Not Engaged Yet

Ring Shopping?

Does/did everyone go ring shopping with BF before he proposed? I said something to my BF about looking at rings and he said that he wanted to pick it out. Which my first instinct was EXTREMELY scared..i mean, what if I don't like it?? But I will say this, he bought me a beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas which made me feel much better about him picking out the ring without my input.

Just wondering if my bf is the only one who wants to pick out the ring by himself.

Re: Ring Shopping?

  • edited December 2011
    No, my boyfriend wants to pick the ring out himself.  I give him hints by texting pictures of rings, but I make sure to constantly tell him that whatever he chooses I will love (which I will).  He got me a right hand ring for Christmas last year and it's very "me" so I'm not too worried.

    His grandmother offered for him to go through her rings too, so I know he'll have a good selection overall, even if he doesn't want to spend much money.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    I like that he's being romantic about it, but honestly I'm glad we went together to try some on. BF loves the look of princess cut (and would likely have gotten me one), but when I tried them on it just didn't look right on me... the edges were too sharp or something, even he agreed. Plus the width of the band can make a difference too. They can range from pretty thin to pretty thick, so it depends what you like on your finger and what feels comfortable to you.

    At the end of the day, it's going to be on your hand for you to look at it all the time, so I think it kinda makes sense that you would get some input! I gave BF like 12 different options of things I like (that are all very different) so he can still feel like he has a say, too!
  • edited December 2011
    I did not go ring shopping with FI. I did give him information about what I wanted though. He knew I only wear white gold. When our friends got engaged I mentioned to him (in private of course!) that I didn't like the look of her ring because I like solitaire diamonds and hers had 3. I mentioned another time that I like really thin bands and that I don't like huge diamonds. Another time I mentioned that I would feel more secure with 6 prongs because they hold the diamond more securely.

    When FI proposed, he had picked out a perfect ring. I will be honest, I was slightly worried, but he did great!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    We looked at rings together, and we did a lot of research online, but ultimately FI bought mine all on his own.

    I expected to get a solitaire cushion-cut moissanite, but instead I got a princess-cut diamond with tiny diamonds set into the band. It's not at all what I pictured, but I still love it. FI gave it to me and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, so it's gorgeous in my eyes.

    After about the first month you don't really think a lot about the ring anyway. There are a lot of other things to focus on, and the "oooh, sparkles!" mostly wears off. I look at it occasionally, but for the most part it's just an extension of my hand now. Smile
    Anniversary
  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    We never actually went out ring shopping together. My FI had emailed me a few options of rings he liked, that I didn't like at all. They were all very run of the mill and I wanted something different. I then also emailed him ones that I liked. Ultimately he made the decision himself and went with something that was more his style than mine.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Nope, my FI wanted to shop by himself, too.

    BUT, I put together a little collage of rings I liked, and also wrote him out a list of what I was looking for for each "C." He trusted me to educate myself and be budget-minded.

    Then I let him do the shopping on his own.

    He did an amazing job!





    So, my advice is, let him shop on his own if he wants to, but give him an idea of what you like (diamond shape, the C's, solitaire or sidestone setting, etc).
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • ashleyjo09ashleyjo09 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8f056ac-13e0-4807-bb2d-83610db5ab01Post:ac650a19-4675-4e09-9fbc-ca94e2cfd34a">Re: Ring Shopping?</a>:
    [QUOTE]BF loves the look of princess cut (and would likely have gotten me one), but when I tried them on it just didn't look right on me... the edges were too sharp or something, even he agreed. Posted by skichica622[/QUOTE]

    THIS is what I'm scared of. See I don't really know what I want or what would look good on me, because I've never shopped for an engagement ring! My hands are chubby so I feel like I need a thicker band or something that looks right on my hand. I'm not saying I want to pick it out, but it would be nice to at least just go LOOK. At the same time, I don't want to push and for him to thin I'm BSC. I can look on the internet all day long, but until you put it on your hand, you don't know exactly how it's going to look.

