particular about jewelry, and that I hope to wear the ring forever and pass it on to future generations. But it wasn't supposed to be about picking a ring, it was about educating him on the styles that we both like or don't like.  It was understanding the elements of the ring that work.  He was supposed to then go out and use that knowledge (and he became VERY good at selecting rings I'd like, and would know immediately when there were things I wouldn't like about them) to pick out a totally different ring.  He might buy one of the rings I love or use them for inspiration to pick out another ring, but at least he has an idea!

leia1979

I agree, Cate. Do I know exactly which day it's coming? No. But since we've talked about getting married next September or so, I can reasonably expect a proposal in the next few months.

catemeg

Yeah, same situation.  He has my great-grandmother's diamond, which drives me nuts (I keep wanting to open his drawer to see if it's still there, but so far I've been really good and haven't peeked). 

We plan to get married August/September 2012, so we still have about a year for him to propose - we've both said we want a little more than a year of engagement so he can be a part of the planning, which is hard during the school year.  My guess is in the springtime, but who knows?

zipis1

We went together. I don't remember who brought it up, but it was acknowledged that I can be very, very picky about jewelery and BF wanted me to go because of that. However, BF still wanted some surprise to it, so rather than going to pick out a ring, we went to look and get a feel for what I like. We found one that I absolutely love but I don't know if he'll get me that one or not. The ball is in his court now.

[Deleted User]

My FI picked out the ring all by himself. He knew that I was allergic to nickel and knew that I was pretty low-maintenance and didn't even care if I had a ring.  Whenever there was a ring in a store ad that I thought was "gaudy" or such, I would point it out with an "ewww", but that's as far as I went.  I wanted it to be his decision if he got me a ring or not and what he got.

He told me that even though he knew I didn't want a ring, it was important to him that I have one.  It's not necessarily what I would have picked out on my own, but it's more special to me because he put a lot of thought into the ring he chose and that he chose me to spend his life with.

fontassidy

I started out by just showing my FI pics of what I liked & didn't like, and gave him some general guidelines. He purchased a ring based on what I said, but when it came he *hated* it and returned it! LOL. So, we ended up going shopping in person together and I just happened to find the perfect one for me and ended up being very firm that I wanted that one!

In the end, I'm glad I chose it specifically...mostly bc my FI has much more traditional taste than I do and I really did not want an all-diamond ring or anything flashy/expensive. He's naughty, and I could've totally pictured him going rogue on those aspects As far as the surprise, there was stil a LOT of anticipation bc I had no idea when he might actually get it and ask. As the day drew closer I had my suspicions, but that didn't really take away from the actual moment at all. In my experience, your proposal is going to be awesome no matter what the circumstances. It's just innately a very sacred moment.

So that's just my experience, but like all have said - do whatever works for you and your BF! And what works for you might evolve as you go through the process.   Have fun with it!! The anticipation drove me NUTS, but now I'm glad I was in such turmoil - it's kind of delicious!

meganyani

We were long distance at the time so we couldn't have gone shopping together anyway! But by the time we started talking about marriage, he was already planning to give me his grandma's ring. It's unique and has meaning - something we both value. So...yeah. haha. But he is terrible with surprises and would've wanted to pick it out anyway since it so rare for him to be able to do something like that!

Then again, I think shopping together is a very smart idea and if we had gone the purchasing route, we would've done that.

nickchick

DF asked last year what "style" and what "size". I said 7ish and vintage-ish. lol He proposed the day before my birthday in June this year. I had no idea he was even buying the ring, in fact it turns out he had it for months before proposing and i had no clue. he didn't get a vintage style ring, but a solitaire and said we could go together and choose a vintage e-ring and change the setting or even design our own. but I fell in love with my solitaire e-ring just as is. besides, it's what he got on his knee and proposed with.

but I really think it's a personal choice, so do whatever works for you two. If he wants to surprise you, maybe show him some examples of rings you like before he goes shopping or maybe show a friend or family member so they know and he can go to them for suggestions.

motoLyn

BF is designing the ring himself.  He has an image and style in his head and creating it on AUTOCAD and then taking it to a jeweler that is a family friend so that they can bring it to life.  I had my doubts at first, but  he assured me he knew my style.  I made him promise to show it to my sister or my bestfriend before taking it to the jeweler.