Noobie, Not Yet Engaged

ClassicNoire

Hi all, I'm new to the boards, this is my first post.

My name is Cherrish, I'm 27 and have been dating a wonderful man named Larry, who is two years old than myself, for 4 years. We have a wedding tentatively scheduled for about 2 1/2 years from now, but no ring yet. I am a phlebotomist and a CNA, he's a restaurant manager. I am also going to school full-time to become an RN. We have a 2 year old daughter, and I have 2 other daughters from a previous marriage.

Why the long engagement? Simple...with our lives being as busy as they are, we want PLENTY of time to save up for the wedding we really want (and the one I never got to have) and plan it. Its definitely going to be a family affair, complete with kids (ours and everyone else's). Also, I want to either graduate or be within months of getting my degree when the wedding rolls around. We're pretty pratical people.

We really haven't discussed details, but we have decided that we do want to get married. We figure there's plenty of time for the details. We'll probably end up getting married either on the beach, or very close to it, since we live in Charleston. Its probably going to be between 50-75 guests, so not too large, mostly just close friends and family.
Since we're planning a late summer wedding, we'll either be going somewhere tropical, like the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica, or France (I'm part French and have always wanted to go). Personally, my vote is for France since we already live in beach territory lol.

Well, that's my shorterned intro, hope to be able to get to know some of you!

AudgiePodge

Why is TK eating everything?

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:caccabea-2583-41c2-88e0-2066d66dba23">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is TK eating everything?
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

IDK aren't you like BFF with the Knot Gods?

AudgiePodge

I swear this post was missing a minute ago.

Hello, Cherish.  Why the NEY board?

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:78e3c780-4536-4b0c-bb99-65168da66ee0">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : IDK aren't you like BFF with the Knot Gods?
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]
No,  they just pay me.  I don't ask questions.

AudgiePodge

You don't need a ring to be engaged.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:f76a583c-311f-4551-b8e9-17457ec0e7e4">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude, Audgey, they pay you???
Posted by hellotarra[/QUOTE]
I rake in the big bucks.

Ollie08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:6fe2934a-3b74-4369-89d6-cd7067ac5934">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : No,  they just pay me.  I don't ask questions.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

Not even a minute after I posted that it disappeared. I don't think they liked my comment very much. And seriously, you can get paid to be a moderator? Shoot....

AudgiePodge

No, I'm kidding.  I don't get paid.

But I do have to be sexed in.

DetArt00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:846de129-9557-4698-98a2-399cbfcba03f">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need a ring to be engaged.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

Agreed, but it seems as though you're planning kind of a lot to be "not planning."
So you are engaged or you are not? I'm confused.

DetArt00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:3742fd5b-8120-4e04-90d3-e08ecbaa9f09">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : This is an example of a newb who's doing it right.  Good stuff DetArt.  :)
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

Thanks Yaga.
Common sense up in this noggin :)

NurseyK

MUD

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:91f04d9f-65d8-413c-831e-fde5cf1b8161">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : Agreed, but it seems as though you're planning kind of a lot to be "not planning." So you are engaged or you are not? I'm confused.
Posted by DetArt00[/QUOTE]

<div>I like you.</div>

wink0erin

So you're engaged... or not engaged? Which is it? Sounds like you're engaged from your post. Rings aren't a requirement.

SKP82

Don't plan a wedding until you're engaged.

You can be engaged without a ring, but if you want a proposal and ring to consider yourself engaged, then wait until that happens until you start planning your way-far-out wedding.

beanbot2002

My ears are far too clogged to deal with this level of MUD.
Therefore I'm going to resort to this:

DetArt00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:a8f394c8-3d90-45ce-b9e0-30a8f149aa49">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : I like you.
Posted by kaitlynmichelle[/QUOTE]

I like you too :)

aeroprincess87

Welcome to the boards, and there is nothing wrong with having a ball park idea off how you want your wedding to be, especially if you and your boyfriend have already started saving up for it, like my SO and I have.

Narwhal

Hi fellow South Carolinian.

ETA: If y'all think this is MUD... you obviously haven't seen real MUD.

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:ca985699-3a54-4145-89d1-ea823bcbe2b7">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi fellow South Carolinian. ETA: If y'all think this is MUD... you obviously haven't seen real MUD.
Posted by Narwhal[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking the same thing. She seems alright by me. Not everyone who throws out the "P" word is insta-BSC.</div><div>
</div><div>Welcome to TK (and more importantly, NEY!). There's nothing wrong with saving up before being engaged, you don't have to know all the details to know that money is going to be spent, so every little bit helps. :)</div>

ClassicNoire

Ooohkayyy, snarky a little much? This was an intro, I didn't solicit advice

I'm on the NEY board because I'm not yet engaged, as in, I don't have an engagement ring yet.
We have planned a long engagement but are not yet engaged. I don't know how I confused anyone, but if I did, sorry. I didn't realize that I couldn't use engage in any of my sentences

