Not Engaged Yet

Can we be considered engaged?

I met my boyfriend in November of last year and by Christmas we were talking about getting married someday. We fell hard and fast for each other and have looked at rings on a few occasions but he just graduated college and has yet to find a job in his chosen field so we cant afford anything yet. Recently we've started talking a lot about our wedding... we've picked a theme(1950's vintage), talked about the food, written down our guest list, and even picked a tentative date (April 2012).

So i'm wondering... Even though he hasnt formally proposed or gotten me a bring, can i still introduce him as my fiance and change our facebook status to engaged? This seems like such a silly question but im just not sure LOL

Re: Can we be considered engaged?

  • edited December 2011
    If the two of you agree that you ARE engaged, then of course you're engaged. You don't need a ring. You need an agreement with him that you are engaged to each other.

    No one else can tell you what your relationship status is. It's between the two of you. So ask him. If he wants to do a proposal with a ring, then just wait until that happens. You don't need to plan a wedding before you're engaged. It doesn't take as much time as you think.

    So much can change in a year and a half. Your tastes, your budget, your guest list. Everything. Even if you guys agree that you're engaged, I'd still suggest slowing your planning down. Honestly, you don't need more than a year, and MANY couples plan a wedding in less than 6 months.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Everyone will give you some variation of this answer:

    -you don't need to have a ring to consider your self engaged
    -if you two consider yourselves engaged then you are
    -don't plan your wedding before you consider your self engaged

    Pretty much the answer is if you both consider yourself engaged and want to tell the world you are you do not need a ring. It is a preference of the couple. 
  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    *facepalm* If you have to ask US total internet strangers..then no. And just for the record - talking about a wedding , does not mean you are ready for MARRIAGE. I am not judging you on the time frame - many would consider my relationship going "too fast" as well..but just slow the hell down. While you do not need a ring to be engaged , you DO need a MUTUAL commitment between the two people involved. It's not an excuse to put up a fancy status update and introduce him as something new.

    You have 2 years IF you get engaged this year , the food , guest list , all that does NOT matter right now. What you both should be focusing on is the relationship you have now..which begs the question..how old are you both ? And what are you doing - college , work..etc ? This is all the effort I am willing to give this right now..
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Our answer doesn't matter. Go ask him. If he says you are engaged and you say you are engaged then you are engaged. But to some guys the proposal is an important beginning to the engagement.


  • edited December 2011
    Agree with PPs. If you need people on the internet to tell you that you are engaged, then perhaps you need to reassess your situation. It sounds like you guys are on the same page and he's involved in the planning, which is good - but only if you're engaged. What that means to you is totally different than what it can mean for someone else. So I suggest you talk to your boyfriend/fiance//future baby daddy and see where you stand.
  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Agreed. If you and your significant other both agree you're engaged, then congrats, you're engaged. No jewelry required. But if you don't both agree right now, then you're not.

    BF and I have agreed on next September (pending an actual venue), but we aren't engaged because we both agree there should be a formal proposal first. That's just our personal choice.
  • zipis1zipis1 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Most likely no. You are not engaged. BF and I looked at rings, agree that January sounds nice, and know that blue and silver/gray will likely be involved (favorite colors), and we've thought all of this since last November. However, we agree that that does not make us engaged.

    You need to talk to your SO. I guarantee that if you were to just change your facebook status and start introducing him as your fiance, he would probably freak out a little. Talk to him before you risk  embarrassing yourself by having to tell everyone you actually weren't engaged.

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  • edited December 2011
    Right now I woud say no. There is no agreement between the two of you that you are and there is no proposal. If you guys agree to be engaged & this is the way you wanted it to happen than good for you guys!
    Just don't rush into it. If a proposal and ring are important to you then don't skip those things. Like many girls said before you have plenty of time till 2012. You don't want to look back and feel like you missed out on the whole experience because you wanted to rush it.
  • edited December 2011

    I would say no, but that isn't for me or any other girl on here to decide. Talk to your BF and see what he thinks. FI and I talked about wedding planning aspects too before we were engaged but he nor I considered us engaged until he actually proposed. You said you have been looking at rings so I'm guessing that an upcoming proposal is on his mind. Many guys love the idea of a proposal and by you automatically changing facebook and introducing him as your FI, you're taking that big moment away from him. Then again, he might not mind it. I would talk to him first either way.

    imageimageimageimage
  • dismalgrindismalgrin member
    Seventh Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl. I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either. I think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then YAY! But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait, but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-considered-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcb05004-ddee-4190-87b6-ce7a795a8717Post:8f29db24-c7b0-4070-b62a-3bc4cb1fb4c4">Re: Can we be considered engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl. I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either. I think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then YAY! But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait, but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]

    NO...just no. A wedding is not just about the bride. Its about the bride AND groom. Your BF should be included in wedding decisions. Also, why do you always wait for him to bring things up? If you want to talk about something you should be able to do so, while sober.


  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Furthermore, what exactly is the point of having a ticker when your date is "subject to change?"

