My boyfriend thinks I'm greedy

shoutailently

My boyfriend asked me to start looking at engagement rings back in december.  Before I started looking I was fine with a small ring.  He was the one that wanted a big stone.  The more I looked at rings they just seemed dull and fake the bigger they were.  I started to research more and learned about the quality of the ring.  That brings the price up though.  My boyfriend still wants a big size but I dont want less quality.  He said he will get me a ring now and get me the one I really want when we get married or before.  He got laid off in jan and has been out of work since so I understand him not wanting to spend the money but I am willing to wait till he gets a job. 

Anyway I told him I want him to pick out the first ring so I have nothing to comare it to and I'll love it cause its from him.  He wants me to pick it out.  and he says pretty much I am being selfish and greedy.  I dont feel that way I just want to be surprised and have no rings to look at side by side and see that the better one I cant have.  It is so stressfull.  I am so sick of rings.  I dont mind a smaller size ring and go down a little on quality and just get one ring.  How is that selfish?  He is big on what people think of him so he is more concerned about other people aproving the ring and dosnt care about my opinion. 

Am I wrong?  Or should I just keep telling him its stressfull and I want him to pick it out?

MidniteRae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-thinks-im-greedy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c5d9a5af-99e6-4c25-bbde-ab8dc01f1eafPost:a7b13134-e776-4304-b4ec-39beedd82073">My boyfriend thinks I'm greedy</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend asked me to start looking at engagement rings back in december.  Before I started looking I was fine with a small ring.  He was the one that wanted a big stone.  The more I looked at rings they just seemed dull and fake the bigger they were.  I started to research more and learned about the quality of the ring.  That brings the price up though.  My boyfriend still wants a big size but I dont want less quality.  He said he will get me a ring now and get me the one I really want when we get married or before.  He got laid off in jan and has been out of work since so I understand him not wanting to spend the money but I am willing to wait till he gets a job.  Anyway I told him I want him to pick out the first ring so I have nothing to comare it to and I'll love it cause its from him.  He wants me to pick it out.  and he says pretty much I am being selfish and greedy.  I dont feel that way I just want to be surprised and have no rings to look at side by side and see that the better one I cant have.  It is so stressfull.  I am so sick of rings.  I dont mind a smaller size ring and go down a little on quality and just get one ring.  How is that selfish?  He is big on what people think of him so he is more concerned about other people aproving the ring and dosnt care about my opinion.  Am I wrong?  Or should I just keep telling him its stressfull and I want him to pick it out?
Posted by shoutailently[/QUOTE]

If he doesn't care about your opinion, then why is he asking you to pick it out?

catemeg

Remind him that he should care more about offering the woman he wants to marry a ring she likes than impressing "other people".  It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable - you don't want a higher quality diamond of the same size, you're willing to sacrifice the size to meet the budget.

I can understand that he wants your input so he gets you something you like - have you gone shopping together?  It can help, both so that you can see what types of bands you like (beyond just the diamond) and that he might be able to understand a bit that the other 3 C's are just as important (if not more) than the Carat size.

GreenPepperBurger

Why don't you just wait until he has a job to get a ring that will make you both happy?

desertsun

Your boyfriend should always value your opinion. You have larger issues than a piece of jewelry. I suggest you stop worrying about a ring and start working on your relationship.

PaigeMcC

I think if you have a boyfriend that calls your selfish and greedy you have more problems then what ring you want.  I think you need to talk to him.

AmandalovesAl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-thinks-im-greedy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c5d9a5af-99e6-4c25-bbde-ab8dc01f1eafPost:a7b13134-e776-4304-b4ec-39beedd82073">My boyfriend thinks I'm greedy</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyway I told him I want him to pick out the first ring so I have nothing to comare it to and I'll love it cause its from him.  He wants me to pick it out.  and he says pretty much I am being selfish and greedy. 
Posted by shoutailently[/QUOTE]

how does you asking HIM to pick out your engagement ring make you selfish and greedy??

IMO it makes him lazy that he isn't willing to do it.  Sounds like he wants you to to do all the work...and not to be mean, but if he's not working right now, he has the time.

jeanacorina

You guys need to talk about your expectations. Marriage takes work and knowing how to resolve disagreements in a way that keeps both of you happy. There will be much bigger things than rings in the future.

Gather your thoughts and tell him how you feel and why. Ask him how he feels and why (the why part is important!).

Tell him you want to find a solution that makes both of you happy. Right now, I think the best solution is to wait until he's employed to actually buy anything. Between now and then, talk about what you want... not only in a ring, but in a marriage.

bethsmiles

I think you need to fix some problems in your relationship before getting any engagement ring. I think you both need to sit down and discuss what is important about an engagement (its not the ring) and come to compromise that works best for both of you.

Your BF shouldn't be calling you greedy and selfish so I think you both really need to sit down and talk about it.

loves2shop4shoes

I don't want to be mean here, I just want to be honest.

Sweetie, if he's calling you mean and selfish because he ASKED you for your opinion and he didn't LIKE your response, then I think you have bigger fish to fry than picking out a ring.

Does he always resort to name calling/belittling you when he doesn't get his way?

Furthermore, it's concerning that your BF would care more about other people's opinions about your ring than your own opinion.  If his sole mission is getting you a large stone so that other people will be impressed, and this mission is more important than your opinion, you have a problem.

Just food for thought.

oceana919

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-thinks-im-greedy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c5d9a5af-99e6-4c25-bbde-ab8dc01f1eafPost:5f9a147f-7a5f-4d5c-a02f-8a9c31defe60">Re: My boyfriend thinks I'm greedy</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to be mean here, I just want to be honest. Sweetie, if he's calling you mean and selfish because he ASKED you for your opinion and he didn't LIKE your response, then I think you have bigger fish to fry than picking out a ring. Does he always resort to name calling/belittling you when he doesn't get his way? Furthermore, it's concerning that your BF would care more about other people's opinions about your ring than your own opinion.  If his sole mission is getting you a large stone so that other people will be impressed, and this mission is more important than your opinion, you have a problem. Just food for thought.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

All this.

Button5807

Ditto what paige said x1000

dwest2201

The biggest issue is him calling you greedy.  You should be able to talk about things you disagree about without resorting to name calling.  IF he truley feels you are greedy then you two have a major problem.

Acrosthec

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_boyfriend-thinks-im-greedy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c5d9a5af-99e6-4c25-bbde-ab8dc01f1eafPost:5f9a147f-7a5f-4d5c-a02f-8a9c31defe60">Re: My boyfriend thinks I'm greedy</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to be mean here, I just want to be honest. Sweetie, if he's calling you mean and selfish because he ASKED you for your opinion and he didn't LIKE your response, then I think you have bigger fish to fry than picking out a ring. Does he always resort to name calling/belittling you when he doesn't get his way? Furthermore, it's concerning that your BF would care more about other people's opinions about your ring than your own opinion.  If his sole mission is getting you a large stone so that other people will be impressed, and this mission is more important than your opinion, you have a problem. Just food for thought.
Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

I like this newb.  ::thumbs up::