I'm a newbie here though I sometimes lurk on some of the boards. Officially I'm not engaged, so this concern isn't pressing at the moment, but it's something that came up in a discussion last night as my boyfriend broached the topic of getting married to me and wanting to establish what kinds of expectations we both have before we're publicly engaged and have millions of outside opinions bearing in.
My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married. We both come from enormous families. (My mom and dad both had 8 brothers and sisters each, and his mom had 5 and his dad had 9) All families have lots of cousins our age who are also married etc. Our families are based in different cities, and we live in the city of his family.
My boyfriend has expressed that he wants a small wedding. Something intimate and personal. I love the idea too, but I also love my family and want both of our families to be there. Small wedding is out of the question. (my side alone, discounting children under 15, and any bfs/gfs, and only spouses) tallies up to 99 people. That doesn't even begin to account for friends and family friends.
He hates the idea of a huge production and that the day suddenly becomes about going through the motions to please tons of people and what's expected of our wedding, and having a reception hall etc, and that we don't get to focus on the people closest to us or worse, focus on sharing the day together.
I can't do a small ceremony big reception tactfully since at least one side will be travelling, and I can't ask 99 people to come all the way out just for a reception.
Are there any tips for people who have been through this, on how to make a big wedding feel more intimate and personal with out it becoming a white wash of hotel reception halls etc? Are there ways to incorporate some one-on-one time with your immediate family without outwardly snubbing the rest of your guests?
We have pretty individual personalities, and are into artsy kind of stuff. We're trying to avoid the ho hum traditional, but it seems like the more people you add, the harder it is to do/afford that. Creative suggestions welcome!
Maybe we should elope.