Covenant Marriage vs. Traditional Marriage...?

tiffanym76

Hi ladies. A couple of days ago I read an article some where (don't remember exactly where) about the benefits or disadvantages of covenant marriages vs.. "traditional" marriage ceremonies.

The article said that there are only a hand full of states in the USA that offer legalized covenant marriages--Louisiana was one from what I remember. In a covenant marriage, legislation was created to encourage couples to have premarital counseling and seek counseling and wait before getting divorced whereas a "traditional" marriage does not require premarital counseling and is "designed" to be not as difficult to walk away from.

I guess I am asking you all here what you think about the two types of marriages? I have been thinking about it for some time now and love the symbolic meaning Biblically of what a covenant marriage is, its expectations, level of committment and dedication, and motivation to maintain the promise you made your spouse....Has anyone here ever looked into it for you and your future husband?

Thanks!
Tiffany

aerinpegadrak

I don't really understand what you mean by a covenant marriage.  Lots of churches require premarital counseling, and divorce is often a lengthy process.  What you're describing doesn't really sound any different than just getting married in a church.

tiffanym76

They are marriages that were supposidly designed to discourage quick divorces and give couples time to think it over... "A covenant marriage is a form of marriage that makes it more difficult to divorce."

http://marriage.about.com/od/covenantmarriage/g/covenant.htm

Here is one of the articles I read about it...

aerinpegadrak

I just don't see the point.  A couple can choose to seek premarital counseling, and to seek counseling before going straight through to the divorce, without being forced into it by the state.  I think the only reason to enter into something like this would be if you didn't think your partner would be willing to try counseling, in which case you should probably rethink the marriage entirely, because that's usually a red flag.

SaraAndrew2010

I think it's silly to create two tiers of marriage.  Virtually everybody gets married thinking that they are madly devoted to each other and are going to be together for life.  I don't think people go into a marriage looking at how easy it would be to get divorced. 

As PP said, many churched require pre-marital counseling and I've heard of some states giving discounts on the marriage license for those who do counseling. That's all fine.  But I would probably laugh at someone who told me that they had a special "covenant marriage" that is somehow better than a "traditional marriage".  A marriage is a marriage.  Yes, some people take it a little more seriously than others, but that doesn't mean that they have a different category of marriage.

tiffanym76

I totally see you ladies' points. I think you should go into a marriage seriously. I started the search into "marriage covenant" based on the Biblical meaning and found myself running across the articles on states regulating covenant marriages which seemed like an interesting topic.

I guess too, a point in having this option is to discourage people from rushing into marriage...running off to Vegas drunk and going through a drive thru wedding. ha ha  (drive thru/drive by wedding).

I think regardless of how you go into the marriage, you should both always work on it and not take it for granted and let problems get out of control and unmanageable.

Nice conversations...thanks for the replies.

tiffanym76

Gosh, I didn't mean to make this a conversation about divorce. What I took away from the article was the meaning, dedication, and symbolism of dedication a couple has for each other.

Sorry I was such a Debbie Downer.

aerinpegadrak

It just doesn't seem like it's any dedication to each other beyond the standard marriage.  Court-mandated counseling doesn't scream, "I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with you."  It screams, "When is our episode of Maury going to air again?"

trix1223

I think the second one part of a couple says "Should we have a "covenant marriage" or a traditional marriage?" and the response is "I don't think we need a covenant marriage", that's a pretty big red flag.

I think most people don't go into a marriage expecting it to be an easy out.  And frankly, I think the mandated work should come BEFORE the ceremony.

t.kaufman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_covenant-marriage-vs-traditional-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:e669b88f-9cd3-4d5e-8072-dc28e18ebb7aPost:6bffddcc-fd4d-401a-bcf3-629effb18358">Re: Covenant Marriage vs. Traditional Marriage...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't see the point.  A couple can choose to seek premarital counseling, and to seek counseling before going straight through to the divorce, without being forced into it by the state.  I think the only reason to enter into something like this would be if you didn't think your partner would be willing to try counseling, in which case you should probably rethink the marriage entirely, because that's usually a red flag.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

yep. this is how I think about it.

fpaemp2011

Virginia doesn't have an option for a Covenant Marriage, but that's what our ceremony will be.  The covenant between us and God is much more important than the license from the state.  The ceremony message will talk about the difference between regarding marriage as a covenant vs. a contract, and, at the end, our entire bridal party, all of our officiants, and the two of us will sign the marriage covenant.  Our guests will be able to sign the covenant after the ceremony.  We didn't just want "vows, rings, kiss, leave"...our premarital will focus on the covenant we're making, as will our ceremony.

NillaWafer10

We did the premarital counseling, but skipped the covenant marriage.  We needed to get a form signed by our pastor, but we were a destination couple.  We weren't concerned about the "ease of divorce" as we don't intend to get one   Our covenant was between us and God, not the State of Arizona.

filaw

There's a lot of useful info at this link:
http://marriage.about.com/cs/covenantmarriage/a/covenant.htm

My understanding is covenent marriages were designed to try to counteract a percieved ease in acheiving a divorce (versus 50 years ago, when you really need to leagally "prove" you're way out of a marriage).  People wanted a more "conservative"or "old fashioned" legal version of marriage to be made avaliable.

As wonderful an idea as it sounds, all I've really heard about it is how women's right's movements find it to be a huge step backwards in trapping women in abusive relationships and taking away their recources for getting out when they or their children are even in immediate physical danger.

tiffanym76

fpaemp2011

I was so happy to see your reply. I've followed some of your posts and find them to be inspirational and moving. I am a conservative Christian woman. I admire your Christian faith and devotion to have a solid Christian home. I love the idea of incorporating the meaning of a covenant marriage into the wedding ceremony and the inclusion of your friends and family, as well as the long term marital relationship. 

It was one of your posts and life story that motivated me to look further into covenant marriages and the message it has for a couple. I would love to speak with you further about this and other aspects of a Christian marriage/relationship.

Tiffany M.

fpaemp2011

Thanks so much!  We're just college students trying to get the best start in life, so we hardly have it all figured out...just sharing what we learn along the way.   If you wish to start a conversation, I'm usually on the Christian Weddings board, or if you want to send a Private Message, I'm totally fine with that.
~Emily