Some people are so rude!

Marley90

This has nothing to do with weddings, but I just had to vent.

I recently started a new job and the two other ladies I work with are so rude!  Yesterday they told me that I was getting fat, then one asked me my weight, and I told them 135, and one of them says 'There is no way your 135, I am 140 and you are bigger then me, see you are bigger around the stomach and your hips.' Then the other one asked me what size shirt I am wearing because I am busting out of it, and I told her a medium and she said 'I have a medium too, and it fits me fine. Then they went on for about 10 minutes talking about my weight.

I don't understand why they would say that to another women, how would that make them feel if they were in my position?  They shot my self esteem down big time, because I don't think I am overweight. I am 5' 7'' and 135.  I literally wanted to cry right at work, because I didn't think people could be that rude.

meamolly

that is very rude. I am 5'2" and MY ideal weight is 135 so based off those measurements i would say you are thin. How old are these women?

Marley90

They are both about mid 40's, and I am 20.  By that age you think someone would know what was appropriate!

Nichole5150

Telling someone she is getting fat is possibly the rudest thing a woman can say to another woman. Unless it's your best friend and you both are the type to "keep it real"! These ladies do not sound like friends any woman should have. You said it yourself "because I don't think I am overweight" and who are they to judge you? And the comment about the shirt size is pure stupidity. Any woman knows that you can walk into ten different stores and pick up ten different medium shirts and none of them will be exactly the same size! This is a new job you say? Well, sounds like a couple of jealous catty witches to me. Perhaps they need a firm reminder that their comments can be considered hassassment. Don't listen to these horrible women. If you are happy with yourself, no one can tear you down. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission! Good luck hun!

[Deleted User]

There are so many factors into determining your ideal weight, including height, age, metabolism, bone structure, etc.  I have multiple colors of the same shirt (all in the same size) and they all fit differently.

Don't let what these women say bother you (easier said than done, I know).  I know how it is when you're in an office full of women - you come off sounding rude by not sharing your personal life with them, but as soon as you share anything personal, they turn it around and stab you in the back.

Hang in there and you're welcome to vent anytime.

PandaBurr

Wow. Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch? (Kudos to whoever catches the reference)

SassyBrass

Well, you said it yourself. They're in their 40s and you're 20. Nuff said. No wonder they are trying to size you down. Some people just never grow up in mentality, just age.

Yep, sizes vary greatly in general. I have jeans that are size five, size 7, size 8, and size 9. And they all seem to fit me fine. Hmm...
It is awfully rude to start talking this way to anyone, especially someone you aren't even very aquainted with.
If this happens again, I would just ask them why they're so stinkin worried about it in the first place.
Don't let what they say be absorbed, just let it roll off your shoulders. It doesn't matter what your weight or size is, because it's none of their business in the first place.

emelri27

Wow there is no way that you are fat.  The women are probably just trying to bring you down to feel better about themselves or to intimidate you. Ignore it seriously, and vent a lot! Don't let it get to you.

nottheonlydreamer44

Ouch! I am so sorry to hear that these women thought that it was appropriate to be so freaking rude. I apologize for them and tell you to do what the PP's said and forget about them. The next time they feel the need to comment on your weight - I would tell them, "Last time I checked, we are here to work, NOT to discuss whatever perceived weight issues you THINK I have. Back to work."

You are obviously in good health and if you're happy with your body that is all that matters! Vent whenever you need to lady and again I am so sorry to hear about this happening.

loopy82

I am 5'6" and weighed 136-137 for awhile and I would never had classified myself as fat. I think they are just trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. I can't believe they are so rude. I would say either come up with some intelligent comebacks or ignore them. Good luck!

Elle1036

Marley, that's ridiculous.  I'm shorter than you and about the same weight, and I'm not even close to fat.  As a PP said, a lot of things determine your weight, and some people of the same weight can look very different, just depending on distribution, muscle content, etc.  Still, there's no way that 135 at 5'7" is fat.  I hope you didn't let them get to you.

