I just need to vent a bit. I don't even know if it is a vent.
BF gave me a timeline of WHEN he would propose BY, which I initially ignored because I really wanted to be surprised. Now that the timeline is coming to a close, only 2-3 more visits with each other until that deadline, I have had one hell of a roller coaster of emotions about it.
It started 4-20 when BF emailed a love note about how much he regrets leaving me to go to LA, which is something we both agreed on him doing because it was better for our future together. He also wrote about how he is ready to get engaged and can't stop thinking about it, and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I started crying at work and awkwarded out some male coworkers, but there has been a lot of crying lately because it is a really bad semester for some of my lovely ladies.
I called him after work and he told me that he went to the jewelry district but didn't end up with a ring because he was so overwhelmed. I was excited.
He told me that he would propose graduation weekend. I freaked out. Like the kind of freak out where you are finishing up school and a thesis and can't think about anything else. My mom is also moving away the day after I graduate, and I told him that I felt way too emotional for it to happen graduation weekend and I may have a panic attack. I am somewhat prone to panic attacks, no thanks to growing up with an alcoholic dad.
I was then really sad because I wouldn't get my surprise and thus made BF really sad.
I then was angry at myself for being so selfish to want a surprise so bad that I made BF feel bad about it.
I talked to him about waiting until we are full time (as he likes to call it) so that we won't have to worry about leaving each other at the end of a weekend and have a couple days at most to celebrate with each other.
It is so important to him that he proposes before I move out there. He wants to do it before my Mom moves away and before I move away from the rest of my family/friends. I realized that whenever it happens, surprise or not, it is going to be perfect. I have now gone back to being excited about it. He is going shopping around for moissanite this weekend and is going to try to get a ring by graduation. With all of the stress of the end of my degree, and having a crazy roommate, it is something that makes me really happy and I hope that I don't have any more mood swings about it.
After reading this long story, if any of you do, I have 2 questions. Did any of you know it was coming and experience a flurry of emotions as a result? How did you handle it if so?