    For the ladies who did go looking with BF, did you bring up going shopping for the ring or did he?
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know what you mean.  I was sure that I wanted a big solitaire diamond but when I went and tried stuff on, I hated how they looked on me.   Nothing felt like "me" until we tried one last store and I tried on a three stone ring with shapes I hadn't really considered.  We both loved it, and he eventually had something very similar custom made.

    We both decided to go shopping together.  If you have already talked about getting engaged/married then I don't think it would be weird for you to suggest going to have a look at things to see what you love and what you hate.

    I'm not sure what to tell you.  It seems like it's really important for him to pick it out, but for you to love it, so you'll have to find some sort of compromise.  I like the idea of just going shopping together to find out what you like, and then have him pick something out that fits those characteristics.  I just can't imagine that your BF wouldn't want to pick something out that you both know you'll love.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8f056ac-13e0-4807-bb2d-83610db5ab01Post:2a76582c-d73e-4ba7-a706-9762d67bbfe3">Re: Ring Shopping?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ring Shopping? : THIS is what I'm scared of. See I don't really know what I want or what would look good on me, because I've never shopped for an engagement ring! My hands are chubby so I feel like I need a thicker band or something that looks right on my hand. I'm not saying I want to pick it out, but it would be nice to at least just go LOOK. At the same time, I don't want to push and for him to thin I'm BSC. I can look on the internet all day long, but until you put it on your hand, you don't know exactly how it's going to look. For the ladies who did go looking with BF, did you bring up going shopping for the ring or did he?
    Posted by ashleyjo09[/QUOTE]

    Have you ever worn any type of ring? That would give you some idea of what styles/shapes you prefer. And is probably why you already have a feeling that a wider/thicker band would work better for the shape of your hand.

    But really, if he wants to marry you, you should be able to talk to him about these things without him thinking you're crazy.

    I would just talk to him and tell him what you're telling us -- it's true that you can't really KNOW what a ring will look like until you put it on.

    You will have to make a lot of decisions in the future that affect both of you -- it's best to figure out how you guys work and make decisions as a team now.

    Good luck, and keep us updated, please!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • ashleyjo09ashleyjo09 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Good Advice! I know BF knows my style and what I like, but I feel like an engagement ring is different. I have several rings that I wear, but I wouldn't consider either of them a good example of an engagement ring.


    We are suppose to go shopping in general Sunday, so maybe we can just walk into a jewelry store. ALLLL of this goes back to patience.....I'm getting better, but still not perfect!! :)


    Thank you for your input, ladies!

  • edited December 2011
    My fiance wanted me to come. He was so nervous he'd get a ring that didn't represent my style and he wanted to make sure that if I didn't like it, I wouldn't be stuck with it for life. It was really special picking it out together!
  • edited December 2011
    I went shopping with BF. He wasn't crazy about it because he thought it took away from some of the romance, but I told him, "Look. We both know that I'm picky about jewelery, and I'm going to be looking at this one for the rest of my life. We don't have to go looking for 'the one' or anything, but just look to gather ideas. You would still ultimately get to pick, but we would both have a better idea of what we want."

    So that's what I would suggest you tell him. You don't want to find the one, just gather ideas of what does and doesn't look good on you. He would still ultimately get to choose but he'd have a launching point. I also suggest you mention to him that your other rings aren't what you consider to be suitable engagement ring material (chances are, he was going to try and base his decision off of what you own).

    I'm really glad I looked. I thought that I would like a ring with a marquise style diamond, which is what my other ring has and I enjoy. Or I thought maybe a princess cut (something a different ring of mine has). But after trying them on I didn't like either of those and ended up deciding that I REALLY liked round stones, which I had previously not been at all interested in. So now BF has a really good idea of what I'll love, but he still gets to pick.