Marley90

Wow thanks ladies. Reading these posts made me feel A LOT better.  But today I was sitting in the breakroom with about five other people I work with and one of them said in spanish to the chef that was sitting with us, 'look at her stomach, its rolling over.' I understood what she said, because I speak spanish, but I asked her just to make sure, and she said in english what she had just said. I was SO embarassed! I want to tell her its not o.k. to talk about someone elses weight, but I am too shy!

loopy82

My goodness!! Is the person who was speaking spanish one of the same women who were previously commenting or a new person? I would be so tempted to ask them what difference it makes to them?

LadyMadrid08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_people-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b945d319-3624-492c-9fd1-7f992f48daaaPost:7999c98f-f634-4a6c-a38e-a02d4c9a3f51">Re: Some people are so rude!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow thanks ladies. Reading these posts made me feel A LOT better.  But today I was sitting in the breakroom with about five other people I work with and one of them said in spanish to the chef that was sitting with us, 'look at her stomach, its rolling over.' I understood what she said, because I speak spanish, but I asked her just to make sure, and she said in english what she had just said. I was SO embarassed! I want to tell her its not o.k. to talk about someone elses weight, but I am too shy!
Posted by Marley90[/QUOTE]

<div><div>Just on a slightly different note (I still totally agree with you that it's not a work topic and not something you should ever say!) that if they are from Spanish backgrounds they might have a different idea of what is polite and what's not polite.  In Spain at least, I can't speak for Latin American countries, it's completely normal to comment on people's weight when you see them.  Usually to say that the other person has gotten bigger. </div><div>
</div><div> For example:  H and I were walking around his mom's small town in Segovia and we saw some people sitting on a bench.  We went to say hi because we knew they knew his mom.  When we got to them the first thing said was, "Oh, I guess married life is treating you well.  You've already grown the married belly."</div><div>
</div><div>I am still completely on your side that it's a shitty thing to be going on and on about, but maybe they don't know.  Or maybe I just like to think the best of everyone. :P</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and 135 at your height you are definitely at a normal and completely healthy weight.  So don't listen to them!  I hope they knock it off.</div></div>

flyjawn

rude is when someone doesn't hold the door open for you.  these b*tches sound just plain MEAN.

soontobevalerieredmond

Personally, I'd report them to H.R. go above their heads and get them in trouble. that's extremely rude and totally harrassment and an attack. They're just jealous because you're young, and probably extremely pretty, and if they know you're getting married soon, they're probably jealous they're not in your shoes. Still, no excuse is good enough to excuse their behavior. and 135 being fat?! are they nuts?! god, if 135 looks fat, I must be morbidly obese at 220lbs!
If you don't feel comfortable going to H.R. on it, I'd at least fight back and ask them when the last time they ate something was because maybe they need to eat in order to get some blood flowing to their thick rude skulls!

lindsayrae1986

Marley - your BMI (for 5'7 and 135lbs) is 21.1...  "normal weight" is 18.5 - 24.9...  anything under 18.5 is considered "underweight"... 

your ideal weight range is 118-159.

your "ideal weight" is 140 (assuming you are medium build, you work out at least once a week, and you allow yourself a treat now and then)...

you are nowhere near "overweight".  my BMI is 23.0... that's 2 whole points above yours.  and i am not overweight. 

they're obviously old biddies who have nothing better to do than to try to make you feel bad about yourself.    that's really stupid. 

the next time you hear her talking in spanish, you really should just join in...  it always freaks them out.    normally i just listen in, but once in a while if someone makes me mad enough i'll join in and ruin their fun.

really, that's just ridiculous.  as if young women don't have enough societal pressure to conform to some standard (that really ISN'T standard!)...  we don't need to pressure EACH OTHER. 

calindi

I agree with LadyMadrid - in hispanic cultures (both LatAm and Spain), it's very common to comment on weight.  And for women to focus on it a lot, both for themselves and those around them.  The mothers will pick on their daughters like sorority hazing (you know, when they take the black markers and circle all the fat on the pledges?) and tell them where they need to lose weight, and comment on how much they eat, etc.  My Latina friends always talk about how fat they are, how much they had to eat, what they shouldn't be eating, how they need to exercise, etc.  It's an affectionate term to call someone "gordito" (male) or "gordita" (female) which means "little fatty".  Like, that's something you refer to your boyfriend or girlfriend in public!

