Kids say the darndest things

jemmini6

So one of my friends from HS posted a picture of her son crying on FB.  Why was he crying?  Because he looked at the picture she had just taken of him and he had red eye in the picture and was scared that he was turning into a vampire.  I literally LOL'd at my desk reading that.

Share your funny kid stories...

Elle1036

This is stolen from a relative's facebook page.  She made this status the other day and I thought it was too funny:

"Watching the Biggest Loser and waiting on the final results, some of the results from the Iowa "Caucus" interrupted it and our sweet 8 yr old shouts "I HATE COCKS!" B and I still trying to compose ourselves! lol!!!"

polkadot111

Just yesterday me, my mom, and my little sister were shopping. We stopped into VS because they seemed to have sales going on. My little sister tugged on my arm and said, "TOO MANY BRAS!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" And ran out flailing her arms. hahaha. Hilarious. Then outside I asked her what was wrong and she said, "That was disgusting! Ew ew ew!!"

Elle1036

Oh, also, over Christmas my 6-year-old cousin told my brother to "suck my dog!"

He had heard someone say "suck my balls" and didn't quite catch the last word.

jaycee7389

When I started my peds rotation my clinical instructor and I walked into the room of a 3 year old girl. My clinical instructor is really tall and black, and apparently the little girl (who was white) had been very sheltered. She keeps staring at my clinical instructor and eyeing her up and down. Finally the little girl goes "are you a girl or a boy?"..and we all got dead silent..except for my instructor who burst out laughing. She loved it lol.

GoldenPenguin

My mom babysits our neighbor's two kids. A is a 4-year-old girl, and her little brother, M, is six months old. Before he was born, she had asked about where your belly button comes from, and they told her about the umbelical cord and how it falls off. Then they found out they were having a boy. They are the parents who talk openly/seriously about things - she knows the proper words for vagina & penis, etc.

So they were in the grocery store one day & ran into a friend. The friend asked A if she was excited about having a little brother. Her response: "Not really. I hope his penis falls off like his belly button & he becomes a girl."

I could tell 100 stories about this child. She is hysterical.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

On Christmas day we had a bunch of family over. After dessert, my aunt, uncle and cousin were leaving. My little 3 year old cousin can't find his shoes. He walks around the table asking everyone, "Do you know where my shoes?" Finally he reaches me and says the same thing, "Do you know where my shoes?" I say, "I ate them." He looks at me questioningly at first but then giggles and walks away... continuing to look for his shoes. 15 minutes later, unable to find his shoes, he come up to me with a frown on his face with the saddest voice ever, "How could you ate my shoes?"

He eventually found them. LOL.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_kids-say-darndest-things?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ba0f11e8-eec3-4bee-8176-79dc27b1a8f4Post:80676886-9d75-49ea-bbf2-dc697542f38b">Re: Kids say the darndest things</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom babysits our neighbor's two kids. A is a 4-year-old girl, and her little brother, M, is six months old. Before he was born, she had asked about where your belly button comes from, and they told her about the umbelical cord and how it falls off. Then they found out they were having a boy. They are the parents who talk openly/seriously about things - she knows the proper words for vagina & penis, etc. So they were in the grocery store one day & ran into a friend. The friend asked A if she was excited about having a little brother. Her response: "Not really. I hope his penis falls off like his belly button & he becomes a girl." I could tell 100 stories about this child. She is hysterical.
Posted by BriSox81[/QUOTE]

<div>This is hilarious.</div>

beanbot2002

How about the time Little Bean yelled out "BUT MOM! I DON'T LIKE PENIS BREAD!!!" in the middle of a greek deli. We were ordering pita and hummus. The little old greek lady was not ammused.

GoldenPenguin

haha! When my sister was probably four or five my mom had her at the grocery store. They had those big peanut barrels in the produce section, and my mom pushed one to get something behind it, and of course it made a loud farty noise on the floor. My sister YELLS: "MOM! What do you say when you fart!?!" My poor mother was mortified.

csousa1

Bri your stories are HILARIOUS! That girl sounds like a character.

The one about your sister reminded me of the time my family was all at the beach  - my sister must have been about 4. We were swimming with my dad, while my mom sat on the beach (it was at a lake, so not a very big beach). As my sister is dog-paddling, she yells out, "Mommy!! I just farted and the bubbles went all the way up my back!!"

