dealing with no shows post wedding

nyc1210

Two girls that I was incredibly close with bailed on my wedding day. They kept telling me they were coming all the way up to the day of the wedding. They told me that their kids were sick. Then, they posted pics on Facebook of them all at the zoo on my wedding day. Yeah. I was really hurt by it, but now I just want nothing to do with them. Here's the tough part. We go to school together. It's a small cosmetology school, so it's not like I can avoid them forever. Should I even address the situation? Or should I try to keep too busy to talk? I graduate in a little over a month. Should I just play nice? I need outside opinions because I don't want to seem like a brat, but really, they could've just told me they weren't coming instead of lying.

leia1979

It really sucks that they did that, but I would let it go. I know that's a lot easier said than done. I'd say to keep busy and focus on graduating. I wouldn't bring it up with them.

motoLyn

If it was me, I ask how the day at the zoo was.  BUT I'm also a vindictive person from time to time.  Best to just stay busy, focus on graduating and letting them go.  They are not worth your time.  Enjoy your post wedding bliss and the company of your husband. 

meamolly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dealing-with-no-shows-post-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:be7d06c9-01db-4abd-859b-98fb32e1f901Post:40749bab-35d3-4bf4-842b-9131b6006c69">Re: dealing with no shows post wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was me, I ask how the day at the zoo was.  BUT I'm also a vindictive person from time to time.  Best to just stay busy, focus on graduating and letting them go.  They are not worth your time.  Enjoy your post wedding bliss and the company of your husband. 
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

I would so ask about the zoo trip also. I am thinking it may have been a matter of babysitter or something like that.

[Deleted User]

I agree that your friends shouldn't have lied, but there's really no reason to make them feel terrable about it. I would simply say that you were sad they couldn't make it.

Swazzle

Ditto Lyn.  

I don't think I'd be able to keep my mouth shut about it especially if these are people I considered to be friends.  I'm also a total asshole when I'm pissed off so there's that. 

Elle1036

How close are you with these girls? If you're fine just letting the friendship go, then I don't think you need to say anything. Remain cordial, but don't associate with them outside of school and just let it fade. If you want to maintain your relationships with them, though, then I think you have to bring it up. You won't be able to get over it otherwise.

tdwpg1984

I think it really depends on how you want your relationship with these ladies to be going forward. I personally would not want to be friends with someone who would lie to me like that. It would have been one thing if they were honest about why they couldn't attend (maybe their sitters backed out last minute and they couldn't find anyone), but to lie about it? Not cool in my books. If I were in your shoes I'd just finish out the year in cosmetology school treating them like they're just classmates, and that's it. If you still want to be friends with them, ask them what happened something like "I was really looking forward to having you at my wedding and was so sad to hear you couldn't attend because your kids were sick. What really hurt me though was the photos you posted on facebook where you went to the zoo instead. What really happened?"

One thing I didn't think of though, could it be possible that they went to the zoo on a different day, but never uploaded the photos? Then, maybe while their sick little ones were sleeping, they finally had some spare time to post the photos?

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dealing-with-no-shows-post-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:be7d06c9-01db-4abd-859b-98fb32e1f901Post:40749bab-35d3-4bf4-842b-9131b6006c69">Re: dealing with no shows post wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was me, I ask how the day at the zoo was.  BUT I'm also a vindictive person from time to time.  Best to just stay busy, focus on graduating and letting them go.  They are not worth your time.  Enjoy your post wedding bliss and the company of your husband. 
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

I would probably do this too, but just for the personal satisfaction of watching them try to cover their lie.  Then I'd let it go, be polite until graduation, and then just not make an effort to maintain the friendships.  I wouldn't let it get to me enough to rattle my happiness of the wedding though. 

IrishDreamer

I'm a terrible b!tchy individual, and would probably be right there with Lyn and Rdr and ask how the zoo was.

Elle is wise, though. If you want to blow off the friendship - just let it go - it blows, but it's the best choice. If you wish to continue being friends, then something will need to be said. It's all a matter of which road you want to go down.