    One last thing that finally made my BF 100% eager to have me try on rings first was talking to his boss. I guess she went shopping with her BF and when they walked in to the first store she asked him to pick something he could see himself giving her. He ended up picking something she absolutely HATED (to quote her, "Uglier than a half squished fly.") So BF then decided it'd be a good idea if I went with for awhile :P

    So yes. After all that, I'll just reiterate my main point: just tell him to want to look for ideas, not the actual ring, that you don't like your current rings' styles as engagement rings, and definitely tell him point blank exactly how you feel about this and all your fears regarding it.

    image
  • edited December 2011
    Other.  We got engaged without a ring.  He hadn't even planned on proposing that night.  It just kind of spilled out.  Later that week, we went to look at rings together.  We picked out 3 different choices.  I fell in love with one, but left the decision up to him.  He chose the center stone by himself and set it in the setting I loved.

    I don't agree with the idea that you must love any ring he proposes with.  I think that engagements are about two people, and that you should have some input into the ring.  It may not mean picking it out directly, but communicating about what you are comfortable wearing.  I think that if a guy goes out and focuses only on what HE wants in a ring then he is being selfish.  On the flip side, I don't think it is right to throw a temper tantrum when you get a ring you hate.  I also don't think that it is okay to demand a certain size, ring, etc.   

    I know that I would have been very letdown if he had proposed with a yellow gold ring.  I never wear yellow gold and would wonder how much he actually pays attention to what I love in jewelry.  All of my jewelry is simple and silver in color.  I also would have been disappointed if he spent a ton of money that we were saving for a house. 
  • edited December 2011
    I think the way we decided to go ring shopping was because of a joke. We were in Vegas and there was some ad with a crazy over the top looking ring and he was like "Oh I should get you THAT!" Totally joking of course. But once I saw he was comfortable at least joking about getting a ring, I initiated the whole "Well maybe we should actually see what we DO like?" Maybe a month later we actually went to the mall and wandered around a few of the jewelry stores. He definitely did not think I was BSC considering we'd been together more than 3 years at that point!
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My bf was adament about the ring being a surprise and I am SO glad that I let him do it. I was also not quick to agree, but he did such a great job, and it means to much to me that he worked so hard to combine the things he knew I wanted and what he liked too. It's perfectly me and it will always mean more because he put it together to BE perfectly me (it's a custom made setting).

    I would let go and let him do it!!!!
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c8f056ac-13e0-4807-bb2d-83610db5ab01Post:7633208c-b697-4912-abe4-3f92f169d75e">Re: Ring Shopping?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I would let go and let him do it!!!!
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    It's really great that it worked that way for you.  But everyone is different.  If it's important to you and your FI that you love the ring, then you should shop together.  Just because a man sucks at picking out jewelry doesn't mean he loves someone less.   I completely agree with everything Mutley said so please defer to her post for my coherent answer...
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    bf and i arent engaged yet, but he told me to just go pick out my ring and that's what he would buy. he says that since i have to wear it for the rest of my life that i should probably like what i have to wear.
  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI and i went ring shopping together but i also went on my own when we were discussing marriage seriously. i did this because he has the typical 9-5 job where i am working retail varied hours and the mall stores were a good jumping off point with easy access. i found out quickly things i liked the look of looked TERRIBLE on my hand and eventually found a dream style that i was so lucky to find in an even better style and quality in a more local store.

    This helped when we went together and when i made suggestions because his exact words were " this is the ring you will wear the rest of your life , so i want it to be something you will be happy with". And for us , we found it together and he looks at it as much as i do ! Going together in my opinion dosent make it less romantic. It's a huge decison along with marriage and i see nothing wrong with it. i knew what my ring looked like but he tricked me and picked it up after work one day and when i came home did a surprise proposal which was perfect and i could have asked for nothign better. I just feel that input can be useful and vital but being overbearing can be too much , just depends what works for you both but keep an open mind :)
    Photobucket Anniversary www.MyVacationCountdown.com Ticker LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • edited December 2011

    In the 2 1/2 years BF and I have been together we've gone ring shopping twice and looked at some online before we actually headed into a store. The second time we looked I narrowed down my choices and actually found the exact ring I want. It's the way he wanted to do it since he figures I'm the one wearing it, I should have the one I like the best.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards