Am I being unreasonable? *Vent*

nefariousmango

So hubby tells me this morning that he wants to go to New Jersey with a friend the weekend of our first anniversary.  I got a bit ticked and told him that I wasn't really okay with it because 1) We STILL haven't had a honeymoon and have been talking about an anniversary trip instead and 2) It's fucking New Jersey, it's not like anything will be different any other time, so why on  Earth can't they go another weekend?  DH was still like, "I just don't think it should be that big a deal." 

We hardly get to see each other these days, our schedules are so off, so I didn't want to start a fight.  But now that he's gone and I'm home alone, again, I'm really pissed off that he didn't even consider our anniversary whilst making his plans.  Maybe it isn't that big a deal, maybe we can celebrate another time, but come on!

So, ladies- Am I being unreasonable to think he should postpone this trip and be with me on our first anniversary???

Ember01

I'd be upset. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!

theluckiest555

No you arn't. I'd be really upset too. How many years have you been married? This seems like a really jerky move from him. I'm so sorry. I understand not wanting ti fight... I don't see my FI often either and want to make the best of it... but just explain to him why you are hurt. I mean, he should get this. Your anniversary should be about you two and is off limits for anything else. Duh. Men can be so dense sometimes. Sorry sweetheart.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-unreasonable-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cac0f912-a80b-43aa-8aca-052916891f2cPost:44fd0189-ac50-446d-b68f-490f726ed709">Am I being unreasonable? *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]So hubby tells me this morning that he wants to go to New Jersey with a friend the weekend of our<strong> first anniversary</strong>.  I got a bit ticked and told him that I wasn't really okay with it because 1) <strong>We STILL haven't had a honeymoon</strong> and have been talking about an anniversary trip instead and 2) It's fucking New Jersey, it's not like anything will be different any other time, so why on  Earth can't they go another weekend?  DH was still like, "I just don't think it should be that big a deal."  We hardly get to see each other these days, our schedules are so off, so I didn't want to start a fight.  But now that he's gone and I'm home alone, again, I'm really pissed off that he didn't even consider our anniversary whilst making his plans.  Maybe it isn't that big a deal, maybe we can celebrate another time, but come on! So, ladies- Am I being unreasonable to think he should postpone this trip and be with me on our first anniversary???
Posted by nefariousmango[/QUOTE]

<div>Based on the two statements I've bolded, HE is being unreasonable.  It's your first anniversary, that's kind of a big deal.  And if you haven't had your honeymoon, that makes it twice a big deal.</div><div>
</div><div>Men=dense.  I asked FI the other day why he's never gotten me a birthday card, and he was like "Oh, I never thought about it..."  I wanted to smack him.  Duh you moron, it's my BIRTHDAY.  Sorry, *hugs*  I'd tell him that it means a ton to you for him to be there that weekend, and you'd like him to be able to go, but maybe another weekend.  </div>

BunnyChii

He didn't ACTUALLY make the plans without asking you first, did he? it sounds like he's only discussed it with his friend, so I'd just sit him down and explain how important this is to you. He can plan another weekend away with his friend.

Win/win.

theluckiest555

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-being-unreasonable-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cac0f912-a80b-43aa-8aca-052916891f2cPost:f0a0a541-1d9f-4704-84fd-cd210ee84041">Re: Am I being unreasonable? *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]No you arn't. I'd be really upset too. How many years have you been married? This seems like a really jerky move from him. I'm so sorry. I understand not wanting ti fight... I don't see my FI often either and want to make the best of it... but just explain to him why you are hurt. I mean, he should get this. Your anniversary should be about you two and is off limits for anything else. Duh. Men can be so dense sometimes. Sorry sweetheart.
Posted by theluckiest555[/QUOTE]

I just saw your wedding ticker. Haha. Talk about being dense.....<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

nefariousmango

Thanks ladies.  We'd been together 5 years when we got married, so this will be our 6th anniversary together and our first wedding anniversary.

I know he's a bit dense about this stuff, and to be fair I'm usually all for traveling whenever we can regardless of holidays or birthdays because I don't mind celebrating, say, Christmas, a few days early or late.  For example, we celebrated Christmas at a really odd time this last year because my sister was undergoing radiation for her thyroid cancer and we wanted to do it when she was well enough to have a tree.  But in this case there's no reason he can't go another weekend!

hannahnola

I DEFINATELY do not think you are being unreasonable. Why is he going to New Jersey, why can't you to go there or somewhere else! YOU DESERVE A HONEYMOON! I say make a point of it, but make him realize the reason you got married was to celebrate your love and that day it for yall now. Good luck and sucks that guys don't understand the stuff we do!

tafft1

Not unreasonable at all - i am big about anniversaries and such and it would be very upsetting unless it was for some major reason it HAD to be that weekend. I too would be upset and think maybe it's time to talk it over again if possible to explain both sides of the issue. *hugs*

zipis1

I'd be rather upset. I say try talking to him again again and just plain ask him not to go.

Sparrow87

With so much time between now and your anniversary I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your husband to change his plans.  And I do think that it was inconsiderate for him to even entertain the idea of going out of town without you on your anniversary whether it's your 1st or 31st.  Good Luck I hope he changes his mind! 

bourgehm

I would be upset as well.

Elle1036

I can see both sides.  Since you guys had been together for a good while before you got married, I can understand why he wouldn't see the significance of this particular anniversary.  That said, it is your first wedding anniversary, and that's a big milestone, whether you knew each other for one year or ten before getting married.  I wouldn't be upset at him for originally thinking it wasn't that big a deal, but I would be upset at him for failing to grasp the significance once I explained it to him.  It's definitely not unreasonable for you to want to spend your first anniversary with your husband.

loves2shop4shoes

Ummm...how does he still have both of his balls?

KD+BC

I think I'd mention that I'd really like to spend it together based on the points you stated. I don't think I'd get pissed off at him for it though as long as he didn't plan anything and ran it by you first.

marleylikeair

I totally understand where you're coming from, Mango. I'd just sit down with him and without making a huge deal about it, say something like "Hey, I've really been looking forward to our first anniversary, and it's important to me. Do you think the boys' weekend could be on a different weekend?"

nefariousmango

Thanks everyone, I feel like less of a psycho wife now :-)

Shoes: We want kids, so I'm letting him keep his balls for now... Plus he's usually a really sweet, understanding guy!  Sometimes he just forgets that I'm actually a woman and I care about these traditions.

csousa1

I'd be PISSED, not unreasonable at all! If he is anything like my guy, he may be a bit clueless, but chances are it will occur to him seemingly out of nowhere that, oh wait, this might not be the best idea. I find the best way to talk about things like that is to very calmly ask him how he would feel if you planned a girl's weekend on an important weekend for him, say his birthday. Trying to get him to see your point of view without yelling or guilt tripping him is the best way to get results.  Best of luck to you hunny!

MLekathLEEN

I don't think you're being unreasonable but I wouldn't be too entirely pissed at him. He's a guy and probably didn't think about it being your anniversary that week.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. It's your FIRST anniversary as a married couple FFS.<3