We're not having a destination wedding, as we already live in Charleston. I already listed the reasons we're planning a long engagement, namely life and school. Sorry if you don't agree, it works for us, and we're happy planning a wedding (or at least ballpark ideas) until I get a ring.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:928847cb-916e-4d60-a059-3c0dfb40ead4">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooohkayyy, snarky a little much? This was an intro, <strong>I didn't solicit advice</strong>:/ I'm on the NEY board because I'm not yet engaged, as in, I don't have an engagement ring yet. We have planned a long engagement but are not yet engaged. I don't know how I confused anyone, but if I did, sorry. I didn't realize that I couldn't use engage in any of my sentences :/ We're not having a destination wedding, as we already live in Charleston. I already listed the reasons we're planning a long engagement, namely life and school. Sorry if you don't agree, it works for us, and we're happy planning a wedding (or at least ballpark ideas) until I get a ring.
Posted by ClassicNoire[/QUOTE]

True, but what did you expect when you made a post? 

Because you're not engaged yet, you should not be planning a wedding.  There are many reasons for this.  In your case, I would say the best reason is that wedding planning gets old QUICKLY and you don't want to get burned out before you should actually be planning anything.  Additionally, since your wedding date timeline is very far off, your tastes will change.  There is no reason to waste so much time planning something that will just change in 6 months or a year.

Enjoy your relationship as it is now.  There is no need to plan a wedding 2 years in advance.  Live in the present and enjoy your BF while he's still your BF.  You'll get to go through the stress of planning a wedding when you're actually engaged.  Please trust me.  It's NOT that much fun.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:4d902ecc-9768-493e-8b65-825a40974cf7">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged : When are you: Engaged = you are planning a wedding. Not engaged = you are not planning a wedding.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

<3

ClassicNoire

You're opinion, that's fine.

I shouldn't be planning a wedding according to...who? There's a rule that says I can't post, chat, communicate with other brides-to-be? I can't look at wedding dresses, cakes or venues online? I can't pin things to my Pinerest board? Who died and made you the authority on who can do what and when?

I enjoy my relationship very much the way it is...if I didn't enjoy it, marriage definitely wouldn't have been talked about. I've already planned a wedding before, so I do know what I'm doing just a little, thanks.


I am BROWSING a wedding website...I haven't made appointments with anyone, signed any contracts, or anything of that nature. My tastes my change, but who made a rule against indulging myself and daydreaming to my hearts content right now?


Didn't think so.

People and their soapboxes, I tells ya...

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:8573fb67-0507-4dd4-93f6-4c8a577f92e6">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You're</strong> opinion, that's fine. I shouldn't be planning a wedding according to...who? There's a rule that says I can't post, chat, communicate <strong>with other brides-to-be</strong>? I can't look at wedding dresses, cakes or venues online? I can't pin things to my Pinerest board? Who died and made you the authority on who can do what and when? I enjoy my relationship very much the way it is...if I didn't enjoy it, marriage definitely wouldn't have been talked about. <strong>I've already planned a wedding before, so I do know what I'm doing just a little, thanks.</strong>I am BROWSING a wedding website...I haven't made appointments with anyone, signed any contracts, or anything of that nature. My tastes my change, but who made a rule against indulging myself and daydreaming to my hearts content right now? Didn't think so. People and their soapboxes, I tells ya...
Posted by ClassicNoire[/QUOTE]

1. It's your
2. You're not engaged, hence not a "bride-to-be"
3. I don't know that this is relevant OR helps your case

You didn't say you were browsing wedding ideas.  You said you had a specific time in mind, a location, and a guest list size.  That is a bit more than "daydreaming."

Do what you want.  I honestly don't give a f*ck.  But if you want to continue to plan your wedding without being engaged, this is the type of response you will find here.  We don't endorse BSC.

ClassicNoire

Exactly, you DON'T know. I was so stressed out and sick it was ridiculous. So why would I put myself through that again?
I always had an idea that I wanted to get married in late summer or early fall. I have allergies, so spring is out and I hate the cold. Summer are brutal here. I hardly call that planning.

And I don't know what BSC is, it wasn't in TK frequently used acronyms.

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_noobie-not-yet-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cefe1691-db29-4519-be81-fdfa585c1502Post:bcbe595e-0944-4a3a-8cb4-1e39a9754d11">Re: Noobie, Not Yet Engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]Exactly, you DON'T know. I was so stressed out and sick it was ridiculous. So why would I put myself through that again? I always had an idea that I wanted to get married in late summer or early fall. I have allergies, so spring is out and I hate the cold. Summer are brutal here. I hardly call that planning. And I don't know what BSC is, it wasn't in TK frequently used acronyms.
Posted by ClassicNoire[/QUOTE]

It's bat sh!t crazy.

Usually your type gets it by now.  You just seem stubborn and unwilling to accommodate any other ideas but your own. 

Were you actually engaged the <strong>first</strong> time you were planning a wedding?

nholvick

Very nice to meet you! Ignore the snarky comments and just go with the flow There's no reason to defend yourself or your plans, especially if you're making an introduction to complete strangers. There's no right or wrong and there certainly isn't a law stating you MUST have a ring on your finger! Do whatever makes the two of you happy!