Not Engaged Yet

Work Advice

Awhile ago (atleast a month) I wrote about not understanding a co-worker's idea that she can date whoever she wants until someone proposes to her. I brought it to her attention that there are two people in a relationship and although she may think this acceptable the other person maynot.

Work got busy and I didn't talk to her for awhile. I found it strange she wasn't even saying good morning to me, but I knew her case was hectic and so I didn't take it personally.

One day I'm on the same bus with her on the commute home and I say hello mention that it's been awhile since I've talked to her since she's been busy with work and ask how she was doing. She looked at me with what I can only describe as disgust, but did talk to me.

I wanted to think that that inital look she gave me was just because I was someone from work and she was frustrated about it at the time. Alas, she hasn't spoken one word to me  in the past month and her office is right beside mine, it feels so awkward to me because I've never had anyone treat me this way.

I've never worked directly with her, but I work in a matrix so I could be assigned to work with her at any time. I already knew before this whole situation that we wouldn't work well together because she has such a strong personality.

I'd like to try to mend things so we'd atleast be able to work together, but I'm not even 100 percent sure I've done anything wrong. Any suggestions? I'm tempted to wait until her case is over and see what happens. However, she has done the same thing to her other office neighbour, so I don't think I'm imagining things.

Re: Work Advice

  • Maybe she saw the post on here and put it together that it was you talking about her?  In any case, if she's being a bitch for no reason, then I see no reason to be friendly with her.  If you need to work with her, then just be as adult and professional about it as you can, but if not, just ignore her.
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  • Without seeing your post from before, I'd imagine she's upset you gave an opinion on her personal life, which is really none of your business.  I find things like other people's dating lives to be a topic that should be avoided in a professional environment as much as possible.

    If you think this will impact your ability to work together in the future, I would ask her about it directly... something like "Hey, I feel like things are weird between us lately.  Did I do something to offend you?" and then I would apologize and let her know that while she doesn't have to like you, you'd like ot be able to work together without any issues on that front.

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  • I agree with J&K. While I wouldn't be conducting myself like she is, I also probably wouldn't appreciate a random acquaintance at work weighing in on my dating life. I'd definitely ask her what you've done to offend her, and then apologize for it.
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  • Thanks J, if it was the opinion thing then I'll have to apologize. However, based on the things she has said to me for the last two years I thought being able to remind her that there are 2 people in a relationship would have been okay and completely innocent by comparison. meh, guess not.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_work-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcfc590d-5c36-4036-b950-8dfeafdbbe94Post:7f537af3-f29c-486a-a0dc-ff28d3c8debd">Re: Work Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE] I would ask her about it directly... something like "Hey, I feel like things are weird between us lately.  Did I do something to offend you?" and then I would apologize and let her know that while she doesn't have to like you, you'd like ot be able to work together without any issues on that front.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yup- This is exactly how I would handle it. Awesome advice.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_work-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:bcfc590d-5c36-4036-b950-8dfeafdbbe94Post:53780da7-980d-47f7-80ca-c96b7e9838e8">Re: Work Advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks J, if it was the opinion thing then I'll have to apologize. However, based on the things she has said to me for the last two years I thought being able to remind her that there are 2 people in a relationship would have been okay and completely innocent by comparison. meh, guess not.
    Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

    People often hold other people to higher standards than they hold themselves.  It's not fair, but it's true,a nd something where it's probably better just to roll with it.

    Look, I can't say with any certainty who is in the wrong because I don't know the full story, but sometimes, especially in the workplace, it's easier to simply be the bigger person (not saying you're NOT being the bigger person but work with me here) and apologize even if you're not at fault.  It sucks, but so does working with someone who thinks you're an asshole, even if they've got shiit for a reason to think you're an asshole, KWIM?

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Yaga - You are right. She was talking about how she liked this new guy and about her dating philosophy. I just tried to remind her that it took two people since she seemed to really like that guy and I didn't want her to miss a great guy because of her philosophy.
  • J - Yeah, I figure I'll have to apologize at some point. I just wish she'd have said I upset her rather than freeze me out for the last month. She's really critical of how people treat others when it comes to being rude, so I wasn't expecting this. I thought she'd she be upfront and say whatever she needed to say.
  • In a perfect world she should have.  But people suck. 

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