Everyone on the beach was staring at my poor mother.

niknik15

I asked my sister what she wanted for Christmas, 'a rope so I can tie up Andrew (brother)'

My brother says a bunch of funny witty stuff, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

wink0erin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_kids-say-darndest-things?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:ba0f11e8-eec3-4bee-8176-79dc27b1a8f4Post:bb3fff4e-5ebd-4385-beed-0a45f3bdc37d">Re: Kids say the darndest things</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no stories about other kids, but when I was 2 I insisted that the three wise men in the nativity scene were the "three fairy godfathers." It's no wonder I got kicked out of Sunday school later. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

LOL! I got "kicked" out of Sunday school too, because I asked too many questions o_O

I don't know if I was actually kicked out or if my parents just stopped having me go when they realized I was being told that asking questions was bad. I just wanted to know all the details and the why & how for everything!

dwest2201

Ah man, kids say the best things.  I know my son says off the wall stuff all the damn time, I can't think of any really good ones at the moment though.  He sings a lot of songs that are just insane and make no sense and I crack up all the time with him.  Sometimes I quote him as my FB status, if your my friend you have probably seen.

jemmini6

I have another one...when we went to the restaurant for our RD, my nephew was asking where my mom was, but we were trying to get everyone together, so no one answered him (they drove separate).  Then all of a sudden he just yelled.."I SAID, where is my FREAKIN' grandma?!"  It was funny, but then of course he started saying 'freakin' more often because it got a laugh, so my sister had to tell him not to say it anymore.

kbb34

I have two cute ones, bc I just got back from spending a lot of time with my boyfriend's daughter over Christmas.  she makes me so happy that I had to share.

When we were leaving a restaurant at dinner she was SO ready to go open her Christmas presents.  boyfriends stepmom accidently almost drove off leaving my boyfriend behind and his dad, stepmom and I were absolutely laughing hysterically.  I had just told my bfs daughter to ask her grandparents "nicely" if we could open presents when we got home.  so while we were laughing loudly she kept saying "can we please go home and open presents now" she repeated it over and over getting louder each time (but not in a bratty way)

also she is beyond obsessed with horses right now and we were on our way to the airport.  she looks at my boyfriend and says "I am going to ____ you" with the ___ being a word we didn't understand, we were all trying to figure it out, guessing all these weird things like "wrestle" and "wassel" and she kept saying this same a word over and over again in her adorable toddler voice but then started acting it out, and it turned out it was "lasso" and when we got it, she just looked so sad and exhausted, i felt bad for her, but it was soo cute

nyc1210

These are great.

My FSIL's son will be 2 next week. C isn't talking in full sentences yet, but I had to share this story. His hair was at his shoulders, so they asked me to cut it short. It was up to his ears when I finished. He actually did amazing (it was my first toddler cut) and couldn't figure out what we were doing. I took off the cape and he got up. The first thing he does is shake his head back and forth. When the hair didn't move, he looks back at me with this accusing glare. Then he starts shaking his head and going in circles trying to find his hair. He just falls to the ground and says tiredly, "Momma." Then he went to sleep. When he woke up, he was fine. He hasn't even acted strange about his hair anymore.

GoldenPenguin

I could write a book with all the stories about this child. She is a character.

When she was being potty trained, she was at my parent's house & used the potty. She had on a little dress with tights, and when she pulled them back up, they got all twisted. My mom reached down to fix them and A stepped back, and put her hand out for my mom to stop & goes "Steffy. I wipe my OWN 'gina!"

Then there was the time she did something naughty & my mom told her to get her butt in the corner. My mom came around the corner & A was standing backwards with her butt all backed up in the corner. She goes "Steffy, like this??" I was on the phone with my mom at the time, and I thought she was going to die laughing.

Peaseblossom55

My parents got my niece a posted as one of her xmas gifts.  They wrapped and she wow Santa got me wrapping paper.  She would blush and hide and everytime she opened a gift and got underwear.  I love hearing these type of stories!!

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_kids-say-darndest-things?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ba0f11e8-eec3-4bee-8176-79dc27b1a8f4Post:a594a036-dd48-47d1-ae8b-1d163831cd91">Re: Kids say the darndest things</a>:
[QUOTE]I could write a book with all the stories about this child. She is a character. When she was being potty trained, she was at my parent's house & used the potty. She had on a little dress with tights, and when she pulled them back up, they got all twisted. My mom reached down to fix them and A stepped back, and put her hand out for my mom to stop & goes "Steffy. I wipe my OWN 'gina!" Then there was the time she did something naughty & my mom told her to get her butt in the corner. My mom came around the corner & A was standing backwards with her butt all backed up in the corner. She goes "Steffy, like this??" I was on the phone with my mom at the time, and I thought she was going to die laughing.
Posted by BriSox81[/QUOTE]

<div>This kid sounds awesome!</div><div>
</div><div>The only thing I can think of right now is my 12 year old brother recently told my mom (who just turned 49) "You aren't old.  You just aren't young anymore."  This was written on her birthday card that he made for her.  She posted a picture of it on FB and I couldn't stop laughing.</div>

bsidebella

I'll have you know that these stories made me laugh so hard I cried. I usually don't find kid stories funny but these are hysterical. I think I'm going to start calling pita bread "penis bread".

wink0erin

Kids crack me up!

BF's nieces say some funny stuff.

One time they were singing Old MacDonald and were running out of ideas for animals, so BF's dad said "And on his farm he had an ASS!" and the 4 year old said "You mean donkey, Poppaw?"