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Not Engaged Yet

Wedding nightmares (long)

So last night, I flipped out on FI. I’m taken all his wedding chores because he was supposed to have them done by now, and surprise surprise, he procrastinated and then got super busy so he couldn’t get things done. I was feeling stressed last night and like I couldn’t do it anymore, no more planning no more opinions etc etc. His mom and dad are coming down Sat, and we might go see the band we’re thinking about for the wedding, but it’s at someone else’s wedding. I will not go unless we get the ok, but he’s like, I don’t feel comfortable with that. So I flip out and yell at him that it was supposed to be done, and if he held up his side of the bargain, this wouldn’t even be an issue. And I cried, a lot.

 
Then I calm down and go to sleep, this is my dream: it’s the day after the wedding, and I don’t even remember the wedding day. So I’m watching a video of it. We hired a band, but they sent their instruments and a DJ, who kept playing rap songs with swear words. Of course all the older people were clutching their pearls over that. So I told them to stop, and then I was wandering around trying to figure out where all the airplanes were landing(?) and noticed that everyone was really drunk. I couldn’t figure out why they were, and then I realize that they are taking shots off a beer pong table, first lighting the liquor on fire, then taking the shot. And the DJ to get back at me; now had people doing karaoke on the dance floor. So I scream myself hoarse, throw my rings at everyone and run off crying.  

So I woke up feeling pretty crappy, but the upshot is that my wheat centerpieces looked really good in my dream.
 I think I’m losing my mind.
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Re: Wedding nightmares (long)

  • SoulMistressSoulMistress member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow.

    Girl, you need a vacation!

    Maybe you could enlist your MOH to help your fiance with his duties. If it's possible to talk about it calmly, explain to your sweetie why the things you've asked him to do are important and then let him handle it. Make it clear that if HE doesn't do it, it simply won't get done.

    Try to keep in mind that, yeah, the wedding is really fun and very exciting... something most of us have looked forward to our whole lives... but it's just the beginning of your life with your husband. As long as you end the night being his wife, the wedding was a success. The rest is gravy. :) Hopefully that will help keep your blood pressure down when he lets things slide.

    Hang in there!!
  • edited December 2011
    ::hug::

    Take a deep breath. The good news is that you know your wedding won't be like that dream! I know how you feel when it comes to procrastinating FIs. It's not that he isn't interested, he just doesn't think about it every minute like we do. I have decided that the best way to keep myself from stressing is to make all the appointments myself and have him go with me. That way, I know everything is being taken care of but he's still involved.

    The one thing my FI is really good at is talking me down when I'm super stressed. He always knows what to say and usually it's, calm down, deep breath, remember, it will all work out. So I'll tell you that. It takes some work, it won't just magically plan itself, but at the end of all this, it won't matter if the centerpieces aren't quite right or if it rains. What matters is that you'll be married to the love of your life!

    Ok, stepping down from my sappy soap box.

    Good luck with the band thing!
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  • edited December 2011
    I completely understand...just breathe. I'm an organization freak and BF is usually laidback about everything. When I freak out about homework being due (his and mine) he always says "I dont know why you get you riled up about it". He's a guy and it is a big deal but I dont think he is going to be as frantic about it as you are. I know BF wouldn't be and I'm sure we will have about 10 of those fights when our time comes, lol.

    I don't know what is so bad about your dream, beer pong and flaming liquor sounds like an awesome wedding..(JUST KIDDING!)
    imageimageimageimage
  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well the huge issue is not just that, it's also that he is getting a new job (likely) and we might be moving.... to Maine. Or NY (kat & KD be my real life friend?). So he will be gone and I will really be on my own.


    Is it noon yet?
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm close to NY too, we can go  big hat shopping together.

    *hug* you need a nap.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    You have a lot going on huh? I think you and your FI should take a weekend and make it completely non-wedding related. Go see a movie, go out to dinner, something that you did together before wedding planning. Take a weekend off and just be together.

    Where in NY would you be moving?
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They are based in Bufflo (spelled like that on purpose), Albany and Syracuse. Is that close to anyone?
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you dreamed about that! =( I agree... take a few days off wedding planning if you can.
  • edited December 2011
    I know Albany is close to NQB, I think that's about a three hour drive from me.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    I live in SyracuseCool and I think I missed the Bufflo joke...
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh I just call Buffalo Buff-lo, I personally pronouce it strangely.

    Looooongest day ever!
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  • edited December 2011
    I figured that's what it was but wasn't sure...I miss jokes sometimes and wanted to be sure. Have a couple cocktails tonight. Sounds like you could use some!
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  • edited December 2011
    I will drink for you :-)
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    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-nightmares?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c9ec6d0f-9c0b-4d2f-b485-f46a8c5968ffPost:118b9500-5fa1-4bf6-ae61-269502fb2f36">Re: Wedding nightmares (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]You have a lot going on huh? <strong>I think you and your FI should take a weekend and make it completely non-wedding related. Go see a movie, go out to dinner, something that you did together before wedding planning. Take a weekend off and just be together. </strong>Where in NY would you be moving?
    Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

    I think this is great advice. Do eeet!
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Jack through osmosis! I found someone to go to happy hour with me, so that's what's getting me through the rest of the day now. Oh margarita I can taste you now. :smacks lips:

    Thanks Button,  I know I can count on you and your liver. How close are you to Newark? Or you KD?
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  • edited December 2011
    Newark, NJ? Not very.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm about 2 hours from newark depending on traffic
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Hetshup- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    I know exactly how you feel. FI has said things like "So, the wedding planning is pretty much done, huh?" And he picked out the tuxes and then said "Welp, I'm done with planning this wedding! That's all I had to do!" He's lucky he is still alive.

    I have tried everything. I have asked nicely. I have begged. I have emailed him to-do lists. I have shown him things he could help with.

    I get pretty much nothing because he didn't want a big wedding in the first place. Well, neither did I, but someone has to plan it and I can't do it alone!

    THEN he complains we never spend any time together because I'm too busy with school/wedding/volunteering.

    WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

    *hugs*

    Meet you halfway between San Antonio and Baton Rouge for happy hour?
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sure, I'll head to Beaumont or Longview. It's just coming to a head right now. I predict I will be fine for the next 6 weeks and flip out again. Sigh. But thanks guys, I had a few beverages and will now gorge myself on Cadbury eggs. 
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