Divorced Parents? [vent]

heyimbren

Do any of you have parents who aren't together that are dating again?

My grandparents went through with their divorce when I was 14. They'd been separated since I was born, but nobody actually told me that until I was 14. I know, I know, how dumb do you have to be to miss that? But they attended everything together and still "acted" married. They're the only "marriage" I had ever witnessed as a kid in my family.

I never even knew my grandfather was dating anyone until I was about 16. And I didn't like his girlfriend, she was kinda crazy. Anyways, they broke up and I just found out he's been seeing someone for nearly a year now... and yet again, never mentioned it. No, I'm not thriled with the idea of him dating someone else. I do find it strange. But I've come to terms with their divorce, and if this woman (actually, his ex-serious GF) makes him happy, then I can accept it.

The feeling I hate is how it feels to me like he's living a double life almost. I'm his granddaughter (and more like a daughter. He's the closet thing to a father I've ever had. and my grandmother has raised me my entire life) and it feels so strange knowing that there's a woman he's dated for YEARS that I've never met or been told about. She has children and he buys them all sorts of gifts and takes them on trips. I see him multiple times a week and in the summer time I work with him. I just find it disconcerting and I wanted to vent a little I suppose. I was also wondering if anyone else has had experience with this?

Roo726

My parents got divorced 4 years ago after 25 years of marriage.  My dad has been dating someone almost that entire time, she is 31.  I am 28, imagine that awkwardness!!!  I also was not told that he was dating anyone at all, so imagine my shock when I moved in with him after moving from San Diego (i needed a temp home) and he had a girlfriend there....yah...i love that guy but his communication could be better lol.  So yes, I sort of know how you feel about the whole double life because he was with her for at least a year, and I had no clue she existed. Needless to say, due to us being close in age, I also did not get along with her well.  She viewed me as a spoiled brat, and I just felt she was a complete weirdo for wanting to date a man who was 50.  It took me stepping up and just being the bigger person, and also just knowing that my dad and my mom for that matter are also adults who have lives! (amazing isn't it!) ;-) The other part, is that my parents salvaged a friendship, and are always there for me.  It sounds like your grandpa is there for you so that is always important.  They will have their own lives, and just because we are old enough to understand what is going on in their lives now, doesn't mean we can control the situation.

Interestingly enough my BF's parents are now going through a similar situation.  Divorce after 30 years, so in our own awkward way I help him deal with divorce as an adult.  It is so different then divorce as a child. 

desertsun

Bren, I haven't had a situation like yours, but I just want to say that if it bothers you, you should let him know. He may just not talk about that part of his life to you b/c he's trying to be respectful of your relationship with your grandma. 

Tell him you'd like to meet this woman who's a big part of his life. They might both really appreciate that.

Elle1036

My parents got divorced a couple of years ago, and it seems like my mom is starting to think about dating again.  A few times that we've talked lately, she's tried to casually slip something in about some guy from work or a friend-of-a-friend, etc.  I know she's not seriously dating anyone, and I know I should appreciate the fact that she's telling me these things, but I still have to resist the urge to stuff my fingers in my ears and sing at the top of my voice whenever she approaches the subject.  So... I definitely understand the awkwardness you're feeling.  I wish I had some helpful advice.

loves2shop4shoes

My parents divorced when I was 2.  My mother never seriously dated again, just a handful of dates here and there.

My father just finalizes his divorce from his 3rd wife.  (My mother was his first.)  Knowing my dad, he's probably already got another one lined up.  He's terrified of being alone.

Either way you flip it, it's not fun.  With my mom, I worry she'll be alone forever.  And I don't want her to be lonely.  And with my dad, I worry that he's only with someone because he doesn't want to be alone...not because he really loves the person.

jilly2121

I can definitely relate. My dad and mom divorced when I was 2, my dad had custody of me, remarried when I was 5 and got divorced again when I was 15. I went away to college and came home to find out his then gf and his gf's daughter had moved in and the gf daughter moved into MY ROOM!

Anyway fastforward to now, my dad is now currently dating someone for a year now and I've NEVER met her nor do I even know her name. I have my suspicisions on why I haven't mer her, I think he's dating someone my age. I've just given up on caring, its his life and if he doesn't want to share that part of his life with me then oh well.But I definitely know how you feel about your grandfather living a double life. That's how I feel about my dad.

heyimbren

Desert, I know you're right. I think I'm going to leave it for a bit before bringing it up, but possibly around Christmas. That seems like an appropriate time anyways.

It is just such a weird feeling.

desertsun

I would also find it pretty weird, Bren. I think that's a natural feeling in your situation. Leaving it for a bit and suggesting a meeting around the holidays sounds like a great plan.

zipis1

My parent's divorced when I was...15-ish I think. Maybe 13. But they had been talking about divorce since I was about seven. Their divorce didn't bother me; in fact I was happy about it. They were miserable together and it made their children miserable too.

Both my parents are with other people now. My mom is living with her boyfriend of roughly seven years. I don't think they're actually happy together as a couple. They just like the company and my mom wants someone there for her in case her MS immobilizes her.

My dad remarried two or three years ago. He lived with his new wife for many years before they married. How long they dated I couldn't tell you, since she was his mistress while he was married to my mom. I unfortunately met this woman during that time when I was 9-10. I didn't know what was going on at the time, so I don't know how long he'd been seeing her. She's also the epitome of evil stepmother and really controlling; she won't let my dad even speak to me on the phone without her listening in.

I get how you feel, but hopefully your grandfather is just not telling you because he's worried you'll be upset by it. Definitely talk to him about it when you get a chance.