Help? (Sorry I'm a PW)

peekaboo2011

Thanks ladies.  You all are amazing.  I've blocked him on FB, and I won't be meeting up with him.  

At this point, I just have to push through with another month and a half and I'm out of here.  

SKP82

Hun, you don't owe him a damn thing.  I was wondering why you were so apprehensive about moving back to Columbia.  Is he the only reason?

Please do what is best for YOU.  And I'm here if you need to talk.  I, unfortunately, have experience with stuff like this...

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sorry-im-pw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d73bdcf7-8de5-4511-bc9b-6be72ce67a05Post:a6055299-9e4c-4971-874f-985fa0ff033c">Re: Help? (Sorry I'm a PW)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Hun, you don't owe him a damn thing.</strong>  I was wondering why you were so apprehensive about moving back to Columbia.  Is he the only reason? Please do what is best for YOU.  And I'm here if you need to talk.  I, unfortunately, have experience with stuff like this...
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Don't worry about it for one more second. Nothing excuses not understanding no, EVER. IMO you should block him on FB to avoid any further contact with him. He has no right to ever speak to you again and you don't need to feel bad about that.

peekaboo2011

He isn't the only reason.  This place has a lot of bad memories.  When we moved I had just gotten settled in DC - had gone from that girl in elementary and middle school who was teased mercilessly to actually having a great group of friends, being part of a great team (I started swimming), and loving school for the first time since CA.  I was in the top 5% of my class in DC.  Part of a program for International Studies and Languages.

When we moved, I lost everything.  You know how this place is.  How, if you haven't spent your entire life here, why on earth should they let you in?  My first day of school, it felt like the cafeteria was segregated.  And someone said "there are too many damn monkeys running around here" in the hallway.  I was just miserable.  Being back brings back a LOT of bad memories.  I just don't want to add any more to that list.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sorry-im-pw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d73bdcf7-8de5-4511-bc9b-6be72ce67a05Post:fa2d2f1f-d842-4fde-abfb-3a195dccd48e">Re: Help? (Sorry I'm a PW)</a>:
[QUOTE]He isn't the only reason.  This place has a lot of bad memories.  When we moved I had just gotten settled in DC - had gone from that girl in elementary and middle school who was teased mercilessly to actually having a great group of friends, being part of a great team (I started swimming), and loving school for the first time since CA.  I was in the top 5% of my class in DC.  Part of a program for International Studies and Languages. When we moved, I lost everything.  You know how this place is.  How, if you haven't spent your entire life here, why on earth should they let you in?  My first day of school, it felt like the cafeteria was segregated.  And someone said "there are too many damn monkeys running around here" in the hallway.  I was just miserable.  Being back brings back a LOT of bad memories.  I just don't want to add any more to that list.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

*HUGS*

SKP82

Peek, I'm so sorry that was your experience in that town.  I definitely felt left out when I was in high school there.  But, there are so many great things about Columbia that you might not have been able to experience before.  I do honestly know how you feel.  I feel the same way about my home town.  But there may be some things there for you to explore that you didn't know about before.  I love you, Peek, but it's going to be what YOU make it. 

ravenray

You don't owe him anything.  When you said you were going to lunch with him my thoughts were "Why?"  Honestly he sounds like an abuser,  the "I have never told anyone but I have to tell you because we have a "connection""  Don't fall for it.  You don't need that kind of confusion in your life.  *hugs* 

SopChick

I agree with the others. You don't owe him a thing, and it's probably better for you to just not contact him. Seems like a situation where it's best to leave the past alone.

I'm sorry you had such a rough transition before though, I know how much that can suck. *hugs*

Ember01

I had an ex who tried to tell me very similar things. He would tell me if I broke up with him, he'd kill himself. After I broke up with him, he would call and tell me that he was going to OD, or stab himself, or whatever. At first it worked, I would go running back to help him. And he would get the attention he wanted. Then I realized that was why he was doing it. For the attention. It was really hard to tell him no, that I wasn't responsible if he hurt himself, but it was what I had to do for my own mental wellbeing. I really wrestled with the idea that if he did hurt himself, I couldn't be held responsible for it.

You don't owe him lunch, you don't owe him anything. People who tell you things like that, are just out to make you feel bad. I know this is easier said than done, but you can't let him hold you responsible for the life choices he has made, or for the life he was dealt. We all have problems, and the only problems you have to worry about are your own.

((Hugs!))

becunning2

You don't owe anyone anything that you don't feel comfortable or okay giving them. This guy is bad news, and you know it.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time.  Just remind yourself, it's not permanent.

elannis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_sorry-im-pw?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:d73bdcf7-8de5-4511-bc9b-6be72ce67a05Post:35ce1ca6-a114-44b9-b585-d8eab17c94a4">Re: Help? (Sorry I'm a PW)</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't owe him anything.  When you said you were going to lunch with him my thoughts were "Why?"  Honestly he sounds like an abuser,  the "I have never told anyone but I have to tell you because we have a "connection""  Don't fall for it.  <strong>You don't need that kind of confusion in your life.  *hugs* </strong>
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]


I agree with everyone else. You don't owe him anything. He's in your past and not your present for a reason. Lunch is just an excuse for him to get a foot in the door again. I imagine you're done with him, don't want anything to do with him, so having lunch with him isn't going to help either of you, in my opinion.

I'm sorry you're in that position though. *hugs*

polkadot111

You did the right thing just telling him to stop and closing the window. Although it probably hurt his feelings I suppose, you sometimes need to look after yourself. And you don't need that. At all. Especially when you have a few big moves coming up.

***Big hug***

jaycee7389

I don't mean to pull this card, but it is so fitting I have to. He sounds extremely similar to my ex..manipulative and the whole bunch. Please be careful, this whole thing gives me bad vibes. I honestly think you did the right thing for ending to conversation like that. *vibes and hugs*

alanna91

Oh peek I'm so sorry all that happened to you.
I'm just going to back up what everyone's has said; you owe him nothing and don't get involved.
If he was getting high in highschool he's probably into a lot harder drugs now. Drug addicts are manipulative and will say anything to get what they want. You seem to be doing very well for yourself and you owe it to yourself to not get involved...even just for lunch.