Getting impatient

krissgee

My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage for quite some time now. He has made it clear that he wants to marry me, has even discussed how he wants to propose, wedding details, honeymoon ideas, etc. The only problem is he still has not formally proposed. He jokingly asks me when we're going to get married, but he hasn't actually said "Will you marry me?" A few weeks ago he took me ring shopping, I showed him the style I liked and even got my ring size but we left without making a purchase. I love him and am ready to spend the rest of my life with him, he tells me the same thing...but he has yet to propose. I am getting impatient. Friends have suggested I propose, but I'm very traditional (so is he) and I know that while he would not like that. Any tips on how to remain patient and calm while he takes his time?

bethsmiles

It's normal to get impatient, getting engaged and then married is exciting. But this time in your life is exciting too. You can't push him to propose (which I'm assuming you know since you asked how to be patient instead how to get him to propose) so just enjoy your relationship as it is. Everything else will come soon enough. Impatience isn't going to make him propose faster and it's more likely to hurt your relationship rather than help it.

So stop talking about wedding details and honeymoon ideas, there will be plenty of time for that when you are engaged. Focus on where your relationship is at now and enjoy this time because you aren't going to get it back.

motoLyn

Agree with Beth, just tell your boyfriend that you don't want to discuss wedding details anymore till after he proposes, enjoy the present.  Don't surround yourself with wedding ideas.  I find that if you have have other activities to throw yourself into then it will help keep your mind off when he will propose.  When's he's ready he'll do it, till then try to sit back and relax, no rush right?

LilTexasGal

Another one here supporting PPs. Tell your BF to cool his jets on the pre-wedding planning talk, and let him know that until you and he are actually engaged, there is a cease to the wedding talk. Ring shopping is okay, however, but don't think that just because you go ring shopping or that he even GETS the ring, that means it is gonna be any time soon (a gal on here has been waiting over a year for him to give her the ring that he has already bought!). Just take things as they come. Pick up a hobby and avoid wedding thoughts as best you can.

Being impatient may ruin things for you, and you might burn yourself out before you even start to REALLY plan a wedding. Take things a day at a time. You have the rest of your life to be married (yes I know you want it now) and you only have NOW to be "just" dating. Enjoy it before it is gone. (You can tell him the same thing too, lol.)

Peaseblossom55

Everyone else said some great things, so I have nothing else to add.  Stick around and tell us more about yourself too!

Annas2013

Everyone else basically said it.  But the above poster who said to enjoy just dating?  Do it.  Being engaged is amazing and I love it, but we have a lot less money to do things than we did when we were just dating.  I wouldn't go back to just dating, but it's a part of your relationship you should enjoy.  But definitely cool it on the wedding talk.  Tell him that until you're engaged, you don't want to talk about wedding stuff.  It'll be more fun when you get engaged.  I know it's hard to wait.  I had to wait once I knew my FI had the ring, but the proposal was a surprise.  Trust me, once you're engaged you'll be ready to get married!  Enjoy each stage of your relationship while it lasts.  

abwatts

I am in a very similar situation, and am extremely impatient.. and its HARD! To be honest right around the time we started looking at rings and I started getting anxious I took up boxing.. nothing gets your frustrations out like punching and kicking for an hour.. but dont worry! Its coming! I think the ring shopping is a very stressful thing for guys, even if you took him shopping he still may be wanting to find the perfect ring that blends what you like with what is meaningful for him! But when he starts talking about babies and all that fun stuff we love to talk about I always remnd him that "there wont be any babies or weddings etc until youpropose... " Always jokingly, but he will get the hint!

krissgee

So I spoke with him about cutting out the wedding talk until he actually gives me a ring. He honestly didn't realize how much it bothered me. He has said that a proposal is in the works but that right now he is saving up for the ring...and a down payment for OUR house! We recently agreed on a house in the same neighborhood as his parents and he has been looking into it. He says he hopes to be engaged before the end of the year and moved in 2013. Now that I know for sure that it is coming, I feel much more relaxed. At least I'm not questioning "will he? will he not?"...it makes waiting a lot more bearable. Thanks for the advice!