Laugh at the idiots who find it appropriate and interesting to talk about weight, especially at work.  It's classless, tacky, and superficial, and only serves to make them look like jealous old hags.

lindsayrae1986

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_people-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b945d319-3624-492c-9fd1-7f992f48daaaPost:1f893bef-46cf-49b0-a6fd-4de620a3b616">Re: Some people are so rude!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Some people are so rude! : Just on a slightly different note (I still totally agree with you that it's not a work topic and not something you should ever say!) that if they are from Spanish backgrounds they might have a different idea of what is polite and what's not polite.  In Spain at least, I can't speak for Latin American countries, it's completely normal to comment on people's weight when you see them.  Usually to say that the other person has gotten bigger.   For example:  H and I were walking around his mom's small town in Segovia and we saw some people sitting on a bench.  We went to say hi because we knew they knew his mom.  When we got to them the first thing said was, "Oh, I guess married life is treating you well.  You've already grown the married belly." I am still completely on your side that it's a shitty thing to be going on and on about, but maybe they don't know.  Or maybe I just like to think the best of everyone. :P Oh, and 135 at your height you are definitely at a normal and completely healthy weight.  So don't listen to them!  I hope they knock it off.
Posted by LadyMadrid08[/QUOTE]

this is definitely true.  my BF is hispanic, and all his tias (aunts) call me "flaquita"...  it means little skinny girl.  i lost 35 lbs in less than 6 months, so they love to comment on that.  it makes me a little uncomfortable, especially when they tell other people what a little "gordita" (chunky girl) i used to be...  they are very outspoken about EVERYTHING... it is not uncommen to hear them talk about sex/orgasms, body issues, and each other (little gossipers!  haha) around the dinner table.  um, culture shock.  haha

calindi - my BF calls me his gordita or flaquita or mija or even vieja (old woman) affectionately around his family.  i was offended at first, but i got used to it.  i guess if he thinks i'm his little fatty, well... so be it!

i don't *think* they mean it harmfully (at least, that's what BF tells me) but sometimes it comes off as rude to us.

on the other hand, one of my girlfriends works with a lady from the UK and her coworker is constantly telling her that her clothes don't look right or she needs to quit biting her nails and go get a mani...  and she really doesn't mean it badly.  it's just that where she comes from, you tell each other these things.

to each their own i guess...

jilly2121

Marley I am the EXACT same height and weight as you and I wear a size 6 in all my pants. The same thing happened at my job but instead of someone saying it to my face I saw them TYPING it to another women in my office. Her computer screen was facing mine and I saw everything she was writing. So I just sent her an email an cc:d the b*tch she was writing to and said if they had a problem with my weight and what I look like we could take it up with HR if they want. Of course no word was spoken of me again.

twinklemepink06

Wow, Marley PLEASE go to H.R. This is not fair. Considering what is going on in young people's minds today (suicide due to bullying), I think you MUST say something. You aren't fat! You are beautiful with your size and should remember that. Don't let anyone speak to you that way. They need to be told their place SO BAD. This sort of thing annoys the heck out of me. I can't stand bullying, name-calling, put-downs, etc. of any kind!! Why are some people so cruel?

desertsun

Marley, just tell people, "I don't think my weight is an appropriate topic for the workplace. Please stop talking about it." And walk away.

If they don't, then keep a log of every incident (date, time, place, who was there, what was said) and take that to HR.