Bridezilla moment or reasonable request?

nefariousmango

Three weeks to the wedding and I have to give head-counts to some of the vendors tomorrow.  I've spent all weekend tracking down the dozen people who failed to RSVP on time, and I'm burnt out!  I seriously do not have time to make airline reservations for you today, wtf were you thinking??

Anyhow, FI just messages me to ask if his friend's niece can come.  I'm like, "No.  Why?"  Because, of course, he already said she could.  Apparently she's having a hard time so she's flying out to stay with her uncle.  I'm so sorry to hear that she's struggling, I think this is a great plan because her uncle will be able help her get her life back on track if anyone can, but we don't even know this girl!  I've already added people his parents decided a few weeks ago "had" to come, even though we'd asked them every week for nine months who they wanted to invite and they're not paying for anything, so I'm not feeling generous.

We're doing a foodie seated dinner and have really stretched our budget in order to give everyone a memorable meal, from growing our own flowers to diy everything, and adding another person costs us ~$100 we don't have.

Am I a jerk for making FI revoke his verbal invite?  I'm not making a decision about this until tonight, hopefully I can stop being angry and start being rational by then

bourgehm

I do not think you can take away an invite.  Even though it wasn't really a sent invite, since your FI already said she could come I don't think it is really right to take away an invitation.

nefariousmango

I don't think the niece has been invited yet- FI just told our friend it would be okay to invite her.  Does that make a difference?

**Mutley**

FI says "Oh I am soo sorry.  I just spoke with Mango and we are already at our maximum capacity, so we cannot accommodate anyone else.  I should have talked to her before saying anything." 

Then again, I am a biitch and I know how annoying tracking down those RSVPs can be at this stage of the game.

ekathleen684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bridezilla-moment-reasonable-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d18d6cec-60df-41a7-a870-2be6697cec1bPost:27b11625-bf1c-4d5d-93e1-b25a3ec78138">Re: Bridezilla moment or reasonable request?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI says "Oh I am soo sorry.  I just spoke with Mango and we are already at our maximum capacity, so we cannot accommodate anyone else.  I should have talked to her before saying anything."  Then again, I am a biitch and I know how annoying tracking down those RSVPs can be at this stage of the game.
Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

When I read that I thought of this and chuckled:
<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/2/6fab3b42-6af6-4ae3-92c7-ed83675abb49.large.bmp" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '6fab3b42-6af6-4ae3-92c7-ed83675abb49', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/15/2/6fab3b42-6af6-4ae3-92c7-ed83675abb49.medium.bmp" alt="" /></a>

That is probably the best way it could be put without hurting anyones feelings or coming off like a beotch.

Hazel_B

I agree with Mutley about the maximum thing, they don't need to know if you've reached your maximums or not. Then again I'm of the opinion that if she wasn't already on the guest list you won't miss her if she isn't at your wedding.

That is unless your FI has said directly to her or your uncle that she's invited.

jeanacorina

Deep breaths. You're going to be okay!  You are not a crazy person. You are doing the best you can, and other people just don't get it.

Been there.

I agree with Mutley. It sounds like your FI is unaware of your budget limits. Maybe you need to break it down for him.

I don't envy you. Our final count was a total bitch to work out because SO MANY people didn't RSVP, and we couldn't get in touch with everyone. We had to make educated guesses, and we ended up with a count of 100.

85 showed up. So my dad paid for 15 extra people who either didn't RSVP or said they'd be attending and didn't.

Off the top of my head, I can think of 7 people who were supposed to come and just never showed. No, wait..... 8.

At some point, it's just out of your hands. Do the best you can and pour yourself an alcoholic beverage. Have a bubble bath. Just chillax. Other people screw things up, and that's just the nature of weddings (according to Jeana).

katanne9

Ditto Mutley.

You're 3 weeks out and she knows she wasn't invited. You're at your maximum.

catemeg

Oh my goodness, Katann, your ticker says 2 months!!!! *squeal*

E_SquaredPA

You don't sound crazy to me! My gut instinct is to say no, end of discussion, because quite frankly that's a rude and presumptuous request and your FI's relative should know better.

In the name of maintaining family relations, though, you could always try "blaming" the venue/caterer/etc, as in, "I'm so sorry, but we just turned in our final number to (whoever) and they won't allow us to accomodate another guest." That way you don't seem like the ungracious one.

hetshup

Ditto Mutley. You are not a bridezilla, you aren't even being mean, you are just being budget conscious. No harm in that. This is why I'm going to be having a talk with FI and say here is the final list for invites, speak now or forever hold your peace, b\c you get to be the jerk who tells someone no. Good luck!



And we're here to get you through these weeks. Please feel free to complain to us.

Edit-- For the other morons, it's called kayak.com, use it.

PaigeMcC

Go with what Mutely said.  You are NOT being a bridezilla.

nefariousmango

Thanks guys!  Two of FI's coworkers took it upon themselves to RSVP at the end of the day... except they weren't invited!  At least FI was prepared to say "no" after this whole niece issue, but WTF is up with people????

jeanacorina

People are craaaaaaaaazy.

joiner521

I soo agree with you. First off when you budget, it is by the head and cost you. These people do not uinderstand. I would make a seating chart, post it by the door with assigned seating. If theye did not RSVP, then they are SOL. i PLAN ON HAVING  1 MISC table at my wedding. Worst case scenario, flip the script and tell them that it cost you extra and you have over spent. MAKE THEM CHIP IN.

ekathleen684

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bridezilla-moment-reasonable-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:d18d6cec-60df-41a7-a870-2be6697cec1bPost:e5280777-b491-4c0b-946b-88194f0c16d7">Re: Bridezilla moment or reasonable request?</a>:
[QUOTE]I soo agree with you. First off when you budget, it is by the head and cost you. These people do not uinderstand. I would make a seating chart, post it by the door with assigned seating. If theye did not RSVP, then they are SOL. i PLAN ON HAVING  1 MISC table at my wedding. Worst case scenario, flip the script and tell them that it cost you extra and you have over spent. MAKE THEM CHIP IN.
Posted by joiner521[/QUOTE]

Your advice would have been OH SO useful if she hadn't already gotten married a few weeks ago. Read thread titled "Joiner521"

katanne9

JOINER - STOP IT.

THIS IS ANNOYING.

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bridezilla-moment-reasonable-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d18d6cec-60df-41a7-a870-2be6697cec1bPost:aef37b9d-0e36-4c58-ba5c-50dfba3c7250">Re: Bridezilla moment or reasonable request?</a>:
[QUOTE]JOINER - STOP IT. THIS IS ANNOYING.
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG! I've never seen you yell *hides* </div>