DanieKA

I'm a ballsy girl too with situations like this. I honestly don't think I'd want to continue being friends with people like this, so I'd let the friendship go, but I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. Honestly, I'd probably make a snide comment or say something b-tchy to them about the zoo being better than weddings, or something if it ever comes up in conversation. Like if someone in class asks you how it was, I'd say "Oh it was great, not a day at the zoo or anything, but fun!" Something like that. I just think it's so lame that they told you they were coming, then bailed, then had the gall to post their outing on FB. 

Grrr. I kind of want to be B-tchy to them for you. Regardless of how you want to proceed with these relationships, personally it would eat me up inside NOT saying anything.

bethsmiles

The mature part of me would let it go but the immature part of me would want to make some sort of snide comment about it. I'd probably compromise with myself by asking them about it in a mature manner. Maybe they couldn't find a babysitter or have another decent excuse but lied because they felt like it was a bad excuse. Or maybe they are just liars but either way I wouldn't want to lose a friendship if things could be worked out.

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't waste negative energy on it.  it's possible the pictures were from a different day, or that family obligations came up, or something.  you really don't know. 

I agree with allusive... I'd just say that I missed seeing them at the wedding.  and then let it go.  you don't want to harbor bitterness or negativity, and it doesn't seem like this is worth holding on to.  that's just me, though. 

loves2shop4shoes

I'd keep my distance.  If they asked WHY, I'd be honest...but yeah, I think these people are the suck.

desertsun

PPs brought up good points -- you don't KNOW the pictures were from the same day as your wedding, do you? And even if they were...people have every right to decide for whatever reason that a family outing is more important than your wedding. Just b/c they didn't go doesn't mean they don't care about you. They may have had reasons that they're not comfortable sharing with you. If they are otherwise good friends, I wouldn't let them missing my wedding be a deal breaker. But if i wanted to maintain those friendships, I would try to talk to them about it. If I didn't care to maintain the friendships, I would be polite but distant.

prbright

NYC- you go to cosmetology school?! That's awesome, I am a cosmetologist too! Sorry, this has nothing to do with your post, I just thought it was cool.

nyc1210

I understand that people have other commitments, and my wedding isn't a top priority. It's the lying that I have a problem with. They could've just told me they weren't going to be there. I wouldn't even have asked why. I just can't forgive the deception part of it. So, I'm just going to let the friendships go. I have too much good in my life to let negativity in. H doesn't like them anyway. He says they're drama queens. He may be right about that. Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

nyc1210

I understand that people have other commitments, and my wedding isn't a top priority. It's the lying that I have a problem with. They could've just told me they weren't going to be there. I wouldn't even have asked why. I just can't forgive the deception part of it. So, I'm just going to let the friendships go. I have too much good in my life to let negativity in. H doesn't like them anyway. He says they're drama queens. He may be right about that. Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.

NurseyK

This happened to us, too. It really irked us that people didn't show and sent us a text on the day of.... after we spent money on the final headcount. I'm keeping my distance from these people, as I don't really want to be friends with them anymore.
Keep your chin up and focus on the friends who did come and helped make your day spectacular. That's what we're doing.

j-harvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dealing-with-no-shows-post-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:be7d06c9-01db-4abd-859b-98fb32e1f901Post:77e8efeb-5d36-4b2e-a7fe-a38795bdb3e3">Re:dealing with no shows post wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand that people have other commitments, and my wedding isn't a top priority. It's the lying that I have a problem with. They could've just told me they weren't going to be there. I wouldn't even have asked why. I just can't forgive the deception part of it. So, I'm just going to let the friendships go. I have too much good in my life to let negativity in. H doesn't like them anyway. He says they're drama queens. He may be right about that. Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it.
Posted by nyc1210[/QUOTE]

Assuming your wedding was a limited attendance/RSVP-type of affair, if they did blow off your wedding to go to the zoo, they were incredibly rude. I assume you still had to pay for them.