    Textbook BSC.
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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-considered-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcb05004-ddee-4190-87b6-ce7a795a8717Post:8f29db24-c7b0-4070-b62a-3bc4cb1fb4c4">Re: Can we be considered engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl. I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either. I<strong> think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then YAY!</strong> But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait, but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/10/615a9ce3-fe6e-4bf1-8a53-197fed054b64.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '615a9ce3-fe6e-4bf1-8a53-197fed054b64', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/1/10/615a9ce3-fe6e-4bf1-8a53-197fed054b64.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
    <div>
    </div><div>That's just absurd... The wedding isn't just about the bride for one thing. Not to mention that having a date when it doesn't even really seem like your BF is on the same page just cries BSC.</div>
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    OP-if you have to ask, then no you are not. You are both young, so enjoy this time! Get to know each other. You might have ideas about what you like and in two years everyone else might be doing the same thing. Slow down a little bit.

    Dismalgrin- That is disgusting. Buying into the marketing much?
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-considered-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcb05004-ddee-4190-87b6-ce7a795a8717Post:8f29db24-c7b0-4070-b62a-3bc4cb1fb4c4">Re: Can we be considered engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl. I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either. I think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. <strong>If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then</strong> YAY! But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait, but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]


    WOW.... and what if he doesn't? Then what are you going to do?? Have you discussed this with your vendors? I'm sure they would like to know that their getting paid is pending the "grooms" proposal. Congratulations, you've taken BSC to a whole new level :)
    imageimageimageimage
  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-considered-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcb05004-ddee-4190-87b6-ce7a795a8717Post:8f29db24-c7b0-4070-b62a-3bc4cb1fb4c4">Re: Can we be considered engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl. I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either. I think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then YAY! But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait, but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Where's Oceana and her tiara when we need it?!</div><div>
    </div><div>You're silly.  Looking around for ideas is one thing, planning a wedding without your partner's input is something else!!  Generally, I suggest waiting until you're ENGAGED before you start planning a wedding.  

    </div><div>Also, WTFBQQ?! You wait for him to bring things up or you need to be drunk? Hi, my name is RED FLAG:</div><div>
    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/2/085aee58-28b3-4a0e-b22d-d80668b0f433.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '085aee58-28b3-4a0e-b22d-d80668b0f433', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/8/2/085aee58-28b3-4a0e-b22d-d80668b0f433.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Communication is the key to any relationship.  If you can't talk to your BF or have to wait until he brings it up then you are not ready to get married.</div>

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  • edited December 2011
    OP, I have decided that you cannot be considered engaged.  <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'af06d079-d9fe-4277-b4c3-440c81fe138b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/4/af06d079-d9fe-4277-b4c3-440c81fe138b.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>
    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'af06d079-d9fe-4277-b4c3-440c81fe138b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_can-considered-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcb05004-ddee-4190-87b6-ce7a795a8717Post:8f29db24-c7b0-4070-b62a-3bc4cb1fb4c4">Re: Can we be considered engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that is between you and him... and I always wait for my man to bring things up (or else I go get crazy drunk with my cousin and then bring it up myself lol) I understand that updating the facebook page can be a big deal to a girl.<em> I felt a moment of glee when my boo mentioned that he considered us bf and gf and I RUSHED to update facebook! </em>But I agree with everyone else that it is something you should ask him. Take it from a person that was once engaged and then DUMPED that engagement does not mean everything either.<strong><em> I think it is every girls right to plan her wedding and that's why I'm planning mine. If he happens to propose for real in time to fit in with my date then YAY! But if he doesn't no big deal, I'll just push it forward and wait,</em></strong> but at least I'll have a lot of the legwork done and it won't be as big of a deal to put it all in motion.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]

    As for you,  <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'abedde65-d293-41fe-989c-e5151ec38dd9', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/8/abedde65-d293-41fe-989c-e5151ec38dd9.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>

    And I have to say that I judge any woman who does not have custody of her kids.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_introduce-yourself-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08787e48-8a3e-4792-8700-ef1d66b164fbPost:6f004441-b4ed-488f-853b-41a50ef427ec">Re: Introduce Yourself Here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Fur Babies: Nope, but we both have real babies. His is 11. Mine are 8,4, and 2. <font color="#ff0000">Mine don't live with me</font> so I'm hoping I can have ONE more... maybe.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]

    Add to that fact that you are planning a wedding to a man that you have been dating for all of 8 months.  

     In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_introduce-yourself-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08787e48-8a3e-4792-8700-ef1d66b164fbPost:6f004441-b4ed-488f-853b-41a50ef427ec">Re: Introduce Yourself Here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]How Long You've Been Together: 8 months... which is why I don't feel too bad that the ring hasn't come yet. I think I'll wait till it's been a year before I sweat it.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]

    However, this little gem just takes the cake.  You certainly sound S-M-R-T. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_introduce-yourself-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:08787e48-8a3e-4792-8700-ef1d66b164fbPost:6f004441-b4ed-488f-853b-41a50ef427ec">Re: Introduce Yourself Here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tell Us Something Interesting About Yourself: I was 'left at the alter' for my last engagement. My ex got the license with me, borrowed 2,000 dollars from me and 2 weeks later was married to someone else. The way I found out was I went to work on our house with him and ended up in jail for trespassing. It's taken me awhile to fall in love again.
    Posted by dismalgrin[/QUOTE]


    This is why people should need a license to procreate.  Yeah, I said it. 
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